The worst feeling ever in the morning is the subtle glance at the clock that quickly turns into a mumbling of words, an ungraceful stumble out of bed, and a frantic vibe that is reinforced by the echoing thought of “Oh crap, oh crap!” I hate being late, especially when it is out of my control. It can be my car didn’t start, I overslept, I didn’t hear the alarm, or my cat threw up (this has actually happened…). The
reasons… I mean…excuses can be endless and awful…
I have a typical type A personality, so of course I do not like being late, nor do I like to hear the word late. It throws off plans, makes me rework my lists, and causes my schedule to go out of whack. It is a melancholy’s worst nightmare! But for the last five months, my body (menstrual cycle) has decided it
likes loves the word late, and not the fashionably, “cutsie” kind of late, but the kind where I basically have one cycle in the time frame an average person has two cycles.
Since May, my cycles have been 44 days, 29 days (say what?! Happy, happy, happy), 41 days, 40 days, 48 days and now drum roll please…56 days. This is not “normal” and there are days when I don’t pray and ask for a baby that month, but just a “normal” cycle. I can’t remember ever having one, but I know “normal” cycles exist. I have read about them online (hehe) and just a couple of weeks ago I overheard my friend talking to another friend about how she planned both of her children’s birthday’s to be in the summer. What?! You can do that?! That’s amazing! I can’t even plan when to have “menstrual supplies” on hand, let alone what season I want my children’s birthday’s to be in. This is a planners dream! She must either have magic powers that I do not have, or a “normal” cycle. I’m going to go with the latter. I want a cycle like her’s…a cycle in which I can plan or schedule…uhhhmmm…errr…”activities” to increase my chances of getting pregnant…”normal” cycles in which I could plan (if I wanted to) which seasons or months I wanted to have my children…I just want a “normal” cycle.
But what is normal when it comes to your cycle length? Medical professionals and “Dr. Google” say that a normal cycle is anywhere between 21 to 35 days with 28 being “average”. So as it seems, my 56 day cycle is anything but “normal” or “average”. Long cycles usually equal no ovulation. No ovulation equals no egg. No egg means no baby…so how am I suppose to get pregnant without a “normal” cycle?!
Hope and Faith. That’s how I am going to get pregnant. Even with being chronically late and having all of this “evidence” stacked up against me, I refuse to lose hope and I will hold on to every ounce of faith I have in my spirit. I will not allow the facts of my situation change my mind about the truth in God’s promises of healing, or that He can do the impossible regardless of how long my cycles have become. Of course the devil wants me to feel stuck in my situation and try to convince me that it is hopeless. He wants me to have those thoughts in the back of my mind that say, “Next cycle won’t be any different. In fact, it will probably continue to get longer. It isn’t ever going to change. You are the only one God isn’t doing anything for.” But I know that these are just lies from the devil. I know that God can turn this ugly situation of long cycles, mixed with unbalanced hormones, combined with
months years of heartache, and turn it around for His glory. How do I know this? I know this because He has proven Himself time and time again in His word and I have seen it with other people in my life. How many stories have you heard of people who were struggling with something and then BAM! Everything suddenly changed for the better? I believe that more often than not, God moves suddenly and we need to wait for a sudden move from Him. We need to have hope in Him that is filled to the top with expectancy.
Definition of expectancy: the state of confidently thinking or hoping that something pleasant will happen
I am going into my next cycle expecting that God is going to suddenly show up at any moment and change this whole mess in an instant, regardless of any evidence presented that pregnancy can’t happen. It’s okay if my cycles are long because I don’t have to have a “normal” cycle to get pregnant…my charting doesn’t have to have perfect highs and lows…my hormones don’t even have to be balanced, because God is the God of impossibles and my impossible circumstance is just more of opportunity for His power and glory to shine. “My new motto: It doesn’t matter if my cycles are early, late or on time because God is the God of impossibles.”
For the record, I never planned to put on cyberspace when my cycles started, ended, appeared, reappeared, disappeared, etc. However, I felt it was necessary in order to encourage and remind every woman who is struggling with irregular cycles or having thoughts that their cycles need to be “normal”, that God is the God of impossibles. If He can cause a virgin teenager to get pregnant and give birth, then He can cause you to get pregnant and give birth, even with all of your short, long, non-existent cycles, and crazy up and down hormones. Just believe.
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” ~Matthew 19:26
(side note: I know that women with “normal” cycle lengths also do not get pregnant. I am not saying the grass is greener on the other side; I am just saying that it gets frustrating and feelings of hopelessness can creep in when you NEVER know how long your cycle is going to last or when it could even start. It takes me to a whole new level of a “two week wait” because it can sometimes be a three week wait…or four week…or should I even wait? So since I can’t control it and I don’t know, I have decided to not care anymore on the “length” and instead put it in God’s hands…that was the point of this post.)