I hate crying in church.
I feel so vulnerable, almost naked, and as though everyone is staring at me.
I don’t always cry while in worship, but when I do, it’s for two reasons. First, I am so in love, in awe, and in wonder of our God, who is full of power. When I think of His character and nature and the price His Son paid for me, a sinner, on the cross, I can’t help but cry. Even now, I’m starting to tear up thinking about how He rescues, delivers, saves, heals, and loves unconditionally.
Today, I want to talk to you about the second reason I often cry: repentance.
It happened last Sunday. While tears were streaming down my face and my throat felt like it was swelling up as I tried to hold back the ugly cry, I knew I had to share this moment with you.
I was standing on the right side of the sanctuary, four rows from the front—information you don’t need—when we began to sing the song “Gratitude” by Brandon Lake. It’s a popular song that I often belt out in my car, and on this particular Sunday, I, too, belted it out like I was the only one in the room.
But when we got to this part below, I lost it.
So I throw up my hands
And praise You again and again ‘Cause all that I have is a hallelujah
Hallelujah
And I know it’s not much
But I’ve nothing else fit for a King
Except for a heart singing hallelujah
Hallelujah
As I sang the words “Hallelujah,” I had a moment where I could see Jesus riding in on a donkey during what we refer to as Palm Sunday, which is the Sunday before Easter. You might know the story, or maybe not. But as He entered Jerusalem, men, women, and children lined the dirt streets and began shouting “Hosanna,” a Greek translation of a cry of praise. These same men, women, and children would later shout, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” all because He wasn’t the savior they expected.
Jesus came to save us from our sins and set us free from hell, but they wanted someone to save them from their government and set them free from the Romans. Jesus didn’t look like they thought He would, as He didn’t match who they envisioned as their Messiah, so their praise turned to cursing.
And this, my sweet friend, is where I began to weep, not in awe and wonder, but in repentance as I realized if I lived during this time, I could have easily been like those men, women, and children in the streets. How often have I praised Him when life was going well, or my hope was at an all-time high but cursed Him and proclaimed that He doesn’t love me or His promises are a joke when life doesn’t turn out as I had prayed, and He doesn’t rescue me like I had envisioned He would.
I might not do it with my mouth, but my thoughts are more telling. Or when I don’t want to go to church because I am mad at Him, but just weeks before, I couldn’t stop praising His name as I happily read my word and worshipped.
It’s not often, but it’s happened.
We can’t be double-minded people. Praising one minute, cursing the next, whether with our tongue or the confines of our mind.
As we enter the same painful seasons of today or new circumstances that bring us to our knees tomorrow, let’s be thankful for Him regardless. Let’s worship Him as we declare to those around us that He is good, despite how we feel or what we have. As Brandon Lake writes in his song, “Let us have only one response, just one move, with our arms stretched wide, let us always worship Him.”
And let us do it daily. Just as we told our spouses on our wedding day that we would stick with them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or health, let’s make the same commitment to Jesus. No matter what life looks like, let praise be continually on our lips.
“I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Psalm 34:11
With all my love,
Elisha, founder of Waiting for Baby Bird
