It’s been a long time since I have cried myself to sleep over our difficulty and struggle to build our ‘perfect’ family, but last night I let one seemingly small thought enter my mind and I entertained that thought…the next thing I knew I was a sobbing mess. The hubs was sound asleep and snoring beside me, which was a relief because when I cry, I don’t want to be consoled, hugged, touched, or told the words, “It will be okay”, because in that moment, those words will do nothing but make me get more frustrated and I will probably say things that will create more doubt and more negative thoughts that in return, will grieve God.
It’s amazing how one small thought can lead you down the path of destruction in your mind and start to make you question EVERYTHING that you believe. One little thought can turn into a billion little thoughts and when rolled up all together, they will stir up fear, worry, doubt, unbelief, and discouragement in a matter of minutes. This is why 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to “..take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
While laying there and trying really hard not to cry so hard that the bed shook (I didn’t want to wake up Daniel), I was reminded of the story in 2 Chronicles Chapter 20 when the Moabites, Ammonites, and the Meunites came against Jehoshaphat in battle and he began to fear (2 Chronicles 20:2-3).
Last night my “-ites” started as one and then mounted to many… I had the “fear-ites”, the “another Thanksgiving without a baby-ites”, the “PCOS-ites”, the “I’m getting weary-ites”, the “I hope my brother doesn’t announce he and his wife are expecting-ites”, the “when is this going to end-ites”, “worry-ites”, the “doubting God-ites” and the list goes on.
But after Jehoshaphat began to fear, the next thing he did was seek the Lord and hear from Him. I needed to seek the Lord and hear from Him again. As I continued to lay there and talk to God and listen, I was reminded of all of His promises. I was reminded of His goodness, His unfailing love and faithfulness. I started whispering them out loud and thanking Him for everything He is doing in my life that I can see and for the things for which I cannot see. I reminded myself of when He told me I would have a son and to name him Josiah (which means Jehovah healed) and of the time a woman in our church (who didn’t know me or my story) looked at me and blurted out with such enthusiasm…“God said you will have a son!” I also began reminding myself and repeating the scriptures in which God has given me healing through His Son Jesus. As I did this, I started to sense all of the “-ites” become smaller and smaller and God’s Word become greater and greater.
Sometimes we don’t take every thought captive as soon as it enters our minds, but once we recognize the “-ites” that are winning the battle, we need to stop. We need to calm down, collect ourselves and seek the Lord. We need to get back to the word that the Lord gave us…the one that first filled us with excitement, filled our faith bucket, gave us hope, joy and boldness to conquer the enemy.
When the “-ites” come against us, we need to starve our doubts and begin to feed our faith with the Word of God.
I encourage you to not listen to the enemy and to take every thought captive that is not obedient to what the Word of God says. The enemy is a liar and the father of all lies. He is the one who brings discouragement, the one who whispers, “Your breakthrough will never come.” Last night I had to make a conscious effort to seek the Lord and not continue to let the “-ites” win the battle and steal my hope and faith. I had to purposely seek the Lord and go back to remembering God’s written word and His personal word that He gave me 18 months ago.
God cannot lie and His promises are sure; therefore, no matter what “-ites” come my way, no matter what weapon formed against me by the enemy, God is and always will be faithful to perform His Word. I must believe and remain steadfast for we inherit the promises of God by faith and patience (Hebrews 6:12). My breakthrough is coming!
“…Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5
For those of you who are nosey and curious (as I would be) as to what thought started the snowball effect…here it is 🙂
I was lying in bed and I couldn’t sleep (too much caffeine) and so I started thinking about Thanksgiving. It was an innocent thought on where we were going, what I was going to bring to eat, and if someone was going to make macaroni and cheese (mom please tell me you are reading this…hehe).
Then that thought led to “what did we do last year?” I started thinking about last Thanksgiving and how I told myself, “This time next year we will have a baby.” Well, it’s “this time next year” and we are still childless and unless I have a miracle conception, I won’t be pregnant at Thanksgiving. So that’s when I said to myself again, “This time next year we will have a baby.” AND that’s when it happened…the thought snuck in that said…“You said that last year…what makes you think you will have a baby next year?”
Yep…just the thought of what we were eating for Thanksgiving led to me doubting God, questioning His faithfulness, and everything else I believed. bleck! I’m at least still hoping I get macaroni and cheese THIS Thanksgiving. (I’m still hoping my mom is reading this. ha!)