Soul Food, Waiting for Baby Bird

“I Am Never Going to Be a Mother!”

Shut Your Pie Hole“I am never going to be a mother!”

These words came out of her mouth because they were first oozing out of her broken and shattered heart. Maybe you haven’t said those words, but maybe you have said a few others, such as:

“Everyone else is having a baby, and I never will.”

“My body is too broken.  This is hopeless.”

“God is never going to heal me.” 

“I tested this morning, and it was negative.  I will never become pregnant.” 

“Having a child will never happen for us.”

“I am going to test in “x amount” of days, but I already know it will be negative.”

“Even if everything is perfect this cycle, I know it won’t work out.  It never does.” 

I know I will need to do another IUI and probably another after that. I don’t see myself ever conceiving.”

“I am just not meant to be a mother.” 

“We will continue with a few IUI’s and then start the IVF process.” (as if already planning on each IUI to fail)

And I get it. I understand the frustrating thoughts and feelings that come from struggling to conceive. You can’t help but feel hopeless and defeated after yet another negative pregnancy test. You can’t help but doubt it will ever happen when the doctors have given you such little chance. And you can’t help but express it. But can I kindly say, without trying to sound too rude (because I know it will), “Can you please be quiet and shut your pie hole?” 

I know! I know! I sound harsh. But before you stop reading or unfollow me, hear me out. Because my advice? It’s all in love. You see, over the last several months, I have been cautious with the words I speak. And it is not because the taste of “toe jam” is nasty after I have inserted my foot. Nor is it because of the awkward silence I receive when I have offended someone with my comments. But it’s simply because I recently stumbled upon a story in the Bible. It’s a story I have read a million times over, but this time, it spoke differently to me. Because as I began to read it, I began to see how God placed His arm around the shoulder and His hand over the mouth of a well-known priest named Zechariah after he spoke words of doubt that God would give him and his old and barren wife a child after many years of wishing, hoping, and praying for a child to call their own. Are you not familiar with the story? Forgot the details? Keep on reading…I promise not to make it boring.

Thousands of years ago, when infertility clinics and reproductive endocrinologists were not just miles away, but thousands of years away, Zechariah and his wife Elisabeth were left helpless month after month, year after year, when she couldn’t conceive a child. But after years of praying and without much hope due to their old age and reproductive organs shutting down, an angel approached Zechariah and informed him that after decades of crying and pleading, seeking and begging, their prayers had been heard, and his wife would conceive at “the appointed time.”

You would think after years of Zechariah dreaming of bouncing a baby on his knee, he would have shouted WHOO HOOO, right? But nope! Instead of giving the angel a high-five or whipping out his phone to update his Facebook status with “We’re PREGNANT,” Zechariah, while looking at his wrinkled hands and scratching the top of his bald head, doubted the angel by asking, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years!” (Luke 1:18)

My translation: “Are you serious?! Now?! Tell me how this is going to happen! It’s too late, and we are too old! Have you seen my medical chart?”

To Zechariah, his age, his intellect, and his experiences of past failures to conceive spoke louder than God’s ability to do the impossible. 

Immediately after Zechariah spoke words of doubt that God would perform the impossible, God closed his mouth–God ‘shut his pie hole’ –until after the child was born. Why? Was it punishment for ‘talking back’ to the angel? You know, God’s version of the time out corner, or maybe God wanted to flex His muscles to prove His power? The story doesn’t explain why, but I know there are over 3,000 scriptures concerning our words, mouth, tongue, lips, and what we say and speak in the Bible. Do you think God is trying to tell us something…?

Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

Proverbs 12:21 says, “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”

Based upon these two scriptures alone, it is safe to assume there is tremendous power in our words. Therefore, could God have needed to shut Zechariah’s ‘pie hole’ to ensure his doubtful words wouldn’t cause death or calamity to His plans of bringing forth this child?

Maybe God needed to ‘shut his pie hole’ because the promise wasn’t coming “tomorrow.” Remember God never told him when the child would come. He only told him the child would come at the “appointed time,” and just like any other normal person, as time goes by and the promise is not fulfilled in the time frame we think it should be, our doubts start to get bigger and our fears start to take over.  We start thinking irrational thoughts that eventually turn into our words, which end up causing us to perform irrational actions that could thwart God’s perfect plans (remember in Genesis when Sarah told Abraham to sleep with her maidservant to get the child promised to her?). I know this is what happens because I have been there. It has been 21 months since I heard from God regarding the promise of Josiah. There have been days when my circumstances have spoken louder than God’s word, and, on those days, my thoughts, words, and actions did not align with my faith in God.

It’s hard not to speak thoughts of fear and doubt in moments of stress and frustration. But that’s when we need to exercise our self-discipline and ‘shut our pie hole.’ Do you want the slightest possibility of your careless words to be the reason distress and disaster come into your life, which is what Proverbs 12:21 suggest?

Zechariah didn’t speak anything that wasn’t factual.  He was old.  His wife was past the age of menopause and barren, but his focus on the natural hindered him from believing and speaking the truth that anything was possible with God. Facts change but God’s truth remains. 

I don’t know if any of these reasons are why God chose to ‘shut his pie hole,’ but it’s enough for me to be cautious regarding the words I speak when talking about my circumstances to others or my faith in God. It’s also enough for me to tell you to ‘shut your pie hole’ because I desperately want to see your ultrasound photos and pregnancy announcements in my email inbox and on my newsfeed. I want to read about your baby shower and how Aunt Sally gave the cutest outfit with matching headbands and bows (or bow ties).  I want you to ‘shut your pie hole’ because I want to see your story change, just as much as I want my story to change…

Maybe you think this is “hogwash,” and your words do not matter. But what if they do? Most of us have tried any and every piece of advice to boost our chances of conceiving.  We have eaten pineapple cores after IVF. Contoured our bodies in such a way to keep our legs up in the air for 20 minutes after intercourse, and we have even gone to extremes by injecting ourselves multiple times during the day with hormones made in a laboratory somewhere. I have even drunk a full glass of snotty okra water every morning for weeks. So, what would it hurt to change your words?

I made myself a pacifier and attached the verse Proverbs 12:21 on one side as a reminder to not speak words that could bring the opposite of what I am hoping for. On the other side, I have written positive confessions regarding my current circumstance of infertility. Maybe you need to make yourself a pacifier as a reminder to ‘shut your pie hole’?

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82 thoughts on ““I Am Never Going to Be a Mother!””

  1. Preach it!! Seriously so convicting. I try to stay positive on my blog, but I really struggle with what I say to my husband in private and all my self-talk. Now I’m going to tell myself to shut my pie hole!

    1. yes mam!!! Go make yourself a pacifier now and carry one in your car, in your purse, in the bathroom as a reminder 🙂 It so far has worked for me! Every time I start to say something, that pacifier flashes in my head. 🙂

  2. Beautiful post. There is power in our confession because like you pointed out in Proverbs, there is SO much power in our tongue…literally death and life all in our mouth basically. I have tried to be more careful with what I’ve been saying lately. I want to speak life! God bless!

    1. yes our words are SOOO powerful! God used His words (not His thoughts) to create life! Jesus never once said to “think” but to “speak”…obviously our words can move mountains or keep them in place. xoxo

  3. Love the pacifier idea!! Anther great post Elisha!! I struggle with looking beyond what I see in the physical, and I am guilty of saying or writing that I may never get pregnant again a few times. Of course once those words and ideas start flowing, my planning and trying to figure things out one my own. Honestly, I believe that God will bless us again, but I keep thinking I need to help him along…..ridiculous I know lol

    1. Girl He created the whole universe without our help…I think He can handle our little issue of infertility 🙂 He did it for all the women in the Bible. That’s what I always think about 🙂

  4. Good one girl!!! While I do often think these thoughts I hope my blog doesn’t come across that way because I do believe I will have a child(children) one of these days but it’s up God when it happens for myself and you too 🙂 Thank you for the reminder that we need to put the thoughts in our head of what we want to happen rather than the negative.

    1. yes mam! We just gotta speak what he speaks. I have also changed the words I use in regards to when people ask me about PCOS. I always say “the doctors have diagnosed me with PCOS”. I never say anymore “I have PCOS” which was my common language. God doesn’t say I have PCOS so neither should I. Hugs to you girl!!

      1. Thank you so much for the sweet card!!! You always have just the right words to say that are so encouraging!!

      2. If I would have known it was your birthday today I would have shoved a piece of cake inside 🙂 It would have been all mushed up…but still tasty 🙂 HEHE

  5. This was a wonderful post, and so edifying and timely! This can apply not only to infertility struggles, but other needs for healing, as well. It really hit a nerve with me. When a person has been ill for so long, it can seem that the sickness will never end. But, to speak that into existence is just plain wrong, and to think that it has the power to perpetuate the trial really makes me think about what I want to speak! THANK YOU for your precious words! They fit other areas of life, as well. And THANK YOU for the sweet post card I got in yesterday’s mail, Elisha! I had to go speak at a ladies meeting last night, and I have been in so much pain. I actually ended up at the ER Saturday night. The enemy tried so hard to hinder me, but, by God’s grace I went, and He blessed!!! And your card was there…waiting for me when I got back home. You always seem to know just when I need an extra boost of encouragement. God bless you, my dear, faithful friend. Love you, Cheryl

    1. Oh Cheryl I am praying for you right now! God I thank you for your Son and the healing He has already provided for Cheryl and I ask that whatever is causing the pain in her body to be removed right now in Jesus name!!

      As far as knowing when to send the card…I didn’t know. At the beginning of each week I ask God to give me names of those who might need a little “pick me up for the week” and then once I have the names, I lay out some cards and just go with my gut on who needs which one! I’m so glad the postcard encouraged you this week! xoxo!!

  6. Twiny LOVE it!! You know Prov 18:21 is one of my faves (of course it is if we are twins). Preach on!!!!!! I know this will encourage so many people today! PS you are one of the most gracious people ever always sending care packages and gifts! I love the paci idea!

  7. I love this post and I love you. I have been reading this book called “Moments for Couples who Long for Children” (probably on and off and over again in the last couple of years). This is my favorite book for encouragement on this journey on any particular day and I need it. (So I read many chapters on the plane on the way back from San Diego after we lost the pregnancy.) One of the “moments” or chapters that stood out to me was about this author who went into her doctor’s office declaring that this cycle she was on wasn’t working, even without testing or confirming. Then she caught herself and thought that she was NOT speaking the truth because she didn’t know whether or not the cycle worked. She just declared it to prepare herself for the worst but in a sense she was not trusting that God can do the supernatural. It was almost like fortune telling. She was basing her words and views on her natural circumstances. So I have been a lot more careful with what I say after I read that chapter. But it still slips me and I still do the same thing. I just asked my husband last night “What if we don’t have any children in our lives”, to which he answered, “We just have to trust in the Lord and pray.” So thank you for this post. It’s very timely and you’re such a sweet heart who is not afraid of speaking the truth.

    1. Yes don’t speak words of doubt like Zechariah 🙂 Speak God’s Truth only. I am trying to do better in all areas of my life in regards to the words I speak because I can be a very blunt person and this can hurt others :/ My pastor said a few weeks ago that we were created in God’s image and we were never created to think or speak anything that He wouldn’t think or speak but the devil has screwed all that up. But that doesn’t mean we use it as an excuse. Therefore, I try before speaking to say, “would God say that?” If not, then I try my hardest to not say it. 🙂 xoxo

  8. Elisha, you’re so right—we were on the same Holy Spirit wavelength today with our posts. Your point about not saying that you “have” PCOS is valid. It’s not yours, it’s something the enemy has caused. You’re a child of the king and you choose to possess only what He gives…all the good and perfect stuff. My son suffered many severe respiratory infections as a young boy and it dawned on me one day that we needed to stop telling him to “go get your inhaler”. Instead, we started telling him to “go get the inhaler.” It no longer was a matter of “possessing” asthma and all its accoutrements. That’s when things started to change.

    Thanks for all the pictures in your post. The angry kid is hilarious. 🙂 I absolutely love the pacifier idea! I may have to use that for the retreat i’m planning this year for those who are struggling with infertility.

    1. yes please use the pacifier idea!! I started an infertility support group in my home several months ago and have made one for each of them as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. You are so inspiring and such a wonderful source of encouragement to me and the ladies that come to my home for support.

  9. I sometimes struggle with staying positive, both in my blog and on discussion boards. I appreciate the reminder and the lesson!

    1. No problemo 🙂 I figured what would it hurt to watch our words? If anything it will improve our moods 🙂 I know it has mine.

  10. Fabulous! Thank you. This is something I always try to remember but struggle with often. Our spoken words (and thoughts) affect our destiny. I just wrote something yesterday somewhat similar to this by writing to the “universe” what I want. The pacifier idea is an amazing reminder.

  11. Awesome post. Satan wants us to believe that God cannot heal us, and that He cannot do the impossible. BUT HE CAN!!!

  12. Ouch! I’ve been having a day riddled with self pity, and I really needed this reminder. Thank you for speaking needed words of truth that stopped me in my tracks and led me into the throne room of grace!

  13. While I am fully aware that God can and does work miracles everyday. He has not given me any promise of conceiving and carrying a child to full term. Could He make is happen? Absolutely! Will He make it happen? I honestly don’t know, because He is the only one who does know. Do I know that He will provide me with my family. Absolutely! I appreciate that God has spoken to you and given you an amazing promise of a birth child, but I have not been given the same promise, and I’m ok. Because I have been given the promise of a life with Him where all things are right and perfect. Where our bodies aren’t broken, where I will meet my sweet first child. None of us were promised an easy perfect life, and my heart will ache with each passing month the my womb remains empty. But in the very same moment, my heart is full of hope and joy for the kiddos God is going to place in my life.

    1. I have often thought about how confident I would be if God hadn’t given me the promise of Josiah but each time I think about this, God reminds me that healing of our bodies is a promise…in fact,it’s a provision. Isaiah 53:5 says that by His wounds we ARE healed. We receive it by faith. So for me, if a woman is having an issue conceiving because of health related issues, then healing is what is needed and that’s a promise and we must also hold tight to this promise. All of God’s promises are “yes” in him and “amen” (so be it) is spoken by us (2 cor 1:20). Thanks so much for commenting and I believe also that you have kiddos in your future 😉

  14. Love this! I’m definitely guilty of being negative from time to time….it’s hard not to throw yourself a pitty party sometimes but you’re so right. Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Our words have so much power and can create the life we want…I am trying so hard to only speak words that create a life of abundance. xoxo

  15. Great post! I needed to read this and I have been feeling convicted about it already! In my warped brainiI have thought that if I don’t expect anything this month maybe I’llbe ppleasantly surprised and also I think to protect myself from more disappointment, which doesn’t really help! Somehow
    I want to find the balance of faith and submission to God’s timing!

    1. thank ya mam!! I’ve been meaning to listen to your hubby’s vblog but haven’t found the time. I think I will do that today. Something tells me it will make me laugh a little bit. You guys are so adorable and funny!

  16. I love this! Its so true, there is so much power in our words, but I’ve also realized that very often what is in our mind and our heart is what comes out of our mouths. So not only do we need to be careful of what we say, but we also need to take note of how we see ourselves, and get our minds renewed to the promises of God.

    I’m not perfect, I’m getting there and I think hubby is also slowly but surely getting there, but what frustrates me the most is when our loved ones talk a lot of crap regarding their health and they don’t want to listen. It’s then that I really feel like telling them; “Shut your Pie hole!” My mother in law is the one that is most guilty of that, and she not only speaks sickness over herself but over others too, and what upsets me the most is when she does it over our little boy, and I don’t care if I offend her anymore, but I counter all her negative talk immediately. I will not allow her to speak death over our child!

  17. I love this post. It got me thinking; when you posted about your husband’s quiet confidence it’s a perfect example of this too. My DH is the same way; confident that God will do is work and that everything will work out for the plan that He is has in mind. This post made me realize that his quiet ways about infertility are *because* of his confidence. Meanwhile I let my thoughts and emotions go crazy (I’m getting better, but not totally there yet) when all I really need to do is to shut my pie hole!

    1. Yes it is! I never mind my husband not talking about it as much as I wish when I’m having one of my hysteric moments he comforts me. Sometimes he literally just sits across the room and stares at me with the expression…”why do you sound like a whale when you cry…and why are you crying?” LOL!!! I’m thankful both of our husbands are so confident! Two crazies in the house wouldn’t be good for our faith 🙂

  18. Amen!! And I *LOVE* the pacifier idea! Brilliant 🙂 You are wise beyond your years and when God’s favor strikes, it’s going to be a flood!

    1. oh wow thank you for your sweet words! This doesn’t just apply to infertility either. Ever since I read this story and the Lord convicted me, I will literally be in church and hearing others go on and on about their illness, their financial situation, and yada yada and it takes everything within me to not run over and slap my hands over their mouth! haha! We don’t even realize how much power our words have. We always say we are “sick and tired” and then wonder why we are always sick and tired. LOL! My attitude, my life, my perspective…everything has changed since I started viewing my words as powerful. God spoke the world into existence with His words…and we were made in His image…not to mention the 3000 scriptures on it…so I gotta take it serious. 🙂 Thanks for commenting! xoxo

  19. “Facts change but God’s truth remains.” Amen Amen Amen! My husband constantly tells me be careful of your words because they have so much Power, more than we even realize! Daily I strive to speak positive words. That pacifier idea is brilliant! I need a few of those in my life! haha Great post!

  20. What a great reminder to speak life!!! Over our situations instead of being filled to the brim with negativity. I have been there when I was in the process of IUI’s I always believed and said it wasn’t going to work and it didn’t. God knows my mindset needed and overhaul and I am so glad he’s help me to work it all out. The pacifier idea is so sweet what an encouragement to us all.

  21. I just love the pacifiers!! I also love this post!! Too often we speak negatively over ourselves when we should be shouting all the positivity out and spreading our blessings. Its hard for me being pregnant now to know what to write because I don’t want to seem overly positive- but I refuse to let the negativity sneak up on me. Instead I want to prophesy our future!

    1. oh don’t be afraid to write! We all need to read positive things…there is too much negative on the internet 🙂 SPEAK LIFE and help bring hope and encouragement to others. love ya girlie!

  22. Thank you so much for this reminder! I needed to hear this today.

  23. Thank you so much for sharing this. While I was reading it i was moved to think “Is this really what I do?” My Conscience answered “YES!” It really is what I do. Every time I get discouraged I become my own worse enemy. Even though like Zachariah, I too was given a sign of the thing to come and I still question. I thank God for the sign he sent me through you and praise him for all he has done for me! You see 5 years ago he spoke to my heart and also told me I would have a son named Josiah. After a miscarriage last year I again received a word that Josiah was yet to come. So not only did you bless me with teaching but you were a confirmation of my sign. Bless you!

  24. Oh, thank you for this post! So true!!

    I told my husband just today that I just feel like it won’t ever happen for us. He told me to knock it off, like always… but somehow, you’re just much more eloquent. ; )

    Thank you!

    1. Lol!! So glad it helped you! Your hubby is right through…”knock it off!” Tehehehe! Remember, Gods got this all orchestrated and handled. All he wants you to do is stay in faith and speak positive 😉

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