I know it was hard. You weren’t sure if it was nausea you had been having, the sudden bursts of tears you had been shedding, or simply the magic of the season you had been feeling, but you thought this was it. And that this month…this time…THIS test would be different. But as it turned out, it wasn’t. And I get it.
My Christmas miracle didn’t come either.
It’s crazy because every year, as it gets closer to Christmas, I think it will be “the year” I can wrap a positive pregnancy test and place it underneath the decorated Christmas tree for my husband to unwrap. At the same time, my family watches in complete surprise. And every year, this perfectly orchestrated idea that only lives in my heart and mind are busted as the test only has the dreaded one line. As much as I hate that this month wasn’t “my time” despite me believing it was the “perfect time,” I am okay with it. Because you know what I am starting to learn?
It’s not about me. It’s about He.
It’s also about my future child, whom God has already assigned with a specific place in history to fulfill a specific purpose. And with that specific place and purpose comes a specific time to which they must be conceived and born.
You see, God has a plan for their life just like He has a plan for mine, and as hard as it is to swallow, that plan goes far beyond bringing them into my home just when I think it’s the right, or shall I say “perfect time.” Therefore, the question I am starting to ask myself as of lately when I am once again staring at yet another negative pregnancy test is not “why can’t now be the perfect time” but rather, “Can I wait for the appointed time?” Can I trust God’s purposefulness enough to push aside my time frame and instead pray for patience and peace until He makes it happen?
The answer is yes.
It’s a slow yes coming from my heart, but still a yes. And it’s because I trust Him. I know that He is just as eager to watch me share my pregnancy news and then nine months later look down on me as I joyfully count each finger and each toe. Is the wait hard? Again, the answer is absolutely yes—a different tone of yes, but still a yes. However, I know that in the end, it will be worth it. Because doing it, God’s way and waiting on His timing is always worth it. I also know that no matter the month, and no matter the year, and no matter the holiday, the moment I can announce that I am pregnant will be just as special, and just as magical, and just as much of a miracle as any other day of the year…including Christmas Day. I also know that it won’t just be the perfect time when it happens, but also God’s appointed time.
For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
He makes everything beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastes 3:11
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