Four Days Late

This afternoon as I pulled the white bag out of the kitchen trashcan, tied up the ends and walked outside to dispose of it, I mumbled underneath my breath, “This stinks!”  It wasn’t the leftovers from lunch, old broccoli I found in the back of the refrigerator, or the messy coffee grinds from breakfast topped with cat litter that made my trash stink.  Nope. trash I am four days late and the all too familiar negative pregnancy test that rested on top of the cat litter is what made me utter those two words.

With each step I took, a tear would begin to roll down my cheek and as I approached the trash bin and tossed in the overstuffed white trash bag containing the evidence of an empty womb, I quietly whispered, “Jesus where are you?”  As I stood there looking across the fence at the neighbor’s yard filled with children toys, I began to think about how I always viewed Jesus as my best friend–my home boy–but maybe we weren’t as tight as I had thought.

In past experiences with best friends here on earth, when they promise, they fulfill; and whenever I cry out for their help, they usually come running.  Jesus is better than any man on earth, so what’s the deal?  I know He has seen my emergency flares and has heard my long and sometimes wailing cries for help, so I can’t even begin to understand why it is taking Him so long.  Or is it?

While still standing next to the smelly trash bin and thinking about how dead and hopeless this cycle had become in just a matter of minutes, I started to think about how we are the giddy up generation living in a microwave society with a mentality of “waiting is bad” and “I want it now!”

We weave in and out of traffic, looking for the faster lane.  We frown and tap our foot at the person who takes 11 items into the ten-item express checkout.  We drum our fingers while the song downloads or the microwave heats our frozen, already prepared meal.  We want six-pack abs in eight minutes and minute rice in thirty seconds.  We don’t like to wait.  Not on the doctor, the traffic, or pizza.

And certainly not on Jesus.

Unable to stand the stench any longer and realizing I had been outside too long, I wiped away my tears, closed the lid to the trash bin and slowly walked towards the house.  As I took the first step onto our porch, I instantly had a vision of Mary, Martha and their brother Lazarus.  As I took the second step, I slowly began to remember the details of this famous Biblical story.

I remembered Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were also of Jesus’ closet friends.  In fact, scriptures say that Jesus loved Martha, her sister and Lazarus.  I don’t know about you, but it’s a reasonable assumption that given this affection, they could expect certain favors from Jesus and indeed, they soon found themselves in need of a favor.  Lazarus had become ill and once his condition worsened, his sisters did the logical thing and sent an urgent note to their friend Jesus that read, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” 

When Jesus received the message, he sent one back stating that Lazarus would not die and that God would be glorified through this situation.  Given His response, one would assume that He would immediately travel to Judea, a measly two to three miles from where He was currently ministering in order to heal him; but Mary and Martha waited and watched the road for Him, but He didn’t come.

Hours dragged into days with no sign of Him and as time passed by Lazarus was steadily losing ground.  He was obviously dying and where was their close friend, the one they had seen perform miracles, and promised so much hope?  I can just picture Mary and Martha sitting by their brother’s bedside, asking themselves and others the typical questions we often ask when we don’t see our prayers being answered.  Questions such as…

Doesn’t He care?

Did we do something wrong?

Doesn’t He realize time is of the essence?

Did He even get the message?

Do you think we heard Him wrong?

As the story continues, the illness indeed took Lazarus’ life.  I can imagine their frustration level with Jesus at this point.  Jesus was a close friend and He had all the power to heal, said He would heal, but never came. He didn’t even make it in time for his funeral.  Can you imagine this scenario?  They probably thought He was out randomly performing miracles for strangers; people who they might have felt didn’t deserve it while they sat forgotten and abandoned.  I can only assume this is how they must have felt because shamefully, this is how I often feel when I hear of others becoming pregnant despite the fact that I have been praying and crying out to Jesus for Him to fulfill His promises and He doesn’t come running to my urgent prayers–or at least not yet.

I say “yet” because as I took the third and final step onto my porch last night, I also remembered that Jesus does come to the home of Lazarus and turns a seemingly hopeless situation around as He performs one of His most dramatic miracles while here on earth by bringing a man who had been dead for four days back to life. Jesus was faithful to His word.  In hindsight, all of the worrying, crying, fretting, doubting and pacing Mary and Martha must have done over the course of those four long and agonizing days was futile.

When it comes to a delay in my prayers, I am no different from Mary and Martha.  I weep.  I fret.  I doubt.  I grumble.  I complain.  I take my eyes off Him and put them on my circumstances.  I often times pace the floor with worry as I am filled with anxiety and hopelessness.  I allow myself to feel abandoned and I entertain thoughts of being forgotten by my best friend Jesus, but I shouldn’t.  I shouldn’t let my circumstances dictate my beliefs because the truth remains that even though my cycles are often unpredictable, weird and late; God is always faithful, perfect and on time. 

So while I am four days late and my situation seems dead with all signs pointing to an empty womb, I won’t fret.  I won’t complain.  I won’t worry about another possible long cycle and I won’t let it stop me from keeping my head up and continuing to look down the road for Jesus to come running to my rescue.  He was faithful to come and rescue Lazarus from a seemingly dead and hopeless situation and I have faith to believe that in due time, whether it is this cycle or even 15 cycles from now, He will also be faithful to rescue me.

“Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.”  ~Luke 1:45

“LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”  ~Psalm 30:2

Do not let your hearts be trouble.  Trust in God; trust also in me.”  ~John 14:1

smithwigglesworth

Does your situation seem dead?  Hopeless?  Do you feel abandoned or forgotten by God? Does it seem as though He is delaying much too long to answer your need? If so, remember the story of Lazarus.  Trust that He is faithful to keep His word and that He is never late, but always on time.


II would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you.

With Love

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97 thoughts on “Four Days Late

  1. Thinking of you. Love that Smith Wigglesworth quote. I was praying something very similar this morning – I will NOT be moved by what I feel. You are amazing, love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am not, by any means, a religious person…but this really helped me. (If you read the post I just made, you will understand.) I’ve just felt kinda lost and helpless, and confused the past few days. This at least helps me feel like all hope is not lost, and just because it’s been a rough month doesn’t mean we won’t eventually have our family. Thanks 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so glad it helped you despite not having the same religious beliefs/background/etc. Keep your chin up! I often tell myself that the circumstances of my day do not mean it is my future. Hang in there! We must persevere 🙂 xo

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  3. Oh my friend… I’m sitting here early morning australia- beaming with pride.
    Proud of your attitude, proud of how you articulated so beautifully this truth, proud to get to read some of the journey.

    Prayers and love xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I follow your blog daily. I also suffer from PCOS and I had my first IUI this month. Today is the end of my ttw. I saw something today I didn’t want to see and I really needed this blog post today. I am not positive that I have had a failed IUI but I spotted. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your feelings because it lets me know I am not alone. I often ask if God is listening to me. I know he hears me, but I struggle with hearing Him. Please also know you are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh kelli! I am so sorry! Don’t give up though! I follow lots of blogs who didn’t get their BFP until maybe their fourth and even fifth IUI. I hope it doesn’t take you that many but just now that with God all things are possible and He will give you the desires of your heart. I too struggle with hearing God..sometimes it’s because I’m too busy with my own thoughts that I block Him out, yet other times I think He is quiet because He wants to see if we will press in further to try to hear Him better and closer. Does that make sense? When I don’t hear Him, I don’t stop seeking, asking and knocking. I tell Him all the time that I won’t move until He speaks. Praying for you and hoping that you will have your BFP soon! xo

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    • I talk to Him like He is my friend, trust in Him like He is my friend and John 15:15 says that Jesus calls us His friend. I believe that He died on the cross for my salvation and only a friend would probably do that…I know I couldn’t do that for a stranger or someone who wasn’t my “friend.” LOL! Also, I love that quote too! It’s been one of my favorites for several years now.

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  5. 😦 This doesn’t have much to do with the actual HEART of this post… but I’ve never had a positive pregnancy test. Ever. I took multiple tests with my first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage at about 8 weeks…. and the only positive test I ever got for that was a blood test from the hospital. I got the results the day I miscarried. But all the HPT I took during those weeks? Negative. I didn’t even try a test with this one.

    Just another perspective.

    Your thoughts about Lazarus are similar to what I’ve been reflecting on lately. We’ve had major financial struggles for most of this year, and the end of the month is always when the worries plague us the most. This month, I got to thinking about Lazarus. How he was sick… and God waited. How he got sicker… and God waited. How he eventually died, and still it seemed like God took his sweet time. And then he was buried…. and surely, surely…. it must now be too late. Jesus had had His chance to do something, and He hadn’t. The time must have passed.

    Only, it hadn’t.

    There is no “too late” for God, no matter when my own timeline runs out.

    Hugs and blessings to you this month, Elisha.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your encouragement Krystal! I find so much hope and lessons to be learned from the story of Lazarus. God was glorified so much more through this “dead” situation and I have to trust in His plan and purpose for it all. I am praying for you ad your financial situation. I am speaking blessings over your finances and asking God to increase and stretch every single penny of yours. He is rich and can do far more than we can even ask or think. xo

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  6. I’m so sorry for the negative test, but like many have already said – so inspired by your attitude. We went through years of infertility before getting a positive test, only for it to end in loss. I know how horrible the wait can be. Lots of hugs to you!

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  7. Elisha, you absolutely touch my heart and inspire me. I love that you know the scriptures well enough to relate them to your experience. That when unfortunate, frustrating, and exceedingly difficult things happen, you think of God; you think of His stories. Thank you for this post. ☺ so grateful I could read this today.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Dang negative test!!! I started my period today!!! Thanks for speaking so much truth and light (like always) even though it feels like a denial, I know his delays are never denials, He is just working out all the details! Such hope in this post friend! You are such an encouragement to me! Keep on writing and blessing so many of us!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t think we have ever been close to being on the same cycle length before. HMMM. Maybe we can get prego together 🙂 hehe! I just might start today…you know how it goes…after you take a pregnancy test you start your period. Or at least that’s how it works for me 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank so much sugars! I’m praying for you as well. God isn’t finished with you and your hubby just yet 😉 He’s coming! Don’t stop looking for Him either! xo

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  9. Your faith and optimism are truly inspiring. I’m so glad you decided to start your blog and share so much of yourself–there’s no doubt that your words are helping others. It’s hard to have faith in times like these (especially for a faith-challenged gal like myself), but yet you are steadfast. I’m sorry about the negative pregnancy test, but you will get your baby (although I sincerely hope you get him this cycle instead of 15 cycles from now)! Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much and I hope it’s not 15 cycles from now either. As I typed that number I quietly whispered for Him to spare me 15 cycles of this torture. LOL! Thank you for being so supportive and encouraging. xo

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  10. If I’m counting correctly, this is your 3rd “regular” cycle after your 70 day cycle? I think your body is gearing up to do great things, but you’ve gotta crawl before you can walk, eh? When you do get pregnant, I want it to be a *golden egg* and those just don’t come along every month (well, at least not for us they don’t). Totally worth the wait–keep up your healthy lifestyle! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    • yes this would make my third “regular” cycle however I am a bit late if ovulatoin occurred like I thought it did. But four days isn’t bad and it still puts me well under the 70 day lengths I was having. I have been trying to go back and look at what I have done differently this cycle and I have been eating more carbs/gluten than before and I did start drinking diet cokes from McDonalds again. I also stopped walking several times a week because I have been so busy with Goldilocks. But I’m going to get back to taking care of my body. I can’t be all like…”eat, drink and be merry” and then expect my body to be healed and function like it is suppose to. There is so much truth in that we are what we eat. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Do you have any yummy (and easy peasy) gluten free recipes for me?

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      • I can do you one better, I follow “Gluten Free on a Shoestring” on facebook and ALL her recipes look spectacular! And most are not too complicated. I also like to follow “Gluten Free Goddess” but she insists on using like 4 or 5 different flours in her stuff & I’m too damn lazy for that. In fact, I mostly eat out these days (bad habit that started with morning sickness) but that must come to an end! XOXO

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am also a friend on FB to Gluten Free Goddess and think the exact same thing about her recipes! I DO NOT have the time to search amazon and purchase five different types of gluten free flours. AND even if I did, I don’t want a recipe with that many ingredients. Five ingredients OR LESS is my motto 😉 Thanks for the tips! xo

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      • But for examples of what I actually eat these days:
        1. Grocery hot deli–roast chicken, mashed potatoes (no gravy) and green beans (my fav)
        2. Fried rice made at a place nearby that will use gluten-free soy sauce
        3. IHOP big steak omelet *with egg substitute b/c their regular omelet batter has pancake batter mixed in for fluffiness* and side of hashbrowns
        4. Gluten free pizza–either from a pizza place or frozen (my go-to)
        5. BBQ chicken + sweet potato with butter & brown sugar
        6. Soup, as long as it’s gluten-free
        7. Gluten free bagels w/cream cheese & apple butter (bfast)
        8. Mexican, but only with corn tortillas/corn chips
        9. Steak ‘n potato (nom nom)
        10. Any meat with either potato or rice as a starch
        11. Did I say pizza?
        XOXO

        Liked by 1 person

      • I can’t seem to find the frozen pizza at any of my local food stores. UGH! I bought some gluten free mix to make some but that is talking about “effort” and I haven’t felt like much “effort” lately. lol

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      • I used the Bob’s Red Mill pizza dough mix (cheaper than most) & it was pretty darn tasty (though the sticky texture makes it hard to spread, just use your fingers, wet them, and smoosh it into place–I bought 98 cent pizza pans at walmart) XO

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m so sorry to hear of the negative test, I know how heart-wrenching & frustrating negative tests are. HOWEVER, the positive test is coming! He is faithful!!! ❤

    I love this post–we are sooooooo the "I WANT IT NOW" generation & it's important to remember that God's timing doesn't work as we often think it should. The story of Lazarus is the PERFECT example of this. Your strength & perseverance is such an encouragement!!!

    From this morning's devotion:
    "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s." ~Psalm 103:1-5
    He is faithful!!! Sending hugs & love to you. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • I LOVE this verse! In fact, I have stumbled upon it three times this week (you make it number four). I love it because sometimes we forget all of His benefits. He doesn’t just save us from our sins, but also heals us from all diseases and redeems our lives and crowns us with so much love and compassion He also satisfies our souls with our desires! Amen! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m sorry, that does indeed stink! But I admire your perseverance and resilience and of course, faith. Hoping for great things for you but at the very least, I’ll pray that you don’t have an uber long cycle and can get ready for the next chance!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Wow. What a great post. I think we’re on the same page this week. I just read the story of Lazarus this week and was reminded of something I heard in a sermon — that while it seemed like Jesus was late or didn’t care the truth was He knew that He was going to showcase God’s power. I love that Jesus doesn’t pray when he gets to Lazarus’ tomb, he just speaks and commands Lazarus to get up because he knows the power that He carries. Love that. And we have that same power! I also just read about Elizabeth and wrote down that verse from Luke in my journal. We are believing that what God promised us he WILL fulfull! This morning I literally felt sick and tired of my body not conceiving so I stood in the kitchen commanding it to be fruitful and conceive! I held my rod of power (in my case, scriptures) and stood firm in the power I know I have through Jesus. I’m believing with you, my friend, that THIS is the cycle, the year, time for our miracle babies.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I was just thinking about you this morning wondering how it was going (but not wanting to ask). I am so sad to hear that this month wasn’t the month- you’re right, it stinks 😦 While we always want everything in our own timing, when it does happen, you will realise that Jesus’ timing was ‘perfect’ after all. Sending much love over the waters, xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so right and I often tell myself that. I just know that when it happens, I will look around and just be in awe and have my mouth hanging open wide in astonishment. xo

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    • Thank you girlie! I’ll be glad when I can get off this ride but in the mean time, I am going to enjoy it as much as I can. Ultimately He is my reward and I have seen myself and my faith grow and mature so much over the last two years. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I was so excited by your post, only to be sad for your situation. I’m so sorry that the lord isn’t pulling through for you in the time frame that you are looking for, but he is working through you and hasn’t finished up your perfect baby yet. I pray that something happens one way or the other very soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m so sorry your result wasn’t positive. Your attitude is really great and also your post is very encouraging. I love that your wrote…God is always faithful, perfect and on time…. Good words to remember. God bless and I hope that his faithful perfect timing is real soon for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I am bummed it wasn’t the result I was going for either but someone emailed me not too long after this post was published and said that they came to know the Lord right there at their computer screen. To me, it is all worth it to know that my story and struggle brought someone closer to the Lord. Remarkable!

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  17. Oh friend my heart leaped as I saw this post and quickly scrolled to the bottom to see the final outcome..I am so sorry you have not gotten your positive yet. I admire your faith so much. That is one of my favorite passages by the way. The Lord will not let you down, he is writing a wonderful story for you and your baby. I don’t want to give you false hope (and maybe I shouldn’t even say this), but I did have a friend who did not test positive until many days late. Nothing is impossible.. keep believing. I know you will ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Oh hon. It is all so hard in the waiting!!! Your persistent faith is encouraging so many girls! I think of you and pray for you so often. I heard a sermon on the Mary/Martha/Lazarus story right before I did IVF – wondering the same thing. Was God going to keep me waiting again – or would this be the time He would deliver? Hang in there for your miracle, Elisha! When it happens, it is going to be so much bigger and grander and miraculous than anything prior would have been. He is going to make a big show of this and your story and His glory will be magnified!!! He WILL come!!! He hasn’t forgotten you!!! You just wait. Love you so much. Praying always. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • yay! It was so good to hear from you! How have you been? Also, thank you so much for your support, words of encouragement and prayers. They are sooo appreciated! xo

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  19. This is SO spot on. I love it. And friend, you are so strong and inspiring. *hugs for sure. Some days I feel like I could just reach through the computer and hug your neck! Until then, my little e-hugs will have to do, but I’m still so encouraged by what you write. 🙂 Chin up, almost mama.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. It’s so tough to be positive when the journey seems to be too long and we’re still waiting. Good job for pulling yourself out of the state of despair by remembering God’s perfect timing. It’s a great reminder for me too in light of my current situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I’m so glad you’re not giving up hon. I’m remaining hopeful for you that O happened a cpl days later then your opk indicated and your bfp is coming soon! As long as AF stays away there’s a chance for this cycle!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Some times we can also mistake His answer while we wait for the one we want. I so want a little girl, but after trying all that we could, my answer has been that it will not happen at this time. It is not the answer I waited and fretted about for so many cycles. But He knows better than I what I need, and what that little spirit needs. And so in waiting for one answer I have gotten another. And now my energy is spent working on being okay with waiting until He comes again.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been feeling so emotionally and spiritually fatigued lately. Wondering and feeling like God isn’t listening and has forgotten! Bless you for this beautiful post! And I’m so sorry to hear of the negative test. I know just how painful those dumb things are!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I’m so sorry my friend. Those negative tests just dagger our hearts don’t they? But the great news is your body is starting to work right again and I still am so incredibly hopeful for what’s to come! Loved the Mary/Martha/Lazarus lessons too! I wrote something similar last year and I love how God uses these lessons to teach us each these power lessons about Him. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I’m so sorry for your negative test. I, too, had one after being late :-(. Thank you so much for this post full of hope and faith – it’s like you knew I (and so many others) needed to read it too! You may have been reminded by God to have faith, but through God you remind us. Thank you, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so thankful! I sat in my office yesterday as I wrote it kinda stewing as to why I had to write another post like this one…but I know that God has a higher plan and purpose. Maybe part of His plan was helping you too 🙂 If so, then it’s totally worth it all 🙂 xo

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  26. Elisha,

    I’ve never commented on your blog before, but I’ve followed it for a while. This morning as I was going through a study on 1 Thessalonians I couldn’t help but think of you. 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7

    “And you became imitators of of us and The Lord for you received the word in much affliction with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers…”

    What brought you to mind was not the phrase “in much affliction” but rather the description of an imitator of Christ through the joy of the Holy Spirit–one whose faith is an example to other believers. Praise God for your faith, a faith that points others to Jesus!

    Thank you for sharing your journey & for being an example to other believers.

    Praying for the day when you hold that sweet baby bird!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Rachel! How perfect this goes along with the post I just now published called, “He is Weaving.” I love the verse you gave and the message you sent behind it. Thank you! And keep commenting! You are so encouraging! xo

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  27. Pingback: He is Weaving | waiting for baby bird

  28. I love this post and how real and relatable you make this story. We do want things now and it’s hard to wait! I hate waiting! Faith and patience are no easy thing! Thank you for this post. Excellent reminder in having faith in The Lord.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank Jennifer 🙂 I have often heard that the greatest killer in our hope and faith is waiting. We have been raised in our society to think waiting is bad. However there are sooo many stories in the Bible where God instructed the people to wait and in their waiting He used it to defeat the enemy. I often like to say that waiting in God’s economy is action…just spiritual action. The enemy hates it and wants us to feel rushed and in a frenzy.

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  29. Here from Mel’s Friday Roundup. So sorry for your negative test. I understand the feelings you described. Many years ago I was where you are, wondering why I was forgotten. God simply had a different plan.

    I needed this today. I needed to be reminded. I needed to hear that Jesus is faithful to us and hears our prayers. Maybe not on our timetable, but he does hear. Thank you for reminding me.

    He used your words to remind me that in all situations, even those that seem hopeless, (as with Mary and Martha) He is faithful. Thank you for this message of love and hope. (((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

    • Suzanna, thank you so much for stopping by and sharing some encouragement with me! I hope you have a great weekend and feel free to stop by anytime. I love connecting with new people 🙂 xo

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  30. It took me 15 years before God decided I was worthy of being a mother! I had given up hoping for a baby, when He showed me how wrong I was. My baby girl is now almost 19 years old! Stop fretting & keep Trusting! Praying for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I know this feeling particularly well because I’m going through it right now. A week ago I took a test and it was negative. I thought maybe it’s too early? Well I know I am at least two weeks past ovulation so I took another test today. Again, negative. And I’m a few days late too so it’s rather frustrating.

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    • ahh I am so sorry hun! Infertility is so hard. The two week wait is so hard. And then when your period is late but a negative test shows up? Man! That is really hard! I’m praying for you tonight hun. Hang in there! I have hope to believe that every storm will eventually run out of rain. xo

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  32. Pingback: Diary of an Infertile {Uncut and Raw} | Waiting for Baby Bird

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