I am so honored to have the wonderful Natasha Metzler sharing her heart with you today! When she first sent me her post, I literally read it while nodding my head, “yes!” Because everything she said was everything I wanted to say, but couldn’t ever seem to find the words to write. So thank you Natasha for putting to words every thought and feeling that I am having while on this path of infertility.
Two months after my marriage, I went to the doctor to confirm what I thought was a pregnancy. It wasn’t. Seven years have passed and I’ve never given birth.
Infertility is a funny thing. Okay, bad word choice. Let’s try this: It’s a miserable thing. Life-changing. Dream-changing. Heart-changing.
Perhaps change is the miserable thing, and infertility is just a terrible way to go about it. Either way, when it comes, it seems to take over and leave a broken, bleeding mess in its wake.
There are so many stages of grief present in a journey through infertility, I often feel bad for everyone around me. How are they to know which stage I’m stumbling through? Should they ask how I’m doing? Press me when I say I’m fine and they can see I’m not? Ask about our latest adoption news? Tell me about their pregnancy?
I understand that it’s uncomfortable. I get it.
So this is what I want you to know: It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.
I’ve made it to the stage of acceptance. Which doesn’t mean that I’m always accepting, but rather that I’ve been there and I’ll get back there.
Sure, today might be bad. I may burst into tears when I hear about a pregnancy or an adoption– but it’s not all bad. Sometimes I’m just rushing through the stages of grief again and acceptance is coming.
And just because I’m accepting, doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope.
I can accept what God has for me today while still hoping for what could come tomorrow. I still hope that I will one day carry a child in my womb, while accepting that today God has not given me that gift.
Here’s the truth, friend: we all have our “infertility” struggles. Even if you’ve borne a dozen children, I know you have that area in your life where your dreams are not coming true. We all have them and if it wasn’t the lack of children for me, it would be something else.
But here is God’s great love: He meets us right here. Right in the struggle. And He fills us with peace and hope and love and joy… all those gifts of the Spirit that He promised? They’re all available. But it starts with accepting where we are on the journey today.
In accepting, we get to embrace the life we have.
In accepting, we get to believe for what is yet to be.
In accepting, we find more of Christ.
And that’s what I want you to know about infertility. It’s not the end. It’s not the winner. All infertility is, is a label. And labels only have the power we give them.
Wherever you are in the struggle, remember this truth.
Remember that acceptance doesn’t mean the death of hope.
Remember that whatever labels your life does not have power over you.
Remember who you are, and use it all to bring God glory, no matter what you’re facing today.
Natasha Metzler is the author of several books, including Pain Redeemed which tells the story of her walk through infertility and how God showed up. She can be found blogging about life on the farm, marriage, and faith— but her blog posts that continue the story of infertility have been her most popular, including the well-known, “But Why Does She Get Babies?” You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
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