“What is this?” I said as I pulled out a baby bottle nearly filled with poppy seeds.
My husband and I had just moved into our new home a couple of months ago, and last week I decided to tackle the only room left that needed to be unpacked and organized. What room was it I had put off? The nursery. The one we have prepared in crazy, childlike faith despite our decade long battle to conceive.
As I began pulling out the crib bedding, wall decor, and stuffed animals (the items I had recently packed and brought over), I turned to my left to see a large grey storage tub. Within that tub were items either I have purchased, or others who also believe with us have purchased. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what was inside of it anymore. Because lately, when someone has given me something in faith, I open up the lid, toss it inside, and close it back up. But on this particular day, I decided to find a place for all of the baby clothes, bibs, and books tucked away inside.
To say that this task of unpacking and organizing came easy would be a lie; it wasn’t. I thought I was doing well with keeping my emotions in check, but as I got further down into this 30-gallon storage tub, I began pulling out sippy cups, burp cloths, and pacifiers that I had forgotten about because I had purchased them many years ago.
Did you catch that?
How has it been years?
The plastic on one of the snack containers had to be thrown away as it had crumbled while waiting to be used. And the baby bottle with the poppy seeds I had mentioned earlier? It was on the bottom, and I couldn’t remember why I had it or its purpose. But the longer I sat staring at it, the more my memories came flooding back. You see, several years ago, while dreaming of the moment I would see God’s promise fulfilled as I witnessed that second pink line show up, I researched and found out that at just four weeks gestation, my baby would be the size of a poppy seed. So small. So tiny.
Yet so large and significant to my life and my heart.
After researching and dreaming, I remember that afternoon, running out to the store and purchasing that baby bottle covered in birds, as well as every container of poppy seed on the shelf. I wanted to not only prepare in my heart for the moment I would tell my husband he was a daddy, but also in real life. My plan was once I knew I had a little poppy seed growing inside of me, I would replace his coffee cup in the kitchen cabinet with the bottle. And inside the bottle, which would also be next to the positive pregnancy test, I would have a note that read…
Good morning, Daddy!
Can you believe it? Today I am the size of a poppy seed and I am nestled snug inside of mommy, but soon I will be cradled tight inside your strong arms. I can’t wait! And I bet you can’t either!
Love, your long-awaited baby bird
Crazy cute, right? But as I sat on the floor of our nursery last week that is still void of tiny fingers and wiggly toes, I realized while holding this idea that represented so much faith, I no longer plan in hope-filled anticipation of the day I will be able to tell the world I am pregnant. I no longer lay awake at night dreaming of my baby shower like I once did. In fact, I haven’t thought about it in over a year. Perhaps this is what six years of praying, pleading, and contending does to a person. It makes you numb to the constant disappointments without even realizing it. But more importantly, it makes you stagnant, which is to be sluggish, dull, dormant, and inactive. And not just in your preparation, but in your faith
And I don’t want to be stagnant in my faith.
I don’t want to be sluggish, dormant, or inactive for the desires God has planted in the soft, fertile soil of my heart. And sweet sister, I don’t want you to be this way either. I can’t help but believe someone is reading this today who, like me, have become stagnant in your anticipation that the desires of your heart will be fulfilled. And this place of stagnancy has been hindering your faith. Stealing your hope. And robbing you of joy. Therefore I want to encourage you to do what God told me to do on that Saturday afternoon as I held that baby bottle nearly filled to the top with poppy seeds. And that is this: Dream again. Get ready. Plan and prepare for that moment as if I already had the positive pregnancy test in hand.
And to not be hesitant.
But I know that as you open yourself up to this possibility, you will feel vulnerable. And you will feel fear. And you will feel incredibly silly. But neither of them are from the Lord. And you know something else? By doing this, by planning and preparing, you can’t jinx yourself, which is another thought I know you have. Because when you are living in hope and faith, you aren’t putting a curse on your life, but rather walking on God’s path towards the blessings He has in store for it.
So what are you waiting for? Allow yourself to become vulnerable as you put your faith in action and your hope to work. Go ahead and clear out your spare bedroom to create the nursery of your dreams. Buy the cute onesie you saw in Target. Or, if nothing else, purchase a journal and jot down your ideas for your picture-perfect baby shower. Maybe even write letters for your little one to read one day.
As for me? I’m going to open my secret Pinterest board, the one I haven’t looked at in years named “Ideas for Pregnancy Announcement,” and I’m going to plan and prepare once more for the day I can surprise my husband, shock my family, and shout to the world that I have a poppy seed growing in my belly.
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