Resources, When Someone You Know Is Infertile

What Should I Say to Someone Struggling with Infertility this Holiday Season?

I understand infertility is awkward. It’s awkward because it’s hard to know what to say or how to respond to your loved one who is in this kind of pain, especially during the holiday season. So in order to help you out, can I offer four suggestions?

The first one is simple,but yet so hard to do. And why? Because as humans, when we see someone we love and care about in sorrow, we want to naturally help. But please do not try to help by giving them advice such as “just relax” or offer up the notion that they should “just adopt”. And if you could, would you please refrain from also telling them it will happen in God’s timing? Or that His plan is perfect? Because while it might be true, and your advice is incredibly awesome (whatever it may be), it generally hurts more than it helps. Instead, simply let them know you are praying for them. Or perhaps just give them a hug with a gentle whisper that says, “I am so sorry you are going through this.” Maybe even let them know that you also see how unfair this is for them and no matter how you slice it, this just sucks. Trust me, saying one of those three things will do more for them than any other story of hope or incredible nugget of advice you share.

Secondly, don’t avoid the topic. Instead, ask them how they are feeling and acknowledge the pain, as well as the heartache they are experiencing. Too often those struggling with infertility feel alone and isolated, especially at family events where everyone has a child but them. So if you could, please take the time to make them feel remembered and loved. And if you see her sitting alone, in the corner, with tears filling up her eyes because none of the children running around are hers, don’t hesitate to go over and give her hand a squeeze. The holidays are tough and she needs someone to remind her that she is tougher, and she will get through this.

Thirdly, give the couple grace. Allow them to grieve and be sad during this season. I know this is a time when we are all supposed to be filled with joy and happiness, but that’s not always the reality. Especially when the couple has exhausted every avenue possible to try to grow their family in hope that this year things would be different. But as it has turned out, it isn’t. And for some, it might even be worse as they have experienced at some point a miscarriage or pregnancy loss.

Which brings me to my last suggestion…

If your loved one has suffered such loss, whether this year or in the years past, acknowledge it. Acknowledge the child who is not sitting at the dinner table and the pain they feel as a result. Even go so far as to whisper the child’s name and tell them how you also miss them and wish they were here. It’s the little things you do that will matter the most.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this article. It truly shows how much you care for the person who would love nothing more than to have you not even need to read this. And while I realize that we are all human and we will at some point unintentionally say or do something that will ultimately cause another person more pain by. But my prayer is that these four simple suggestions will help you navigate these rough waters and even deepen the relationships you have as you gather around the table to give thanks and celebrate in this holiday season.

For more on this topic, click here to read “25 of the Worst Expressions to Say to Your Infertile Friend”


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird”, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

The Journey

Christmas with the Stars

Lights! Camera! Action!

How do you take your mind off the fact another year has gone by and there isn’t a baby bird on the front of your Christmas card or snuggling up in your arms while looking at the glow of Christmas lights?  You throw a Kearns’ Whobalation of course!

I love Christmas.  I love entertaining.  I love seeing people have fun and smile.  Put them all together and you will find me hosting Christmas for my Daddyo’s side of the family.   This is my second year of hosting and I always like to have a theme.  Why?  Themed parties are great because it spices things up a bit and nothing screams Christmas like being competitive with your family members right?  Not to mention the fact I know it annoys my Mommers because she hates themed parties and being pressured to come up with something to wear. (hehe!  Just kidding Mommy!)

There are always prizes and our pride at stake for the “best dressed”.  Last year, the theme was WaCkY tAcKy and my Uncle David without a doubt took home the prize!  This picture really doesn’t do his tights, speedo, cowboy boots, mask, table cloth cape, and lighted sweater justice!

Uncle David Wacky Tacky

This year, the theme was “Christmas with the Stars”.  Everyone was instructed to come dressed up as a Christmas movie character.  I wasn’t sure how many would participate, but as it turned out, all but two people joined in on the fun!  My family is amazing and such good sports!  Not to mention the fact we are all competitive.

 Let’s roll out the red carpet…

Opening Night

My cousin Aaron (The Elf), his lovely wife Tabitha and their beautiful children Hank and Eliza

Tabitha and Aaron

My cousin Caleb (Clark from Christmas Vacation), his wonderful wife Annie (Aunt Bethany from Christmas Vacation) and their children Zeke (Ralphie Parker from A Christmas Story) and Ramsey (Snowman)

Caleb and Annie 2013

 Caleb even pinned a squirrel to his back like in the movie! How clever!
Squirral on Back Collage

Annie even wrapped up her cat! NO JOKE!

Annie with Cat

My beautiful mom, Sheila (Rudolph) and my amazing Daddyo (Yukon Cornelieus).

Yukon Collage

My brother Zack (Clark Griswold from Christmas Vacation). (His beautiful wife had to work)

Clark Griswold Collage

My Uncle Jeff (as nothing..errr…party pooper), my fun-loving Aunt Rachel (Betty Lou Who from The Grinch) and their two kiddos, Ben and Anna (both from The Grinch)

Jeff and Rachel 2013

My Uncle David (Ralphie Parker) and my amazing Aunt Marcia (Ralphie Parker’s mom)

marcia and david 2013

My sweet Cousin Laura (Martha May Wovier from The Grinch), her son Axel (Max from The Grinch), Jonathan, her boyfriend (the Grinch), his beautiful girls (Cindy Lou Who), and his son (little Grinch)

Jonathan and Laura 2013

My beautiful Aunt Paula dressed up as an Elf (Uncle Frank was a Scrooge and didn’t dress up)

Aunt Paula 2013

Me (an Elf from Christmas Story) and my sexy ol man Daniel (Uncle Lewis from Christmas Vacation)

{I was supposed to be Aunt Bethany but I couldn’t find anything and time was running out, so I grabbed the cheapest costume I could find at the nearest party store.   EEK!  Don’t judge, I had a party to plan.}

Daniel and Elisha 2013

And the winner goes to…

 Aaron (the Elf) for the Cousin Eddy Award because he looked “Reeeeeeal Nice!”

Jonathan (Grinch) for the Fragile Award because he had the “tackiest” costume. (If you could only see his short Santa coat and green fish net tights…yikes!)

Aunt Rachel (Betty Lou Who) for the Aunt Bethany award because we were all confused and kept having to ask which movie character she was showcasing.  Prize:  Jello Mold (may or may not have had cat food inside)

My brother, Zack won the Grinch Award because even though he did dress up, he didn’t put much time, effort, or thought into his costume.

My two Uncle’s won the Scrooge Award because they didn’t dress up as anything.  BOOO!

My Daddyo (Yukon Cornlius) won the People’s Choice Award. We all thought he was creative and put a lot of time, effort, and thought into his character.

We decided that this was a “before” and “after” of a “non sexy” Elf and a “sexy” Elf.  I also joked around that it was “before” kids and “after” kids, but then we had to laugh because she is the one with two kids…soooo…I am now motivated to eat less and work out more 😉

Tabitha and Elisha

And now for the blooper pictures…

Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (8) (3 of 4)Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (6) (2 of 4) Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (9) (6 of 7)Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (9) (5 of 7)Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (5 of 5) Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (1 of 5)Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (9) (7 of 7) Kearns Christmas Party 2013 (6) (1 of 4)martha and the grinch aaron and tabithaaaron the elf


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!

Waiting for Baby Bird

Acts of Faith: Buying Josiah Christmas Gifts

Sadly enough, another Christmas is going by and I don’t have baby bird in my arms or in my belly, but what I do have is him living inside my heart. I talk to him every day. I tell him all the fun activities, crafts, and trips we will take when he gets here, and if I’m out shopping and see something cute, I will always buy it for him. I didn’t used to be like that. I used to see something cute and then get upset, start pouting, and possibly turn into a sour lemon the rest of the day because I didn’t have a child to buy it for. But that kind of attitude and thinking got old. I realized that if I truly believed that my baby bird would come, then why not buy it now as an act of faith? Ever since this shift in thinking about my future, I do not shy away from buying him something, which is why I wanted to go ahead and get him a Christmas gift this year.

I didn’t have any ideas on what I wanted to give him. Daniel wanted to buy himself him a gun, but I wasn’t too fond of this idea, and nothing “struck my fancy” when I was out shopping. I was starting to get bummed that I didn’t have anything special to wrap and put under the tree…that is until I went into Kohl’s real quick last week. As soon as I walked in and saw the “Kohl’s Cares for Kids” display I knew immediately Josiah would love it!

I bought him Snoopy, Woodchuck, and a book called, “You Can Be Anything!” What is even better is 100% of the net profit will go to children’s health programs and initiatives. Win-Win situation to me. Josiah gets something fun and the money will help other children become healthier.

Daniel doesn’t know what I have purchased for our baby bird, therefore I decided to wrap up the gifts and place them under the tree so that he can open them on Christmas morning. But before sticking them in a box and placing a bow on top, I decided to write a note inside the book cover for baby bird to read one day. I want him to know that he was cared for, loved, and thought about even before He was created in my womb. He will truly be a gift from above and I want him to know that we hoped for and believed in God for his miracle conception long before it ever happened. What a testimony it will be for Josiah to share with others one day! It gives me goosebumps to think about.

Merry Christmas, Josiah!

I can’t wait for the day when you are curled up in my lap as I read you this story and tell you that you can be anything! Until that day when I am holding you in my arms, I’ll hold you in my heart. I love you more than you can imagine now, and I’ll love you more than you can imagine then. You are my gift from God.

Love, Momma Bird

God is amazing and He loves to bless His children with good gifts, therefore I know without a shadow of a doubt His promise to me will one day be wrapped up in Daniel’s old Winnie the Pooh blankie and curled up in my lap while I give him sweet kisses and read him this story.


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!