The Christmas season can be hard. And if I am not careful and dwell too long on my shattered dreams and unanswered prayers, I will sink below the weight of them. So what do I do in these moments when my soul feels crushed, and my heart aches?
Today, on Josiah Day, I sat outside his room. Am I pregnant? No. Am I pregnant with hope? Some days I am. Some days it’s a struggle. Today, it's a struggle. (Whew. Deep breath.) It’s been over 8 years since I heard in my spirit that I would have a son and to name him… Continue reading God Made Me a Promise. But Perhaps I Got It Wrong.
“No Heartbeat" I can remember the giddy smiles on our faces as we were preparing for our ultrasound appointment. “What are we going to name it if baby Lawler is a girl? How are we going to decorate the room? I think it is a girl from the way I have been feeling, but the… Continue reading “No Heartbeat”: A Story of Loss from a Husband’s Perspective
Vulnerable Post Alert: Grief hits you at weird moments, doesn't it? For me, it happened this morning as I stood facing my bathroom mirror. I was mindlessly putting on my makeup and getting ready for the day when the thoughts of what I imagined my life would look like recklessly hit me like a Mack… Continue reading Grieving the Life You Planned
May 17th, 2012. That was the day a nurse confirmed I was pregnant. And it was also the day I announced to my husband that he was going to be a daddy. I remember giggling over dinner as we discussed due dates, names, and nursery ideas… It seems like it's been forever since that day… Continue reading When You Are Still Pregnant Eight Years Later