Crazy. That’s what I am sure most people who read “Our Infertility Story“ or scroll through my blog posts think. It’s hard to fathom God actually speaking to a person and promising them a child…but not just a child…but a child with a specific name and meaning. I don’t blame people for thinking, “This girl is crazy!” or “I hope she isn’t disappointed… (accompanied by an eye roll)” because it’s even hard for me to wrap my brain around on some days. But as strange as it all sounds, the strangest part to me is that even though it has been over a year, I can still hear His voice whispering the name Josiah like it was yesterday, and it makes me go absolutely crazy.
There are two definitions for crazy. The first one is to be mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way. The second definition is to be extremely enthusiastic. While most people would describe my beliefs with the first definition, I like to use the second. I’m extremely enthusiastic when it comes to my baby bird. I’m constantly thinking about that day when I will see the double lines, and if I’m driving down the road, you can bet your entire savings account that I’m envisioning myself holding him after giving birth and Daniel weeping with joy. I can’t even walk by our spare bedroom (nursery room) and not imagine him playing with all of the cool toys that I know I will go overboard in buying. (Which reminds me, I better start saving now.)
I’m absolutely crazy, and at times, I feel like the only crazy one. Walking by faith and sharing my story with others can sometimes make me feel lonely, and as a result, the enthusiastic “crazy” I feel turns into more of the first definition where I think I am mentally deranged. I look around and wonder what my parents, family members, and friends think. If I were honest, I am too scared to know. But this Christmas, I realized that I’m not the only crazy one about Josiah.
I always knew Daniel believed in me, and I really never questioned whether he thought I was the mentally deranged “crazy,” as I mentioned above. Still, I never knew if he was as enthusiastically crazy about the baby bird as I am until he gave us both a gift on Christmas. I purchased Josiah a present this year, and you can read about it here, but Daniel also bought him something, and it felt so good to see that he was also thinking of our baby bird. It wasn’t a fancy gift or something randomly off the shelf like a toy, but rather something from the heart. It represented our family and the values and morals we hope to instill into our baby bird…his first Bible.
And for me? Daniel bought something that I can look at every day; a reminder of what God has promised us. It will help me to press on, move forward, and never give up. The gift is a symbol of the faith that he has in me and our God. It is a necklace with the initial “J” stamped on a baby bird hanging down from a tree branch. It is perfect, and I love it!
It is not surprising that we are both a little crazy for Josiah, but as it turns out, we are not the only crazy ones (and goodness, I am relieved). My dad seems to be just as crazy as we are. I always wonder what my parents think of all this “Josiah” talk. Do they think I am mentally deranged crazy?! They are Christians without a doubt and believe whole heartily that God speaks to us, but sometimes I never know if they “support” me because I am their child and they feel like they have too, or because I played the “God told me” card and who is going to tell a person (especially their child), “God didn’t tell you that!” Therefore they have no other choice but to go along and nod their heads. These thoughts are always lingering in the back of my mind. But this Christmas, my dad surprised me by showing his crazy love for Josiah…
My amazing father made him a beautifully handcrafted step stool. I tear up every time I look at this gift because I know he put so much time, though, and love into making it extra special. I can picture Josiah stepping upon it to brush his teeth in his cute footy pajamas or standing on it to wash his hands after finger painting. It is beautiful. But the most beautiful part is what he wrote underneath…
Josiah: God supports. God heals
Psalm 40 “I waited patiently on the Lord, and He heard my cry. He lifted me out of the dirt and gave me a firm place to stand.”
So as it turns out, I’m not the only crazy one for Josiah, and it makes traveling this journey of walking by faith not feel so lonely. Also, I know that God is pleased by our strong belief and crazy enthusiasm for what we can’t even see and have no physical proof for what we believe.
Hebrews 11:6 says that without faith, it is impossible to please God; therefore, I encourage anyone who believes in a miracle (whatever it may be) this coming year to go crazy. I want you to get enthusiastically crazy with your faith, even if you do look a little “mentally deranged” and feel like you are the only one.
If you are not waiting on a miracle but know someone who is and you believe in them, then don’t hesitate to share your crazy faith by offering a word of encouragement, sending a card, or even a small act of faith gift to them. It’s always nice to know other people are “crazy” with you.
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