In the Middle

“The middle is tough…”

I shared those words last weekend in a room full of men and women at The Hope Narrative, an infertility conference hosted by Sarah’s Laughter in Denham Springs, Louisiana. The first time I spoke at The Hope Narrative was in August 2016. As I reflected on my first time speaking and for the amazing Beth Forbus, author of Baby Hunger and founder of Sarah’s Laughter, I never thought for one second that, despite the odds stacked against me, I would return in 2024, but not with a success story, but with my story still being written.

Many times, when time keeps ticking, obstacles keep coming our way, doctors tell us it’s unlikely or impossible, and we fall into the enemy’s trap. We begin to think and believe that the desires He birthed within our hearts have been canceled or aborted. Or it wasn’t ours to pursue and possess in the first place. When we begin to believe this, our hope wanes, our faith falters, and we stop short of all God has for us. But when our circumstances are challenging, we are getting older, or the conditions aren’t perfect, it doesn’t mean God’s plans have changed. I know it’s our gut reaction to associate conflict with being outside God’s will, but I want to tell you a story I shared this weekend.

Have you ever heard of the time when Jesus walked on water? It’s a Sunday School Classic. But to make it short, I will tell you in the EGK version (this is the Elisha Grace Kearns translation).

The story goes that the disciples were happy and smiling big because they had front-row seats to one of Jesus’ most memorable and preached-about miracles—the one where He fed 5,000 men (20K, including women and children) with a Long John Silver’s Snack Pack. Mark 6:42 says, “They all ate and were satisfied.” I can only imagine everyone sitting around full and comfy, much like we do after a good Thanksgiving meal.

The story continues that Jesus, keeping the disciples from getting too settled, instructed them to get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side of the lake. So, they boarded their ship and began rowing onto the calm waters while Jesus went to the mountainside to pray. I’m unsure if they sang “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” as they went, but I’m picturing that they did.

As they rowed, something devastating happened about 3.5 miles, or halfway to their destination. The wind picked up to massive speeds, the sea began to toss them around like a rag doll, rain pelted their faces, and thunder roared around them just as they got halfway across the sea. What had previously been a peaceful paddle for the disciples quickly became a stressful middle.

Say with me: IN THE MIDDLE.

Undoubtedly, their facial expressions changed as they pressed hard against the wind. Their strength must’ve begun to fade as they gripped the oars to try to cut through the turbulent waters. I’d imagine the conversations grew more tense, perhaps with yelling at each other about what to do next, as doubt and frustration gripped their hearts. Fear might have taken over as they thought they wouldn’t make it.

Why would Jesus send them out into the storm?!

If you have not noticed by now, I chose this story to share at The Hope Narrative conference because the same thing happens to us on our journeys.

Starting something new, such as the early stages of trying to conceive, is fun and even easy because we are full of emotions to help us. Everyone around seems to be cheering us on, letting us know they are praying. Obviously, arriving at the end of our journey with a baby in our arms is also exciting; it is a time of celebration. But it’s in the middle that we have problems.

It’s in the middle that the crazy-radical hope that once fueled us and pushed us to keep going becomes hard to hold on to or even find. It’s in the middle that what we believe and the promises of God that we have held onto get muddy, and confusion sets in. We were so sure we heard God so clearly at the beginning, but when the promise isn’t fulfilled in the time frame we had envisioned, or it’s not going as smoothly as we thought, we begin to doubt, question God, His plans, and even ourselves.

The middle is also a place where we give our doubts a voice and try to decide whether to pull back and settle, change course, or keep rowing.

The middle is tough.

I hate to admit it, but there have been days when I have thought about dropping anchor. You know, settling and coming to terms with my age since I’ll be 41 in a few weeks. It seems easier to settle. At least I wouldn’t have the wind and the rain beating me down in my face. I wouldn’t be straining at the oars to hope…or fighting to stay the course. But every time I think about settling, I also think about how I would settle for less than God’s best.

I know, that I know, that I know, that He has more planned for me. This “knowing” didn’t come from just praying now and then or looking for constant signs. But my confidence comes from spending much-needed time with Him and His word, knocking, seeking, and asking. It also comes from constantly remembering what He has spoken to me in the past, the songs He has put on the radio at just the right time, a sermon that spoke to my heart, the promises He has given me, and the confirmations He has sent.

A lot of times, we make the mistake of putting down anchor and settling in a place that was only meant for us to pass through.

Jesus didn’t intend for the disciples to stay on the shore.
He certainly never intended for them to stop in the middle.
He wanted them on the other side.

As I mentioned earlier, it’s our gut reaction to associate conflict with being outside God’s will, but I want you to think about something… It was Jesus who sent them into the storm.

Sweet friend, God knew what your medical chart would say when He gave you this desire to be a mother. He knew how much your insurance would cover and how your husband’s sperm would have two heads and five tails and not be able to swim upstream. He knew when He laid adoption on your heart, you wouldn’t have two pennies to rub together.

HE KNEW IT ALL. Yet, He still pushed you out anyway.

Why?

It’s the same reason He sent the disciples. There was more for them (and you) on the other side. Do you see it?!?!?! Rough waters don’t indicate you are out of God’s will. It often means you are in the center of it, right where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to do: rowing.

I know it’s challenging, and it doesn’t make sense, but trust the process. While we are worried about outcomes, God is more interested in the journey. In the middle, we discover what is in the middle of us. And it’s in the middle that God can reveal more of Himself to us, too.

If you want to hear my entire message, IN THE MIDDLE, and be encouraged to keep rowing despite the obstacles, and how we, too, can allow our hearts to be hardened toward a miracle like the disciples, click on the image of the rowboat below.

It’s so POWERFUL!!! So, don’t miss it!

Until next time!

With all my love, -Elisha, founder