Waiting for Baby Bird

Diary of an Infertile: I Am an Enormous (not pregnant) Fool!

People occasionally tell me how strong, brave and encouraging I am for openly sharing my faith alongside my infertility struggles with the world. For the most part, I do feel strong some days. And even brave, too. But mostly, I feel like I am the one who gets the most encouragement through sharing my story. It’s through emails, cards, and comments left by others that give me the strength and bravery to keep writing and sharing. However recently, I received a comment on one of my articles which knocked the wind right out of me. I read it once, looked up from my phone, read it again, but slower this time, and then one last time before I became sick to my stomach. I couldn’t help but think, “How many others read my thoughts or know of my story and think I am a fool? ” (Below is her comment)

“The difference between your delusions and those of the mentally ill are that yours are socially acceptable because a bunch of indoctrinated folks believe them too. And those “voices” that are urging you to doubt?  Yeah, that’s your brain. Try using it. Or don’t, and continue to look like an enormous (not pregnant) fool.”  Lily

It’s been over two weeks since I first read her hateful words and I have thought about it every single day, even sometimes all day. I admit that in my darkest moments, I have asked myself what if I have created some kind of promise out of good intention or emotional invention. What if I am being delusional? And what about my doubts? What if they are true?

It’s been within these last two weeks that I have thought about no longer sharing my story regarding the incredible moment in which I heard in my heart God directly promise me a son named “Josiah”. I have even thought about how crazy I must look to hundreds of people when just a few weeks ago I searched for the “mystery woman” in order to have her pray for me because the Holy Spirit told a stranger, who then told me to find her and have her do so.

In the last two weeks my mind has also now been consumed with how stupid I must look to my friends and family as I celebrate the 17th of every month and call it “Josiah Day.”  In fact, it makes me literally sick to my stomach when I think about how many roll their eyes and think I am ridiculously foolish for spending money on diapers, wipes, clothing, toys, and blankets for a little boy who hasn’t even been conceived yet. I mean it’s one thing to buy baby related things, but to be gender specific? Lily is right. I am insane and foolish!

In the last two weeks she has made me stop and think deeply about how many others have come across this little ol’ space of mine and even though they didn’t say it, they also wish I would start using my brain. It’s been in that past two weeks that I find myself breaking out into a sweat as I press the “publish” button on each new article fearing another comment from her or someone else labeling me a fool.

In the last two weeks, I have walked around feeling like a fool and I have wondered if it was time to start being more realistic in my expectations. Maybe my hopes are a bit too ‘far fetched?’ Maybe it’s best if I stay quiet about my journey so that I don’t look so foolish to the naysayers?

But after two weeks of walking around with my head down and questioning everything I have believed for the past two years, the answer is no. No it’s not time to be realistic. No my hopes are not too ‘far fetched’. No I shouldn’t dare stay quiet. I am not called to be popular, and I will gladly accept the title of “fool” from this woman and anyone else who thinks of me as such. I understand that there are times when my faith and common sense will not align. I know that I will be silenced in the face of argumentative debate as to whether or not the voices are from God or just my own crazy thoughts. I know that proof or hardcore evidence of the baby bird I claim to have been promised is hard to find…as of yet.

But I can’t help but be a fool…I want to be a fool. 

Noah must have looked like a fool when he built a boat the size of a football field in the middle of a desert in preparation for a flood. He had never seen a single drop of rain in his entire life but that didn’t stop him from gathering wood and hammering in the first nail. Same is true for me…I have not seen a positive pregnancy test or had the nurse tell me I am having a bouncing baby boy, but like Noah, I will continue to look foolish and build my nursery in preparation. God spoke to Noah and promised to send the rain and whether you believe it or not, He has also spoken and promised to send me a son. People can either board my ship or not. I used to think it mattered but it ultimately makes no difference because I know that God will fulfill His promises to me regardless of who is standing in my corner.

In regards to looking foolish by chasing down a mystery woman? That’s fine. Naaman was told by a prophet in Second Kings to dip himself in the Jordan River seven times in order to be healed of Leprosy. It seems a bit odd and ludicrous. What if he had shrugged his shoulders and dismissed the prophet’s instructions as ridiculous and crazy? Would he have missed out on his healing? What if I would have shrugged my shoulders and dismissed a strangers instructions to find the “mystery woman” and have her pray for me? Would I have missed out on my long cycle of 70ish days finally ending the same afternoon she laid hands on my empty womb and non-functioning ovaries?

I know that this unique journey I am on is a lonely climb because hundreds want evidence of the mysteries I proclaim. They want proof and hopefully one day I will be able to show them the evidence they are looking for through baby bump pictures, ultrasound videos, and a birth announcement. But until that day, I will be a “fool” and continue to do as many “foolish” acts of faith as long as God asks me too. If believing in faith that I am healed of PCOS makes me a fool and proclaiming that one day I will be pregnant with a child that God has promised me makes me act foolish, then so be it.

I am a fool.

Two weeks ago this woman’s comment took the wind right out of my sails and made me question everything I have believed for two years. She almost shut me up. But today, her comment has turned into a breath of fresh air. I sincerely thank her and have no ill feelings toward her for the comment she left me because it has reminded me that I am not only strong and brave, but also a fool. I’m happy to be naive and foolish because miracles don’t come to those believing in just the norm. They come to those who are willing to make themselves a fool by having faith to believe in the impossible. Today, I am proud to be not only a fool, but an enormous (not pregnant) fool.   

photo 1(4)



and proud

an enormous fool

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180 thoughts on “Diary of an Infertile: I Am an Enormous (not pregnant) Fool!”

  1. Wow. She had a lot of nerve, but hurt people hurt people. I’m sorry she said such a horrible thing. I don’t know what her faith situation is, but those without faith look at those who do through a veil, not understanding because they can’t understand. I trust in God that he will make you a joyful mother of many children and I STILL hear “soon” when in prayer for you. I pray for you every day, for strength and for your prayers of a child to be answered. Lots of love and hugs!

    1. Thank you Mel! Did you see my facebook status update a couple of weeks ago? An acquaintance (whom I haven’t spoken too in over 8 years) sent me a message saying that one day she was randomly praying for me and heard the word “soon”. How awesome is that?! hehe. I have Lily’s email address written down and she might just be the first person to get a baby bump picture sent with a sign that reads “I am an enormous (PREGNANT) fool. hehe! All in love of course 😉

  2. I’m not sure why people feel the need to leave hurtful comments. Maybe they think they are really doing a good thing? If they don’t believe in what you’re doing, they can just silently disagree and move on. Why try to make other people feel bad? Ugly commenters are the worst. I usually get at least one negative student comment per semester. It’s always the one negative one that haunts me when it should be the 20 positive ones that make me feel good.

    1. I agree! I read some blogs and disagree but I just move on and continue on with my business. I am also slightly confused as to why she was reading my blog in the first place if she completely disagrees with everything I am writing?

  3. I am standing with you in the pool of fools! I believe God and his promises over your life and my own. Sometimes we have to step out and be radical and not rational. Our faith requires risk and if someone sees it as foolish that’s on them. We don’t need to explain it to others we just go with God. Keep on trusting and believing the God who sustains you daily. I pray that Lily would have an encounter with the God we know that would encourage her to join our pool of fools.

    1. amen to every single word you just typed! Love ya girl!! Bring your floatation devices and nose plugs…we are jumping in cannonball style to the pool of fools together 🙂

  4. Miss Elisha you are very strong and brave. I am so very proud to call you a friend. I am always excited when you post a new blog. You are so truthful and share everything. You are an awesome lady. Praying for you and Daniel.

    1. Awe thank you so much Ms. Jeannie! Your words of encouragement and support mean more to me than you will ever know! xo

  5. Hi Elisha,
    I have been following your blog now for the last few weeeks and I have been greatly encouraged by your faith, stamina, perservance and sense of humor in the misdt of what is a very challenging journey. I really feel pity for the lady that posted that comment for she obviously has no idea that what God has put in your heart and called you to do can’t be taken away from you. God calls the foolish things of this world to conform the wise. What may appear to be foolishness to her, God has called to be wise. I know many like myself have been blessed by your ministry and I thank God I stumbled across your blog. I’m thanking and praising God in advance for your son for I know that He who promised shall fulfill It In Jesus name!

    1. Thank you so much for following my blog! I had no idea…your name doesn’t sound familiar (I sometimes get emails when people start following). I thank you for your kind words of encouragement and support. It means so much to me to have people of faith in agreement for my baby bird. If there is anything I can do to help encourage you, please feel free to email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com. I love meeting new people even if it is only through email 🙂

  6. So, so proud of you for this post! I know this sense of shame we take on through others’ words and judgments. It is brutal and always knocks me down, at least temporarily. You are amazing! Love, love, J

    1. Thank you Justine. I have never had a hurtful comment until now…it really took me by surprise and I decided I needed some tougher skin if I am to continue on this path that is not like most. Thank you for all your love and support! xo

  7. You go girl! Have you checked out Rick warrens daily message? It’s all about waiting for a miracle and the conditions you need for a miracle to happen ! It’s great encouragement. Keep believing! Miracles do happen! On another note I used to see a guy standing on the street who wore a sandwich board that said I’m a fool for Christ, whose fool are you?
    I know whose fool I want to be! God bless you Elisha

    1. Thank you girl! Maybe I need to make myself a sandwich board myself just to clear the air and let everyone know that I’m okay with being a fool 🙂

      I have not checked out his daily message but I need too. Thanks for the suggestion.

  8. Worshipping with you right now girl! I’ll gladly be a fool with you. Way to be bold! I’m very proud of you! Keep up the foolishness, please!

  9. Wow! It is so sad that people have so much anger in their hearts. As women (especially us not pregnant fools) we should always be an encouragement to one another no matter what our beliefs. Anyone experiencing infertility should naturally want to love on others that are also experiencing it. If Lily is not experiencing infertility, does not want to hear of Gods promises, be an encouragement to others or be encouraged by others here then she should probably just find another blog to read. So LILY it’s as simple as that, sister. Just left click on the X at the top right side of your screen and leave us not pregnant women alone. Elisha, I just want to tell you that I am always so excited to read your blog posts! When I see them in my inbox I can hardly wait to read them. You are such an encouragement to me. I read other blogs but none of them speak to me the way that yours does. Gods promises are real and he still makes miracles happen. I have asked and he has showed me the path I should take many times through this journey. Praying for you and your hubby. Praying for your Josiah and my Penelope.

    1. You made me giggle 🙂 Thank you so much for your encouraging words! It’s comments like these that keep me going and keep me pressing on to hopefully encourage others to never give up no matter the opposition that comes against them. I’m praying for you too girlie! We will be holding our blessings SOON! xo

  10. You know we all love and respect you, right? When I read your blog, I think “Wow, what an amazing woman”. This “lily” is just a *troll* trying to upset you. Screw that troll. Tell her if she wants to take issue with somebody then her b*tch ass can come see me. XOXO

  11. Yikes. Kind of a harsh thing to say to anyone, much less a total stranger. :S But it seems that God has taught you something and you’ve grown and taken another step forward, which is great. 🙂 The whole things reminds me of David and Michal’s conversation in 2 Samuel 6.

    “21 David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. 22 I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.””

    God’s ways often seem foolish, and we look foolish when we follow Him. Don’t be discouraged. 🙂 I can’t wait to hear about little Josiah!

    1. Yes, His ways are often foolish. I always remind myself of how he told the army to march around the wall and then shout on the seventh time in order to bring it down. I couldn’t imagine being given that instruction…My belief is that the most foolish requests are most likely from God. He doesn’t do anything normal. Normal doesn’t show how powerful and awesome He truly is.

  12. Elisha,
    I am not a religious person, but put my beliefs in a more spiritual idea. While I have never been a church goer, prayer sayer, or one to put my faith in a sense that you have I would NEVER call you a fool. I think Josiah day is inspiring, I think seeking those that can help us (in any capacity) are worth seeking, and I think you should never be silenced for your thoughts and feelings. I’m sorry this pathetic person felt the need to be so rude. Blog on, sista! I’ll send my good mojo your way so you can shove it in her face that much sooner. ☺️

    1. tehehe! I did keep her email so that I can mark out the “NOT” part and send her a picture of that with the hubs holding my glorious pregnancy stick. tehehe! All in love of course 😉

      1. Yes! I love that you kept the email. I hope she reads it, passes out, wakes up and becomes an “indoctrinated” fool like the rest of us. 🙂

      2. well i acutally put it in the “trash” bin of my comments but I kept thinking about it. I kept going back to it because I couldn’t get it out of my mind and I knew that God was using this nasty comment to teach me something. Once I was okay with her comment, i took it out of the “Trash” bin and approved it for the world to see on that particular post. Thanks for being a fool with me 🙂

  13. I am a person with no faith or religion. And yet I dont think you are a fool. I have to admit I can’t always relate to your posts but if anything I am a bit jealous of your faith. Don’t listen to this Lily. Someone who takes the time to discourage other people on an offensive tone should not affect you and your beliefs. You are indeed strong and brave! xx

    1. Awe thank you so much and I thank you for reading and continuing to encourage me even though we don’t share the same beliefs! Sending you LOTS of love! xo

  14. I’m not really even sure where to start with that comment so I won’t. You know in your heart that what you are doing is what you are being called to do and that’s all that matters. We all continue to support you here girl! HUGS

    1. Thanks so much Amie. If I would have written this post two weeks ago, it probably wouldn’t have been so pretty. lol!

  15. So many thoughts come to mind for Lily, but none of them are out of love so I will keep quiet. But I am so glad that you are not keeping quiet. You are doing what God has called you to do and ultimately that is all we can do. Thank you for continually sharing your story and encouraging other women, like myself, who are on this lonely road of infertility. I am so sorry that you had to read those hurtful words.

    1. Thank you so much Elaina! I’m so blessed to have you following my journey and me following yours! xo

  16. If having hope makes you a fool, then allow me to join you in being foolish.

    In my darkest days where I battled depression, I had no hope. I could barely make it through the day and had no desire to see the next day. 6 years later, I have hope and faith and a will to move forward. If that makes me fool, then so be it. I wear that badge with pride!

    What’s so wrong with wanting to believe? How does that hurt anybody? Your journey has brought you even closer to God and there is NOTHING foolish about that. But hey, if there is, let’s all be foolish! 🙂

    What she doesn’t realise is that hope is contagious. Your alleged foolishness brings hope and joy to so many women who receive comfort from your words. All we can do is pray for Lily.

    1. I am so thankful you found hope and six years later is still here to share your testimony with others. Love you girl and so thankful to know you! xo

  17. I don’t know why anyone would feel the need to say such a terribly insensitive thing. LOVE your response and your increased faith.

  18. Oh, dear, sweet Elisha! i am writing this in tears! I don’t even know how to put into words how upsetting this comment was to me..because it was directed towards YOU. I can’t imagine how painful this was for you to read, in the beginning, but it is just like you to plow through whatever stumbling blocks and hindrances are laid in your path and keep right on believing! I Corinthians 4:10 says, “We are fools for Christ’s sake”, so what was meant as an insult is actually a BIG compliment to you, and you are in great company! The world and its naysayers have never understood the concept of faith, and this is why they lose out on so much God would love to give them. I have NO doubt that God DID promise to send a son to your barren womb, I have NO doubt that He will do just that, and you WILL name him Josiah. It is not a matter of IF, it is only a matter of WHEN, my sweet, believing, valiant friend! Hold on to that promise with all your might…it is strong enough to carry you through until that baby boy is in your arms. I’m proud of you for turning this stumbling block into yet another stepping stone. You go, girl!

    1. Cheryl you always have the most perfect words of encouragement for me! Thank you for being such an awesome light to me in the midst of darkness. Love you lots!! I have had you on my heart lately and I want you to know you have been in my prayers! xo

      1. Awww! You will NEVER know how much that means to me, Elisha! To know that I have been on your heart and in your prayers. I need them…going through some tough times and at a crossroads. God is always faithful…and one of the ways He shows that is through precious, caring friends like you. So thankful for you, and love you much! xo

  19. Oh man, people can be so mean. I can understand how to an unbeliever your faith can seem foolish. I get that. But using harsh words to someone who is struggling through this messy thing called infertility is just mean. I’d give you a big hug right now if I could because it’s YOUR bravery and boldness in sharing your story, your hopes and your struggles that gave me the courage to share mine today. Because, just as I’ve been so incredibly encouraged when reading your blog, I hope that when women read my story on my blog they also walk away encouraged at the amazing things God can do. As I said — we can hold on to hope not because we are fools but because hope doesn’t disappoint.

    1. I can’t wait to read your story this morning! I am so glad I was able to inspire and encourage you to share. i always tell people that if they are comfortable to share their story because they never know how it could change the ending of someone else’s story. Love you girl and thank you for always being so supportive and encouraging to me.

  20. I for one know that our God is in the miracle business. I am walking proof that he is and my son Johnathon is second proof he is. During my pregnancy with Johnathon I wzs in labor 8 of the 9 months bled the entire pregnancy and at 36 weeks I walked into the OB floor of the hospital with no potassium showing in my blood work my heart should not have been beating. But guess what I felt perfectly fine God protected us. He is now a healthy 11 year old child that should mot have made it several times but God wrapped his arms around him and delivered him safely. So when the times right your child will come. He was my second son I tried for awhile to get pregnant with him my uterus was weak from my first son they didn’t think I could have anymore I proved them wrong. So keep the faith and rely on God.

    1. Sarah your testimony is amazing! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing! God is so good and faithful! xo

  21. Oh man- it hurts when people ridicule because of our faith. I think you must have really struck a cord with this person for them to make such a comment. I am so proud of you for sharing your faith! “Without faith it is impossible to please God” This quote by Mother Teresa is hanging on my wall and I just feel like it’s relevant for you in this situation: “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” I just can’t help but think how her jaw will drop when she reads the post where you find out you’re pregnant (with a baby boy of course) and we already know what you’ll name him! 🙂 You are such a blessing my sweet, amazing, inspiring friend!

    1. I love that quote by Mother Teresa! Thank you sugarpants for sharing it with me and helping me hobble along this path I am on. You are amazing!! xo

  22. Wow, Elisha. I cannot believe that someone would say those things. How hurtful and insensitive. So many times God has asked His people to do ‘foolish’ things… God uses the foolish things to confound the wise. A fools says in his heart there is no God- real fools discount His ability. Keep the faith, Elisha. God will reward it. We are all ‘fools’ with you!! You ARE strong, brave and courageous. Better to be a FOOL for Him!! xo

    1. amen girl! When I think back to every single miracle in the bible, it was their foolish faith and foolish acts that brought that miracle to pass. I believe the more foolish it is, the more it likely from God.

  23. I am so glad that you were able to put such a positive spin on something so negative. Like myself, I am sure many other woman in the community find you to be a lighthouse in their own fertility journeys. I’m thankful for you and pray that god delivers Josiah to you soon. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. xoxo

    1. awe thank you! I’m thankful that God doesn’t bless us on what we deserve though or else I wouldn’t get anything…I am undeserving of anything He gives me! I’m thankful to serve a loving, merciful, and gracious God who loves me despite all my setbacks because I know I have far too many to list! Thank you for your support and encouragement! xo

  24. The nerve! seriously?!!!! Oh girl. Glad to be a fool with you!!! Instead of fool I usually use the term weird – I like to be weird. Clearly normal in this world is NOT working, so I will take being called a fool or weird as a compliment any day! Glad you were able to turn this into a God thing!!!! Your faith is amazing. Keep on preaching and doing what you are doing!

  25. Wow, just wow. I’m so glad that you didn’t let the hurtful comment drag you down. You are so right about how foolish we must look when we obey God and do what He asks us to do when it make no logical sense. God has a plan, He has His reasons. And it always works out for those that love Him and trust Him. God is using you and He has made promises that I know He intends to keep. XO

    1. Thank you so much Mel! I’m not going to lie…it did knock me down for a bit but I’m thankful God gave me the strength and wisdom to get back up and keep pressing on. Thank you for always being so supportive and encouraging. xoxo

  26. Clearly, your expression of faith and trust is making an impact on your audience! I realize that hateful comment was typed by a human being, but if you change the signature to its true author, it makes a whole lot more sense. What do you think the enemy of our souls wants you to be feeling about your hope, your faith in our God? Exactly what Lily wrote.

    Just something I consider from time to time to help me keep perspective about the opposition we sometimes face as believers. Hang in there, girl. God is good and He is faithful.

    1. I am constantly reminding myself that we our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. I do not have any anger or ill feelings toward her…I am actually thankful because it opened my eyes and help build a tougher skin against the enemy and his tactics. It’s obvious something big is going on and the enemy is trying to shut me up. Thank you for your encouragement!

  27. Ew. There are plenty of thoughts I have concerning Lily and her comment. I will force my flesh to choose love and leave it to this. I CANNOT wait for the day, that you and Daniel get to send her and every other doubting Thomas, THE NEWS, that God’s promise has been fulfilled! Haters will only make that day, that much MORE sweet and exciting! Yeah, It’s going to be so fun to tell everyone that is believing with you the news but even more so the ones that doubt God and put down your faith! You have a lot of “fools” that know Gods word does not return void! You ARE strong and brave!!! We shall she who the “fools” really are, SOOOOOON!!!! 😘 Love you!!

    1. Thank you so much Kerry! You are such a great source of strength and encouragement for me. Thank you for being YOU! xo

  28. Good post P.H.. It is impossible to have a victory if there is no struggle. Do not succumb to the taunts and snipping from those who do not know the God of all creation or the way he tends to show himself. 1Cor. 27

    And just because I am Dad and I can’t help it Naaman would have looked ludicrous not lucrative.

    I love you P.H. hang on to your promise.

    1. Thanks pa and I changed it! It’s hard to write posts with a three year old hanging ion my legs. It’s scary to think how many grammar errors are in my posts. Yikes! Xoxo

  29. Wow! You are an inspiration to me, if I received a comment like that on my blog I would be heart broken. You are amazing 🙂

    1. Oh girl I was! Two weeks ago I was sick to my tummy and feeling heartbroken…then I went into the stage of anger…and now this…the stage of being thankful because as always, God turned it around for good. Love that about Him 🙂

  30. WOW, I can’t even begin to explain how upset I am right now. I can’t believe anyone would say anything even close to that……just WOW! I’m so sorry this happened to you. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, no one deserves that. That is abuse, and I’m just so sorry. That comment makes me sick and my blood boil at the very same time. I have gotten a lot from your blog and following your journey, and I have appreciated your support during some tough times of mine too. You are an incredibly strong woman with an enormous heart and so much faith….you inspire me. Thank you for sharing this!! Keep blogging, haters gonna hate…..and the rest of us will still be here by your side!!! XOXO

  31. It is almost easier in some ways to live without hope (hope for a child, hope in God’s promises, hope in a better tomorrow). It makes the disappointment and trials expected, almost planned for, and living hopeless means you don’t have to relinquish control. Or at least that is how I have felt in those hopeless moments.

    Living as a shining beacon of faithful hope can seem so foolish to those without any hope in their lives. I am saying a prayer for Lily and for you right now. Thank you for being a bright spot, a light reminding me how wonderful it is to live in faith and hope.

    1. You are so right! It is easier to not have hope sometimes but I don’t know how people do it for long. The bible says that without hope you can’t have faith and without faith you can’t receive all the blessings God has to give us. Those people are missing out on so much in life. Even if they have a “good” life now, I can’t help but think how much it would be if they had hope and faith in the One who can give it all to them. Thanks for reading and being so encouraging and supportive!

  32. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I don’t remember the exact verse but the Bible tells us that following Him is not always popular and can lead to judgement. Stay strong, He is using your story to shine His light. Luke 1:37

  33. It’s very simple….”Lily” is obviously a very troubled person. She needs our prayers. That’s the only answer I can think of for someone to write such a thing.
    You are inspiring. You are strong. You are admirable.
    ~~You are going to be an AMAZING mother. ~~
    It’s on His time. We are all on HIs time. And His time….we will wait…to celebrate…you pregnant fool 😉 xoxo

  34. What an insensitive and jerky little twit! I have been following for quite awhile now, and I have never once thought that you were crazy or a fool. I envy your positivity in struggling to have a baby and can’t wait to see your posts. Keep on keepin on sister! Do your thing the way God wants you to, and don’t let anyone break you down.

    1. Oh I don’t think she is a twit…but def someone who needs a lesson in being classy. yikes! Thank you so much for you support, love and always reading my silly blog posts! love ya!

  35. I’m sorry this woman said this to you. i often forget that what we write is open to everyone and anyone. i feel like our little community is safe and supportive and i feel like it takes a lot of nerve to write something like that and infiltrate our world. she didn’t just write that message to you, she wrote it to all of us. although i am not religious i admire your strength and love your writing style and messages. i would never come into your world and intentionally hurt you. i think you need to be a very damaged person to be so blatantly negative.

    1. I am always telling people that blogging is SOOO much different than facebook in the sense that on facebook, people will comment and write whatever…but not many write rude comments on a blog. Usually if someone doesn’t like a writer, they don’t read or comment. So I was totally shocked when I read her comment.

  36. Wow, Elisha! So, so proud of you! I’m just taking notes & learning lessons from you!

  37. Wow, I can totally see how that type of comment would make you question sharing your journey and faith with the rest of the world, but I know I am not alone when I say I am so glad you didn’t let her stop you. I saw this the other day and it really struck a chord with me in relation to my infertility journey:

    “Would there be any point in giving you the gift of imagination, the freedom to think as you choose, and dreams that set your soul on fire if even a single one of them couldn’t come true?”

    I am going to remember this when I am feeling foolish for being so hopeful month after month that I might be pregnant, and when I am devastated because it turns out once again I am not….yet! Because what would be the point of this burning desire and 4 year long journey to become pregnant and parent my own child if it wasn’t possible? Oh, that’s right – through God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE! Keep your head up, and keep on inspiring the rest of us.

  38. Trolls are horrible. They don’t have to agree and they don’t have to comment. But they feel that they have to get their points across even if it’s hurtful. I love the way you are handling this. Continue to believe. Like you said, God is bigger than any problem we’re facing. Thanks always for your encouragement and continue doing what you’re doing! Being a fool may be required to have faith in this journey.

    1. Oh I believe being a fool is a huge factor. When I think about it, faith is all about believing in something you can’t use your five senses for…to be that is foolish;) I am a proud fool today. 🙂

  39. For the record, you are NOT an enormous fool by any stretch of the imagination! The only fool here is Lily. Her comment breaks my heart. XOXO

  40. Oh Elisha! I am stunned! The nerve of some people! You keep on believing girl. Your faith is beautiful and has been a constant inspiration to me to not lose my own faith so many times. I truly believe you have inspired many others too. Life must be pretty awful for Lily to have no faith and nothing better to do with her time than bully you for your beliefs. Shame on her!!! Hold your head high and keep on cerebrating Josiah day! I have no doubt you will have your miracle boy soon.

  41. First of all, I’m sorry you received a comment like that, Elisha. I’ve come to the conclusion it’s just par for the course in blogging. I always delete them and never respond because I simply can’t work up the energy to rebuttal the nonsense. My decision to do IVF stirred up a lot of nonsense from “well meaning” people of faith and other simply rude people. Something about social media has allowed everyone to feel the “right” to say whatever they want in any way they want… things they would never say to your face. It’s ridiculous. If the comment section of my blog wasn’t typically such a BEAUTIFUL space, I’d kill it just to prevent further nonsense. You don’t have to be a follower of Jesus to know that her comment had no place… it’s in Bambi for crying out loud: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

    As to your faith, your promise, and your story… I’ll admit that stories like yours are hard for me, not because you’re a fool, but because you have a promise and I don’t. I’ll agree that you’re in a tough spot… having faith in a promise delivered in a dream or a whisper or a vision must be incredibly hard. But I’ll flip it around for you: imagine NOT having your promise. Imagine if God not only didn’t promise you a boy named Josiah, but that he didn’t promise you children at all. I liken myself to the “others” in the story of Noah… the ones the Lord didn’t speak to… the ones he didn’t save. I’m not saying the Lord doesn’t have plans for me, good plans even, but I have no promise that I’ll ever be a mom. The Bible certainly promises me that He is FOR me and that He wants GOOD things for me, but as to whether that includes motherhood, I have no idea. I can try IUI and IVF and adoption and donor eggs and on and on and on, but I do it all with hope, not a promise. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “this would be so much easier if He had just promised me SOMETHING.” I could wait forever if I KNEW the promise was coming. So take heart, my dear, brush yourself off and forget about Lily and her issues and hurtful words. If the Lord promised you a son, He’ll deliver somehow, someway, some day.

    1. I often think about how my faith wouldn’t be as strong for a child if He hadn’t given me a direct promise of a child and I’ll be the first to admit that I would have fallen to the waste side months ago…but then again, maybe not. I’m not sure. But I believe that the Bible promises several things that you can hold onto for your own baby and I’m going to share them with you. I want you to meditate on these promises and believe that they are for you and everyone. Romans 2:11 says that God does not show favoritism so what He does for me, your neighbor, your sister, or best friend, He can and will do for you.

      There are many stories of barren women in the bible. In fact, one of the first recorded miracles was when Sarah gave birth to Issac after being barren and 90 years old. I believe God put those stories in the Bible to prove that He cares about barren women and it was never in His plan. He is the same yesterday, today and forever so His plans for us to be fruitful and multiply hasn’t changed.

      Psalm 113:9–“He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.”

      Exodus 23:25-26–“Worship the Lord your God and his blessings will be on your food and water. I will take sickness from among you and none will miscarry or be barren in your land.”

      Leviticus 26:9–“I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers and I will keep my covenant with you.”

      Deuteronomy 28:4–“The fruit of your womb will be blessed…”

      Deuteronomy 28:11–“The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity in the fruit of your womb…”

      Deuteronomy 7:14–“You will be blessed more than any other people none of our MEN or WOMEN will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.”

      Numbers 23:19–“God is not human that he should lie, not a human being that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

      Isaiah 53:5–“..by His wounds we ARE healed.”

      Psalm 107:20–“He sent his word and healed them, and delivered (them) from their destructions.

      Luke 1:37–“For nothing is impossible with God.”

      So while you don’t have a direct promise with a name attached…you can hold onto these promises for yourself. Love ya girl!

  42. I am always shocked at how cruel people can be. We all have different paths. I would not be strong enough to walk yours. But I didn’t need to be…I needed to be strong enough for my own. We are all different. I’m going to send “Lily” some love and hope that she was just having a moment of weakness. There is nothing to be gained by hurting another person. I am proud of you Elisha. I strive to someday have as strong of a faith as you do. Love and prayers for you too!

    1. You are SOOO right that we only need to be strong enough to walk our own. Thank goodness because I’m sure someone else has a tougher road to walk than me. love ya!

  43. BRAVO!!! I commend you for being true to your faith! I will be a FOOL right alongside you on that ship! We can even exchange ideas on nursery themes because our babies are on their way!

  44. I’ve said this a million times, but you are so inspiring! I hope that your words someday inspire Lily so that she can come to know these “voices” that you and I both believe in…our good God! God bless you and your mission! I know He’s spoken through you in many ways to many people, including myself. Not everyone will agree or see that and I’m happy that one comment here or there will not drag you down!

    1. Awe thank you so much! I needed to hear your words of support and encouragement today. It’s crazy how I can hear 50 compliments but let one critique drag me down. Love ya!

  45. my dear, Lilly is entitled to her opinion and it doesn’t mean a thing, she can open her mouth and blab all she likes but our hope is in Jesus and we will keep believing till we see it come to pass. Psalm 113:9 says we are Joyful mother of children and that’s what we are. keep your hope alive. Lilly can’t do a thing about it if you don’t let her. Lilly, please respect other people’s feelings whether it means a thing to u or not.

  46. You are not the only person on this journey, and only people like us who are fighting the battle to become parents will ever truly know what we think, feel, do, or say and why! Keep up the blog! I find it inspiring to keep telling my story as well!

    1. So glad to hear Misty!! Hold on to Gods promises for He does settle the barren woman as a happy mother of children (psalm 113:9) and he does restore double for our trouble!

  47. What a horribly hurtful and unnecessary comment. I presume “Lily” doesn’t believe in god. Well neither do I, and while blind faith doesn’t really make sense to me, I would never publicly shame someone for their beliefs.

    I’m a fellow infertile and I follow your blog. I find it fascinating. Yes, you are strong. And I think your voice is important so please continue to blog. And continue to be YOU on your blog.

    I believe in science. I don’t believe you will get magically or spiritually healed of your pcos. And i don’t really understand the decision to deny medication. But I do believe that you have a 3% chance and that it is still totally possible for you to get pregnant. I honestly hope that you do.

    I’m sorry for all of your pain. Babydust for both of us! Hugs!

    1. Thank you so much for your honesty. We all have different beliefs, stories and journeys 🙂 Xoxo! Thank you for your support and encouragement even if we don’t share the same beliefs! You are amazing!

  48. I have faith in your beliefs, your hope and your sense of knowing. Many people think my thoughts are crazy too (we will have a girl, then a boy you know), but what do we have in life if not a sense of hope? You said it best when you said miracles don’t come to those just believing in the norm. Stay true to yourself. Your blessing will come true. I believe it. 🙂

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