The Comic Section

The (REVISED) Fertility Diet

You researched it, asked your doctor about it, and read books on it…“What should I eat to boost my fertility?” And what did you learn? Well, the trusted sources of WebMD, Dr. Google, your OB/GYN, and the authors of the well-known book, “The Fertility Diet,” suggest you do the following…

Curb or eliminate caffeine.

Eat all organic meat. 

Limit carbohydrates.

Eat dark, leafy greens such as kale, spinach, and broccoli.

Drink Raspberry Leaf Tea

Increase your consumption of dairy products.

But decrease if you have been diagnosed with PCOS.

Avoid diet drinks, alcohol, and artificial sweeteners.

Take folic acid and prenatal vitamins daily.

Not so bad, right? Especially when all of your sources have guaranteed “The Fertility Diet” will cause a supercharged, go-go gadget boost to your fertility. This is why, for the last several months, you have changed your diet by adopting the suggestions. For example, you said sayonara to your favorite carbohydrates of cheeseburgers, fried chicken, pizza, french fries, and bread. You painfully wrote an open letter to your caffeinated morning coffee and afternoon sodas, informing the two of them you would need to take a break. (This was only after you felt guilty for cheating on them with their less tasty decaffeinated half cousins.) And your artificial sweeteners and afternoon snack of Twinkies also got a “Dear John” letter…sniff, sniff.

And your usual breakfast of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? It has been replaced with a spinach smoothie, followed by a large glass of milk (mainly to wash it down, but you tell yourself it’s for the calcium boost). And your lunch consists of a healthy kale salad, chased down with a tall glass of raspberry tea you previously steeped for 24 hours (GROSS!) and every night while you have been choking down the broccoli that is covering over half your plate, while your husband has been making “Mmmm!” sounds because he is enjoying the macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, and rolls (smothered in butter) that is overflowing from his. You have even turned your backyard into a livestock show as you now raise your own chickens, cows, and pigs to adhere to the “all organic” meat rule.

It has been months since you started this new diet, and how has it worked for you? Not so well? Let’s face it; it’s just not fair! It seems that other women can have a completely unhealthy diet of loaded processed foods and get pregnant easily, or worse, “by accident.” You are starting to wonder what the point is to all the diet changes since it doesn’t seem to be changing the number of people in your next family photo? Therefore today (and probably today only), your “fertility-friendly” diet has turned into the “who cares because I haven’t gotten pregnant” diet.  So what does your revised “fertility diet” look like?

Well, give a hallelujah and shout good morning again to your caffeinated coffee; it tastes better anyway! Say adios to raspberry leaf tea because it has now been replaced with raspberry chocolate layered cake. You understand it’s not a better alternative, and it won’t increase your fertility, but it sure tastes better with the glass of milk after the nasty green smoothie. And eating dark leafy greens at every meal? BORING! You have decided a tastier alternative will be green M&M’s followed by a handful of green skittles. What about that glass of milk you have been drinking after your morning smoothie to increase your calcium intake? You have now replaced it with a bowl of ice cream (adorned with green sprinkles) after dinner and the extra vitamins you took before bed? Whoops! You already forgot them today…and yesterday…(I won’t ask you about the day before…it can be your secret…)

You know what? You are trying the best you can. The teenage girl didn’t get pregnant eating dark leafy greens every day, nor did she ensure that she consumed a complete serving of fruits of vegetables, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t either. Don’t get me wrong. I believe we should all be good stewards of our bodies, which is why my fertility diet tip consists of you eating as healthy as you can, taking your vitamins when you remember, having the occasional yummy treat (more so if you see a negative pregnancy test), and enjoying your life by not obsessing or stressing, but rather laughing your way through infertility as well as other life troubles.


Thank you for reading this week’s edition of “Laughing Your Way through Infertility.” And as always, I hope you have a great week, and don’t forget to find time to laugh and enjoy the journey while you are on the path to reaching your destination.


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35 thoughts on “The (REVISED) Fertility Diet”

    1. bahaha! I get on this diet every time I see a slice of pizza or cheeseburger…which is pretty much every day. lol! I hope you have a great week and I’m glad I put a little smile on your face 🙂 xo

  1. I tried hard to do no gluten and dairy and lots of leafy greens for 2 weeks. But we had a birthday party BBQ at the lake this weekend and I said Fuck it. We need to live our lives too and not let infertility control it completely. And yes, I totally enjoyed that birthday cake. 🙂

    1. oh i used to do the same thing. I always say to be healthy with our diet and exercise but not obsessive. Sometimes I get a bit obsessive. :/

  2. Oh girl. Seriously, after a few years it’s just impossible to follow all the rules and suggestions. I’ve even done two cleanses guaranteed to boost my fertility, but apparently my fertility needs more of a sling shot than a boost. 😉 Ha! So now I celebrate every new cycle with a margarita and a “Thank you God for making me regular!”

    1. 🙂 I almost didn’t eat the chicken strip for lunch despite really wanting it…but then I decided to go ahead 🙂 I only had one and not two 😉 Winning!

      1. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the “fertility diet” doesn’t stop when you are pregnant–my doc has been adamant about the recommended 25-35 lb weight gain…

  3. I did no gluten or caffeine for each of my IVF cycles. Now one week past IVF failure, I had a spinach / blueberry smoothie for breakfast… followed by half a bag of cheese puffs. Like you said, I think it’s important to take good care of our bodies, but I’m not going to put my hope in what I eat or don’t eat. I know that if God is going to work a miracle in me, He’ll do it regardless of whether I eat all my broccoli or not.

  4. Oh Elisha, I love this one!! Especially because it makes me feel guilty for not every following the fertility diet. Not great for me food is my one source that I have no will power on giving up. Alcohol I can take it or leave it…but carbs and dairy (HELLO, I’m from WI)…I don’t think so. 🙂

    1. I can’t give it up either!! I wake up each day saying I will eat better but then by lunch I see a cheeseburger and HELLO the diet is out the window so I might as well have the fries too 🙂

  5. Husband asked me last night “you want a margarita with dinner?” and the first words out of my mouth were “Heck yes! I’m not pregnant.” All in moderation 🙂

  6. LOL, I’m just loving these Monday funnies 🙂 I was totally trying to do the Vegan diet last year, eating kale and spinach salads twice a day and then we went on a forced TTC break and I was like, “Chocolate, cookies, French fries here I come!” That was fun and all, but now I’ve gained so much weight and I’m thinking, “Oops!” I’ll just have to find that happy balance 🙂 XOXO

  7. This is funny. Because I come from a RPL background my brain always goes back to what I was eating and doing that made me get my last bfp… I always try and recreate… This last time, I have realized that it is a duty of mine to care for my body but it certainly isn’t a guarantee for a positive test or even a baby at the end of it. Gotta love what our little brains do to try and trick us into doing ALL THE THINGS to get and stay pregnant.

    Bring on the fries, and cookies!!!!!!!!!!! Miss you!!!!!

    1. I miss you!! I have told myself at LEAST ten times since Saturday that I need to text you but it has just been crazy busy around here. I was lucky to write this post at the last minute on Sunday (hence the reason why it’s probably not as funny or clever as a few others). XOXO

      P.S. Wanna come over for some Pizza? Oh how I wish…we could chase it down with some ACV 🙂

  8. Every time you write a post about food, I always spend a good while thinking about it, then within a couple of days go out and buy the food you talk about! Hehe Like that bologna sandwich that I HAD have after you posted about it! I always know I can do better with my food choices, but I agree with you, moderation is key! If I go all hung-ho I feel like a failure! Little steps at a time work best for me!! Love you priceless peach!

    1. bahahaha! I think I have had a bologna sandwich every single day since that post :/ My diet today consisted of a sandwich (bologna) for breakfast, chicken strip for lunch, and a BLT sandwich for supper 🙂 Not exactly on the fertility diet….

  9. I totally feel ya! I’ll never understand how others get “accidentally” prego but we cannot get intentionally prego. SMH I have committed to being a good steward of the body God has given me but I am not gonna eat nasty stuff or give up my morning cup of coffee when I got pregnant last time with things that way. Wishing you the best and looking forward to God’s timing when your baby bird is here!

  10. Ha! LOVE this because I am completely guilty of following a “fertility diet” based on various books and web sites I’ve been obsessing over. I’ve even gone so far as to only eat chicken during the luteal phase and never, never drink cold beverages (based on Eastern Medicine). Ahhhh! It’s so life consuming :(. I end up feeling deprived and overly anxious about everything I eat. This post has helped me to rethink my tactics. We all must remember that with God, the impossible will be made possible (despite whether or not we eat chicken prior to the luteal phase 😜)!!

    1. I have never heard of eating only chicken during the luteal phase. I like chicken so that might not be a bad thing for me. 🙂

  11. hahahhahaha…. “Say adios to raspberry leaf tea because it has now been replaced with raspberry chocolate layered cake.” I have found that I’ve suffered through most of my days until 2 or 3:00 and then I just give in to my iced latte and just enjoy it while I can!

  12. I am right there with you, sister! I figure that keeping my stress level down is more important than eating a perfect diet, so I focus on doing what makes me happy. Sonic corndogs make me happy! 😉

    By the way, thank you for the sweet letter. It really made my day when I received it in the mail. You’re the best! *Hugs*

    1. So glad you got the letter and it made your day! I saw that your next round of IVF is coming…I’m praying for you sugars! xo

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