When Having Faith Is Hard

When Having Faith Is Hard (Blog)One year ago today my husband and I took a leap of faith in our hopeful journey to become parents and put together a crib for our yet to be conceived baby bird and we proudly set it up in our yet to be used nursery room.  For the last 365 days though, the room has sat untouched. Naked. And empty.  Naked of any bed skirts and bumpers. And empty of any decorations or toys.  And if I were honest, I am not sure if it has been hidden fear or just plain laziness for my lack of motivation to finish the room.  My guess would be a combination of both.  However that all changed this weekend.

On Friday I drove my mom (she sews, I don’t) to a fabric store and after picking out a bedding pattern for the crib, we scoured the aisles together looking for the perfect color of fabric.  I would be lying if I told you I was 100 percent excited about our endeavors.  Because honestly, this wasn’t done without me having some reservations.  Nor was it done without me feeling odd and crazy as I walked up and down the aisles looking for the perfect shade of green to go with the blue.  Or secretly praying the sweet lady cutting out our fabric wouldn’t ask me when I was due or if I knew what I was having.  Because what would I say?  No I am not due, but I’m believing God has promised me a boy?  How awkward that conversation would have been.  And not just for me, but her, and even my mom.

But friends, despite the nervousness and the moments I just wanted to abandon my cart and leave to go shopping for something less risky like a new pair of shoes, I pushed through and bought everything I needed.  The pattern, the thread, the fabric, and even the paint samples. And I must say, each purchase made me feel empowered.  Excited.  Hopeful.

That is until I returned home.

My husband stood in the kitchen as I pulled everything out of the bags and began talking 90 mph about the ideas I had for the room. The pattern we would use for the crib bedding.  The paint colors I would test out on the walls, and the decor I had found to match the bird theme. I was explaining about how the blue would go above the gold, and the brown would be on the bottom, while the one with the print would be sewn in the middle. My arms were flailing. My heart pounding.

I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this!

But while showing him the special fabric that would be used to make a pillow, my excitement began to fade when I looked up to see him standing there as if I was showing him a new sweater instead. There wasn’t a huge, over the top, cheesetastic smile on his handsome face, and his arms were nowhere near flailing like mine with excitement.  Which I should have expected.  Because while he is very supportive and believes without doubt God will fulfill His promises to us, he is like most men.  And like most men, they typically don’t get overly thrilled about fabrics, paint colors, and home decor.  They don’t dig out their cheerleader pom-poms or start doing toe touches when you talk about lumbar pillows and choosing pleated over ruffles.  They just don’t.  And while I know this, I couldn’t help but all of a sudden feel alone.

Alone in my planning.  Alone in my building.  Alone in my ideas and preparations.

And with that feeling of loneliness, resurfaced the awkwardness and the thoughts that I must be crazy for doing this without so much as even a positive pregnancy test.  The fears I had once pushed away, began rising to the top.  And the thought that my time and money was being wasted, shouted in my soul while the quiet whispers that my hope would be disappointed, echoed in my ear.  All of these emotions poured out of me, but not in the form of words, just tears.

It’s in moments like these, when having faith is hard, like really hard, my mind always wanders to the story of Noah. I begin to think about how he must have felt when he started such an outrageous project as building a huge boat in a desert where it seldom rained. I imagine the looks he must have received from his friends as he carefully cut and assembled the gopher wood.  I picture the 600 year old man struggling to coat the giant vessel inside and out with tar while his neighbors stood around the ladder, laughing and criticizing him. I even begin to wonder what his friends must have thought each time he needed to go fetch a few more nails.  Did they sometimes think all this time and money he was spending was pointless?  Did they have moments of doubt that the rain was going to come?  I’m only guessing, but if they were any part human, I bet each of them did. And his wife?  I bet she wasn’t always interested in hearing about his woodworking ideas.  Or happily available to stand at the bottom of the ladder, holding it steady and rooting him on.

And so if he wasn’t getting constant encouragement from his neighbors, friends or even his wife, then who strengthened him day in and day out to keep doing something as crazy as building a boat the size of a football field in a desert with a zero percent chance of rain?  I would venture to say it was God.  God was the one holding steady his ladder.

Because friends, it has been days since that moment I felt alone in my kitchen and hours since I read the story of Noah, but only moments since I felt discouragement creep into the deepest parts of my soul as I flung the paint color samples on the wall.  However in the midst of my hopelessness, fear, and uncertainty, there was one significant moment when I stood back to look at the colors and everything within me shifted.  I could instantly feel God holding my ladder steady.  I could hear Him shouting encouragement to me…encouragement only I could hear:

“That’s it, Elisha!  You’re getting it!  Oops!  A little paint drip, but that’s okay!  It’s still going to look great!  I’m proud of you, baby girl!  Walking in faith and trusting me isn’t easy, but I promise I will make it worth it!”

It was with each paint stroke on the wall, the more excited I became for the child I hope will one day sleep, dream and play in this room.  And it was with each whisper of encouragement to my heart, the less I worried or cared if others were as excited as I was about doing this.  Or if outsiders, like the woman cutting my fabric, would think building an ark (nursery) even when it looked like a zero percent chance of rain (pregnancy) looked odd.  Or even straitjacket crazy.

Sweet friend, I’ll be the first to raise my hand, jump up and down, and tell you that stepping out in faith is not easy.  It’s not always rainbows and flowers.  It’s sometimes scary.  It usually feels odd.  Awkward.  And downright nerve-wracking.  It will make your stomach tighten and knees buckle. But I will also be the first one to smile and say that through God’s grace, He will always empower His children to do outrageous acts of courage on His behalf.  The same God who steadied the ladder for Noah and gave him the encouragement he needed to keep hammering, is the same God who held the ladder steady for me today. And friend?  He is the same One who will hold it for you. So don’t be afraid to step out in faith…No matter how outrageous or awkward or ridiculous or absolutely risky and frightening it will feel at the time.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9

With Love


For more related posts like this one, click on the title links below

Risking My Reputation

Reputation 6

Silly or Not…Here We Go!

Crib 3

Putting the Cart Before the Horse?

Putting the Cart Before the Horse

Faith in Action

Faith Onsie

It’s Josiah Day

photo(16)

 


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you.

Advertisements

52 thoughts on “When Having Faith Is Hard

  1. I remember when you started this, and I am so happy you are picking it up and continuing to believe for the fulfillment of your promise! I hope with all my heart that 2016 will be your year, Elisha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhhh, Betsy, thank you so much for your constant and consistent encouragement and support to me! You are simply amazing! I am often praying for the fulfillment of your desires as well. xo

      Like

  2. You are not crazy!
    You are BRAVE and inspiring!
    And your faith in knowing God will bring your promise to pass is contagious. In a really good way. I just wish I was as brave as you!
    All the best! Praying with you

    Liked by 1 person

    • I sure will 🙂 I’m not crazy about the colors on the wall :/ We have 10 foot ceilings and so it’s a lot of color on the walls! LOL! I’m going to wait until the crib bedding gets made by my mom and put on the crib before I decide on the colors for the wall. 🙂

      Like

  3. I so love your honest and pure heart and have enjoyed joining in this community that is cheering for you – we can all hold each other’s ladders, along with God – just as Moses had to have his arms held up for him to obtain the miracle due to his weariness.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wonderful story! We just bought a two bedroom house and while my husband desperately wanted to put his computer in the second bedroom, he refused. He knew how important that room was to the two of us and our unborn child. We have a rocking chair and a bookcase in there, all ready to go. Thank you for sharing this, God is good all the time and he never leaves us for he is always there when we need him.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have to share this with you because I think it’ll give you strength and renewed hope. I have a friend who is in her mid to late thirties and devout Christian. Her husband lead the church and now does so on the side of him being an officer while she was lead in charge of choir and children’s programs among many other things in the ⛪. They’ve tried so hard to have a baby that they thought would never happen all the while watching everyone around them having babies and expanding their families bigger and bigger. While like you sometimes it was just a thought in the back of their mind, I saw some of the pain and grief when people asked when they would have their own. Because how hard is it to explain to strangers how bad you want one but how hard it is when your own body feels like it has turned on you. Great news though as they found out they’re expecting a son as of yesterday.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We put together a nursery a couple of months ago with no baby in near sight. I felt completely crazy doing it but I felt better once it was completed, just because I have faith that one day I will have a baby to put in that crib, and I will have a baby to rock in that rocking chair. Not going to lie, it stings every time I have to go in that room, but I know one day it will be all worth it. Prayers for your sweet family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It will totally be worth it! And while I know it stings, perhaps when you go in there…you can just pray over the room. Speak hope and life over it and thank God in advance for the tiny ffingers and toes that will dwell in it. Perhaps in doing so, the “sting” the enemy is trying to harm you with will disappear as His presence fffloods the room. Hugs!

      Like

  7. Elisha you came to my mind just two nights ago!!! I was putting our little one down and I saw his crib and my mind went immediately to the story of how you bought the crib in faith and I was immediately filled with prayer for you of ‘Fill it Lord!’ I can’t believe that you posted this the following day! The Holy Spirit is interceding for you girl through many people- some of which you have never even met in person. I have complete confidence that not one word that leaves the Lord’s mouth goes unfulfilled and so I stand with you as you say “We are eagerly awaiting your promise Lord!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

    • oh wowzas! I can’t tell you how much this has encouraged me tonight! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for praying for me. You didn’t have to do that, yet you did! And I am very grateful! xoxo

      Like

  8. I created a beautiful nursery 5 years before I conceived my miracle baby. I would often sit in her room, and declare the promises that God had given me. My daughter is now 11, and she is such a joy. He is ALWAYS faithful and His promises are yes and amen – your baby bird is on his way xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This post was just what I needed. I’m struggling to stay hopeful. I also understand that challenge when our husbands deal with these challenges so differently than we do. Thank you, you’re helping to inspire me to keep the faith and stay hopeful. I’m looking forward to the day I can start building my nursery and I will, even if there’s no baby in sight because I believe it will happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So thankful that this post has inspired you and nudged you a little bit more to stay in hope and remain in faith! I can’t wait for the day you tell me your nursery (ark) is built and then for you to tell me that it is filled 😉 Lots of hugs and prayers to you on this journey! xo

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Elisha,
    So glad you had the courage to do this. I look forward to seeing the nursery when it is done. I really like the colours on your wall, so look forward to seeing pictures of the cot when your mum has finished her sewing. Thanks for sharing, you are very encouraging.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t wait to share it when it is completed. Right now we are refinishing the baby changing table/dresser and then putting crown molding around the walls. Once that is completed, the painting begins 🙂 Hopefully it will be done by the end of February or sometime in March 🙂 Stay tuned!

      Like

  11. I just found your blog today (linked from another I read) and have jumped around picking up pieces of your story. I have this strong, unexplainable feeling that I need to tell you (and, oh, how nervous I feel writing this) that you need to put his name on the wall. You know those letters you can buy individually? Those. I feel crazy, but… please, go buy them and hang them up. Right away. My heart feels heavy that this is so, so important and I don’t know why.
    -Polly, an infertile Christian who firmly believes her seven month old was prayed into existence

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh goodness, girl! The thought of doing this makes my heart skip a beat…but I am willing! I will be painting the walls next week and afterwards will be on the hunt for the perfect letters! I will have to post when it’s finished 😉

      Like

  12. Pingback: It’s Odd |

  13. Hey Elisha! I’m an atheist, I don’t want kids, and I have no reference for your faith in the idea that something will work out despite what scientific evidence might say. But for some reason, years ago, I stumbled across your blog. I have no idea how… maybe one of my friends or sister was going through infertility. Anyways… I found your blog. And now every year or so I check back in and see how your doing. I’m always hopeful you’ll have what you most desire. You seem like such a nice person and I know you’d be a great mom. Your foster daughter is fortunate to have you! So somehow it popped into my mind to check-in tonight. I’m glad you’re continuing to inspire others who are going through the same things. I love your vulnerability and willingness to be open about your insecurities and fears. Things would be better if we all shared openly about things like you do. Take such good care of yourself. I hope you’ll remember you’re enough no matter what happens and your attitiude of gratitude will continue to serve you well (but I think you don’t need me to tell you that). Take good care. I’ll check back in next year!

    Like

  14. Pingback: Goodbye 2016… | Waiting for Baby Bird

Don't forget to tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s