Waiting for Baby Bird

Every Year My Daddy Gives Me a Rose for Infertility

Red. Blue. Green. White.

It takes a special person to see infertility through the color of a rose. And every year for the past four years, my Daddy has done just that. You see, on the 17th day of February, my Daddy, whom I like to call “Pa”, has had a beautiful rose delivered to my doorstep. It is simply the sweetest gesture because it is his birthday and yet he thinks of me because it is Josiah Day, which is a different kind of day I tend to celebrate (see here). While this selfless act is the sweetest, I think the most thoughtful part about his tradition is that the flower is always a different color in which he researches and strategically chooses in order to encourage my heart and strengthen my faith.

Basically, it’s not just a “good” color, but a “God” color. 

For instance, the first year he sent me a red rose symbolizing his love to hope in all things, believe in all things, and endure through all things with me; this was based on the verse in 1 Corinthians that our Father in heaven does this with us. But yet my father on earth wanted me to know that he will always do the same.

The second year it was blue rose because blue represents the impossible; however, in my Daddy’s card he quickly reminded me that it’s easy to change the impossible with a simple addition–the addition of one letter–the letter “a”–

You see, if you put the letter “a” in between the letter “I” and “M” you get the words, “I am possible.” But not that “I” make things possible or that “I” am the one that can change my circumstances, but rather The Great “I Am” can do it if we add Him to our situation as we engage Him through prayer and trust in His word.

Like I said, so thoughtful, right?!

In 2018, I wasn’t sure what color I would receive, however late in the afternoon with the knock at the door, I stood holding a green rose; which the color green powerfully represents praise, growth, restoration, and new life. The meaning alone brought me to tears, but as I read the card he goes on to say that his prayer for me as I continue on this path towards motherhood is that my praise will reach the Father’s ears. My faith will continue to grow. My broken dreams will soon be restored. And a new life will one day take their first breath and rest safely in my arms.

Unfortunately, 2018 didn’t bring a new life, therefore it was time for a new rose. Again, I wasn’t sure what color I would receive; in fact, I joked around with him that if God doesn’t answer my prayers soon he would run out of colors to send. He chuckled and I kind of wondered if he agreed. But alas, he found the color white. To me, when I think of white, I think of surrender and waving the white flag. But it can actually mean the opposite, because as I learned, it also symbolizes joy, peace, triumph, and victory…which victory by definition means overcoming an enemy. Something I (we) will choose to claim in faith. Because I don’t fight to gain victory, but from a place of victory.

Red. Blue. Green. White.

I am in awe (and in tears) over the hope and faith my family has that one day my womb would be filled by the faithful God who still performs miracles. But as I sit here looking at this white rose that is still just as beautiful as it was nearly a week ago, I am reminded that while I am not alone in this fight, many of you are. You don’t have the family or friend support that your heart and soul crave. And the truth is, when facing impossible circumstances, and when feeling as though your hopes and dreams are all but dead, you need someone standing in your corner, cheering you on. Therefore, will you let me be that person for you today? And will you also let my Daddy? Together we want you to take the color rose your heart needs in this moment. Whether that is to grab a hold of the unconditional love of our Father, who says that He will always hope in all things, believe in all things and endure through all things with you. Or faith to believe in the impossible. Because no matter your age, how much time has passed, or the diagnosis given, He always has the final word. Or the color green because you have lost all hope needed to anticipate new life and restoration. Or maybe it is white because you have felt defeated for far too long, and it is time to stand up and claim in faith victory over the enemy.

Whatever the color you choose, my prayer for each of us is that this will be the last year we will need to look at our current circumstances through rose-colored glasses. But if not, soon. For He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23). 

From my Daddy to me. And from me to you.

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5 thoughts on “Every Year My Daddy Gives Me a Rose for Infertility”

  1. I haven’t commented in a long time, although I am still reading your blog regularly as you post. Your faith astonishes me and I am so thankful that you are willing to be so vulnerable here. I wanted to comment today to say that your father’s love and faith for and with you is such an encouragement. What a blessing for you and for all of us, your readers, to see how faith can be expressed in love. Thank you for sharing.
    I am praying for your baby Josiah to be with you very soon.

    1. Thank you so, so much for leaving me such a sweet and encouraging comment!! Also, THANK YOU for your prayers! I KNOW He hears every single one of them and one day, I will see the fruits of them. xo

  2. I LOVE this from your post… “victory by definition means overcoming an enemy. Something I (we) will choose to claim in faith. Because I don’t fight to gain victory, but from a place of victory.”
    Continue to STAND in your place of victory!

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