The Comic Section

You Might Be an Infertile If…

After months of trying to conceive without success, you might begin to wonder, “Am I infertile?” And the best way to answer this question is not by taking the quizzes online or checking off 8 out of the 10 symptoms listed on WebMD. It is also not through the results of your most recent blood work or doctor’s diagnosis. Instead, the best way to know is if you can answer “YES” to one or more of the following…

You Google 1,279 different possible pregnancy symptoms during the two-week wait.

You know exactly how long you have been trying to conceive…”Yes, Doc. We have been trying for 83 months, 17 days, and 4 hours.

Your dog gives birth to puppies, and you are somewhat jealous.

Your waitress at Cracker Barrel asks you what type of eggs you want, and your first thought is…”Fertilized! I want them fertilized!”

You have cried while purchasing tampons.

You measure your life in two-week increments.

There are ovulation prediction sticks in the top right drawer of your desk.

You have literally taken a pregnancy test apart. Why? So you can take the paper strip out and hold it up closer to light just in case the pink line is too faint to see through the display window. Logical, right?

You have had multiple conversations with your husband about the best way to get pregnant, and many ideas didn’t actually include having sex.

You have five (or more) “How to get pregnant” books on your nightstand (more in your amazing cart), extra OPK’s in your purse, the core of pineapple in your fridge, and lucky baby socks underneath your pillow for “good luck.” 

You carry your fur baby around like they are a real baby. Maybe even have a stroller for them.

You know your cycle day better than the actual day of the month.

You are constantly saying, “This time next year, I will be pregnant.”

During the two-week wait, you examine, smash, touch, poke, and prod your breasts for swelling or tenderness, as this is a GUARANTEED sign of pregnancy. 

You have “splurged” by drinking a caffeinated beverage.

You count the number of pregnant women you see while in Wal-Mart, Target, the gas station, McDonald’s, church…well, you get the point.

You reference to things such as….”That couch is worth at least one IUI.”

So, did you find yourself not only saying “YES” but also smiling while nodding your head up and down and calling out your husband in from the other room just so that you could read each one out loud to him? If so, you might be infertile.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s edition of “Laughing Your Way through Infertility.” As always, I hope you have a great week, and don’t forget to find time to laugh and enjoy the journey while you are on the path to reaching your destination.

With Love

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44 thoughts on “You Might Be an Infertile If…”

  1. Great way to start Monday….You might also be infertile if you can recite exactly how hard it actually is to get pregnant! I still can’t figure out how all these people “accidentally” get pregnant knowing the science in how difficult it actually is, lol.

  2. you know you’re infertile if you have pregnancy tests in your purse along with a cup to dip it in so you can catch that SMU at the office. Then you let “develop” in your desk drawer so you can peek at it frequently to see if MAYBE it’s changed…..

    you might be infertile if you drive to the coffee shop and change your order to decaf because…”I just might be pregnant and it’s been a long year, and we’ve had three losses, and yes I’ve tried a hand stand, and yes we’ve done it this way, and that way….” and you’re thinking in your head… SHUT UP! Just stop talking, Morgan….

    Happy Monday, friend! XOX

  3. LOL we recently bought a couch and I believe I said those EXACT words. Or it may have been closer to… “That couch could buy half our IVF meds next cycle.”

    1. Yes girl you get a gold star! 🙂 I hope you have a great week and thank you so much for commenting even though I know it’s a pain the butt know since I switched over :/ xo

  4. You’ve actually driven to Walmart with fmu in a cup, in the cup holder because you were out of pee sticks and didn’t want to use smu when you bought the text!

  5. I totally compare the price of infertility treatments with other real life objects – sofas to used cars. Pretty funny and pretty sad.

  6. So very true!
    Only, I count my days as DPIUI and then DUIUI (days until IUI).

    I think about this morning, noon & night.

    I’ll add, you might be infertile if every month you swear next month you’ll take it easy and not obsess.

    1. hahaha! Thanks so much for sharing and adding to this post! I hope you have a great week! Thank you so much for reading and commenting 😉

    1. hehehe! The one that I admit I have done way more times than I should is take the pregnancy test apart so that I could examine it closer 🙂

  7. Oh, the last one! I always compare the price of things to my procedures now. The other day my boss said he had to get his knees replaced and they were going to cost $20,000 and I thought “oh, that’s like a fresh cycle at the really good clinic! That’s a lot!”

  8. This is just what I needed! We found out this morning that IUI #1 didn’t work. I’ve been a mess all morning.. During some irrational cry/hormone induced episode I actually thought about how easy it is for dogs to get pregnant (What the?!?) and how I hated them for it (ugh!) 🙂

    Your blog continues to be an inspiration. Thank you for sharing with all of us!!


    1. i am so glad you got a good chuckle in the midst of your pain and heartache this morning. Don’t give up and keep pressing on. Soon you will be a joyful mother of children! xo

  9. If you’ve given yourself an injection in the car. If you’ve taken birth control to get pregnant. If you’ve been convinced to try acupuncture.

    1. HI! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading 🙂 I post these every Monday so you should subscribe to the blog so you never miss another post 🙂 Have a great week!

  10. I laughed SO HARD (at work, mind you) at this one: “Your waitress asks you what type of eggs you want and you respond without thinking, ‘Fertilized.'” Seriously dying. Thank you for this! And yes, I have looked at something and thought “oh yeah, that’s easily worth a month of treatment.” HAHA! Oh, we just have to laugh at ourselves, right? It’s how we survive.

    1. Hehehe! The fertilized one came to me a few months ago when my waitress at Crackle Barrel asked me how I wanted me eggs…fertilized was my first thought. Hehe

  11. “You use the word cycling multiple times throughout the week and it has nothing to do with riding a bike.” Haha – nice 😉

  12. You might be infertile if you have decided your future child’s name will be Cash, boy or girl. 🙂 (We really aren’t going to name our child that, but it’s my husband’s favorite joke to tell. He, sometimes, jokes that we are going to name the baby Tige or Cobalt…the boats he says he could have if it weren’t for IVF bills!)

  13. Love this post! I relate to some of them! I think you should add this one…You think about all the money you’ve spent along the way and say “that could have bought a really nice house!”

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