Happy Cabbage Day! Whoo hoo! (No, really it is) And Happy Josiah Day! GAG! Yep. That’s right. Gag. Because this has been my shamefully awful attitude today. And so I am going to be ugly honest with you for a sec. Is that okay? I am on day 51 of this incredibly long cycle and so against all hope, I decided to take a home pregnancy test this morning. Cause who likes wasting money and peeing on expensive things?
Apparently this girl!
So I did. And I will spare you the details of how I scurried to the bathroom this morning in anticipation; and I will leave out the details of when I held the test up in different angles and instead just jump to the part in which I tell you that no matter what angle or which light or how much I squinted or hopped on one foot, I saw the same one liner that continues to stare up at me cycle after cycle and year after year.
But that’s not the ugly honest part. Because the ugly honest part is that I wasn’t bummed. No mam! Instead, I was a HOT MESS. Because friends, I let out a cry. And it wasn’t the kind of cry you do while trying to not be noticed as you quietly sniffle or hold back the tears. This was the kind of cry that is U.G.L.Y. And would have put most girls on The Bachelor who didn’t receive a rose, to absolute shame.
And sister-roo, as if that wasn’t enough, I grumbled, stomped my foot once, okay twice-ish, and shook my fist to the heavens. Cause why does she (I won’t mention names) and she (once again, I better not even put initials) get babies and I don’t? They aren’t any better than me. I keep my nose clean. So what’s the deal? Ohh, I know! It’s because God didn’t tell me I was going to have children and I “made it all up in my head.” That’s what it is. Because I mean seriously…Did God really say…?
Which coincidentally are the same words that Satan whispered to Eve in the Garden of Eden in order to get her to doubt God’s word and cause her to think He might even be strict and stingy. Which (clears throat) were also my thoughts in the bathroom this morning. So while most days, when I think about that part of the story, and I sit back in my chair and judge her or shake my finger and say, “Oh Eve, Eve, Eve! Stand firm! What were you thinking?” I can’t today. Because I almost became her.
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” Genesis 3:1
Although I wasn’t tempted with an apple, I did have a white flag dangling in my face. And I almost picked it up and waved it vigorously in the air. But thankfully right before I did, I considered the source because the words I heard and the voice it came from wasn’t from my Poppa God. They didn’t bring me peace. They didn’t bring me comfort. Or joy. Or hope. Instead, they brought me despair. Sadness. Anger. Jealousy. And doubt. Which all come from Satan, the father of lies.
And friend, maybe you are reading this right now and thinking about waving the white flag. If so, can I urge you to stop and consider the source first? Can I ask that you listen to the voice whispering in your ear? What emotions do you have when you hear the words? What thoughts come to your mind when you hear the voice? If it doesn’t bring you peace and hope and comfort and joy, then don’t listen. And if it is causing you despair and to doubt what God has already spoken to you, then don’t give in.
“God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” ~Numbers 23:19
And if you are confused as to what Josiah Day is, then go here. It’s worth the read.
“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:20
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
“The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity–in the fruit of your womb…” Deuteronomy 28:11
“The fruit of your womb will be blessed…” Deuteronomy 28:4
“I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers and I will keep my covenant with you.” Leviticus 26:9
“You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless…” Deuteronomy 7:14
“He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord!” Psalm 113:9
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