Grieving the Life You Planned

Vulnerable Post Alert: 

Grief hits you at weird moments, doesn’t it?

For me, it happened this morning as I stood facing my bathroom mirror. I was mindlessly putting on my makeup and getting ready for the day when the thoughts of what I imagined my life would look like recklessly hit me like a Mack truck. And then what followed was that all too familiar ping to my heart as I began to feel the hurt and pain in regards to how my life is not going according to plan. Does this mean I think my life is bad? No. But am I where I thought I would be, and is it what I expected and plotted out years ago? Again, no. And it hurts. It causes tears to fall as you realize the dreams you once had are blurry. And the future that you hope remains, somehow also seems blurry.

I realized in that moment that I could tell myself to suck it up and be grateful for all that I do have and all that still remains (which I am), but by ignoring the pain, I wouldn’t be allowing my heart to heal. Our culture is so quick to rush grief and “fake it until we make it” but we need to give ourselves permission to have grace and space to feel and deal; which is what I am allowing myself to do today. I’m not going to shut it down or shove it out. After all, if you had a cut on your hand you wouldn’t tell yourself to stop hurting or pretend it wasn’t there, right? You would immediately take care of it. Therefore, if we know how to take care of cuts to our physical bodies, then why don’t we do that with cuts to our hearts?

I don’t know who this message is for today, but if you are feeling the weight of unmet expectations, please know this: It’s okay to mourn the life you expected. It’s okay to grieve the plans you had made. It’s okay to cry that they didn’t work out. And it’s okay to simply not be okay with it all. Instead, give yourself grace and space to feel and deal. After all, there is no “fake it until you make it” in scripture. In fact, there is just the opposite.

“Those who sow in tears will reap shouts of joy.” Psalm 126:5

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35

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