Waiting for Baby Bird

To the Childless Woman at Christmas…

To the Childless Woman at Christmas

Somewhere tonight there is a woman, sitting next to the twinkling lights of her Christmas tree and staring at the fireplace mantle. Year after year, her heart tells her head, “Here’s another Christmas with no children’s stockings to hang or cookies to bake for Santa.” I can see the tears fall on her sweet face as she makes the vow that this time next year, things will be different; they will be better.  Yet even as she says those words, she knows deep down in her heart it’s not guaranteed. How could it be when she said those same words last year–and the year before–and the year before that? Her hope is fading and her faith is shrinking as she wonders if her prayers are being heard and her tears being caught. Yet even so, she continues to beg and plead to God. She continues to cry out and search for a sign that her situation this time next year, will be different; it will be better.

Somewhere tonight there is another woman who is standing back in the shadows, watching other mommy’s and daddy’s enjoy this magical season with their children. In one moment she sees them stroll up and down the toy aisles searching for the perfect gift and in another she watches the excitement on their little faces as they hold hands while standing in the long line to see Santa. She can’t help but feel unworthy to be called a mother and unloved to deserve such a blessing. Because she too has asked God for a child of her own with no avail. She has been to doctors and specialists; taken the right medicines and vitamins and has said all the perfect prayers, but the results have been the same. The tests have all been negative. So tonight, standing in the shadows, with tears slowly coming down her sweet face, she makes the same vow that this time next year, things will be different; they will be better. But even as she wipes away her tears, she also knows deep down inside her heavy heart they are empty words.  Her hope is also fading and her faith is also shrinking as she wonders if her prayers are being heard and her tears being caught. Yet she still begs and pleads to God. She still cries out and searches for a sign that things will be different this time next year; they will be better.

Somewhere tonight there is a woman–she is a hurting Momma unable to stroll past the baby aisles or look at the “Baby’s First Christmas” onsies without breaking down in tears and her soul caving in. Because for her, this year was supposed to be different. It was going to be better.  Yet tonight, she sits with an aching womb and empty arms. Her soul has been wounded and the words, “There is no heartbeat” repeats over again in her head.  She feels alone. She feels forgotten. She feels abandoned. And so with tears pouring down, she too vows that this time next year, things will be different. Yet she knows deep down inside, they might not be. In fact, as time has proved, it might actually be worse. Her hope is all but faded and her faith is all but gone as she wonders if her prayers are being heard and her tears being caught. Yet still, despite the silence she feels, she continues to beg and plead to God. She still cries out and searches for a sign that things will be different this time next year; they will be better.

And somewhere tonight there is you. And your soul is hurting for reasons that I do not know.  With tears flowing down your sweet face, you also vow that this time next year, things will be different; yet deep down, you also wonder. You want to have the hope to believe, but your heart is aching as your situation seems too impossible to change. Yet despite it all, you still find yourself begging and pleading to God. You still cry out amidst the silence as you search for signs that your prayers are being heard and that this time next year, your circumstances will be different; they will be better.

And friend, I wish I could tell you that everything will be different and it will better, but I can’t. Instead, what I can whisper to you tonight is that every tear you shed, He catches. Every prayer you pray, He hears. And though you question if He will answer, He wants you to know that you are not forgotten. You’re not alone. You are not abandoned. He knows the deepest desires of your heart and He too wants this time next year to look different–to be better than the year before. For you are not just a woman somewhere. You are His precious child. A daughter of the most High King. The One He loves.

Therefore, have hope tonight my friend, because in a moment’s notice, God can speak. In a split second, He can open doors that no man can shut. With one prayer, He can reassure your heart and settle your mind when all around you is uncertain. So hold on sweet friend. Don’t give up. There is hope. Hope that our hearts are known. Hope for a better tomorrow. Hope for things to be different this time next year. Hope that comes only from our heavenly Father above.

So Father, tonight I pray for the woman with the wounded soul who is just going through the motions. I pray for the one reading this who is hurting and wondering if this time next year, things will be different; if they will be better. I ask Father they not go another day, minute or second of this holiday season with the hurt, pain and struggle; but rather with a miraculous dose of joy, happiness, peace and love that only You can give. I pray Father that You reassure her heart of Your Presence and speak more audibly to her than ever before. She needs to hear Your sweet voice now more than ever.  And she needs You to hold her. So please, wrap your arms around her tonight. And Father, I ask that You give her a glimpse of the breakthrough that is just up ahead so that she will have the strength to keep hoping and believing that this time next year, things will be different; they will be better. In Jesus name I pray.  ~Amen

With Love

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89 thoughts on “To the Childless Woman at Christmas…”

    1. I sho did! I think it was yesterday 🙂 I gave the stickers to Goldi and she asked if they were from me. I contemplated for a split second if I should accept this glory but then decided to confess. I told her my friend “—” gave them to her and she smiled, then said, “She is my friend!” hehe! It made me giggle! Thank you so much for thinking of us. I ran out of time for Christmas cards this year but maybe when things slow down, I’ll send out “surprise” Christmas cards 🙂 That would way more fun. tehehe

      1. Oh thanks for sharing the glory with me! Lol. She is such a doll. I read a post on your fb page earlier talking about Goldi going back to her bio mom & it confused the heck outta me until I realized it was from April! Thank God she’s still with you. And bless her heart for being my friend <3 XOXO

      2. lol! Yeah that was a little throw back to one of my favorite posts with her. I have a couple more I could write with her, but finding the time to do anything this month has been hard. Why must the month of December be such a busy time? I can’t believe Christmas is in two days! Two days!!!! I haven’t even bought her stocking stuffers yet!! It’s a good thing she wants baby stuff (real baby stuff). I plan on hitting up the baby aisles and buying bottles, pacifiers, etc.

    2. Elisha, I was in a ‘nope, no tears, no tears, no tears’ mode reading your entry, until the third paragraph. Whew, that hit so close to home, but I’m glad that you wrote it. Merry Christmas xoxo.

      1. I hate that it so close to home…I wish none of us ever had any of these feelings :/ Praying for you today and hoping that you had a great Christmas! xo

      2. Third paragraph hit home for me as well blue orchid….I’m sorry. Thanks for writing this Elisha slowly my faith is coming back you are a great source of help.

      1. oh whew! I have been sitting here going back and forth on whether or not I should take it down…like maybe it wasn’t a good time or something. I am always trying to be sensitive to the feelings of others especially around this time of the year. Thanks for letting me know it was okay 🙂 You are in my prayers girlie! i just read your post about the dalmatians. I feel ya on the razor…I am so sick of PCOS and the “unwanted” hair issue. BLECK!

  1. This is beautifully written. Im holding all you ladies close to my heart and lifting you up in prayer especially this week.

    1. Thanks sugars! I feel like for myself, this month has flown by so fast and for that I am thankful…less time to think about things. I hope you are doing good 🙂 xo

  2. Elisha, this brought tears to my eyes. I have had such a hard time these last few days. You gave a voice to every hurt in my heart. We are three years into trying to have a baby, with two losses in that time. This year has been the hardest yet, and I desperately want next year to be different.

    1. I know your pain girlie! Hang in there! All we have is hope…hope for tomorrow…hope for next month…hope for a better year. I am trying this year to not dwell on the things I wanted to be different, but rather the good things this year that are different. That has kept my spirits alive. Praying for you and sending some virtual hugs your way. xo

  3. 2014 goes down as the worst/hardest year ever ever ever, but so thankful that He is with me. That He catches every tear. Although I don’t know what tomorrow holds, I’ll continue to press forward and believe that He has good plans for me!

  4. Reblogged this on Awaiting Autumn and commented:
    Elisha’s writing beautifully conveys how so many of us are feeling during the holidays.

    Even though there may be tears in your eyes and an ache in your heart, you are not alone. Never give up hope for there is light beyond the darkness.

  5. Oh, dear friend! Such precious, heart-wrenched words…how mine goes out to you tonight! Sending you big hugs, much love, and many blessings this Christmas season.

  6. Thanks i needed this. I spent the entire night crying, my head hurts so bas this morning. This is my hardest holiday yet. Your amazing in your writing. I wish you and your family an amazing holiday! Xx

    1. I know exactly what you mean to cry so hard that your head starts to pound. I’m so sorry this is the hardest holiday yet. I’m praying for you right now that the 2015 will be soooo incredibly different and in a good way. xo

  7. You captured exactly how I am feeling and have been for a while. It is hard not to doubt when it seems all your prayers and tears have fallen on deaf ears.

  8. Elisha you know my heart so well. Your writing is just beautiful. Thank you for the prayers. I hope you find peace, love, and joy this Christmas. xoxo

  9. This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this and I plan to reblog it. Your words are perfect. Praying for you this holiday season!

  10. Reblogged this on Mom to Angels and commented:
    I came across this post through a fellow blogger. I think it describes perfectly what so many go through not just during the holidays, but every day. Love to you all!

    1. I think you are so right :/ I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I have heard from so many women after writing this post and my heart has broken even more for those who are struggling this holiday season. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment 🙂

    1. You just made me blush and smile from ear to ear! Thank you for your sweet words sugars! I sure hope you are feeling better especially for tomorrow :/

  11. Even though I read this today the day after Christmas, I thank you for it. I can’t believe that you got me to a tee. In the midst of all the celebration going on in the house with family and friends everywhere, I found myself in the living room all alone in front of the tree, with all of those thoughts going thru my head, wiping a tear or two before heading back to join them. I pray everyday that He does hear me, all of us and answers all those prayers.

  12. You put so many of my thoughts into words.
    This month did fly by! I need to think more positive-like you said. Less time to think about things.
    “You gave a voice to every hurt in my heart” Couldn’t have said it any better myself.
    I thank the Lord every day for my nieces and nephews. I would certainly be insane if not for them. I’m also extremely grateful for my chosen profession, I am SO fortunate that I get to be surrounded by children every day.
    Merry Christmas!

  13. Your prayers are some of the most powerful in the universe. This post — so beautiful, as are you. I’m taking a moment right now to close my eyes and send out healing.

    1. And youb made me cry tears of joy! Thank you so much sugars!! I think of you often and if i ever get the amazing chance, i would love to give you a big squeeze for being so supportive and encouraging to me. I think you are amazing!! Xo

  14. Beautiful words. Praying for your and your groom tonight. Just a word of encouragement for you both. You can also read my blog an ‘Angel made me a daddy’ which is a more full story. We prayed for a long time and had an Angel, which broke us both, but we know we will see again in Heaven. We then had our son after some treatment, Prayers and a lot of Faith. Then…10 years later, which is a long time to grasp with Faith, a lot of prayers, a lot of tears, we had another Son. 10 years later. We had been told by Dr’s we had no chance. God had other plans. A truly Miracle baby. We are blessed. God knows what lies ahead for you both. Keep the Faith strong. Stephen.

  15. I spent 9 Christmases waiting for a child to join our family. One of those was after a miscarriage. And then this year I was depressed because my 25-weeker preemie was still in the NICU at Christmastime after 5 months and I just wanted her HOME. So I get it! Blessedly, she was discharged on Christmas Eve, and this was the most tiring but most beautiful Christmas we’ve had. Praying for you and every woman who yearns for a little one of their own. <3

  16. Thank you for writing this. I really can’t say anymore than that. Every day is hard when people keep asking why you don’t have children. It’s not for lack of want. But no one wants to hear that and they usually end up pushing too far and I get desperate to get them to be quiet.

    1. I know exactly what you mean with people asking. Thankfully I don’t get asked that question as often since being more open and starting this blog. People now know we struggle and are more considerate. I understand that being open about infertility is for everyone though. I hope and pray that your 2015 ends better than this year sugars! xo

  17. Thank you so much for writing this. I found out on the 23rd that I was miscarrying, so the words you’ve written couldn’t have touched my heart more beautifully. There is hope, I just know it. Praying for you and praying for all the other women out there that next year will be different.

    1. Oh sugars! I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. There is hope for a better 2015…and I’m praying that it ends better than 2014 did :/ Email me anytime at 10hopeingod@gmail.com if you ever wanna chat. I don’t want you to ever feel alone or that you can’t just “cry” (Even if it is through an email) to someone who understands. xo

      1. Thank you so much for your support, it truly means a lot even coming from a stranger! You truly are a special person in this world to reach out and touch the hearts of so many people. <3

  18. Elisha, this is just what I needed to read tonight. Thanks. All is well here, but I know someone who is struggling and needs this prayer. Blessings to you, dear one, on this holiday season. May the coming year be full if miracles!

  19. I could just hug you. This year was a little better then most for me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it was probably because I was just distracted by so many other things. Usually the holidays are some of the hardest times. Hugs to you for your constant encouragement and sweet sweet heart.

    1. Awe thanks so much for the hugs sugars!! I am praying for you and the days, weeks, and months ahead in the new year. Xo

  20. Wow! This is absolutely beautiful! I sent up a prayer for you and other women who grieve during this season for their longed for children! I pray this is the year you get your miracle baby!

  21. I can relate to this. Every Christmas I go through the “well it didn’t happen this year, maybe next” pity party. Then my birthday rolls around and I’m back at it. It doesn’t help that my birthday is January 9. So yet again I end up another year older without the joy of having children.
    I know that I will someday and I’ve just got to keep holding on to God’s promises but sometimes it’s hard. Thank you for this. Your blogs bless me with hope.

    1. Hey girlie! I am so sorry that you were able to relate to this but also thankful that some how my blogs bless you and give you hope. Keep a tight hold onto God’s promises. The devil would love nothing more for you to let them go…so hold tight. Keep your head up and keep speaking His praise. xo

  22. I want to thank you for this blog. December, once my favorite month of the year, has turned into a dreaded time. Three years ago, my husband and I finally found out reasoning behind our infertility – endometriosis. I was 30 and never knew I had it, but once my fertility doctor diagnosed me, the harsh periods that I had become used to and thought was normal all of a sudden was explained.

    We spent the first few months of 2014 getting prepared and doing IVF when on our first attempt, it took and we were pregnant after seven years of trying. We were due on December 17th. I thought it was perfect. I love Christmas and everything about the season, why wouldn’t I want to have our first child to reflect the love of season I had? Eight weeks later, just after telling family and some very close friends at our last appointment with our fertility clinic, we found out that I was going through a miscarriage, as our little one’s heart beat wasn’t strong and hard to detect.

    I was devastated, but determined to try again. Not listening to the advice of my husband, we tried again, as soon as we could… The week after Thanksgiving was the date of our transfer. On December 12th, five days before what would have been our due date, we found out that our second attempt did not work.

    If I thought I was devastated before, I was completely wrong. Looking back, I don’t really remember what happened during our Christmas celebrations with family, and during the Christmas of 2015, I was still in a state of grief.

    I wonder what our little one would have been like, would she be like me, shy and quiet or like her dad loud and crazy. I throw the love I have for our children at our young nephews, one that would be two months younger than what our little one would be…

    Thank you for this blog, it hit the nail on the head, and feel s like you know my story even though we have never met. But then again, we all have the same story, just with some different variables, which is why we all understand the heartache of what infertility is.

  23. tears came rolling down my cheeks as i read this!!!!!!!!It felt as if the words were picked from my heart! My current frame of mind exactly resonates with this article! Thanks for sharing and HOPE is all we have to keep us going ,aint it?

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