Waiting for Baby Bird

Grieving the Life You Planned

Vulnerable Post Alert: 

Grief hits you at weird moments, doesn’t it?

For me, it happened this morning as I stood facing my bathroom mirror. I was mindlessly putting on my makeup and getting ready for the day when the thoughts of what I imagined my life would look like recklessly hit me like a Mack truck. And then what followed was that all too familiar ping to my heart as I began to feel the hurt and pain in regards to how my life is not going according to plan. Does this mean I think my life is bad? No. But am I where I thought I would be, and is it what I expected and plotted out years ago? Again, no. And it hurts. It causes tears to fall as you realize the dreams you once had are blurry. And the future that you hope remains, somehow also seems blurry.

I realized in that moment that I could tell myself to suck it up and be grateful for all that I do have and all that still remains (which I am), but by ignoring the pain, I wouldn’t be allowing my heart to heal. Our culture is so quick to rush grief and “fake it until we make it” but we need to give ourselves permission to have grace and space to feel and deal; which is what I am allowing myself to do today. I’m not going to shut it down or shove it out. After all, if you had a cut on your hand you wouldn’t tell yourself to stop hurting or pretend it wasn’t there, right? You would immediately take care of it. Therefore, if we know how to take care of cuts to our physical bodies, then why don’t we do that with cuts to our hearts?

I don’t know who this message is for today, but if you are feeling the weight of unmet expectations, please know this: It’s okay to mourn the life you expected. It’s okay to grieve the plans you had made. It’s okay to cry that they didn’t work out. And it’s okay to simply not be okay with it all. Instead, give yourself grace and space to feel and deal. After all, there is no “fake it until you make it” in scripture. In fact, there is just the opposite.

“Those who sow in tears will reap shouts of joy.” Psalm 126:5

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on.Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” enter into exclusive giveaways, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

Waiting for Baby Bird

36 Years Old and Still Barren

I turn the big 3-6 today (a baby to some…old to others) And I can’t believe it. Never in my plans as a high school student, college student, or career woman in my middle 20’s did I imagine life would look like it does now. Is my life bad? No. But does it look anything like what I thought it would at this age? NOT. AT. ALL.

And if I were honest, sometimes I sit in disbelief when I think about it. I just can’t believe nine years ago when my husband and I started trying to grow our family that we would still be trying. But you know? It’s okay.

No, really it is.

However, I realize that for someone in my same shoes it’s hard to believe I would be okay about it. In fact, many have asked if I have been dreading this day or if I am bummed to be another year older while still trying to fulfill a dream I thought would have been fulfilled years ago; and truthfully, my answer is no. No, I am not bummed. Nor have I been dreading this day of turning another year older. Don’t get me wrong, if I let the thought of my age and how my “biological clock,” which seems to be ticking (at least according to doctors) louder this year than last, then yes; my heart can fill with fear and worry. But I don’t choose to park my mind on my age or the time that has passed. Or the amount of time many people have told me I have left.

You see, I read a quote once that said “age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind then it doesn’t matter.” Far too many times we let age matter. We worship it. We put it above the power and grace of God. We let it dictate our thoughts and feelings. We let it tell us what we can or can’t do. Pursue or leave behind. But this only happens if we give it the power to do so. Friend, I don’t know why you stumbled upon this article today, but if age is bothering you and all you can hear is your clock ticking, stop for a brief moment and instead listen to the heart of our Father. Listen to what He says in Isaiah 60:22, “I am the Lord, so when the time comes, I will make it happen quickly.”

The truth is, He can accomplish whatever He needs to do instantly. So, while it might look like nothing will happen today, look out! Tomorrow might be different. Or next year on your birthday you might be rockin’ a baby bump or signing papers for an adoption. That dream job you never thought you would have could be yours! But guess what else? While you might also think time has been or is being lost, He can also give back and restore those precious moments as well.

You see, money can be restored. Property can be restored—broken-down cars, stripped painting, old houses. Even relationships can be restored. But one thing that can never be restored is time. Time flies and it does not return. Years pass and we never get them back. Yet not with God. God promises the impossible when he declares in Joel 2:25, “I will restore the years that the locust has eaten”

The immediate meaning of this promise is clear. God’s people during this time had suffered the complete destruction of their entire harvest through swarms of locusts that marched like an insect army through the fields and destroying the crops. In fact, for four long and consecutive years, the harvest was completely wiped out bringing them to their knees in desperation. But “the Lord became jealous for his land and had pity on his people” and therefore declared their fields would yield an abundance that would make up for what had been lost. This wonderful promise for those people meant that years of abundant harvests would follow the years of desolation brought about by the locusts.

And the good news is this: God has also put this promise in the Bible for us today.

Friend, if you remember nothing else today, remember this: God is not bound by time, nor is He bound by the calendar nor is He restricted by our age. We are. And we need to loosen ourselves in order to break free from the anxiety, worry, and fear it causes. If not, it will weigh us down and make special days, like birthdays, miserable.

On another note….

If you would like to celebrate my birthday with me, would you please consider donating to my Family Building GIFTaway fund”? You see, last week I had this hair-brain, crazy idea to giveaway $10K when the group reached 10K members (currently at 9.2K and climbing). However, while I know this is a super impossible amount of money to raise, I also know that if we all pitched in just $5 (gofundme minimum requirement to donate) we could supersede the goal! And we could give LOTS of couples a chance at growing their family through adoption or fertility treatment. Because truth be told, not being able to have a child the “ol-fashion way” is SUPER DUPER expensive. Just ask my bank account.

So, what do you say? Will you help me celebrate as well as be the hands and feet of Jesus? If so, donate here.

For a little fun, how about a throw back picture to that one birthday when I received a disc man, flip up sunglasses, skates, and all of the protective gear…oof!


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird”, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

Waiting for Baby Bird

All I Wanted for Christmas Was Two Pink Lines

I know it was hard. You weren’t sure if it was the nausea you had been having, the sudden bursts of tears you had been shedding, or simply the magic of the season you had been feeling, but you thought this was it. And that this month…this time…THIS test would be different. But as it turned out, it wasn’t. And I get it. My Christmas miracle didn’t come either.

It’s crazy because every year as it gets closer to Christmas, I think it will be “the year” I am able to wrap a positive pregnancy test and place it underneath the decorated Christmas tree for my husband to unwrap while my family watches in complete surprise. And every year this perfectly orchestrated idea that only lives in my heart and mind is busted as the test only has the dreaded one line.  As much as I hate that this month wasn’t “my time” despite me believing it was the “perfect time,” I am okay with it. Because you know what I am starting to learn?

It’s not about me. It’s about He.

It’s also about my future child whom God has already assigned with a specific place in history to fulfill a specific purpose. And with that specific place and purpose, also comes a specific time to which they must be conceived and born.

You see, God has a plan for their life just like He has a plan for mine and as hard as it is to swallow, that plan goes far beyond bringing them into my home just when I think it’s the right, or shall I say “perfect time.”

Therefore the question I am starting to ask myself as of lately when I am once again staring at yet another negative pregnancy test is not “why can’t now be the perfect time” but rather, “Can I wait for the appointed time?” Can I trust God’s purposefulness enough to push aside my time frame and instead pray for patience and peace until He makes it happen?

The answer is yes.

It’s a slow yes coming from my heart, but still a yes. And it’s because I trust Him. I know that He is just as eager to watch me share my pregnancy news and then nine months later look down on me as I joyfully count each finger and each toe. Is the wait hard? Again, the answer is absolutely yes. A different tone of yes, but still a yes. However I know that in the end, it will be worth it. Because doing it God’s way and waiting on His timing is always worth it. I also know that no matter the month, and no matter the year, and no matter the holiday, the moment I am able to announce that I am pregnant will be just as special, and just as magical, and just as much of a miracle as any other day of the year…including Christmas Day. I also know that when it happens, it won’t just be the perfect time, but also God’s appointed time.

For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

He makes everything beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastics 3:11   


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird”, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

Waiting for Baby Bird

What If It’s Not Your Year for a Baby?

Ugh! It’s an ugly thought, isn’t it? The thought that you might not end this year with a baby growing in your arms, or at the very least in your womb, but still in your heart. And it’s not a thought you even want to entertain, am I right? Because if you are anything like me, you are going into the next 365 days fist pumping the air and chanting…“This is going to be our year of answered prayers! Desires fulfilled! And promises revealed! It’s going to be our year of breakthrough!”

(…and the crowed goes wild…)

And you know? It might be. My hope and fervent prayer is that all of us experience breakthrough this year.

But can I ask you a tough, and I mean really tough question?

It’s a question that God has been stirring in my heart the last couple of weeks…

What if it isn’t?

What if it’s not “your year” for breakthrough?

What will you do then?

Will you kick and scream at God; ultimately losing your faith in Him?

Will you give up hope that things will ever change? Or perhaps put an expiration date on your dreams?

Will you stop believing in your healing? Or quit praying with such determination for a miracle?

Tough question, uh?

Let me ask you another question. It’s random, but I promise it has a purpose.

Have you ever given a cat a bath? If you have then you know it’s brutal. And it was especially brutal for this old man who had a mean, grisly cat that wasn’t afraid to use its claws and teeth. But like all cats, every once in a while, his would get into some mischief outdoors and need a good scrubbing. Therefore the old man would fill up the kitchen sink with warm, sudsy water, grab the cat, and begin the process of cleaning him. As one can imagine the cat would hiss and claw and refuse to surrender to the bath. But in the end it didn’t matter because it would happen regardless of the cat’s reaction.

I am prone to believe that we are in a similar situation as we encounter the ups and downs of life. We can either hiss or claw as the year progresses and events are not turning out like we had hoped. Or we can surrender to the process, trusting that God knows what is best, and He will give us His best, in the time frame that (yes, you guessed it) is best.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, bubble-buster, half-glass empty kind-of-gal, but the reality is this: we could be hoping and wishing and praying for the same things next year too. And so those deadlines you might have already set this year? You know the ones I am referring to…I need to be pregnant by Easteror by Mother’s Dayor by the end of this year…well, they need to be wadded up and thrown away.

Because the truth is, while God’s promises are “yes” and “amen”, they don’t always come on our time table. And so when we try to take control and set deadlines, we are not only setting ourselves up for disappointment and a sense of failure, but we are also potentially sabotaging our hope and limiting God in the process.

Therefore we need to be willing to not necessarily give up our hopes and plans, but rather surrender them. Because surrendering isn’t about giving up. Instead, surrendering is about going into every situation, every circumstance, every opportunity, and even disappointment throughout the New Year with our hands open saying, “God here are my hopes and dreams, this is what I want to happen, but I leave the outcome and my need to micromanage it in your hands.”

It’s about resting; knowing and doing what you can, and letting God do what you can’t.

I believe that living this life, a life of surrender, is the only way we will find peace in the waiting. And joy in the heartbreak.

I know it’s hard. It can be challenging. And stretching. But can I challenge and stretch you a bit further?

Because I know that for some of you reading this today you don’t just need to surrender your plans and dreams, but also your hurts and disappointments. You need to relinquish yourself of any guilt, as well as our Father of any blame. Because sweet sister, I know you are hurting. But I also know that if what happened broke your heart, then I also know it broke our Father’s heart too. And if He allowed something to not only break your heart, but also His, then it had to be for good reason. The bible says that He would never allow pain if He wasn’t going to birth something new. So don’t be hesitant to surrender. Let go of the hurt and disappointments as you open up your hands to receive your something new.

Or maybe it’s not past hurts and disappoints that you need to let go of, but rather something else that has been stirring within you lately. And that is your need to surrender your desire to have a baby. I know that thought is scary, because you feel as though if you let it go, then the dream will die. But if you were honest with yourself, it is starting to consume you. Possibly even ruin your relationships. But sweet sister can I give you hard truth? When your need to have a baby starts to hurt your relationship with others, and especially God, then it’s time to take a step back. There is nothing wrong with desiring a baby, but there is a difference between holding your “I want a baby” hope in your heart, verses clinging to it desperately, therefore making it an idol. And the bible is very clear about having no other gods before Him, which is simply desiring anything more than you desire Him. And if I were to venture out even further on this topic, then I would suspect that this is why your soul feel anxious or at odds. You don’t have to continue into the new year consumed. Choose to let go and live free knowing that if God placed this desire within your heart then it’s okay to relinquish it to Him. He won’t wad it up and throw it away. Instead, He will nurture it, as He continues to grow it, and then eventually fulfill it.

So are you willing?

Are you willing to hold your hopes, and dreams, and plans loosely in the palm of your hands?

Are you willing to let go of past hurts and disappointments?

Or surrender your desire to become a Mommy to the One who can make you a Mommy?

I hope so. Because just the other day I came across a quote that said those who leave everything in God’s hands will see God’s hand in everything. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to walk around with my fists so tight, holding on to my plans, hurts, disappointments and desires, that I miss out on all that God has for me. And sweet sister, I don’t want you to miss out all that He has for you in this new year either. His plans are always perfect. And His timing is impeccable.


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!

Soul Food

Are You Giving God Time to Work?

A couple of years ago our vehicle quit working properly and there was nothing we could do to fix it. My husband researched and tried everything the internet and manuals suggested, yet nothing was correcting the problem. In the end, we finally decided to take it to a mechanic because he was someone who was more qualified and knowledgeable…someone who specialized in cars…someone we knew could fix the problem. However, once we brought the car to him and explained our problem, we had to leave it there for almost two weeks!  I was without a car for two weeks!  There were times when I needed to run errands and so I would be tempted to go get it and use it, but then take it back so that he could continue working on it. But that’s not how it works. I had to take it and leave it.

To me this is how it is with our problems in life.

We all have those situations and issues that no matter what we do, no matter how much we research and attempt to solve the problem, we can’t fix them. We can’t make them better. And we know this because we have tried. And tried. And tried some more. We have sat awake at night with our hearts beating fast as the worry and fear paralyze us with hopelessness. Doubts overtake everything we have ever believed. But today, I encourage you to take a moment, whether at your desk, in your car, or alone in a room somewhere and just take your situation…your fears…your doubts…whatever it is… to the One who specializes in your impossible problem. The One who created you and knows how to mend you. His name is Jesus. And once you have told Him what it is that doesn’t seem right and what you have been told perhaps by doctors that is broken, choose to leave it with Him. Because ultimately, He can’t work on something if you are the one trying to fix it. And He can’t take care of it if you keep walking away with it.

So friend, be willing to not only take your problem and give it to Him, but also leave it and not go back for it.

Give God the time He needs to mend, repair, redeem and restore your situation.

For He will make it happen when the time is right (Isaiah 60:22)


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!

If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird”, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!