Waiting for Baby Bird

Grieving the Life You Planned

Vulnerable Post Alert: 

Grief hits you at weird moments, doesn’t it?

For me, it happened this morning as I stood facing my bathroom mirror. I was mindlessly putting on my makeup and getting ready for the day when the thoughts of what I imagined my life would look like recklessly hit me like a Mack truck. And then what followed was that all too familiar ping to my heart as I began to feel the hurt and pain in regards to how my life is not going according to plan. Does this mean I think my life is bad? No. But am I where I thought I would be, and is it what I expected and plotted out years ago? Again, no. And it hurts. It causes tears to fall as you realize the dreams you once had are blurry. And the future that you hope remains, somehow also seems blurry.

I realized in that moment that I could tell myself to suck it up and be grateful for all that I do have and all that still remains (which I am), but by ignoring the pain, I wouldn’t be allowing my heart to heal. Our culture is so quick to rush grief and “fake it until we make it” but we need to give ourselves permission to have grace and space to feel and deal; which is what I am allowing myself to do today. I’m not going to shut it down or shove it out. After all, if you had a cut on your hand you wouldn’t tell yourself to stop hurting or pretend it wasn’t there, right? You would immediately take care of it. Therefore, if we know how to take care of cuts to our physical bodies, then why don’t we do that with cuts to our hearts?

I don’t know who this message is for today, but if you are feeling the weight of unmet expectations, please know this: It’s okay to mourn the life you expected. It’s okay to grieve the plans you had made. It’s okay to cry that they didn’t work out. And it’s okay to simply not be okay with it all. Instead, give yourself grace and space to feel and deal. After all, there is no “fake it until you make it” in scripture. In fact, there is just the opposite.

“Those who sow in tears will reap shouts of joy.” Psalm 126:5

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35

I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on.Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” enter into exclusive giveaways, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

3 thoughts on “Grieving the Life You Planned”

  1. I wish I had read this earlier. Grieve hit me the same day you posted this article. I did not know how to explain it. But I kept pleading for God’s Grace over me. It was like a blanket I couldn’t get off of me. Thank God that after praying, sharing my grieve with understanding family members, and telling myself over and over again that God is good and His plans for me are perfect; I am recovering from that episode. So no, I was not being overly sensitive. These moments Of grieve are real and they serve to remind us of God’s Amazing Grace and His thoughts towards us that are much higher and better than our thoughts.

  2. I felt like you made this post for me. I was saved by you. I am here 4 in the morning with my puffy eyes. After countless failed fertility, IVF treatment, i was still hoping a miracle. I love my husband and I hope he was feeling the same.
    Tonight, I found out he has been cheating on me with a 22 year old person ( I am 43) and now she is pregnant and he is leaving for her and his baby which I could not give to him.
    I am grieving for the life I planned. It hurts.
    But I read your post. Now I know it is ok not to be ok. I take time to be ok and you made me feel that I am not alone. I will be ok.
    Thank you for your post. You saved me tonight.

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