Infertility is often seen as a physical battle, something that involves doctors, treatments, and the emotional weight of longing. But there’s a hidden battle many don’t consider—the battle within our minds. Just like the invisible struggle Mikayla had with her imagined spider, we, too, have invisible battles that we fight every day, especially in the context of infertility.
It was just another evening in our home. Mikayla, our adopted daughter from foster care, was in the shower, singing and talking nonstop—just as she always did. At eight years old (maybe nine or even ten by now), she had a way of filling every space with her voice. But tonight, there was a subtle shift in the air. What started as her usual chatter suddenly morphed into something different—a low, muffled whimper, then the unmistakable sound of sobbing.
I could feel something wasn’t right. I called out from the living room, “Are you crying?”
She appeared in front of me a moment later, dripping wet, barely wrapped in a towel, with tears pooling in her big, brown eyes.
Mikayla: (whiny voice) “Sort of…” sniff, sniff.
Me: “Why?”
Mikayla: “The spider.”
Me: (sighing) “Oh, girl. Go dry off. You’re getting my floor wet.”
She walked off, still whimpering.
Me: “Are you bigger than that spider?” I asked, trying to keep it light.
Mikayla: “No.”
Me: “No?”
Mikayla: “Not the ones in my head that I’m thinking of…”
I stood there for a moment, shaking my head in disbelief. There were no spiders in her bathroom, only the ones she imagined.
And that’s when it hit me: How often do we misuse our imagination, just like Mikayla did? God gave us the incredible gift of imagination—a powerful tool meant to help us dream, envision good things ahead, plan for the future with hope, and live with positive expectations. Yet, how often do we use it to create fears that aren’t real? How often do we let our imagination spiral into anxiety, worry, and dread?
Mikayla’s imaginary spider wasn’t the real problem. The problem was how her mind had taken a tiny, harmless thought and turned it into something overwhelming. And it’s the same for us. How often do we take our worries, uncertainties, and fears—especially those related to infertility, the longing for a child, the future of our families—and turn them into monsters that torment us?
The “what ifs” can become overwhelming:
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What if I never get pregnant?
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What if I’m broken beyond repair?
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What if this journey is longer than I can bear?
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What if I’m not strong enough to handle the pain?
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What if I can’t be the mom I long to be?
These questions can lead us to fear and despair, clouding our vision and robbing us of peace. And then there are the “maybe somedays”:
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Maybe someday, I’ll be able to hold my baby.
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Maybe someday, I’ll see the positive test result.
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Maybe someday, I’ll finally have the family I’ve dreamed of.
While these “maybe somedays” carry a glimmer of hope, they also leave us hanging in uncertainty, keeping us in perpetual longing and waiting. These thoughts can be just as unsettling as the “what ifs.”
The Bible tells us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Our thoughts are powerful, but when we let them run wild, they can lead us down paths of fear and despair. The “what ifs” and “maybe somedays” can become all-consuming, but they do not define our reality.
But here’s the truth: God gave us the imagination to help us hope—to envision His goodness, faithfulness, and the good things He has in store for us. We’re called to dream with Him, to trust that His plans for us are good, even when we can’t see the whole picture. Instead of letting our imaginations be hijacked by fear, we can use them to imagine God’s promises, His unwavering faithfulness, and the beautiful future He has promised us.
In our struggles with infertility, it’s so easy for our minds to focus on the “what ifs” and “maybe somedays.” But these imagined fears do not serve us. Instead of allowing these thoughts to take hold, we can focus on what is real: God’s promises of peace, hope, and provision. Just as Mikayla’s imaginary spider could be conquered by shifting her focus, we too can overcome the fear and anxiety about our fertility by focusing on God’s faithfulness, trusting that He holds our future.
Mikayla’s story reminds us that imagination is a powerful tool. It can either build our faith or become a battleground for fear. We have a choice: to let our minds align with God’s promises, to dream with hope and expectation, or to let fear take root in our hearts. When facing infertility, this choice becomes even more significant.
Isaiah 26:3 offers this beautiful promise: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.” When we trust in God and focus on His truth, we experience peace that surpasses understanding. Just as Mikayla could have let go of her imaginary spider by shifting her focus, we, too, can let go of the fears that threaten to overwhelm us by choosing to focus on God’s faithfulness and His promises.
–Elisha Kearns, founder of Waiting for Baby Bird
Prayer:
Poppa God, Thank You for the gift of imagination. Thank You for creating us to dream, to envision the good things You have planned for us, and to use our thoughts to build faith. We confess that sometimes, we misuse this gift, allowing fear, worry, and doubt to take over our minds—especially when it comes to the uncertainties of infertility. Help us recognize when our thoughts aren’t aligned with Your truth, and guide us in taking them captive. Teach us how to focus on Your promises and replace the anxious thoughts with the peace that comes from knowing You are in control. We choose today to trust You fully and let go of the fears that seek to hold us captive. We look forward to the good things You have in store for us, including the family You will give us. In Jesus’ name, Amen
