Today is the grand finale of the 5 Day Photo Challenge for National Infertility Awareness Week, and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has challenged those within the infertility community to post a picture on their social media accounts of what resolve looks like to them. After all, resolve looks different to everyone. For some, it is childfree; for others it has ended in parenthood. But what about women like myself? Those who are still in the trenches of infertility and waiting for their miracle? What can we post? What does resolve, right now, look like for us? I’ve thought a lot about that question over the last several days and the conclusion I have come up with is this: It still looks different for each one.
You see, when looking up the definition of the word resolve, I learned that it means to settle or find a solution…or decide on a firm course of action…or have a determination to do something.
Each of us who are pursuing parenthood in the midst of obstacles will have to settle…we will have to find a solution…we will have to decide on a course of action…and determine to do something. But again, for each of us, that solution, that willingness to settle for one path over another due to finances or other restraints, as well as deciding on one course of action over another, and what our determination or how far we will go, will look different. And guess what? That is okay.
After all, 6+3=9
But so, does 5+4.
The way you do things, and the way I do things, and the way she does things, are not always going to be the same. Or the only way to do them. Therefore, each person’s resolve will be different. And at times, it will change as new information is learned, insurance coverage changes, God’s direction shifts, or hope increases. Or for some, decreases.
In my case, resolve once looked like researching for hours upon hours on how to balance my hormones, ultimately leading to only more stress. Therefore, I stopped. It also looked like spending thousands of dollars on medication, supplements, and specialists, until God told me to take a rest and trust in His provision for ultimate healing. Resting is not always easy, but I have made it my resolve; my firm determination to follow hard after Jesus and be obedient. And so, for me, right now, my personal resolve involves walking by faith, not by cycle. Walking by faith, not by my (older) age. Walking by faith, not by my (PCOS) diagnosis. Walking by faith, not by the (less than 3%) odds stacked up against me.
In fact, my mantra lately has been this: I am not moved by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am not even moved by my circumstances. I am only moved by what I believe. It actually stims from a quote by Smith Wigglesworth. But this variation has become my mantra because I have made it my resolve; my ultimate course of action and solution to not let what I see in my world, drag me into despair, stopping me from believing or trusting in what I read in God’s word.
That He does settle the barren woman as a happy mother of children (Psalm 113:9).
And that when the doctors say it is impossible, His word says that nothing (not even that one thing you just thought of) is impossible with Him (Luke 1:37).
Or when my birthday comes and I’m another year older, and all seems hopeless, I can read in Genesis 18:14 that nothing is too hard for the Lord. And that because He lives outside of time, age is not a factor for Him either. It doesn’t stop Him.
Therefore, when it looks as though my time is up, or my reproductive system has failed me, I go back to read the story of Sarah and Abraham. It can remind me that God doesn’t put expiration dates on our dreams or His promises; they aren’t like condiments in the refrigerator that get thrown into the trash after a certain time period. No. Instead it reassures my heart once more that despite what I see, or how I feel, and what I have been told, He is still a waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper. He is my light in the darkness of infertility. He is my solution to fear…my firm course of action towards the desires of my heart…and the tender place where my strength and determination to keep persevering come from. He is where I run to for hope and wisdom on my next steps. He is where I run to first for knowledge, rather than Google. And He is the One whom my heart searches and longs for when I become anxious or jealous.
No matter which path I choose to take to build my family, and no matter how it ends, my answer will always be Him. I have made the resolve, that He is my resolve. But maybe you haven’t. Maybe your path looks different than mine. Or your beliefs are not the same. Sweet friend, that doesn’t make your story less and mine more. Or vice versa. They are just different. Each of us, and each of our resolves, can be, and most likely will be. But regardless, they all matter.
What is your resolve?
For more of my story, “A Decade of Infertility: It Is What It Is, But It’s Not What It Seems”
Feeling too old? Running out of time? Read “36 Years Old and Still Barren”
I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird”, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!