“Why would God give me this desire to be a mother if He isn’t going to fulfill it?”
Can we talk about that for a minute?
Because if you’ve been walking through infertility for any length of time, there’s a good chance you’ve wondered this.
Maybe you’ve even cried it.
God, why would You let me want this so badly if it’s never going to happen?
You want to be a mom so badly it physically hurts sometimes.
And yet everywhere you look, there seems to be another reason it can’t happen.
You look at your medical chart, and it doesn’t exactly scream baby coming soon.
You look at what your insurance will cover and…well…that’s cute.
You look at the cost of IVF.
Or adoption.
You look at your age.
Your AMH.
Your diagnosis.
Your husband’s diagnosis.
The failed cycles.
The negative tests.
The years that have passed.
And eventually all those obstacles start talking.
This is impossible.
You can’t afford this.
Your body can’t do this.
You’re running out of time.
Maybe motherhood just isn’t going to happen for you.
And before long, you find yourself asking God why He would put such a deep desire inside of you when there are so many things standing between you and it.
But sweet friend, I want to ask you something.
Did God Know About the Obstacles When He Gave You the Desire?
Of course He did.
God knew what your medical chart would say before you ever opened the patient portal.
He knew what your insurance would cover before you ever called the number on the back of the card.
He knew how much IVF would cost.
He knew what adoption would cost.
He knew what your bank account would look like.
He knew what the doctor would say.
He knew about every closed door, every setback, every disappointing phone call, and every number that would make your stomach drop.
He knew.
And yet, He still allowed that desire to mother to be planted in the soft, fertile soil of your heart.
Think about that for a moment.
None of what you are facing today is information God received after the desire was already there.
He didn’t look at your life afterward and say, Oh no. I didn’t account for that diagnosis.
Your infertility didn’t catch Him off guard.
Your finances didn’t surprise Him.
Your age isn’t news to Him.
The obstacle you’re staring at today was never hidden from Him.
So what are we saying about God’s character when we assume He gave you this deep desire simply to torment you with something forever beyond your reach?
Did He plant it there to tease you?
Did He allow you to dream about rocking a baby, decorating a nursery, hearing someone call you “Mom,” and building a family only to dangle motherhood in front of you?
That isn’t the character of the Father revealed to us through Jesus.
God knew the obstacles.
But He also knew something you may be having trouble seeing right now.
He knew His grace, His mercy, His provision, and His power were greater than every single one of them.
Stop Treating Obstacles Like Answers
This is where I think infertility can really mess with our theology.
After enough disappointment, we start treating obstacles like answers from God.
The doctor says pregnancy is unlikely, and somewhere inside we translate that into:
God said no.
Insurance refuses to cover treatment.
God said no.
The adoption fees seem completely beyond your financial ability.
God said no.
Another treatment fails.
God said no.
Another birthday comes.
God said no.
Another period starts.
God said no.
But hold on.
An obstacle is not the voice of God.
A medical diagnosis can tell you what is happening in your body. It can help you make informed decisions about treatment. It can tell you what doctors currently believe is medically likely or unlikely.
But your medical chart does not get to write the ending of your story.
An insurance company can tell you what your policy covers.
It cannot tell you what God can provide.
Your bank account can tell you how much money you have today.
It cannot establish the boundaries of God’s provision tomorrow.
Your diagnosis can describe a physical problem.
It cannot measure the limits of God’s power.
We need to stop giving temporary circumstances permanent authority over our expectations.
Your insurance company doesn’t get to prophesy over your future.
Neither does infertility.
Faith Doesn’t Pretend the Evidence Isn’t There
Now, I want to make something very clear.
Faith does not mean pretending.
Faith isn’t ignoring your diagnosis.
Faith isn’t throwing your medical records in the trash.
Faith isn’t looking at a $30,000 expense when you have $300 and saying, “Money isn’t real!”
That’s not faith.
And Abraham is such a beautiful example of this.
Romans 4 tells us about a man who had plenty of evidence telling him what God had promised couldn’t happen.
Abraham was old.
Sarah was old.
Her womb had been barren.
Years had passed.
There was nothing about their natural circumstances that screamed, This is definitely going to work out.
Abraham wasn’t walking around pretending he and Sarah were 25.
He knew his body.
He knew Sarah’s body.
He could see everything that appeared to make what God had promised impossible.
But he also knew what God had said.
Romans 4:20–21 says:
He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.
I love those words:
Fully persuaded.
Abraham wasn’t fully persuaded because his circumstances had finally become persuasive.
He was fully persuaded that God was able.
There is a difference.
His faith wasn’t rooted in what his body could do.
His faith was rooted in what God could do.
And that’s where I want to challenge you today.
What Has Been Persuading You?
Because something is persuading you.
Maybe it’s your latest lab result.
Maybe it’s your age.
Maybe it’s something your doctor said.
Maybe it’s the number in your checking account.
Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve already tried five treatments and none of them worked.
Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve prayed about this for years and you’re tired.
Those things can become so loud that eventually they become more persuasive to us than the character and power of God.
But Hebrews 11:1 tells us:
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Not seen.
That’s important.
Not confirmed.
Not showing up on the ultrasound yet.
Not reflected in the bank account yet.
Not approved by insurance yet.
Not sitting in your arms yet.
Yet.
Faith doesn’t say, “I’ll believe God is able once I can figure out exactly how He’s going to do it.”
Faith says:
I can’t figure this out.
I don’t know where the money will come from.
I don’t know how this diagnosis will change.
I don’t know how this door will open.
I don’t know how we get from here to there.
But I know God is able.
That’s very different from denying reality.
Faith can look directly at the mountain and still believe in the One who is greater than it.
Stop Asking Your Obstacles for Permission to Hope
Maybe that’s what I want you to take away from this more than anything else:
Stop asking your obstacles for permission to hope.
They don’t get a vote.
God knew the obstacles when the desire was planted.
He knew what would stand between where you are right now and the motherhood your heart longs for.
And He planted it anyway.
So don’t dig up the desire simply because you can’t currently see how it could possibly happen.
Don’t let a medical chart become your Bible.
Don’t let an insurance policy become your prophecy.
Don’t let your bank account determine the boundaries of God’s provision.
Don’t let another negative test convince you that you’ve seen the final chapter.
And don’t confuse “I don’t see a way” with “God doesn’t have a way.”
Those are not the same thing.
Bring the desire back to Him.
Pray.
Ask.
Believe.
Seek wisdom.
Let people pray with you.
Use the tools and resources He puts in front of you.
And keep walking.
You don’t have to know how God is going to get you from here to there in order to believe He is powerful enough to do what looks impossible from where you’re standing.
But Where Is the Evidence?
Maybe that’s the hardest part.
You want something tangible.
You want the positive test.
The improving numbers.
The money in the account.
The approved application.
The phone call.
The ultrasound.
Something that says, See? Now you can hope.
But sweet friend…
faith has never required sight first.
If you wait until you can see it before you believe, you no longer need faith to believe it.
Faith lives in that uncomfortable space where you can see the obstacle but you cannot yet see the answer.
It’s standing between “This looks impossible” and “I know God is able.”
And maybe today you aren’t overflowing with faith.
Maybe you’re tired.
Maybe you’re scared to hope again because you’ve been disappointed before.
Then start here.
You don’t have to figure out how.
You don’t have to manufacture the miracle.
You don’t have to solve every obstacle standing between you and motherhood tonight.
Just bring your heart back to the One who already knew every obstacle before you encountered it.
And when everything around you asks:
“But where is your evidence?”
Sometimes faith simply answers:
“I don’t know how. I don’t know when. I can’t see the evidence yet. But I know the One who is able.”
And for today, sweet friend, that’s enough reason to keep believing.