Earlier today while making Valentine Day gift bags to send to a few of my friends, our cute 34 inch tall house guest for the next couple of months came running into the dining room asking me one of her favorite questions…
“Whatcha doin?”
I smiled and responded with something of the sorts, “Oh, just making some Valentine’s Day gifts for a few friends.” She looked a bit puzzled, so then I asked her what she would like for Valentine’s Day. Without hesitation, she shouted, “a baby!” I couldn’t help but stare into space as her answer echoed in my head and reverberated off my heart. All I could muster out of my mouth was…
“Me too, sugars, me too.”
Her two words, “a baby” took me back to Valentine’s Day 2012. As tears began to fill my eyes, I remembered how on that day I was scheduled to have blood work completed in order to see if our first round of infertility treatments were successful. I remember being fully confident the pregnancy test would come back positive. After all, in my mind, the doctors knew my problem, they gave me medication to fix the problem, and we did the “bada bing, bada boom” at just the right time, therefore, how could it not work? It had to work!
I was so excited with the possibility of telling my husband that I was pregnant on this lovey-dovey holiday, but as it turned out, I woke up on February 13th with the stark reality that I couldn’t. Because I wasn’t. A new cycle had begun. $2400 worth of medication didn’t work and I was devastated. And I was numb. I remember not even being able to cry.
Fast forward to now, two years later, and I would have never imagined having the same wish for Valentine’s Day 2014. With the words of a three-year old–“A BABY”–still ringing in my ears, thoughts of “why,” and “when,” and “if” began to flood within.
Why is this happening?
When will my prayers be answered?
What if they never do?
And with each question I felt myself sink into a pit I knew all too well. You know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one in which your mind jumps from worry, to fear, to anxiety, to doubt.
But it was in that moment the Lord so sweetly whispered to my ear a verse I had read earlier that week. It was Isaiah 9:1 which states, “Nevertheless, that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever.”
Sweet friend, no matter what challenges you face in life, no matter the setbacks or delays, there is always a “nevertheless.” Because the definition of nevertheless is “in spite of.” Therefore, in spite of the heartbreak, in spite of the obstacles, in spite of everything going wrong, in spite of the delays and the seemingly endless roadblocks, and in spite of the time of darkness and despair, it will not go on forever. It can’t. It won’t. And that’s a promise from God. A promise I will always hold onto. Will you?
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