This past Tuesday at 1 pm, a judge decided as to whether Goldilocks, the three-year-old cutie patootie we have been fostering, should return home to her family or continue to grace us with her presence a little while longer. Days before, while sitting alone and thinking about the upcoming court date, I asked my Mom if she would be okay if the judge ruled she should return home, and without hesitation, she looked back and said, “Are YOU going to be okay?”
Up until that moment, I hadn’t had time to think about how my life would change if she returned home. I hadn’t processed the fact that I might walk up to the courthouse holding her hand but walk away without it. I hadn’t thought about me, who is a creature of habit, would have my entire daily routine change once more in the blink of an eye. So I hadn’t really thought if I would be okay. But, for the last week, I have started preparing myself for an empty car seat on the way home; and I have been thinking a lot about if I would be okay.
Am I going to be okay with giving her one last squeeze before we go home in opposite directions? Am I going to be okay when I don’t hear the sounds of pitter-patter feet coming down the hallway or have her shadow next to mine as I water the flowers and feed the birds? Am I going to be okay not adding chicken nuggets, fruit snacks, and Tootsie Rolls (her favorite candy) to my weekly shopping list?
I think I would be okay, but I won’t know for sure…at least not for another month. The 34 inch tall, blonde hair cutie who loves to swing for hours, take wagon rides around the block and sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ before bed will still be doing it with me tomorrow. She stays…for now. And so for now, I’m okay.
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