When Did Silence Start Meaning No?
That’s the question I was asking myself over this past weekend.
Friday night, my daughter Mikayla asked if she could go on a horseback trail ride with her boyfriend after church on Sunday.
Now, if you know me, you know that horses and I are not exactly friends. In fact, I’m terrified of them. But that’s a story for another day.
I’m also not someone who likes making decisions without first consulting the Holy Spirit. Whether it’s something important or something as simple as choosing which sweatshirt to wear, I’ve developed a habit of inviting Him into my decisions. It also helps me train my ear to hear Him more clearly. So when Mikayla asked, I told her I wanted to think about it and pray about it.
I didn’t say yes, but I also didn’t say no. I simply hadn’t made a decision yet.
Fast-forward to Saturday night. It was getting late; we were approaching Mikayla’s curfew, and I received a text from her boyfriend’s mom, who is also my best friend. She wanted to know why Mikayla couldn’t go horseback riding with them.
I immediately knew what had happened, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
Mikayla had taken my silence as a no!
Apparently, because it was already Saturday night and I still hadn’t given her an answer, she had decided the window of opportunity for a yes had closed. In her mind, if I were going to say yes, surely I would have said it by now. And since I hadn’t? Well, obviously, the answer must be no.
She had even started making arrangements to stay behind while everyone else went.
My daughter had practically planned her entire Sunday around a rejection I had never given her.
And here’s the thing. My silence didn’t mean no. It meant I hadn’t given her an answer yet. But Mikayla had already decided what my silence meant. She had drawn an entire conclusion based on how much time had passed.
While I found the situation rather funny, I couldn’t help but think about something.
How often do we do the exact same thing with God?
We pray. We believe. We wait. And at first, we’re full of expectation. But as the weeks turn into months and the months turn into years, something begins to change. We start wondering whether God’s silence is actually His way of telling us no.
We tell ourselves that if God were going to answer, surely He would have done it by now. And before we realize it, we’re doing exactly what Mikayla did.
We’re making arrangements around an answer God never gave us.
We lower our expectations. We stop talking about the dreams we once spoke of so freely. We hesitate to pray with the same boldness because, after so much disappointment, hoping has started to hurt.
And sometimes, without even realizing it, we begin treating the passage of time as evidence of what God has decided.
But is it?
I want you to think about Zechariah and Elizabeth for a moment.
In Luke chapter 1, we’re introduced to this couple who had longed for a child but were now advanced in years. Elizabeth had been unable to conceive, and from a natural standpoint, their opportunity to have a baby appeared to have passed.
Then one day, while Zechariah was serving in the temple, an angel appeared to him with an announcement.
“Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard.” — Luke 1:13 (NIV)
Your prayer has been heard.
I find those words fascinating, especially when you consider their circumstances.
In the original Greek, the word translated as prayer is deēsis, referring to an earnest petition or heartfelt request. And the phrase “has been heard” tells us that God had heard that petition.
But here’s what I want you to consider.
What if the prayer Gabriel was referring to wasn’t one Zechariah had prayed that morning, but one he had prayed years earlier?
A prayer he may have stopped praying because, in his mind, the opportunity had passed.
Now, Scripture doesn’t tell us when Zechariah last prayed for a child, so we can’t know for certain. But listen to his response when the angel tells him Elizabeth will have a son.
“How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.” — Luke 1:18 (NIV)
Zechariah was looking at their age and everything that made the announcement seem impossible.
Yet Gabriel was announcing that his prayer had been heard.
Think about that for a moment.
What if Zechariah had stopped praying for something God had never stopped being able to do?
The prayer may have been old to Zechariah, but it had not been forgotten by God.
And the years that had passed hadn’t made God any less capable of answering it.
I wonder how many of us need that reminder today.
Maybe you’ve prayed for a baby for so long that you no longer pray with the same expectation. Maybe another birthday, another negative pregnancy test, or another disappointing appointment has caused you to wonder whether you’ve missed your opportunity.
I understand those thoughts more than you know. I’ve watched the calendar turn year after year while still waiting for something I’ve prayed about for a very long time.
But there’s something I want us both to remember.
The passing of time is not the voice of God.
Mikayla assumed the opportunity for a yes had passed because, according to her timeline, I should have already answered.
But her timeline wasn’t mine.
And her assumption wasn’t my answer.
How often have we allowed our own expectations about timing to determine what we believe God must be saying?
Now, I’m not suggesting that every unanswered prayer is automatically a yes. But I am reminding you that another month, another year, or another birthday is not, by itself, proof that God has said no.
His ability hasn’t diminished with time. The same God who heard Zechariah’s prayer is still the God who hears us today.
So, sweet friend, here’s what I want you to carry with you.
Don’t let the calendar put words in God’s mouth.
Don’t confuse what you haven’t seen with what God hasn’t said. And don’t allow the length of your waiting to convince you that something has become too difficult for Him.
Because just because you’ve stopped asking doesn’t mean God has forgotten what you asked for.
And just because you haven’t received an answer doesn’t mean you’ve received a no.
Let’s pray.
Father, thank You that You hear us when we pray. Thank You that the passing of time does not diminish Your power or Your ability to do the impossible. For every woman who has grown weary in the waiting, I ask that You renew her strength and restore her expectation. Help us recognize when we’ve allowed disappointment, fear, or the calendar to speak louder than Your Word. Remind us that You are not limited by our age, our diagnosis, our circumstances, or the years that have passed. Teach us to distinguish between what You have actually said and what we’ve simply assumed. Strengthen our confidence in Your goodness and help us continue trusting You even when we don’t understand the timing. In Jesus’ mighty name, amen.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever caught yourself assuming God’s answer was no simply because you felt too much time had passed?