There she is. Do you see her? She sits quietly at the table in the back with her purse perfectly placed in her lap and her arms neatly resting on top. She smiles on the outside, but on the inside? On the inside, her heart is breaking, and her soul is crushing as she looks around at the other women in the room. Their arms are not empty but full. Their laps are not filled with purses but rather giggly toddlers. And as they talk about the joys of motherhood, her womb begins to ache. And tears begin to form.
She didn’t want to come. But it was her best friend’s baby shower. She didn’t want to play the games. But everyone else was. And she didn’t want to answer “the question.” It’s the question that makes all women struggling to conceive upset and uncomfortable, even if it’s for a second. It’s the one that makes her ashamed as her heart races, her palms become sweaty, and her stomach hurts. It’s the question in which she will have to answer, “No. I don’t have any children.” And so with each glance she makes around the room, with each child she sees curled up in a lap, with each question she reluctantly answers, and with each story she listens to about motherhood, she feels different. She feels alone.
She is 1 in 8.
Or look over there. Do you see the woman slowly walking by the baby aisles, casually touching the newborn onesies with her gentle fingers and delicate heart? Do you see her staring at the tiny shoes and itty bitty socks? She is longing for the day in which life is growing inside of her. A life that has her eyes and his nose. She dreams of the moment she can watch her husband’s face light up when he feels their miracle kick for the first time. She fantasizes about the hour a newborn baby is placed on her chest, and she frantically counts their tiny fingers and wiggly toes. And while she stands there, dreaming and fantasizing, she looks up and sees a mother with two precious little ones trying to find a spot in her cart to place the diapers. And as she stands there watching and hoping for the day her dreams come true, she feels alone. She feels alone despite standing in the middle of a crowded store.
She is 1 in 8.
But wait. Don’t leave yet. Because I want you to see the sweet woman standing in checkout lane number three, watch as she grips her cart a little tighter. Notice how she glances at the woman holding the hand of the adorable four-year-old but then quickly looks to the ground. And did you see the tear that fell from her cheek? Did you see her slowly turn her cart around and go to another line? A much longer line. I want you to know that she feels like the only one in the store without a child to call her own. She feels like the only one who struggles with the thought of being unworthy to hold the title of mommy. She feels like the only one who becomes jealous in these moments. And she feels like she is the only one who even has these thoughts. And so she feels guilty. And she feels alone.
She is 1 in 8.
There is also the woman behind the closed bathroom door. She has been knocked to her knees from yet another negative pregnancy test. She is hopeless. She is scared. And as she sobs with deep and painful moans, she shakes her fist to the heavens and screams, “Will this ever end?!” She isn’t alone at this moment. Because there he is…her husband. He is trying to pick her up, hold her close, and whisper hope into her ear. He is trying to tell her it will be okay. She will be okay. Together they will be okay, and it won’t always be this hard, this overwhelming, or this stressful. He tries to tell her there is always next month. But his words? They are like band-aids. They cover the wounds but do not actually heal. And so, while she isn’t alone on the bathroom floor, she feels alone. And even though she doesn’t realize it because he is trying to be unbreakable and strong, just like a superhero, he also feels alone.
They are 1 in 8.
And finally, there is you. I see you wiping the tears from your eyes as you read each word because you know each emotion expressed. You know firsthand the pain infertility brings. You know that it is a disease; yes, a disease that makes you feel like a leper, an outcast from the rest of the world. You know that it causes you to feel insecure with each question about why you don’t have children. And oftentimes embarrassed when you explain the reason. You know that it makes you feel forgotten as you beg, plead, and cry out to God only to continue each month with broken dreams. You know it makes you wonder if you are being overlooked as everyone around you seems to be blessed with children while your womb remains empty. And you know it causes you to feel alone. Alone in your thoughts. Alone in your feelings. And alone in this battle that you must fight to win every day. A battle that is exhausting. And a battle that, at times, you fight alone. Because you feel alone.
But the truth is, you aren’t alone.
Because the mother you saw putting the diapers in her shopping cart? They were conceived using a surrogate. And the woman sitting with you at the baby shower? The one you overheard say wasn’t ready for children when she was also asked “the question”? Well…she is. In fact, she has been ready to wipe noses, kiss boo-boo’s, and read bedtime stories since she was a little girl. But she is also 1 in 8. And me? I am the woman you saw in checkout lane number three, holding hands with a precious four-year-old and talking her out of the ring pops, sour worms, and Slim Jim’s. I am a foster mother.
And I am 1 in 8.
And for years, I felt like you. I felt alone, and so I flew alone. But after a while of my heart aching for a child who would have my blue eyes and my husband’s pudgy nose, my wings that once enabled me to fly solo became limp. And my blemish-free wings? They became bruised when well-meaning people asked me why I didn’t have children. But because I was too afraid to tell them I was 1 in 8, those wings then became crushed when they would joke around that I needed to hurry because my clock was ticking. My wings also became torn from feeling isolated and different from my friends and family who have children. They became scarred from the failed treatment cycles my doctor assured me were the answer to my prayers. And they became so broken after my devastating miscarriage following an In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment cycle that I thought at one point I might never fly again.
Yet even with my bruised, scarred, and sometimes broken wings, I have still managed to keep flying. And despite the hurt, I have still been able to carry hope. Carry joy. And carry my dreams….
But how? How can I with these wings? It’s all because one day, I finally decided to share my story. I finally stopped hiding behind my shame. And broken smile. I finally took off my mask so that others could see my heartache. And I finally decided I no longer wanted to fly alone but together. Because people need people. They need others to help carry some of the weight so that they are free to soar high above their circumstances. High above their hopelessness. High above their fears and doubts.
In fact, Galatians 6:2 tells us that we are to carry each other’s burdens and stand shoulder to shoulder to ease the load that we might be carrying around so that we can be empowered to keep flying. To keep hoping. And to keep carrying our dreams. The dreams that God has purposefully planted inside that soft, fertile soil of our hearts. Because friends, those dreams that He planted? He wants to not only water them with the tears that we shed when we cry out to Him, but He wants to cultivate them through faith, support, and words of encouragement from others so that they can grow. Because let’s be real for just a sec. Is it not sometimes easier for us to hear the voices of others and believe the words they speak before we hear the voice of God and believe His Word? Or maybe it’s just me.
Because can I be honest? I can read all day in God’s word to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4:6) and that He promises to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), but the second someone whispers encouragement into my ear in the form of a card? Or a hug? Or a prayer? I seem to grab hold of it faster. And I run with it longer. And I am sure some of you are the same way. And it’s okay. God knows this about me…and you…which is why He begs and pleads for us to share our story…
He doesn’t want you to feel alone. Instead, He wants to place people in your path to mend your broken wings so that you can fly a bit higher. And soar a bit longer. He wants you to tell your story so that He can allow others to provide you with the strength and the momentum you need to keep hoping that things can change. To keep believing that they will. And to keep flying until it’s time for you to land with your dreams no longer in your heart but safely in your arms.
So sweet sister, the one who might be fighting alone and feeling alone, don’t be afraid to reach out. Don’t be afraid to allow your casual chats to turn into conversations. Conversations that help educate others about the stress and devastation of miscarriages failed treatment cycles and doctor appointments. Don’t be afraid to turn brief hello’s with friends and family into moments of ministry as you ask for prayer, encouragement, and support. Don’t be afraid to share your heartache with others.
Because while this path of infertility has unexpected rainstorms and high winds intended to knock you out of your nest and send you to your hands and knees scraped and bruised, beaten, and scarred. There are thousands of others on this same journey, or even a similar journey, ready and willing to pick you up if you fall. They are ready to remind you that you are not forgotten when another prayer seems to go unanswered. They are ready to hold your hand as they whisper the truth that there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about because it’s not your fault. And when you feel alone and like a leper, an outcast that no one, and I mean no one, understands, they are there to wipe away your tears and remind you that you are not different or alone. Because those feelings you have? They have them too. Those thoughts of jealousy? No one is immune. And those moments that knock you out of your nest? Have knocked them out too. You are not alone. And you don’t have to travel this journey alone.
Together, we are 1 in 8. Together, we are strong. And together, we will fly high with our broken wings.
I would love to connect with you personally, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who “get it,” then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” enter into exclusive giveaways, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!
197 thoughts on “You Are Not Alone”
i completely wish I would have read this or reached out when we were ttc! This post is awesome, thank you so much for doing what you do!
Aww! Thank you so much for your sweet compliments!
This doesn’t just apply to women..my son wants a baby so bad that it breaks my heart..hes afraid to be tested…afraid he will find out hes sterile..he said at least without knowing he has hope…it breaks his heart to see people with babies but he doesnt let it show…only to me he lets it out how much his heart aches for a baby..i said he could adopt an he said but i want to see myself in my child an i know what he means..so its not just females who feel that need…some men feel the same way
You are so right! I agree men have the same feelings…I just can only write from my experience and emotion. I wish I could capture a males perspective and write about it but my hubby doesn’t say much. :/ He doesn’t have the same strong emotions that I have. He has been tested and nothing was wrong. And so I often wonder if his feelings would be stronger if he knew part of our inability was him rather than just me. I am praying for your son tonight an believing he will have a child that looks and acts like him. I know of several testimonies where heir husbands were sterile and they had kids supernaturally. God isn’t limited and I know He can do for your son what He did for those people i have talked to. You are an amazing Momma…I can feel the love and compassion you have for him in your words. Hang in there!
My husband has vericoceles that were able to be corrected with surgery. His count went up significantly. I know that not knowing is scary, but sometimes the answer is something that can be corrected. Just a thought in case your son wanted to be tested for them. It’s basically a varicose vein in the testicle which make the environment too hot to produce normal sperm. When they remove them with 3 small incisions on the stomach near the belly button, the environment goes back to normal temp and allows viable sperm to form.
Your best one…..just perfect. Much love to you sweet sister!!
Oh thank you so much!!! Xo
Thank you for this! I have been married for 7 years in August and we have no biological children. We have a beautiful daughter who we had the amazing chance to adopt (that in itself was a miracle) but I have never been able to conceive. We started going to fertility doctors and they basically told me I needed to lose weight before they would look at me, and then my husbands insurance changed and they cover nothing when it comes to this type of thing. So we literally have no chose but to leave it in Gods hands. And to be cometely honest, that sucks! I know I should be trusting and all that, but watching all my friends have their second and third now, and getting the question about having more, and now my daughter (4 years old) is asking for siblings, and it is all just so overwhelming to just “leave in Gods hands”. Anyways, I don’t mean to take over your post, I just needed to get something out as I sit here in the bathroom sobbing reading your post. I am 1 in 8 and it sucks, and it hurts, and it makes me want to crawl into a hole and not come out, but I can’t do that…..so here I am.
Thank you for posting this, this is how I feel. Alone.
I sat here reading and praying for you and I want you to know the doctors say they can’t help you right now until you fix this or change that…but you know the great thing about God? He always wants us to come to Him just as we are. And He wants to heal our hearts. Restore our bodies and fulfill the desires He has given us. And we don’t have to change a thing before He does. He just wants us to come and place it all at His feet and say ,”lord i don’t know how you are going to do it. I don’t know when you are going to do it. But I trust you.” And Sugars, He is the creator of the universe. He sees things we can’t see and He is the best person we could ever trust. Keep crying out to Him. I promise He is listening. Keep coming to Him with your fears. And keep telling yourself (even when you don’t believe it) that He will do for you what He has done for others. Romans 2:11 says he doesn’t show favoritism. Trust me, I know this journey isn’t easy but girl, I can tell you are a fighter. So put your “dukes” up and give the devil a few throat punches as you declare to him that he won’t win. I am praying for you tonight. Xoxoxo Email me at email@example.com anytime!
And Jesus looked at them and said “with man this is impossible. But with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
Thank you! You have no idea how much your words have meant to me. Thank you for responding, it helps to know I’m not alone.
Anytime sugars!!! Xo
I am 35 years old and always wanted children of my own. And have never gotten pregnant. Why is it you see women that get pregnant so easily that doesn’t want the children but a woman that really wants a child of her own can not.
I wish I could answer the question of why. In fact, I have asked that question a bagillion and one times. In fact, I wrote a blog post about it a LONG time ago. And I often have to revisit it to remind myself that knowing the “why” wouldn’t change anything. And knowing the “why” would probably only raise more questions. So now, I say “what..” What am I going to do while I continue to wait. What am I going to do to makes ure I don’t miss out on the “now” moments. It’s so hard to not what to know why though, am I right? hehe! I am praying for you right tnow sugars! I am praying that your womb is opened and that you supernaturally conceive. I am praying this in Faith and believing in faith that God has heard my prayers. If you ever need someone to listen, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Hugs! xoxo
Thank you, This is exactly what I needed to see today, one day after my final IUI attempt, when I am cramping so hard and having to head out the door to my job today….I’m a substitute teacher and I LOVE my kids, they are all teenagers, and I love them all…My heart aches, but I too have begun to share my story with the world.
Oh sugars! I am praying for you right now!!! Hugs! xo
Thank you for this! My husband and I have been struggling with unexplained infertility for many years. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to capture exactly how I’ve been feeling, but you have. I feel like we could be the same person! Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone! Prayers for you and your husband as you continue on this journey!
Hey there Holly! Thank you so much for your prayers and please know that I am praying RIGHT NOW for you as well. I know you said you have “unexplained” infertility but the good news is that God knows exactly what is going on and He is not hindered by any of it. So just keep crying out to Him and believing in faith that He will rescue you and settle you as a happy mother of children. (Psalm 113:9) xo
ANNNND That post is amazing!
wow thanks so much! This means so much coming from you because I love your blog!
I needed this today. My heart is bruised too. ;( 2 iuis.. 3 ivfs.. im 27 years old.. young looks happy on the outside but crying on the inside.. 🙁 May the good lord bless you always! thanks for sharing!
heres my blog about infertility 🙂 http://www.myjourneyforababy.blogspot.com
Oh Jade! I am so sorry :/. I am believing that your story isn’t finished yet. And just when you might think the curtain is closing, God is just setting up for His next big amazing scene. So hang in there. Don’t give up hope and don’t stop believing. Xo
Reblogged this on Maybe Baby… and commented:
A friend sent this to me and it is beautiful! I know it’s long but please read. It brought a year to my eye because every word is so true. #NIAW
Wow! Thank you, thank you for reblogging! Xx
This is one of my favorite posts you have written. I shared it on my Facebook page today and one of my guy friends even shared it. Beautifully written. Thank you for writing another post that feels like it was written just for me and how I’m feeling.
Wow girl! Thank you so much for sharing and how cool is it that someone else shared it?! Thank you for your encouragement and support. It’s comments like these that keep me flying a little bit higher and soaring a little bit longer. Xo
This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! I truly appreciate it 🙂
These emotions are too real and I just got hit with them the worst I will probably ever have them. I will never be a mother due to my age, a condition I was born with that messed up my reproductive system, and financial.
Oh hun! I am just so sorry! I can’t even imagine! If you need someone to talk to…vent to…or help you fly with broken wings….email me anytime at email@example.com
Oh, if only I had read this 5 years + years ago! We struggled with infertility due to PCOS for 7 years before finally having a successful IVF cycle that gave us our precious twins – a boy & girl. I was always so ashamed and embarassed. I didn’t want to share my pain with anyone. Finally, just before that last IVF cycle I decided enough was enough. I fessed up and opened up and asked for prayers. Maybe it did or maybe it didn’t, but I like to believe that those prayers made all the difference for us. I hope and pray they will for you someday too!
What an awesome story. And I can’t help but believe the prayers were heard. And answered 😉
I have read a lot of articles and blogs about infertility over the past two years and they all speak to me. However, this one is different. This one is spot on. This one says it all. Thank you so much, Elisha for sharing this. Not only did it help me to know there are others out there feeling like I do, but it was such an eye opener for my family and closest friends. Thank you! – Heather
what a compliment! Thank you! I am so sorry that you are on this same journey, but please know that you are not alone. And the thoughts you have? Others have them too. And the feelings you feel? We feel them too. Please feel free to share this with others in order to maybe help them not feel so alone…or for those who need to know how our hearts ache. xo
Thank you for this. Such encouraging words for people like myself who are trying to conceive.
You are so welcome and I’m tickled that you were encouraged! xo
Wonderful post! I was this woman 29 years ago. We were blessed by adoption. I continue to hurt for those I know (and those I don’t know) who are #1.
Thank you for this. I found out that I was infertile the week before Mother’s day 10 years ago, which happened to be our first Mother’s day without my Mother in law (She had passed away that January). I was devastated and no one knew how I felt. I just wanted to curl up and die if I had to go to another baby shower that wasn’t mine. All that being said, God knew what He was doing. In not being able to have children of our own, we’ve been able to spend quality time with our nieces and nephews ~ time that otherwise would’ve been impossible. Our nieces and nephews know that if they get into some kind of trouble and are afraid to call their parents, they can call us and we’ll face them together. We get them pretty much whenever we want, and give them back when we’re done. It’s the benefit of being a grandparent without the responsibilities of being a parent. It’s been 10 years since that horrible doctor’s appointment, and there are days that it’s still incredibly hard, but with God’s help we manage. My best advice is to keep positive, count your blessings, and trust God for His will for your life.
I could have written your post (except for the part about the actual doctor’s appointment). We have never had an official test but have been infertile for about 12 years. I’ve been without my mom for about 13. We have never been blessed with children. However, I am close to my nieces and nephews. I have been able to take them out and spend time with them, something that would be different if we had our own children. God knows our needs – and sometimes he provides them a little differently than we anticipate. I am 1 in 8, and slowly have been sharing my story.
Your hope, faith and encouragement is a breath of fresh air and inspiring. Thank you so much for commenting and sharing with all of us your heart. Hugs! xo
This gave me goosebumps. Your story is everything I’ve felt, everything my husband and I have been through, everything we’ve done. Thanks for sharing your story and allowing me to be okay with finally speaking to others about my own struggle of TTC 5+years. Thanks❤️
This gave me goosebumps! Your story has been everything I’ve felt, everything my husband and I have been through, and everything we’ve done. Thanks for sharing your story and helping me be okay with finally speaking up about my own personal struggle of TTC 5+years. Thanks!
Oh my gosh this is so so lovely. I genuinely had tears streaming down my face! The journey is so long and so heartbreaking, and feeling like you can’t show your upset with others makes it harder. I’ve felt so alone before, and still do sometimes, but there are so many truly thoughtful ladies (and men!) on here that know the story, know the fight, and are happy to be a shoulder when you need it, and share your joy when it comes. Thank you so much for writing this, it’s beautiful x
I found this post on facebook…one of my friends had posted it. It’s like you are inside of my head!! Then I read that you are from Southern IL and have PCOS. I too am from Southern IL (I live in SC now) and also have PCOS. We need to be friends!! I need your support group…just wish I lived closer!! Please friend me on facebook…Leigh Ann Wrapchick Birdsell. I could use someone positive like you who is going through the same thing!! The following is what I wrote when I shared your post on facebook:
This is an AMAZING blog post!! She even calls her blog “Waiting for Baby Bird”. That is what we had nicknamed our 1st baby…”Baby Bird”…last name Birdsell…get it? We had given both sets of our parents wrapped packages to announce our pregnancy that included a picture frame with a note under the glass that said, “Baby Bird is scheduled to hatch on 07-07-07”. What a cool due date!! I am 1 in 8. Miscarriages, IUI, failed infertility treatments, lost hope. This article is like she is speaking from my heart and writing my thoughts. Wow…I have felt so many of these emotions. I finally decided to tell my story to others…I didn’t want to feel alone anymore…I wanted to try to help others if they were feeling the same way. It helps to feel like you are flying together with others, even if you have broken wings.
Hey girl!! I just love how God works! He totally wanted you to see that post! And He wanted you to feel at ease and comfortable to share your journey with others. You are so brave and I am honored to be flying high with you today! It’s so nice to have others with us, isn’t it? Praying for you today! Xo
Reblogged this on My Journey and commented:
Amazing Post. Had to share!
Thanks so much!!! ❤️
Wow… this was an amazing post. Thank you for sharing!!! 🙂
I read these posts and as the mother of my precious, much loved daughter, who yearns to become pregnant, after two miscarriages, I cry many tears and my heart hurts so badly for her! I had three miscarriages…I understand! It hurts so very much!! After I was treated with hormones, to prevent miscarriage, the Dr. said, I was finally blessed by God, to have three children, each five years apart…my daughter, Aimee and two sons! My thanks are great! Needless to say, my prayers were answered, hallelujah!! I always pray earnestly for my Aimee, who has been a wonderful step mother, but yearns to carry, birth, love, cuddle, care for, hug…ultimately raise her own baby, as so many also do!
I pray to our Lord, that my baby girl (who is 39), and her hubby are blessed with their precious baby, as I pray for you and all who yearn to hold their baby in their arms one day! God bless you all!!
I couldn’t have written this better myself. Thank you for this beautiful post and providing something I can send to loved ones to share the realities of this everyday struggle.
Aw thank you so much for your sweet compliment. And I am so glad you can use this to send to your loved ones and family. Hugs to you! ❤️
I have been struggling with infertility for over four years. I have read countless articles, prayed numerous prayers and I have not had peace with my journey until reading your article. It is absolutely spot on and I am so deeply greatful for it. I have not shared my journey with very many people but this article made me realize that we all need each other. I reposted it to my page and am so moved by the responses from those close to me and even those not so close to me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying what has been in my heart but I couldn’t express with words. ❤️❤️
Carrie, I am just so honored that out of everything you have read, this one spoke to you the most. But I know it wasn’t my words that resonated with you, but rather these words that were spoken to you by God. I want you to know that He planted these amazing desires in your heart for a reason and He has perfect plans to fulfill them. Don’t give up on them. I know everything around you says that it won’t happen and it’s not possible but it is. Nothing is ever hopeless or impossible to God. And nothing will ever stand in His way when we choose to keep believing. So hang in there! You are not alone and it’s okay to let people you trust into your circle….especially so that they can lift you up when you fall…pray for you when you can’t find the words…and carry you when you can’t take another step. And if you can’t find anyone that day…message me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to be that person. xo
This completely sums up how I am feeling. My best friend is pregnant, and guess who is hosting the baby shower? You guessed it! I teach high school English, and guess who always attends at least one baby shower for her students each year? Yep, you guessed right again! I know that God will eventually bless me with a child of my own (I am raising a 13 yo stepdaughter), but until then, I will realize that I am not alone, and that I am in fact 1 in 8.
You are so not alone NiaShanta! And never forget that God never leaves us, nor forsakes us in our time of need. He is right there walking us through and working on our behalf. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to email me at email@example.com xo
Just found your blog today and wowee, it’s wonderful. This post especially-thank you for doing this and sharing. It hurts, it’s isolating, it’s scary – and knowing there are others who know what this is like is so helpful. I think I will share it with my husband to see if it helps him understand too…he is so supportive, but you are right, they just can’t fully grasp the magnitude of the loss we feel each month.
Hey there Erica! Welcome! I am so glad your here because there is nothing like gaining support from other women who know what you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing! I hope you stay…take a peak around…and message anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org if you need someone to talk to you 🙂 Hugs! xo
Thank you. I believe God put this in my path today. My husband and I have been struggling with this battle for 6+ years, and today may have been one of the worst days I’ve had. Thank you for being a blessing at exactly the right moment for me.
Oh hun! I am so sorry you are having a rough day…or even week. But just keep holding onto the hope that this valley you are in, won’t always be your scenery. And that one day, your view from the mountain top will be worth all the time you waited, all the prayers you prayed, and the tears you shed. xo
Have you ever thought of letting someone share their testimony on your site. Was infertile-now the mom of five. God miraculously knit our family together. I could have written this a few years ago but hold on ladies, God hears your prayers and has a much bigger plan!!!!
I do! I actually have a whole section dedicated to Testimonies. Would you like to share your testimony? If so, just get it together and send it over to email@example.com and I’ll take a look at it 🙂 I would love to hear it!!
Thank you for your article. At 27 I had 4 failed iui cycles, 8 failed Clomid cycles. The first try for ivf we had to stop the cycle because I did not have enough eggs. Then we were blessed through ivf with our daughter. Out of 3 surviving embryos, 1 was able to be frozen. 2 years later we did the fet and was blessed with a little boy. I am so thankful for my children. However my house doesn’t seem full. My heart still dreams of one more baby. Part of me feels guilty for wanting more children because I have 2 healthy babies. The other part of me yearns for another baby to love. Our infertility was unexplained. We have been trying again with no success. We are now at the point of fertility treatments again. It is so scary, so exhausting. I am so thankful God heard my prayers. I pray He blesses me again. I pray He blesses you too. Infertility is something no one should be ashamed of. When you open up and start sharing , you will be surprised how many people have walked a similar path. Thank you again!
You are so right that infertility is not something to be ashamed of. And yes, I too have found that the more I open up, the more I learn that others have struggled or are struggling.
And girlie…don’t you feel guilty one second for wanting your house full! That is a God given desire in your heart and the enemy is just trying to make you feel bad, feel guilty, and feel ashamed for even wanting more. Don’t let him weezle those thoughts into your head 🙂 xo
Beautifully written….and I sobbed through the entire thing! The thing is though, I don’t know if I’m 1 in 8. I married when I was 37. My husband had been married years before and already had two children. He had a vasectomy years before we met; too long ago for him to have a reversal. So now I sit here at 44 years old, not knowing if I could have had my own children. My fertility doctor tells me my eggs are too old and my best chance is through donor eggs. So it sucks for me in a different way. I feel more alone than “1 in 8” because I do not know and will never know if I could have gotten pregnant, at least between the ages of 37-43. Our circumstances didn’t really lend themselves to me seeking out my pregnancy options when we first got married. I wish I had. I wish I had focused on that, rather than adjusting to being married to three people and putting all their needs and feelings before my own. I know that’s selfish. It’s an honest thought…but I know it’s not right. I too am a believer. So my head and heart know that ultimately, my life is in God’s hands. And that gives me peace and comfort. It just hurts to not be able to have my own children.
Oh sugars! Thank you so much for commenting. For some reason I felt led to remind you that if you have a thought not based in hope, then it’s a lie. God sees and believes in that all things are possible. And your problem related to infertility with poor eggs is no match from God. Our circumstances do not change His word. So hold on to the faith that while it may be impossible with man, nothing is impossible with God. Xo
Thank you for your reply and encouragement. I’m so sorry I haven’t responded sooner. I keep holding on to that – that nothing is impossible with God. I just don’t know what the next step is. We still cannot afford to pursue any options. My husband’s oldest daughter is expecting her 2nd baby in three weeks and I know my husband cannot even comprehend us raising our own child. He is older than me and has a hard time dealing with having a six year old granddaughter spending the night (although he loves her and wants to have her more often). He is past the stage of caring for children. My heart still aches, but life constantly gets in the way of our (my) pursuit. Other’s lives, not even my life. Others can go on and have children and we have to sacrifice and focus all our resources on them (I have to focus my resources on supporting my husband and his kids). So I’m a bit disheartened.
Oh sugars! I am so sorry :/ I know your heart must ache. I am praying for you and your situation today. xo
Thank you so much for this beautiful faith-inspired post! Tears streamed down my face as I related to every word on the page. We’re not alone and together we are so much stronger. When you share the burden it doesn’t feel so heavy and when you cling to God you can be sure he’s counted every tear that has fallen from all of our beautiful faces! Thank you! xo-Lindsey
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Lindsey! Hugs!
There is part of me that really wants to share our story, but another part of me that wants to keep TTC the “private” thing that it should be. Know what I mean? On the one hand, I need my family and friends to support me in this trial. And I know that sharing can open up so many opportunities for mutual encouragement and glorifying God. But at the same time, I just want to keep it between my husband and me, as conceiving should be. How do you make the decision to share such a personal thing?
I really enjoyed reading this! It warms my heart to let me know I’m not alone in this fight! I definitely feel like this was me in all the stories. My husband and I have been TTC for 3.5 years now. I knew it was going to be hard with having PCOS and endometriosis , but no one ever explained how alone I would feel in this fight to have the one thing I have always wanted and that is to have a child of my own. No one in my family knows what I’m going thru because I’m the only one who has these problems. Everyone is fertile but me. I pray everyday that this will be our month and I know it will happen on God’s timing and not our own. The thing I struggle with the most is how do you stay positive thru everything? I’m going to send this my husband so he can read it. He is trying to help me understand everything. Thank you for this!
My husband and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. He suffers from chronic back pain that in the past 5 years has kept him from any physical activity. That girl 10 years ago never dreamed her arms would not be filled with precious little ones today. I have shed tears and yes even ducked out of the mothers day service. But I am learning that a barren womb does not always equal barren arms. I have found so much joy loving the children in my church. Giving tired moms the ability to breath and worship if only gor a hour. I have come to know the joy of serving others that I might not have known if my quiver was full. Yes my arms still longs for a child of our own, at times my heart still cries but the I serve a God who is well aquainted with my tears. To him be the glory. I know I am not alone.
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart with all of us! You are truly inspiring and I admire you and the love you have the Lord!
Beautiful and very moving post!
WOW, WOW, WOW!
Amen and amen.
Praise the Lord!
Preach it Sister!
You are so right!
These are all things I said as I read this article which a friend sent me because I was actually real and texted her saying I needed prayer because it was a hard day. I didn’t tell her why but I am so glad I was real and reached out (which I don’t do much at all) because she shared this with me. Everything you said is so RIGHT ON! It’s like you wrote it with me in mind. Thank you, thank you for being vulnerable, thank you for speaking from the heart, and thank you for helping me feel NOT alone. I wish you lived close to me and could be my real life friend. Oh the conversations we could have:) …p.s. The best part of the article that made me cry the most was when you said the person in the grocery story line with the 4 year old was you with your foster child…because we are doing fostering classes now and I know we are called to foster! So cool how God works! Thank you again and God Bless!
Reblogged this on Workin' Mama and commented:
This is a beautifully written piece about what it’s like to struggle with infertility.
A friend shared this on her Facebook wall and I couldn’t help but click on it. Because my husband and I are one of those 1 in 8. Your words are all so true, so relatable, and so encouraging. It’s so easy to feel alone on this. Thank you for reminding me that we really aren’t. Will definitely be sharing this post with some fellow 1 in 8 friends of mine. XO
Awe! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Amanda! Please know that I just stopped to pray for you and your husband! xo
Do you know how many children are out there that just want parents? My mother could only have one child and I almost killed her. I wanted a sibling so badly. I have a brother, we are really old now but when I was 10 he came into my life and was one of the greatest blessing I had ever had. I have 2 nieces that could not have children. One adopted twins that she had agreed to foster, one adopted a beautiful new born girl. What I am trying to say is God has a child for you. It may not be one that you give birth to but that child will truly be your child.
I am aware…if you skim through my older posts you will see I am a foster parent to a beautiful 6 year old princess. And even though I love her fiercely, that doesn’t take away the desire I have to also carry a life within me.
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