Grieving the Life You Planned

Vulnerable Post Alert:  Grief hits you at weird moments, doesn’t it? For me, it happened this morning as I stood facing my bathroom mirror. I was mindlessly putting on my makeup and getting ready for the day when the thoughts of what I imagined my life would look like recklessly hit me like a Mack…

When the Negative Pregnancy Test Knocks You Down

When trying (and trying and trying) to grow your family a negative pregnancy test can knock you down, am I right? And sometimes when you get knocked down it’s tempting to not get back up. However not in the sense of going through life, but rather in terms of hoping, praying and believing again; especially…

What Your Heart Needs to Hear When You Are Afraid

  “Okay sugars, get settled down and crawl underneath the covers. It’s time to go to sleep.” Immediately the giggling stopped and her body language changed as she looked up at me and said, “But its dark outside. I don’t like the dark.”  Hearing the worry and fear in her voice, I pulled the covers…

One Cycle Closer

I am cramping, bloated, nauseous, fatigued and having a serious–you better get me one now— craving for hotdogs.  I am also making frequent trips to the ladies room, my breasts are beyond tender (which rarely happens) and I haven’t been able to stop crying ever since I saw the Snuggle commercial this morning (that bear…

Doubt: The Pesky Mosquito

Mosquitoes are pesky and bothersome. They know how to ruin a good party by landing on your food or in your drink during a summer backyard BBQ. They make a conversation difficult as you spend most of your time focused on swatting, dodging, or spraying away the small annoyances. Not to mention, if you are…

The (hope for) Glory Days

My cycle will never be ‘normal’. My family of two will still be a family of two even as I fill out my AARP card.  Things are only going to get worse. I can’t do this anymore.  Getting pregnant seems is impossible. Maybe my life would be better childless…? God seems to be pressing the…

The Hidden Treasure

I sat down today to look back and journal my thoughts on all of the wonderful blessings God had given me in 2013, but my mind kept taking me back to 2012.  If I could describe 2012 in one word it would be “emptiness”.  My arms were empty of a newborn I had hoped to…