The Only One with Infertility

Sometimes you feel like you are the only one.

The only one who has this longing. This heartache. This void. This struggle. This inability. This sometimes anger.

You walk through the aisles of the grocery store, look around in church, or simply sit down in a restaurant for dinner and it seems obvious, right? Everyone else has a cart full, a pew filled, and a booth overflowing with tiny little humans they call their own. And you can’t help but take notice of them and then immediately feel as though you are the only one.

The only one with empty arms…

And a bedroom that should be a nursery…

The only one who can’t join in on the conversations of motherhood…

Or have the argument with your husband on who changes the diaper or picks up the toys.

You are the only one who can’t just look at her husband and “BAM” she gets pregnant…

Or who has bags underneath her eyes from late night tear soaked pillows instead of 3am newborn feedings.

But one day my heart was opened to see something more. Something different. Because I realized I wasn’t the only one.

I was sitting on the beach for a much-needed vacation, surrounded by picture perfect family’s. I couldn’t help but feel as though everyone else around me could have babies so easily except me. But as I sat there pondering the unfairness of it all, while allowing myself to grieve and feel the bitterness, I realized the truth was this: 1 in 8 suffer from infertility.

And so the momma next to me who was chasing her two-year old? She could have been conceived after her fourth and last desperate attempt via IVF. And the family of five building sand castles and laughing until their bellies hurt could have built their family through adoption. Or the couple to my right could have been given their miracle through the gift of surrogacy. I just didn’t know. My perception might not always be their reality. Just ask the lady who was sitting next to me whom I discovered was also barren, yet hopeful. She didn’t know the cutie patootie that kept running up to me yelling, “Mommy! Did you see that?” was my foster princess who may or may not be with me next year. And so the perception she had of me? I was still desperately wishing and hoping would one day also become my reality.

The one lesson I continue to learn while on this journey is that we don’t know another person’s story or the struggles they are currently facing. I don’t know the barriers they had to bust through or the mountains they had to climb. And so I can’t be so quick to compare and judge, or so swift to believe the lie that I am the only one hurting. Left out. Because the fact is I am 1 in 8. The lady sitting beside is 1 in 8. And many of the families surrounding me? They could also be 1 in 8.

Together we are 1 in 8. And together we will overcome.


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20 thoughts on “The Only One with Infertility

  1. You are so right! Recently one of the woman in my Bible study group told me how lucky I was to have had my baby boy. She has a daughter and was pregnant with a second baby. I could see that she wanted to make sure that I know that not everyone fall pregnant so easily. I had previously heard that both her pregnancies was the result of IVF. What she did not know was that I have Pcos and was also only able to fall pregnant after my second IVF. Then during another one of our Bible study gatherings one of the other woman who also had a son tearfully shared that she had fallen pregnant with her boy also through IVF and had now fallen pregnant naturally. So out of our group of about 15 woman atleast 3 of us had fertility problems.

    We are not alone and you dear Elisha am not alone in this!

    I am extreamly greatful that my IVF was successful and that I have been blessed with a beautiful baby boy. But I still understand the heart ache and pain of infertility and my heart still bleeds for every woman stuggling with infertility and all the qeustions and doubts that goes with it.

    I am praying for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Isn’t it so crazy, yet so comforting at the same time to hear of these other women who also struggled? It’s so important for us to share our stories. Thank you so much for sharing yours and also sharing such amazing encouragement to those still in the trenches. You are awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand the feeling but just know you are definitely not alone. If you ever go through it, you never forget the struggle. So many times I felt like this! For so many years. ❤

    Like

  3. I needed this so much! I am having such a bad day I just want to curl up and cry.
    Maybe one day we will succeed and we will have our little miracles in our arms and maybe one day a different woman will look at us and think the same thing we are now.
    Thank you for cheering up my day 🙂
    Sending much love!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. wow! Such a powerful post, you are not alone and it is wonderful that more people like you are sharing their experiences. It connects everyone that much more. Much love to you!

    Like

  5. Just an update, the ratio was 1 in 8, but in a few short years it’s now 1 in 4… that’s over double. I thought your article must have been older but it looks like it was written recently so you may want to update that part. I’m one of those 1 in 4 ❤

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  6. At my fertility clinic, the top clinic in Canada, all the brochures and education material say 1 in 4. That number seems pretty legitimate, in this side of the world anyway :).

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was blessed with a sweet little boy after years of struggles and have yet again been struggling for years now to fall pregnant again. I struggle everyday with the thought of being able to have another child and at the same time I feel so guilty because I think I should be satisfied with the blessing I have been given. We really don’t ever know what someone else is going through. Your posts always help through the hard days though. Thank you.

    Like

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