Love and Marriage

Men Are Like Waffles

Men Are Like Waffles (why this matters to women)

“Gracie (that’s my nickname), men are like waffles and women…well, women are like spaghetti…”

It was an early Saturday morning years ago when I sat across from my dad at a local coffee shop diner listening to him ramble about this new book he had read called, “Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti.”  Like most young, 20 something daughters who could care less about the importance of knowing why men and women act, think, and communicate differently, I zoned out.  Maybe even rolled my eyes.  But ten years later, and in the throes of infertility and not knowing why my husband acts or responds in the manner that he does when dealing with it, I am more interested now more than ever in this whole waffles and spaghetti concept.  So interested in fact, I bought the book (shhh, don’t tell my dad).  And let me just say, it is fascinating (don’t tell him that either, he might make me say he was right).

For the last two years I have often wondered the reason behind why my supportive, yet seemingly clueless husband just stares at me when I am crying about a friend announcing their “whoopsie” pregnancy.  Doesn’t he have bitterness and jealousy issues too?  Or when I get another negative pregnancy test, how come he is not on the floor ugly crying with me.  Doesn’t he feel crushed?  Or why is it that when I want to talk about our infertility struggle, he shuts down.  Gets defensive.  Or in my mind, completely irrational with his hope that “everything will be okay.”  And why must he always try to solve everything?  Can’t he just listen?! (I see you nodding your head in agreement.) But the truth is, he probably can’t.

And it’s because he is like a waffle.  And me?  I’m more like a plate of pasta…specifically, spaghetti noodles.

Ladies, have you ever looked at a plate of those long, skinny noodles? If you were to pick one and follow it closely, you would see that it touches, even connects to another one…and then another…and then another.  They are all linked and intertwined.  And much is the same with how we, as women, process life.  Every emotion, every issue, and every conversation is connected together with other emotions, other issues, and other conversations.  They all unite and interweave together.  This is why when your best friend announces she is pregnant, it brings back the emotions you had three months ago of when you got a negative pregnancy test; which then reminds you of the feelings you had when you cried in the bathroom at a baby shower, that somehow leads to you imagining how the perfect idea you have pinned on pinterest to announce your own miracle pregnancy will never happen.  You see, your friend’s pregnancy announcement, it’s not just a pregnancy announcement.  If it were, you might be able to handle it.  Instead, it’s one event touching another event which crosses over to a painful emotion that reminds you of the fears you have hidden and tucked away inside the secret places of your heart. And as a result of them meshing together, you process them together.

This is a stark contrast to our better half. Because like I said earlier, they are more like waffles.

I don’t mean our men folk are like waffles in the sense that they waffle with their decisions and are unstable and fickle with their emotions, although some might and are, but rather because they process life in boxes.

Let me see if I can explain without quoting the entire book. If you look at a waffle, you will see a collection of boxes separated by walls, right? These boxes help create convenient holding places for things such as butter and syrup. This is typically how a man processes life. Their thinking is divided up into boxes and they can only live in one box at a time. For instance, your husband has a work box and so when he is at work, he is at work. When he is fishing, he is fishing. When he is watching sports center, he is simply watching sports center. Ladies, this explains why your husband can be watching television and seem as though he is in a trance, unable to notice even a fire sweeping through the home.

In addition to our men folk compartmentalizing their life and responsibilities into cute little boxes (I like to picture them with pretty bows on top), they are also problem solvers by nature.  Therefore when an issue arises, they take it, stick it in a box, size it up, and work immediately to find a solution.  Sounds great, right?  Well, sort of.  The problem with this is they will only spend most of their time in boxes they know they can succeed in.  And the ones that confuse or make them feel like a failure, they put on a shelf in the back part of their brain and ignore.  This also holds true for communication.  If they can’t solve it or understand it, they more than likely don’t want to talk about it.

(And I can hear all of the men quietly saying, aaaamen.)

But women?  Oh, no!  We like to talk.  A lot.  And we like to talk about everything, especially when dealing with a stressful issue, such as infertility and everything it entails.  And here is why.  When we feel our noodles are all in a jumble, all of our emotions, all of our issues and all of our conversations need to be processed and put into their proper place.  And for women this “noodle filing” is usually done by talking about the issue from every possible angle (spiritual, relational, emotional, logical).  It makes us feel better when we do even if the problem never gets solved.

Men on the other hand, don’t talk just to feel better.

For men, testosterone reduces stress and it’s stimulated through solving problems. Conversation about a problem that does not involve some sort of resolution will actually lower his testosterone levels, and he’ll start feeling uncomfortable and bored. Maybe even confused, stressed, defeated.  And dare I say it?  Worse for actually having the conversation.

Are things starting to make sense, ladies?  Are you starting to understand why it is that when you try to talk to him about your struggles, he never seems to hear a word you say and when given the chance, he quickly changes the subject, or better yet, offers you simple band-aid solutions like, “It will all work out”?  It’s not because he doesn’t care.  But rather, because he does care.  And he cares deeply and passionately.  That’s why he has more than likely placed this issue, the issue of infertility, where it is.  In a box, taped up, and on the top shelf in the very back of his brain.  It hurts him too much to think about it.  It hurts him too much to talk about it.  And it hurts him in ways that are unimaginable each time he sees your heart aching.  Each time you take the medicine, each time you are poked and prodded, each time you leave a doctor’s office in tears…he has to open up the box and look at the contents.  And because he doesn’t know how to understand all of the feelings involved, and because he doesn’t know how to fix the issue at hand, he quickly closes the box, tapes it shut, and again, tucks it in the very back part of his brain.

As wives we need to understand these boxes because sometimes (not all of the time) we need to help him leave his infertility box where it is…on the top shelf, in the back.  Does this mean you should never talk to them about your struggles?  Your painful emotions?  Or the bad days that rock you to the core?  No.  That’s not what I am saying at all. This is not a “get out of jail free card” per say.  I am just suggesting that you don’t need to let him see you ugly cry (different than the normal cry) after every negative pregnancy test.  Or complain to him every single time you see a pregnant woman in the grocery store or hear of yet another pregnancy announcement. (Perhaps save that for a girlfriend or your journal.)  Or maybe if you do need to talk to him about it, you go ahead and let him think he is solving the problem and bandaging up your wounds with his band-aid words of hope instead of lashing out at him for being too optimistic.

I know that for me, I don’t talk to my husband every day, or even every week about our struggle. I don’t let him know when it’s ovulation time (how is he supposed to jump in his sex box if I just made him open up the infertility box too?).  I also don’t let him know about the pregnancy announcement on Facebook that made me want to punch the computer screen.  Or point out the pregnant woman who caused my womb to ache.  Instead, I just find another plate of spaghetti…I find a friend.  I confide in her.  I spill my guts out to her.  I cry on her shoulder and complain of how unfair all of this can be.  And I know that because she intertwines her thoughts and emotions like I do, she gets it.  She understands the pain in my heart and the frustrations that overwhelm my soul.  This is why I feel so strongly about the need to attend an infertility support group and the benefits that can come from it.  But in the event I can’t talk to my friend or attend a support group, I grab a blanket, a box of Kleenex, and my journal and process my noodles through writing it out on paper.  I may not always find a solution when I do either of these things, but I always feel better when I am done.

Ladies, our husbands like to stay in the boxes that cause them satisfaction and bring success, so let’s help them. If we keep pulling out a box on a daily basis that does the opposite unnecessarily, science shows that their testosterone is going to be lowered and we are going to see them withdraw. Even crumble. And we might even start to see them resent us and our strong desire for a family.  And again, it’s not because he doesn’t care. The fact is he cares so much it hurts.

* Disclaimer: This article is my opinion.  The information I have given is based upon what I have gathered from reading the book, as well as from talking with my husband and other husbands who are also dealing with the struggles of infertility.  I realize not all men will act, think, or respond in the same manner I have shared.  Everyone is different.  I would also like to emphasize once again that we still need to talk to our husbands about life’s struggles.  This is not a “get out of jail card” for them.  But at the same time, I believe we need to just be more mindful of when and how often we do.*

With LoveIf you live in Southern Illinois and would like to join my once a month infertility support group (The Nest), I already have a seat saved for you!  All you need to do is email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com for directions and details!


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you.

 

Love and Marriage

12 Fun Ways to Wow Your Husband

Confession time. Ladies, after almost ten years of marriage, I have hit a slump. I no longer remember the “little” anniversary’s…you know…the day we first rekindled our old love affair from the 6th grade, or the night of our first date, or even the moment he proposed.  I have even stopped buying Valentine’s Day cards.  I know, shameful!  And ladies, if I were honest, it’s because I have become comfortable and lazy in our marriage.  This is not good.  It’s not acceptable.  Because comfortable and lazy is the breeding ground for taking him, our marriage, and the love we share for granted. It’s the start of letting the little things (and even the big things) that keep a marriage alive, grow cold and dead.  And so to fix this, I have decided to try and “wow” my man at least once a month and I couldn’t help but want to share my ideas with you. Because maybe you have also hit a slump.  Or are in need of something new and fresh to do.  Whatever the case, I hope you take the time and energy to keep the romance alive and your marriage as vibrant as the day you said I Do.

So without further ado, here they are…

12 Fun Ways to Wow Your Husband

1. Surprise him with a “just because” gift

I have learned over the years that a gift given as a surprise rather than expected, is better.  For instance, if I call my husband from the grocery store and ask if he needs me to grab him anything, he will say yes and will be grateful I thought of him.  But if I don’t call him and then surprise him later at work or after dinner with his favorite donuts, yogurt, or pie, I am all of a sudden the greatest wife in the world!.  So ladies, surprise the men in your life with a “just because” gift.  The possibilities are endless from something as cheap as a bag of his favorite candy to as expensive as an upgrade to his favorite sports channels.

2.  Fall in love with his hobby

Well, maybe not forever, but you can at least do it for a day, right?  The next time he mentions you tagging along when he goes fishing or wants you to sit down with him to watch a football game, don’t decline.  Instead, just go with it!  Showing genuine interest and enthusiasm in a hobby he loves, will not only strengthen your marriage, but will also make him feel like a million bucks!  And who knows?  You might just get a shopping trip in exchange.

3.  Play Jenga

Why Jenga and not any other game?  Because in Jenga, you can take the Jenga logs and write simple messages for your husband to read as you play.  Remind him of your first date and how much you fell in love with him.  Tell him thank you for helping around the house.  Compliment his eyes.  And if you want to give him the ultimate surprise, you can always write on a few logs, “take off one item of clothing.”  The possibilities are endless and it’s a game he will most likely never forget. (And more than likely want to play every night.)

4.  Write a sexy love note

You probably expected this idea, right? It’s a classic. But how about you change things up. Grab a red ink pen (meow) and write a love note letting him know how much you can’t wait to see him after work. Once you have done this (and signed it with a kiss), mail it to his work. Can’t do that? Then go ahead and place it inside of a balloon that is blown up and write “Pop Me” on it for him to find first thing in the morning. Or tuck it inside of his pants pocket before he gets dressed for work. I guarantee your note will have him blowing through every stop sign to get home to you.

9.  Do him a favor

I am the worst at doing “extra” favors for my husband. I know, shame on me. And maybe you too?  If so, do something unexpected for him, something little, that will make a huge impact in his day. For instance, slip out of bed a little early in the morning and start the vehicle and turn on the heat if it’s a bit nippy. Or brew his pot of coffee if he is the one to usually do it. If getting out of bed early is not your thing (it’s not mine), maybe complete a task around the house that is normally his job. I have always been told it’s the little things that count, so pick something little and wow him with it.

10.  Cook his favorite meal

We all know food is one of the fastest ways to a man’s heart, so why not surprise him with his favorite meal or dessert?  But don’t just stop there!  Go above and beyond by serving it to him in bed, or in his favorite recliner, or wherever he calls his happy place so that he can relax while watching the latest sports news.

11.  Initiate in bed

Does this one even need explaining?  I don’t think so.  And I am glad because I’m already blushing.

12. Text him

Finally, here’s one you can do right now–even if he’s home! Text him about anything–song lyrics that will remind him of your first date, memories of the fun times you’ve had on recent vacations, perhaps what you’re wearing…Men love to know when we are thinking of them and that we want them.  I may be speaking for myself, but it’s often easier for wives to say, “I love you” than it is for them to say, “I want you.” But we must never forget that our men want to hear both.  And they want to hear it often.  So text him now, again in an hour, and one more time before he comes home from work.

 


Ladies, don’t forget to bookmark this post or print it out! 

You will want to keep it handy so that you will always have a way to make your husband feel special.

With Love


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you.

Love and Marriage

15 New Ways to Date Your Spouse

15 New Ways to Date Your Spouse

Planning a fun date night isn’t always as easy as it sounds–especially when you feel like you’ve been there, done that. So if you are like me and tired of the same ol’ same ol’, check out my list for some great date ideas to spice things up.

1.  Movie Theme Night

If you’re in the mood for good southern cookin, rent Sweet Home Alabama and cook up some fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Or throw some steaks on the grill, some tots in the oven and watch Napoleon Dynamite.  If Italian foods are what you are craving, watch The Italian Job while eating a plate of spaghetti.  And don’t forget you can also watch The Pirates of the Caribbean while eating Jamaican Jerk Chicken, or go ahead and gather up your favorite “game foods” and watch The Blind Side. The possibilities and the creativity for this date night are endless!

2.  Thrift Shopping

Head to your local flea market or thrift store and have a contest to see who can find the most unusual item. The only catch? You can spend no more than $10 each. Winner gets to choose their choice for dinner. Or a free pass on dishes.

3.  Restaurant Hop

Grab some appetizers and drinks at one location. Your entrée at another. And then end the night sharing a dessert somewhere cozy. It doesn’t have to be expensive as you can always mix and match between fast food and casual dining.

4.  Wal-Mart Bingo

Here is out it works: Head on over to The Dating Divas website and print out your free Wal-Mart Bingo Card. Then make a trip to Wal-Mart (or any local shopping center) and separately look for the scenes described on the Bingo Card squares. The first person to get Bingo WINS!  And if you think your man won’t want to play, make a wager. Cookies and a massage. Movie of his choice. One pass to not do the dishes. The higher the stakes, the more he will want to play.

*You can make this a great double date activity and see which couple can get BINGO the fastest!

5.  Mall Dare

Much like Wal-Mart Bingo, head on over to The Dating Divas website and print out your free Mall Dare Score Card. Next up, head to the mall and take turns picking and completing a dare and recording the score. This date will for sure have you laughing like crazy as you reconnect in a whole new way!  But don’t forget, before you begin, set a wager!

*You can make this a great double date activity and see which couple can get the highest score!

6.  Try a new restaurant and pick each others entrees

If you are anything like me, you probably go to the same restaurants and order the same entrees.  So why not shake things up a bit.  Pick a new restaurant to try and let your spouse pick your new entree too.

7.  Play Jenga

Why Jenga and not any other game?  Because in Jenga, you can take the Jenga logs and write simple messages for your husband to read as you play.  Remind him of your first date and how much you fell in love with him.  Tell him thank you for helping around the house.  Compliment his eyes.  And if you want to give him the ultimate surprise, you can always write on a few logs, “take off one item of clothing.”  The possibilities are endless and it’s a game he will most likely never forget. (And more than likely want to play every night.)

8.  Black Out

After the sun goes down, ditch the tech! Shut your computer, put away your phone, turn off your tv, and do everything by candle light. Attempt to live in the days before there was electricity and spend the evening just focusing on each other.

9.  Pottery Painting

Okay, you won’t exactly be able to recreate the hot and sexy love scene from Ghost (or I guess you could try…bow-chicka-wow-wow), but you’ll be able to paint some awesome coffee mugs!

10.  Dessert only date

Now this is my kind of date!  You can keep it simple and low-budget by venturing to Dairy Queen for your favorite Blizzard or dress up in your “fancy” clothes and head over to a famous Italian Restaurant to share a Creme Brulee or Tirami Su.

11.  Play a Childhood Game

14.  Coffee Shop Date with a Deck of Cards

Venture out to your local coffee shop with a deck of cards and while you sip on your cup of Jo, play a card came or two.

15.  Relive Your First Date

Where did you eat?  What appetizers did you order?  Did you go dancing or watch a movie?  Try to replicate your first date right down to the flowers he brought you, the outfit you wore, and the food you ate. And if you watched a movie in the theater, rent it and watch it from home while snuggling together on the couch.

With Love


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you.

Love and Marriage, Waiting for Baby Bird

An Open Letter to My Fellow Infertility Wives

To My Fellow Infertility Wives

Whew girl! This.is.exhausting. Am I right? It is not for the faint of heart. Because this journey through infertility isn’t easy. Nope. Instead, it’s overwhelming. It’s scary. It’s stressful! Goodness, it’s stressful! Especially with all of the charting, the timing, and the planning for “intimate rendezvous” that isn’t so…well, intimate anymore. Because maybe it’s gotten more mechanical? It’s turned into business, not pleasure. And sometimes, doesn’t this journey just feel lonely? Because while your husband is by your side, his mind seems elsewhere. It’s as if he is somehow sleeping through your crisis. He isn’t talking about it and whenever you do, he doesn’t fully engage in the conversation. And him having an ugly cry and hiding underneath the covers because of another negative pregnancy test? That’s rare. Or his emotions? They are nothing like yours. And so, you can’t help but think, “Does he know how serious this is?”

And those doctor’s appointments? Yikes! I have been in your seat and I can see you sitting in the waiting room nervous. Your palms are sweating. Heart racing. You can’t even sit still or concentrate as a million questions, “what if’s” and thoughts are racing through your mind. Fear, doubt and worry begin to cripple every part of your being the longer you must wait for your name to be called. Thinking your husband must feel the same, you look over, but there he is casually sitting in his chair, flipping through a magazine oblivious to what is happening. While watching him seem to be unfazed by it all, you become angry as you can’t help but think, “Does he know how serious this is?

Or what about those negative pregnancy tests? They punch you in the gut and bring you to your knees on the bathroom floor, broken and crushed. You are sobbing and screaming, “When will it end?!”  But there he is, still standing. He is trying to pick you up, hold you close, and whisper hope into your ear. He tells you that it will be okay. You will be okay. Together you will be okay and that it won’t always be this hard, this overwhelming or this stressful. He tries to tell you there is always next month and it just wasn’t the right time. But all you can think is, “Do you know how serious this is?”

Or those small reminders you constantly see? Because while strolling through Target, sitting down for a nice steak dinner, or shopping in the mall, you see them at every turn. You see the pregnant woman with an adorable baby bump. You see the mother smiling with her children as she tickles their bellies. You see those cute outfits hanging in the display window. And as you see them, all.of.them, tears begin to fill your eyes as you can literally feel your heart breaking. But as you go to grab your husband’s hand and look to see if there is pain in his eyes, you discover that he never even noticed. And instantly you feel alone as you think, “Do you know how serious this is?” 

But friend, can I just tell you from one infertility wife to another, he does.

He knows the baby showers you attend hurt your soul beyond words. He knows the doctor appointments are sometimes too much for you to bear. He knows that baby dedications, Mother’s Day celebrations and other holidays, especially Christmas, cripple you to the core. He knows that the nine pregnant women you counted in Target will make you cry yourself to sleep. Or that one more negative pregnancy test might just break you. Because it’s breaking him. And you know what else he knows?  He knows the shame. He knows the embarrassment, and the fear, and the disappointments. And he knows the tears. The tears you shed and the tears he sheds when no one, including you, is looking.

And it’s all because he knows.

And he cares.

But if there is one thing I have learned throughout this journey; it is that our husbands deal with every aspect of infertility differently. They just do. They aren’t as emotional. They aren’t as open. They aren’t as stressed or fearful or hopeless.They just aren’t. And it’s not because they don’t know how serious this situation is, but it’s because they know if you both were a mess every month and curled up on the bathroom floor or pacing the hall before each doctor’s appointment, then who would be the one to pick us up when we fall? Who would calm us down and hold us tight when the doctor whispers words of defeat? Who would remind us while we are at our lowest point to never lose hope because next month might be different? And who would hold the umbrella when the grief of shattered dreams, negative pregnancy tests, and thoughts of fear come pouring down on us like an unexpected afternoon thunderstorm? Who? I will tell you. It’s him. He would…your husband…your biggest supporter…your superhero.

Because wives, he is your superhero even in the silence. Even in the awkward hugs and the band-aid words he uses to try to give you hope as he picks you up off the floor. He was born with that innate desire to “fix” what is broken and he longs to save the day. Therefore, let him. Let him give you that kiss on the forehead and tell you everything is okay, rather than immediately shove him away or yell at him for being so irrationally optimistic. Let him feel as though he is rescuing his damsel in distress, because while his strategies are not the best, his heart and motives are pure.

It is his way of showing that he cares.

And he knows.

But wives while he is busy being your superhero, never forget to be busy letting him know that you think he is your superhero. Or that he is enough and completes you. Because it is so easy to do. It’s so easy to let our desires take over and cast a dark shadow over the blessings we already have in our lives. It’s so easy to stop making those most important to us, feel as though they are just that. Important; which is not uncommon. It happened with the notorious Hannah of the Bible. Because even at one point in her struggle, her husband asked her, “Hannah why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” 

That last question stings, right? It always rocks me to the core and reminds me of how important it is to ensure that we make our husbands feel that even while we don’t have our own children yet, the time we have together as a couple is just as important. It’s just as special and fulfilling. And it reminds me that they want to be seen for more than just their ability to procreate. Just as we do.

So, to my fellow infertility wives, let’s be busy making sure they don’t get lost in the shuffle of all the charting, timing, and doctors appointments. Let’s stay busy enjoying the journey of it just being two of us while we are on our way to our destination of making it the three…or four…or five of us. Let’s continually remind them daily through simple words and gestures that they are still our main squeeze, our better half, and our superhero. And let’s extend to them grace. Grace when they don’t engage in the conversation like we would hope or ask more questions at the doctor’s office. Grace when they don’t notice the pregnant women and the new mommies overtaking the church pew. And grace when their band-aid words, gentle kisses on the forehead, and big bear hugs don’t help. Because while you think he doesn’t know the seriousness of your situation, he does. But you know what else he knows? He knows when he isn’t enough. And he knows when you don’t think of him as your superhero.

Therefore, hug him a little tighter tonight. Kiss him a little longer and dig out that first love note or photo you took together; and let it be a reminder of why you fell in love in the first place. Because can we be gut wrenching honest together for just a second? What good is it to bring children, whether biological or adopted, into a family when your marriage is suffering and becoming shattered as a result of it?

~With all my love,

Your friend and fellow infertility wife

 

Kennedy's party


I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on.Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” enter into exclusive giveaways, as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!

Love and Marriage

To the Not so Perfect Wife…

silly sandi face

Hey there, Sister!

 

I see your laundry room that is waist deep in dirty clothes and the dishes strewn out all over the kitchen counter from last night.  And don’t think I didn’t notice the food that is still stuck to the table from breakfast or the crumbs on the floor from lunch.  And those piles of clothes that still folded? Or even washed? I noticed. I also noticed that you didn’t make dinner from scratch, nor was there a vegetable on anyone’s plate.  Gasp! You can’t hide any of that from me. Nope!

That’s because my house looks the same as yours.  In fact, in just under ten minutes, my husband will be walking through the backdoor and with one quick look around, he is going to assume I slept until noon, spent the rest of my afternoon watching soap operas and talk shows while wearing a two-day old t-shirt with a box of Twinkies and a bag of potato chips in my lap.  And from the looks of the cat hair tumbleweeds and dust bunnies rolling by, it would appear that way; except the t-shirt is not two-days old.  It is indeed clean because I found it in the clean clothes pile that has been sitting in our bedroom far too long. Housewife fail. And it wasn’t Twinkies and a bag of chips I had earlier, but rather just a bag of powder sugar donuts. Whoops!  Diet fail.  And dinner?  It was something I pulled out of the freezer, put in the oven, and brought straight to the dinner table. I will even be serving it on paper plates.  Sigh.

But you know what?  It’s okay.  Because none of us are perfect.  None of us have it all together.

But we still sometimes beat ourselves up for this don’t we. ladies?  We make ourselves feel guilty for not always looking great with our hair perfectly in place while wearing our “I can do everything” Wonder Woman cape.  We manage to convince ourselves that our cooking isn’t good enough.  Our cleaning isn’t clean enough.  Our decorating isn’t cute enough.  And that our lives are not organized enough.  But you know what?   It is.  And if we really thought about it, we would be able to admit that not every day looks like this one.  Not all of our outfits consist of our husbands basketball shorts and baggy t-shirts.

Because there are days when we do fix our hair, put on make-up and dress cute.  There are days when we get everything done and we don’t have to keep “fluffing” the jeans that were left in the dryer or rewash the towels that we keep forgetting in the washer.  There are days when the toilet is sparkling and the floors are spotless. Or when the dirty dishes are not strewn all over the house and the contents of the refrigerator do not look like that of a science experiment.  There are even days when we actually use the vacuum cleaner instead of just plugging it in and walking away (that’s me).  And there are days when we fold the towels and not just leave them on the couch, but actually put them away.  There are even days when we have dinner ready on time and it’s not just frozen pizza.  Yes, there are days like that.

So to you the exhausted wife, who is reading this now, give yourself the gift of grace if today is just not one of those days.  Give yourself permission to not be the “perfect” housewife or feel the pressure to have the picture perfect house.  And let go of the feeling that you need to get everything on the ‘to-do’ list done before it’s bedtime.  And release the nasty feeling you have that who you are and what you look like, dress like, or cook like isn’t good enough either.  Because it is.  You are enough.

Because sister, you are still awesome whether the house is neat and tidy or messy and unorganized.  You are still beautiful in your two-day old t-shirt, messy hair and unplucked eyebrows.  You are still a wonderful person if the laundry hamper is full, or you don’t cook like your Grandmother, or if the dishes remain in the sink for another day.  So take a deep breath in…and now out.  Because no one is perfect.  No one has it all together all of the time.  And no one is always wearing their Wonder Woman cape.

With Love


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