I see you struggling today. You don’t have to hide how you feel. I can already see it in your eyes; the blank stares you give and the half smiles you show. It’s okay to not be strong all of the time. I know it’s not been the easiest to remain in faith and stay filled with hope, but you have managed to push through and battle on through the feelings of hopelessness. You wage war every day against the doubts and fears; you do so well in keeping them silenced by standing solid in your faith. Except today. Today they are taunting you and shaking even the most settled places in your heart.
I see you try to block them out and ignore their whispers, but they seem to get louder. The once small concerns are now getting bigger. The worries are becoming more magnified. The lies that you once denounced, I can now hear you say…
I’m a failure–my body is broken–God doesn’t hear me–my husband is stuck with me–I’ll forever be this way–this isn’t fixable–my life circumstances will never change–I’m getting too old and time is running out–
Did you hear yourself speak these words? That’s not you; but you can’t seem to shake these thoughts, these feelings, these doubts. You can’t seem to not let them feed and fester. To swarm and settle. To make room in your heart.
They are relentless.
So this morning, as I saw you standing there looking into the bathroom mirror, I held my breath fearing that you might be giving up, letting go and moving on. You began weeping and I began weeping with you. I felt your pain and as I began to catch every precious tear that fell, something within you changed; I watched in awe as you slowly gained your composer. It was in that moment you firmly took a hold of the fears that had been relentlessly knocking you down and you began commanding every single one to listen carefully to your words. I began cheering as you spoke;
I am not a failure. My body is not broken. My husband loves me unconditionally. It’s not a matter of “if” but rather “when” my circumstances change because I know God is faithful. He loves me. He hasn’t forgotten His promises. He hasn’t abandoned me. He is still good and in a moment’s notice, I know that He will step in and suddenly change my circumstances.
I even heard you command the worry to flee in My name. I intently watched as you told your doubts and fears they must bow in My Presence. We both know darkness cannot stand in the light of Truth and so there, with your hands in soapy water, I watched as you pursued the Truth. I watched as you refused to give up. I watched the darkness flee as you turned on the light.
My friend–My beloved child, I see you and you are the relentless one.
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