Imagine with me: It is just a few days before your expected period, and you are frantically searching the internet for early pregnancy symptoms with every slight twinge, cramp, and food aversion you have. For days you have been keeping a close eye on the fatigue you are now experiencing at dinner time and the increased trips to the bathroom while at work. However, despite these clear and solid signs of early pregnancy, you truly believe that above all else, your breasts will give you the answer you need as to if there is a baby on board.
Every few hours, you are constantly giving them a thorough examination. In fact, it is a better examination than when a doctor gives you a mammogram. For starters, first thing in the morning, after you arrive home from work, and just before your evening shower, you check yourself out in the mirror to examine those boobies in all their glory. As you stand to the left and right, before finally facing forward, it is there that you can’t help but notice they look different from the day before. And so you begin to examine them closely in the mirror, inspecting for the big dark blue veins your pregnant best friend said you would have, and you think you can see them…or maybe just one…that is the size of a thread. Nonetheless, you have one!
You become giddy and excited as your right breast seems to be heavier than your left breast. Not to mention you notice that each one feels more tender and sore than usual. Therefore, as you rush to tell your husband, he quickly dashes away any hope that you had risen inside of you. Because it is there, at that moment, he sweetly and gently reminds you that the soreness you are experiencing could be because you were constantly poking and prodding them throughout dinner. And so, while rolling your eyes and ignoring his lack of knowledge regarding early pregnancy symptoms, you continue with your investigation, and low and behold, your right side is definitely more tender. OUCH! Without hesitation, you quickly run to your computer and ask Dr. Google, ‘tender breasts four days before period.’ Of course, you find a slew of answers from all of your trusted pregnancy and trying to conceive forums telling you that you might be pregnant! In fact, it’s a strong possibility!
With more confidence, later that evening, you go back to examining, looking for any new developments, and you can’t decide if they are still looking bigger. Therefore, you decide to ask your husband for his opinion…again. Why would you do that? Did you forget his lack of support the last time you solicited his thoughts regarding the matter? Nonetheless, you ask, and he takes a look but doesn’t give you the answer you want to hear… “Sorry, babe, your boobs look the same to me.”
Wrong answer, dear husband. Wrong answer.
So, the next day, still keeping a close eye on your tata’s, you go to the grocery store, and while squeezing the peaches and looking for the ripe ones, you realize you hadn’t squeezed your own ‘peaches’ since the Hamburger Helper aisle; therefore you go ahead and give them another good ‘honk.’ You can’t help but smile realizing they are indeed still tender. Later that same day, you go downstairs to start watching your favorite television show, “Teen Mom” (insert sarcastic infertility humor), and you can’t help but analyze whether it was the quick and hard bounce that made them hurt or if it is indeed because they are becoming increasingly tender. I’m voting for tender.
But let’s not forget about those nipples while we are focusing on just the breasts, okay? Because of WOWZA! You have never examined your nipples so much in your life. “Are my nipples looking a little too brown or pinker? I’m 100 percent convinced that my left nipple looks different today…I think…” With your computer nearby, you page Dr. Google once more and ask, ‘darker colored nipples an early pregnancy symptom?’ The well-respected Google Doctor of the trying to conceive community tells you once more you might be pregnant! Whoo-hoo! You love this doctor!
But then the crusher comes.
Within hours of planning your pregnancy announcement and picking out paint colors and fabric swatches for the nursery, you get your period. And it is within minutes afterward that your breasts have immediately stopped hurting, as well as returned to normal size… if not one size smaller. Dear husband was right…as always.
Stupid Google Doctors.
Thank you for reading this edition of “Laughing Your Way through Infertility.” As always, I hope you have a great week, and don’t forget to find time to laugh and enjoy the journey while you are on the path to reaching your destination.
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