Can we talk about that for a minute? Because if you’ve been walking through infertility for any length of time, there’s a good chance you’ve wondered this. Maybe you’ve even cried it through tears after another negative test: God, why would You let me want this so badly if it’s never going to happen?
I understand why we ask it. You want to be a mom so badly it physically hurts sometimes, and yet everywhere you look there seems to be another reason it can’t happen. You look at your medical chart, and it doesn’t exactly scream baby coming soon. You look at what your insurance will cover and…well…that’s cute. You look at the cost of IVF or adoption, your age, your AMH, your diagnosis, your husband’s diagnosis, the failed cycles, the negative tests, and all the years that have passed.
After a while, those things start talking pretty loudly. This is impossible. You can’t afford this. Your body can’t do this. You’re running out of time. Maybe motherhood just isn’t going to happen for you.
And somewhere in the middle of all that noise, we start confusing what our circumstances are saying with what God is saying.
But I want you to consider something with me: Did God know about all of these obstacles when He gave you the desire to mother?
Of course He did.
God knew what your medical chart would say before you ever opened the patient portal. He knew what your insurance would cover before you ever called the number on the back of the card. He knew what treatment or adoption could cost, what your bank account would look like, and what the doctor would say. None of what you are facing today is information God received after the desire was already there.
And yet, He still planted that desire to mother in the soft, fertile soil of your heart.
Think about that.
God didn’t look at your life afterward and say, Oh no, I didn’t account for that diagnosis. Your infertility didn’t catch Him off guard. The obstacle that feels enormous to you today was never hidden from Him.
So then we have to ask ourselves what we believe about His character. Did He give you this desire to tease you? Did He allow you to dream about rocking a baby, decorating a nursery, hearing someone call you “Mom,” and building a family only to dangle motherhood forever beyond your reach?
That isn’t the character of the Father revealed to us through Jesus.
He knew the obstacles. But He also knew something that can be difficult to remember when those obstacles are staring us in the face: His grace, His mercy, His provision, and His power are not limited by any of them.
When Obstacles Start Sounding Like Answers
I think this is one of the ways infertility can really mess with our theology. After enough disappointment, we start treating obstacles as though they are answers from God.
A doctor says pregnancy is unlikely, and somewhere inside we translate that into God said no. Insurance refuses to cover treatment, and we hear God said no. The cost of adoption is far beyond what we currently have, another treatment fails, another birthday comes, another period starts—and before we realize it, we’ve allowed all of those things to tell us what God must be saying.
But an obstacle is not the voice of God.
That doesn’t mean we ignore reality. A medical diagnosis matters. It can tell you what is happening in your body, help you make informed decisions, and give your doctors information about what may be medically likely or unlikely. Your insurance policy and bank account contain real information too.
But those things contain information. They do not contain omniscience.
Your medical chart can describe your body; it cannot write the ending of your story. Your insurance company can tell you what it will pay for; it cannot tell you what God can provide. Your diagnosis can describe a physical obstacle; it cannot measure the limits of God’s power.
Faith Isn’t Pretending
This is where faith comes in, and I want to be careful here because biblical faith is not pretending your circumstances aren’t real.
Faith isn’t ignoring your diagnosis or throwing your medical records in the trash. Faith isn’t looking at a $30,000 expense when you have $300 and announcing, “Money isn’t real!” That’s not faith.
Abraham is such a beautiful example of this because he had plenty of natural evidence telling him what God had promised couldn’t happen. He was old. Sarah was old. Her womb had been barren. Years had passed. There was nothing about their circumstances that screamed, This is definitely going to work out.
Abraham wasn’t walking around pretending he and Sarah were 25. He knew what his body looked like. He knew Sarah’s history. He could see the natural evidence just as clearly as anyone else.
But he also knew what God had said.
Romans 4:20–21 tells us that Abraham “staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform.”
Those two words get me every time: fully persuaded.
Abraham wasn’t fully persuaded because his circumstances had suddenly become persuasive. He was fully persuaded that God was able. His faith wasn’t rooted in what his body could do; it was rooted in what God could do.
And I think that’s a question worth sitting with for a moment:
What has been persuading you lately?
Maybe it’s your latest lab result, your age, or something your doctor said. Maybe it’s the number in your checking account. Maybe you’ve already tried treatment after treatment and none of them worked. Or maybe you’ve prayed about this for so many years that you’re simply tired of hoping.
Those things can become so loud that eventually they become more persuasive to us than the character and power of God.
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” And I think we sometimes rush right over those last two words: not seen.
Faith doesn’t say, “I’ll believe God is able once the numbers improve, the treatment works, the money arrives, the application gets approved, or I can finally figure out exactly how He’s going to do it.”
Faith can look directly at everything that says impossible and still say, “But I know God is able.”
That isn’t denying reality. It’s looking directly at the mountain while refusing to make the mountain bigger than God.
Stop Asking Your Obstacles for Permission to Hope
If there’s one thing I want you to carry away from this conversation, it’s this:
Stop asking your obstacles for permission to hope. They don’t get a vote.
God knew what would stand between where you are right now and the motherhood your heart longs for. And He planted the desire anyway.
So don’t dig up the desire simply because you can’t currently see how it could possibly happen. Don’t let a medical chart become your Bible, an insurance policy become your prophecy, or your bank account determine the boundaries of God’s provision.
And please don’t confuse “I don’t see a way” with “God doesn’t have a way.”
Those are two very different statements.
Bring the desire back to Him. Pray about it. Believe. Seek wisdom. Let other believers stand with you and pray. Use the tools and resources He places before you. You don’t have to know how God is going to get you from here to there in order to believe He is powerful enough to overcome what looks impossible from where you’re standing.
I know the temptation is to want evidence first. We want the positive pregnancy test, the improving numbers, the money in the account, the approved application, the phone call, the ultrasound—something that tells us it’s finally safe to hope.
But sweet friend, faith has never required sight first.
Once we can see the answer, we don’t need faith to see it anymore.
Faith lives in that uncomfortable space where you can see the obstacle clearly but cannot yet see the answer. It’s standing between “This looks impossible” and “I know God is able.”
Maybe you’re tired today. Maybe you’re scared to hope again because you’ve been disappointed before. You don’t have to figure everything out tonight. You don’t have to manufacture a miracle or solve every obstacle standing between you and motherhood.
Just bring your heart back to the One who knew about every obstacle before you ever encountered it.
And when everything around you asks, “But where is your evidence?” maybe your answer can simply be:
“I don’t know how. I don’t know when. I can’t see the evidence yet. But I know the One who is able.”
And for today, sweet friend, that’s enough reason to keep believing.