Our love story is like that straight out of a sappy, lovey-dovey Hallmark movie, if I do say so myself. While living in Florida during my younger years, I met my future husband in the fifth grade and immediately thought he was dorky. He waved his hands to classical music after lunch, wore turtlenecks almost every day, and kept his hair swooped to the side. But by the sixth-grade, cupid hit me with his arrow, and his solid-colored turtlenecks and dorky personality made him the boy of my dreams. We never had the chance to become high school sweethearts because, after my eighth-grade year, my Dad and Mom moved my older brother and me to Illinois to be closer to family. However, despite the miles between us, we occasionally kept in touch by chatting on Yahoo Messenger (old school) or sending the occasional letter (seriously old school). As years passed, I always thought he was cute, I always thought he was sweet, and I always knew he would make an amazing husband to a fortunate lady; I just never thought that lucky lady would be me.
On August 17th, 2006, after only six short months of long-distance dating in college, my sixth-grade boyfriend and I said our “I do’s” on the beautiful sandy beaches of the U.S. Virgin Islands. Money was tight, but we made our first home in a cramped 475 square foot apartment. We were packed in like sardines, and there was little room to be adding babies, but my free six-month supply of birth control had run out, and I decided to take my chances. But instead of a pregnancy or even the scare of pregnancy, I received irregular menstrual cycles, 15 extra pounds, profuse sweating, excessive hair growth on my face (and well, all over), and crazy hormonal mood swings! Did I mention this all happened within three short months? I felt like a one-woman freak show at the circus! I realize, looking back, that I should have visited a doctor or at the very least Dr. Google, but I didn’t. And I told no one. Instead, I made every excuse–too many helpings of Hamburger Helper..too much stress…just getting older…yadda, yadda…
However, three years later, in the spring of 2010, while sitting on the couch, I watched an episode of Oprah featuring Dr. Oz. He discussed the symptoms of a disease called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and as I sat there on the couch, I realized that I had every. single. one.
I realized at that point that I couldn’t shove my symptoms underneath the rug any longer, especially since the dream of having babies was now on my brain and birthed in my heart.
I remember the moment I sat in my OB/GYN’s office. I was scared. I remember my palms sweating and my voice shaking as I described to her my symptoms. She was so sweet and listened to every concern before ordering an ultrasound (which I later found out was not going to be jelly on the belly…awkward) and blood work to see if PCOS was indeed the culprit for my star performance at the circus. Unfortunately, the tests revealed that not only did I have PCOS, but it was severe. I will never forget sitting in her cozy office with the calmness of the dim lighting and beautiful decor all around me. And I will never forget going in out of a daze as I heard her count the number of cysts on each ovary…1…2…4….8…12…
I have never felt so alone as tears streamed down my face. And I never felt so hopeless as she put her hand over mine and talked about the genuine possibility that I may never conceive naturally. Or that there was the likelihood I might need to have my ovaries removed soon. I can still feel the heartache of that day like it was yesterday. I remember driving home from her office thinking about how I had always dreamed of having a family, and how that dream? Well, it might always be just that…a dream.
As I got home with red eyes and a puffy face, I threw the fertility specialist pamphlets she had kindly given me in a dresser drawer and decided I would give myself five months before pursuing that route. Hoping not to need the number on the beautifully printed pamphlet, I did everything I could to create a ‘mini-me’ on my own. I ate healthy, peed on expensive ovulation predication sticks, shoved pillows underneath my tush, and kicked my legs up after ‘whoopie.’ But as May, June, July, August, and September whizzed by, and all I had to show for it was a tear-soaked pillow, I decided it was time to call the number on the pamphlet I had secretly kept hidden in a drawer.
In October of 2011, after meeting with the doctor I was convinced would give me my miracle, my husband was also tested. I hated it for him. I was scared of what might be. Could we both have a problem? Could it not just be me, but also him? But according to the nurse, all was well as he had a “very strong army of soldiers.” I remember getting off the phone with her that afternoon, and while thinking I should be relieved and thankful everything with him looked great, I wasn’t. Instead, I found myself depressed as I realized all of the problems were a result of me. And all of the weight of those problems? They rested firmly on my shoulders. It was completely my fault as to why we couldn’t say “three” while waiting for a table at a restaurant. It was my fault as to why we still had empty bedrooms. It was my fault that he had no one to call him “Daddy.” It was my fault…
And so, what does anyone do when they have faults? They try to fix them, which is what I did in the form of fertility treatments. The ones that included thousands of dollars worth of daily shots, blood work several times a week and vaginal ultrasounds made me feel shameful and embarrassed. However, despite all of my valiant efforts, I was not pregnant after our first treatment cycle of using “timed intercourse,”; nor was I lucky on our second, and so forth. I had never been more frustrated because I thought the medicine I had been injecting each afternoon into my stomach had “fixed” the issue. Thousands of dollars had been wasted, and time was ticking louder than ever as my doctor suggested it was time for the big guns. It was time for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). I wasn’t ready for the big guns. At least not yet. But while sitting at his consultation table, he was able to sell it to me like a well-used car salesperson. He had me convinced the only way I would conceive a child was through this expensive and emotionally costly procedure.
When I prayed, I would ask God to bless me with a child, but my confidence rested in the doctor’s ability, not God’s ability.
Within a couple of weeks of buying into his sales pitch, I found myself acting like a drug addict as I injected myself with five different shots a day to create as many mature follicles as possible; and May 3rd, 2012, my pain and suffering of infertility only increased as I went into surgery. I had 24 eggs removed, which is a great number! But because of the high number of eggs that matured, I developed the dreaded and all-fearing Ovarian Hyper-stimulation (OHSS). Let me say, it was awful! I literally gained over nine pounds of fluid in less than 48 hours. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t rollover. I couldn’t eat. And can we just be real for a sec? I couldn’t didn’t want to poop. Or pee. I.Was.Miserable.
As a result, the doctors put me on a liquid-only diet that consisted of nasty V8 juice, Gatorade, and chicken broth. The idea was to get as much sodium into my system to flush out the fluid leaking from my ovaries. It was the worst experience, and to this day, I cannot even look at a can of V8 juice or swallow even a tablespoon of Gatorade without gagging.
But on Thursday, May 17th, all of the pain and suffering was a distant memory as I sat in the parking lot of a local restaurant as a nurse told me over the phone, “Congratulations! You’re a Mom!”. I will never forget that moment. I will never forget the first tear that fell from my face and hit my legs. Or the second I instinctively rubbed my belly. I will also never forget her voice calling me “mom.” Or when I whispered to my Lil duckling(s) that I loved them more than they would ever know; promising that I would do everything and anything in my power to protect them as they journeyed through life?
And how could I forget dashing to Walmart, Hobby Lobby, and Micheals because the surprise pregnancy announcement I had pinned on Pinterest just months earlier was finally being executed? And the “Daddy Doody Kit” I thought was adorable? I now needed to make. I will never forget rushing from store to store. And then rushing home, watching my hands shake as I frantically put together his gift. I was so anxious and excited to surprise him with the news that I was finally expecting…we were finally going to be parents.
The moments leading up to him pulling in the driveway were some of the worst! The anticipation almost sent me into a hard attack, and the excitement I had almost given it away. But after a few deep breaths, I calmly met him in the front yard with an oven rack in my hand. He looked puzzled and asked what I broke. I giggled before telling him that I had been cleaning and unfortunately couldn’t get the rack back in the oven…(I know, cheesy! But it’s all I could think of…so let’s move on…) Feeling like superman, he took the rack from my hands, walked inside like a boss, opened the oven door…
Do you see that smile? Just look at those eyes! Goodness, what I wouldn’t give to go back to that moment. We hugged for what seemed like forever, and later that evening, we discussed nursery ideas. Before bed, we talked about due dates and names as we rubbed my belly and made bets on whether there were one or two. I can’t even type this story without tears streaming down my face because it truly was one of the happiest days of my life.
And a day I never want to forget.
But the day I do want to forget? The one I can’t seem to erase, no matter how hard I try? It’s the one that occurred days later. Because just three hours after having my second beta drawn, I received the phone call that would change my life forever. It would be the one that afterward would have me stuck in bed for days, rendered hopeless. Have you ever had one of those? The kind that you can still hear the ring in your head? You can still hear the voice on the other end? Or the exact place you were when you answered? I can.
We were crossing the Wabash Bridge when it rang, and I heard the nurse say, “I’m sorry, but your numbers have dropped.” I was looking over into the waters when I responded with, “Oh, they have…?” I don’t remember much else of our conversation. Still, I do remember that in my heartache, I came home, threw away the “Daddy Doody Kit,” tossed the positive pregnancy tests in the trash, quit talking about nursery ideas, and crawled into bed and wept. My spirit and soul were crushed as I was unable to keep my promise always to protect.
The following day I managed to get up, get dressed and go to church, but I cried all the way there, all the way through worship, and all the way home. While on the car ride home, I remember having my head turned and looking out of the window; I began praying, asking for direction. In all honesty, I call it praying, but it was more like spinning my wheels trying to plan how we could conceive again. For the sake of sounding holy, we will call it praying. Regardless, at that moment, I had a thought to stop treatments. I knew immediately it wasn’t of my own because that wasn’t something I was willing to do. Therefore, as fear gripped me, another thought came flooding in. It was this tender whisper to my heart that said I would have a son…and then the name Josiah popped into my head. Before anyone thinks I am crazy, I want you to know that I thought I was crazy too. Because during that time, I didn’t have a relationship with God like I do now. Sure, I was born and raised in church, but my quiet time was few and far between. I only did my Jesus Calling devotional if Good Morning America was boring; basically, I worked my devotional time around my schedule…not my schedule around my devotional time. So, who is God to speak to me? Who am I that I could hear His voice? And what kind of name was Josiah anyway? No offense to anyone who has a child by that name or a husband or uncle; it just wasn’t on my list of top 100 baby names…I had names picked out for my first kiddos…Josiah wasn’t it.
Therefore, I did want anyone who overuses the search engine Google would do (and if you have infertility, then you have probably overused it a time or two… insert smirk), and I immediately looked up the meaning of the name Josiah. I had decided that if it meant anything insignificant such as “keeper of the home” or “bigfoot,” then I would chalk up this whisper spoken to my heart as nothing more than my crazy-hormontional-self talking. But as I anxiously awaited, the results began appearing, and I learned the name Josiah means ‘Jehovah healed.’ Not keeper of the home. Or bigfoot.
Immediately, I began weeping because I realized at that moment that God didn’t just want to give me baby; He wanted more for me; His best. And His best-included healing. I believe His best for you also includes healing. No matter what you are going through or how bleak the present may seem, God wants to restore you. That is his heart. That is his nature. And it was on that Sunday afternoon I started to believe it. I had a fire of faith burning so deep within me it couldn’t be put out. I also had a hope that couldn’t be stolen. But how many of you know that anytime your hope is renewed, the enemy will always try to steal it. He doesn’t want you to get your hopes up because miracles follow hope! This happened to me. Just days after the whisper to my heart, another whisper came to my ear. This one came from my doctor informing me that our chances of conception, even with medical treatments, were not favorable. In fact, he said my eggs were the quality of an older woman and if by some 3% chance one of them did hop into a wheelchair and wheel itself down the fallopian tube, the odds are even less it would result in a viable pregnancy. (Those weren’t his exact words, but my interpretation.) Yet despite what he said it was, and what it seemed to be, I still held onto my hope. Because after he finished giving his stats and sympathy eyes, I stood up, shook His hand, thanked him for his time, then walked out of there like a boss. I knew I would bebop back in there within three short months, waving an ultrasound picture in the air.
But 3 months go by…6 months go by…12 months go by…and no ultrasound picture to bebop back into his office with. That’s when the “nevers” and the “cant’s” and the “wont’s” started to ease into my thoughts and ooze out of my vocabulary. I’m never going to be healed. I’m never going to ovulate. I’m never going to be a mother. Or, I can’t get pregnant. I won’t get pregnant. I can’t and I won’t…and I’ll never…And it’s normal. It’s human nature. Even great faith has weak moments. Because it’s easy to have hope against all hope in the beginning, but when the promise doesn’t come in the time frame you had envisioned…when your dreams are always shattered…your plans are constantly thwarted… it’s hard to keep hoping…it’s almost impossible to keep believing…and sometimes, you just need a little help to keep the faith.
My SOS flare went up in 2013 shortly after hearing the promise; still with an empty womb and my faith wavering, I cried out to God for something more. Something new. It was a Friday night, and while on my way to an all-women’s conference, I begged him for reassurance, but I didn’t want a scripture. I also told him that I didn’t want a song to come on the radio at just the right time. Those had worked in the past, but it wouldn’t work this time. Instead, I needed a burning bush, something obvious, and if it wasn’t too much to ask, a billboard sign that read: “Elisha! You will have a son, and you’re to name him Josiah!”
Long shot, right? I thought so too. But God knows what you need. He knows when your faith is gasping for air, and perhaps that is why you are here today. Your faith is gasping, and you need your own billboard sign. You need your own reason to hope again. I pray you find it. Because that night I found my fresh wind. It all began as I stood on the front row of the sanctuary. The message was over, and as I stood there waiting for our dismissal with the heaviness of disappointment in my heart, I held out my hands in “pretend worship.” I say pretend because, at that point in the evening, I just wanted to go home, put on my jammies and watch the rest of 20/20. I had hoped the speaker would have said something that would breathe life into my dying dreams, but she didn’t. And so there, while standing near the front row as others came forward for ministry time, it happened. A woman whom I had never met before came and put her hands on my stomach and began praying. Immediately my eyes flew open: “Who is touching me?!” But as she began praying, I closed my eyes and thought, “I’ll go with it.” But it was when she began to pray for God to fulfill my heart’s desire and take away my burdens that tears slowly began to fall. But as she was just getting started and speaking so forcibly, she stopped. My eyes flew open, and I almost said, “Don’t stop! You are doing good” when she looked at me and said with such confidence, “You will have a son!” Immediately her eyes grew the size of silver dollars as she covered her mouth before apologizing. She began to studder and explained that she didn’t know where those words came from, and if she misspoke, she was very sorry. She went on to say that she wasn’t even sure if I wanted children…but before she uttered another word, I fell to the ground and, “It’s okay. You were my burning bush.”
She didn’t know I was going through infertility. There was no blog; therefore, she didn’t know about the promise between God and me. Only my mom, husband, and cat knew about it.
It’s been 7 years since my burning bush moment, and 8 since the promise was first spoken, and there still hasn’t been an ultrasound picture. If anything, my hormones have gotten worse, and my ol’ lady eggs have gotten older. Most people in my situation would have given up by now. But despite what it is, and what it seems to be, I still have hope. And it’s because of Ol’ Ab from the book of Genesis. You see, there are seven couples in the bible who were unable to conceive, but by God’s grace, all 7 overcame. However, Ab’s story is my favorite.
Most people would assume it is because he promised a child, and I have a promise; therefore, we can relate. But that’s not it at all. With or without the promise, I would still be able to see the word ‘possible’ tucked away within the ‘impossible,’ and it’s because he taught me how. A person can’t help but read his story in Genesis and Romans and not see that he was a man who could look at the reality of a situation and say, “It is what it is, but it’s not what it seems.”
It is impossible, yet it’s not impossible.
It is too late, yet it’s not too late.
The conditions of my body aren’t perfect, yet they are.
But the question is how. I believe the answer lies in Romans 4:20; it says that he was strengthened in his faith during that 25-year-long waiting period by giving Glory to God. For years, I would read this and assume that Abraham walked around his old tent wearing his old clothes while singing the old hymn, “Glory, Glory Hallelujah…Glory, Glory Hallelujah!” And you know? He might have. But if you dig deeper into this scripture passage, you will find that the word Glory is translated to the Hebrew word KABOD, which means weight. Abraham gave weight to God. In his wait, he gave weight to God. This means he didn’t focus on his weakness or the difficulty of the situation. If he had, then he would have given up in despair. Instead, He focused on the faithfulness and power of God to change His circumstances.
Real talk? Many of us, including myself at times, have given too much weight to the wrong things. We’ve given too much weight to the facts. Too much weight to our past failures and disappointments.Too much weight to our feelings. And because we have, we have weighed ourselves down and lost our hope. And maybe that is you. If so, it’s time to shift your weight by shifting your focus; asking yourself, is the way I see it the way it really is?”
Because His body was as good as dead, but was it dead?
Your situation seems impossible, but is it impossible?
It appears it’s too late, but is it too late?
I want to make an important distinction because this isn’t about denying our reality and living in a state of delusion. According to scripture, Abraham never denied that his body was worthless; in fact, he did the opposite. Therefore, there is no doubt in my mind that he often looked around at his situation and said, “it is what it is” … he might have even looked across the tent at his wife, Sarah, and said, “it was what it was” … But while Abraham faced the facts, he also kept the faith. In other words, he stood in the middle. He wasn’t delusional… yet he also didn’t fall into the pit of despair. Instead, he stood firmly in the gap…the gap between what it is and what it seems. Faith is what bridges that gap. It shows you the hope within a barren womb. The word possible inside every impossibility. The power of God in the face of a problem.
Whatever you are facing today, it’s not the end. I hope that as you read my stories within this tiny ol’ space of mine that you are filled with hope, inspiration, and even moments of laughter. Because it is here that I believe you will find not only the roses but also the thorns as I try to be transparent in sharing not just the happy and hopeful moments but also the ones filled with despair. I understand that not everyone’s journey towards parenthood will look the same, but this is my story of a tale of two love birds trusting in God while waiting for their baby bird.
UPDATE: Since the start of this blog, we have adopted a little girl through foster care. You can read all about our Tales of Fostering here.
I would love to connect with you on a personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it,” then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!
Wow, This story is AMAZING!!!! I Love your faith and it’s incredible because it’s all the same stuff the Lord has been teaching me! Email me, I want to share a book with you that I think you would love!!! PS How come the new site? I like it!
i hated the look of my blog on the other site and I have been wanting to create a new for a little while but I could not figure out how to do it…so I talked the hubby into doing it 🙂 We just started it a few nights ago so I have a lot of things to do to it still. Tonight he is going to try and transfer my old blogs to this site and add a few other things.
also, there is a lot more to “our story” but if I would have typed everything it would have been a book. LOL!
Yes! Email me of you want, I would love to hear!
Thank you for sharing your story! First, I want to say that I think your RE was wrong in making you believe you HAD to do PGD testing and that you would have to discard the rest. Doing fertility treatments is such a personal thing and you have to follow your heart, and God, in what you think is best.
I also heard God speak to me while we were going through treatments and needing to make a decision on what our next steps would be. I had already done one IVF that resulted in a chemical pregnancy, and one failed IVF cycle that I only produced one whole egg. I was praying about it and I clearly heard God tell me “one more time.” I had questioned many times if I actually had heard him speak to me. I believe he did. My husband and I had a counseling session with our pastor, and he celebrated and told me how cool it was that I had that conversation with God. We did end up moving forward with another IVF cycle, with my sister as an egg donor. I am now pregnant with twins.
I pray that you will soon be celebrating your pregnancy and holding Josiah in your arms.
Such a great testimony you have! God leads us all down different paths and that’s what is awesome! I think it is awesome your sister was able and willing to be your egg donor 🙂 As far as the RE goes I am 100% thankful he said what he did. At the time I was aggravated and upset but when I look back I know that if he hadn’t used the words or terms that he had used I would have wavered on what I heard from the Lord earlier that week. Thank you so much for reading and responding! I can’t wait to hear more about your twins. I look forward to seeing lots and lots of pictures. 🙂 I will be praying for you to have a great pregnancy and awesome delivery free from all complications! Blessings!!!
I LOVE your story and the way you write! You will be in my prayers, your faith and story are inspiring and I am so excited for the post you write when God brings your Josiah into your lives! 🙂
Thank you! You are too sweet! Thanks for the prayers! I will be praying for you too! I can’t wait to write the post for Josiah! Hopefully it will be soon 🙂
Love your testimony! I was just wondering if you ever thought about trying metformin to help with your PCOS? Metformin helped me tremendously!
I know God will heal you! I speak from experience. I have a pretty bad case of PCOS and I did try fertility treatments, but they didn’t work. I did have 1 chemical pregnancy, but then I got pregnant with my daughter. The drs told me I would never conceive on my own, but with God nothing is impossible! Then, when my daughter was 10 months old, I conceived again. Another miracle! Levi was born in August! God hears your prayers and one day He will answer them! Praying for you!
Thank you so much for commenting! You are so encouraging!
Yes I have taken Metformin. I never really noticed a difference, but the main reason I quit taking it was because of what I heard from God. He said that He would heal me…and I’m not saying He can’t through the medicine, but I never had peace about it while I was taking it. I was afraid that when I got pregnant many of the “skeptics” would say that it was the medicine that healed me and not God. I want to make sure I don’t do anything that takes away from His glory. Make sense? I’m not against ANYONE who takes the medicine, I just knew that for my unique testimony I couldn’t take it. I try to manage my insulin through diet and exercise.
I have a friend that started taking the medicine and got pregnant within the first month! PRAISE GOD!! She is a miracle baby!
I know that God has already answered my prayers…I have full faith that he will soon be on his way. God is so good and I thank Him everyday for my healing even if I don’t see it with my natural eyes yet.
Once again, thank you for commenting! You have encouraged me so much today! God Bless you!
This is a beautiful story! I am so glad to get to know you more and know this journey you are on. Waiting and trusting is hard, but God is faithful….and he doesn’t need doctors, ovulation tests or temperature charting to bring forth a miracle (although, he may use them, he certainly is bigger then them). Praying for you friend!
aww thanks so much for the encouragement!!
What an encouraging story! It is so neat how God spoke to you. With God, nothing is impossible. He is bigger than any doctor, test, or diagnosis! I’m so glad I have found your blog! Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony. It has encouraged me so much today.
yay! I am so glad you found it encouraging and thank you so much for your encouraging words as well! God is so much bigger than anything the devil has placed in my way to stop His Will from manifesting. I will not lose hope 🙂
Still praying for you, girl! Can’t wait to see God’s promises fulfilled.
me either sugar pants! Every day I get more excited because it’s one day closer 🙂
I just found your blog and I am glad I did! Thanks for sharing your “You just got socked” post! I WILL be doing this as I just applied to become a RAKtivist!! I love doing random acts of kindness! Thanks!!
http://www.wherethebleepisourstork.blogspot.com
http://www.themissingstork.com
I am so glad you stopped by! I can’t wait to hear all about you “socking” people. It was really fun! I did another one yesterday but came seconds away from getting caught. It was a close call. lol!
Yours is such a beautiful and encouraging story. Thank you for sharing. I love your Christ-centered outlook even in the midst of such a big trial… We don’t understand why some women can get pregnant naturally, on accident even, and other can’t. But we were never meant to understand the ways of God. And as long as we have Him, we have hope, regardless of our changing circumstances.
Changing the subject… Your OHSS tummy looks just like mine did… except smaller! I gained well over ten pounds, could not stand up straight, could not eat or drink without feeling like I was going to burst into pieces from being so full… Transfer was cancelled and rescheduled for over a month out. I was devastated when we learned that our transfer would be so far away, but it ended up being a TOTAL God thing. Looking back on our treatments, I see His hand in ALL of it.
We serve such a awesome Creator, and I love that your blog and your story continuously points to Him. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Thank you so much for reading! I have never really been the person to wonder why some get pregnant and some don’t. I’m thankful that I have never been tormented by those kind of “why” thoughts (I do have other “why” thoughts. loL!) I know that God created our bodies to make babies and when they can’t, it’s usually due to a sickness or disease and those are from the enemy.
The OHSS was awful! I couldn’t eat either. It felt like it was getting stuck in between my throat and stomach. It was soooo uncomfortable to sit, lay down, move, poop (TMI), anything! Girl you are right…it was awful! They didn’t cancel my transfer though but I was worried they would. I remember when they went in to do the transfer, my ovaries were so big that they couldn’t find my uterus! I was laying there saying, “well, I know I have a uterus so find it.” hahaha
I love how God was able to take your OHSS that the devil meant to harm you for His glory. I love how He does that! He will always turn what the devil means for our harm into good if we keep believing and trusting in Him! I hope you continue to follow my blog so we can still chat 🙂 xoxoxo
I will continue to follow your blog and your journey… I’ve spend the past hour going through your posts, and I am hooked!
i have been looking at yours too! I can’t wait to have more free time this evening and read some more! 🙂 I’m so glad you found my blog so that I could find yours and travel on your journey as well! YAY that you will be giving birth in June! So exciting!!
I finally got a chance to read through your story. You’re very encouraging and very brave. It’s not easy to walk away from fertility treatments. It’s wonderful that God spoke to you and led you down a path that He himself directed you to. It’s amazing that these other women who prayed over you also heard what God wanted you to hear. I often wonder about my faith if I wasn’t showing my faith if I did or didn’t do something. In the end, I gauge it on the peace that I have. I don’t proceed with something if I don’t have the peace that comes from God. At times it’s so hard to listen to God because of all the distracting information out there. Anyhow, I am so glad I finally got a chance to read your story and I am hoping and praying that one day soon Josiah will be in your arms. 🙂
Oh thank you so much for hoping and praying with me. Yes it was not an easy thing to do because my flesh wants to do “my own thing”. There are some days where I want to go back to treatments but I have to remind myself of God’s promises to me and also the ones of healing in the Bible and just trust in His timing…but it get’s hard when my flesh screams, “Do something”. But I am like you and when I think those thoughts I don’t have peace, therefore I know it’s just me and my impatience talking. I just recently started following your blog and want you to know that every day I pray for you and the other ladies. Thank you for reading 🙂 I hope you have a fabtabulous weekend and Christmas!
This is a powerful story! I believe in the power of prayer! Looking forward to following you!
I just went to your blog and I am looking forward to following you as well. As I read your blogs, I couldn’t help but get excited for you! Keep the faith! God can’t wait to bless you in His timing!! hugs!
Thank you friend!
Your faith is beautiful and inspiring. I don’t think you’re crazy at all. Strangely enough, shortly after losing Aj, I felt God assure me that we would have more children. In my journal dated 10/18/13, I wrote about that the 2 names placed on my heart. One a girl named Hope and the other, a boy named Josiah. Afterwards I write about how crazy I feel writing this, and maybe I’ve just given myself false hope. I guess I will see what happens.
I’m going to be praying for you as you continue on your journey to a precious baby boy named Josiah.
Those thoughts of you having false hope are thoughts from the devil. He knows that if he can steal your hope then you have nothing for which faith can launch from and we all know that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). I once heard that faith is the hand that reaches up to heaven and takes the blessings from God. It is based not on facts, evidence, or things that are seen but unseen. So keep hoping! Keep Believing!! God did not place that desire in your heart unless He had plans (in His perfect timing) to fulfill them. Also, I think it is so cool the names He gave you. First, because I now think Josiah is the coolest name EVER! lol! Second, hope is the name of the infertility support group I started in my small town. It stands for Holding On to the Promises and Expectations. You can go to the right hand side of my blog and “like” the Facebook page for online support to help you as you go on this faith journey! I’m praying for you girl! I can’t wait to hear about when Josiah and Hope come into this world! God has big plans for them and for you. He can’t wait to bless you so that He can get all kinds of glory! hugs!
Thank you for encouragement. You are the first I shared that with. I thought it would sound ridiculous if I ever said it out loud.
not at all. Tell everyone!! Faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). Meaning, if you say you have faith for something but don’t demonstrate it, then it’s dead. I used to keep my story of Josiah a secret for almost a year until I realized that if I truly believed it, then I should also speak and act like it. So speak it girl!! Tell everyone!! Also, I noticed you liked the “waiting for baby bird”page but not the HOPE page. The HOPE page is the online fertility support group.
I was sitting here thinking about you and hope in the Bible means to have a “joyful and confident expectation” and Josiah means “God supported and God heals. Therefore, I want you to put them together and have a joyful and confident expectation that God is supporting and healing you. He will support you and your babies. He will fulfill your desires! God bless you!!! xoxoxo
Thank you … for having the courage to share your powerful and God breathed story of hope!!
In advance … apologies for the long comment, but I am sensing right now to share a snippet of my own story with you. Not quite sure why God is stirring me to do it, but recently He has been teaching me to obey, no matter how uncomfortable or crazy is feels … I pray my story helps you to hold on to Him and to keep the faith, especially in the days where the dreams and promises seem just out of reach!
I too was told, by well meaning medical teams, that I would be infertile … the interesting part, at that stage of the journey, not only was I not trying to get pregnant, I was SINGLE!! LOL 😉
Anyway … For ten years I struggled with painful, heavy periods (sorry TMI!!), I had black outs, severe mood swings, just to name a few symptoms.
I felt very unheard by the doctors as to how this was effecting my everyday life. They did brain scans, CTG’s, EEG’s, ECG’s … oh you name it, they did it … but nothing related to the periods I was experiencing, and no one seemed willing to send me to a Gynecologist (never knew I could self refer grr!). No one even asked about my periods?? Random but true!
Finally, the 13th doctor I saw listened and did tests, and sure enough, advanced endometriosis was found 🙁
After several operations, and loads of tears … the symptoms remained!
I returned to the doctors and asked for a further surgery to be done … they stared at me blankly and told me I needed to learn to control the pain and that pain killers and the pill were the journey for my life from then on. WHAT … are you kidding!
I had a possible stroke at 16 (they can’t confirm one way or the other because I have no lasting side effects, which means they can only judge by the actual experience that I had), which means the pill is out of the question for me, although they did try to convince me … umm no thanks! And what about when I do want children, how does taking the pill work then!?
I was miserable. I was in pain. I was over it!
Then a friend read an article about a clinic in another part of New Zealand, that specialised in Endo. I rang, made an appointment, booked flights, and traveled down to the clinic.
The specialist was amazing!! He shared with me, after a couple of tests on the spot, that I did in fact still have Endo, and that with an operation, he could get it sorted. And for the little price of just over $5000 … this is where the story gets interesting!
$5000 to many would be nothing, but to me, it was make or break, ie I couldn’t afford it!
I got into my rental car and I cried out to God – how can this be? The operation is booked and I have no way to pay for it!
“Ask your grandfather” God whispered.
What? Granddad … no way, he is the worlds biggest stinge and I would end up owing him my life … hec no!
“Ask your Granddad!”
But Lord, I don’t even know that he has got the money!
“The money is in his will”
Eh, I don’t even know that he has a will … let alone if I am in it!
“Ask him”
Ok, yes I often argue like this with God … lol 😉 I’m a work in progress ha ha!
Anyway, long story short … after bargaining with God, I told my granddad how the appointment had gone, and immediately he said “I’ll give you the money, it’s the money I would have left you in my will.”
Tears streamed down my face (he isn’t a believer so had no clue what had just happened!!), and the very next day he transferred the money! PRAISE THE LORD!
I had the operation and a month later met my future husband … We got married soon after in mid 2002, and against all medical claims … we have since had FOUR beautiful children … much to my surprise and delight!! He always said I would have four children, I guess He knows what He is talking about!!
God does things in His timing, and His way. Trust. Never lose faith. Keep believing. And know that your story is changing and impacting lives! He is using it for His glory and to strengthen you for His will.
There is hope. There is God. There is healing. There is children. There is answered prayers. There is fulfilled promises.
GOD IS GOOD!! ALL THE TIME!! AMEN!!
Much love, prayer and blessings.
Natalie 🙂
PS really sorry about the length of this comment/post!
oh don’t ever apologize about the length of your comments! Every word, every part not only encouraged me, but I know that it will encourage someone else! Thank you so much for sharing and encouraging me to always keep believing and hoping! You are inspiring!!
WOW, what a story!! I was so sad to hear about your loss, especially after that adorable way of telling your husband. I honestly can’t even begin to know what that must feel like. The disappointment after all of that! I wish you the best of luck with your journey going forward. I hope and pray that you see your BFP. Your faith is inspiring. Thanks for sharing!
Yes it was gut wrenching and I never want to experience that again. We always joke around that I wont be able to top the last announcement. hehe! I’m still trying to figure out a clever way….
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I can’t wait to share with the world about baby bird and give God all of the glory for His works.
Thank you so much for the pep talk and encouragement – your support and kind words really mean so much to me!! You’re really helping me look at the bright side of things, again, and working harder on not giving up on myself 🙂 Lots of hugs!!
anytime you need a lil pep talk (because we all do) email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com. I would be glad to remind you not to give up!
Thanks, that’s so sweet of you 🙂 🙂
Wow, thank you for sharing your story – it is a powerful thing to have such unwavering faith. My husband and I had a similar experience with our first round of IVF – so devastating to go through all of the pain and emotion of the process and get positive news one day and then have it taken away soon after. Sending hugs to you from Australia. L x
Australia?!?! How cool you live in Australia! Thank you for stopping by!!
That’s sweet to share your story and be vulnerable- not an easy thing to do. I just came across your blog- I know this post is not new. I had endometriosis but it was fully removed with surgery-eventually! I have some major bladder issues as well. I was a little confused- do you mean that you’ve come to acceptance with what is and whatever will be, knowing you are loved and it’s God’s plan not our plan, or are you saying you’re sure you’re having a son no matter what? I sometimes get caught in what I want and very attached to outcomes, until I remember to let go and let God. So I was just curious how you saw it… Also, how do you see Endometriosis etc. as not coming from God? I always thought mine did because of the inadvertent gifts it gave me like compassion and patience. Isn’t it all part of His plan, whatever it is? I hope and pray you get all that you want. I appreciate any insight you have. It’s always interesting to hear the journey of others.
Very good questions. I know with 100 percent certainty that I will have a son and that God alone will give Him to me. He spoke to me that I specifically didn’t need to seek treatments and to just “wait”. The Bible says that only good and perfect gifts come from God and that He doesn’t give sickness, disease, death, pain, heartache, etc. It was never in His plan when He created Adam and Eve and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It was after Eve ate of the fruit that the devil brought sin into the world and therefore all those terrible things came. But the BIble does say that what the devil means for our harm, God will use for our good. For example, the devil has brought sickness upon you, but God is using it for His good. I have PCOS and the devil’s plan is to keep me from having children, but I believe that God is using me and my testimony and one day I will have children naturally…therefore giving all Glory to Him. John 10:10 says that the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, but Christ gives life and life abundantly. Never once did Jesus walk around the earth giving sickness to anyone. It says multiple times that He healed all who come to Him . I hope this makes sense. I haven’t had my coffee yet 😉
Interesting. Thank you for sharing. I truly hope you get everything you want.
Thank you 🙂 I am praying the same for you. Have a great weekend and thanks for asking 🙂
You have been nominated for the Shine On Award! Thank you so much for being a wonderful source of inspiration and enjoyment!
http://nightowlkitchenblog.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/shine-on-award/
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and what an incredible story it is! I admire your Faith so much. I had a miscarriage in May 2012, and went a year thinking (and believing) that it was never going to happen again for us. A year later my husband became a Christian when God told him during a talk he went to that he was going to have a child. It just so happened this was 3 days after our AI procedure. I laughed and thought “yeah right”, but true’s bob I fell pregnant that cycle and we’re having a son next month. Only in hindsight do I now understand that our story was meant to unfold as it did, as it was God’s way of bringing my husband closer to Him. If we had had our first baby then that never would have happened. It’s made me realise that no fertility treatment will ever guarantee a take home baby, one can only go by Faith. I hope and pray that for you when you have your son in your arms one day you will look back and see that it was all meant to be. Lots of love x
oh what a wonderful testimony and source of encouragement for me!! Thank you for sharing. It really means a lot to me.
Elisha~ Thank you so much for sharing your story! I feel that we have a lot in common and are in similar places in our walk (both with Jesus and with our desire for children). I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18 and told I would most likely never have children on my own. The day I married my husband I received word from God from two different people promising me a child who would do great things in the name of the Lord. I was ecstatic and told my soon to be husband. His words were, “Why are you so shocked? God told me this when I was in high school.” Fast forward two years and a group of women at a conference come around me and pray that I open my gift of healing. It was spoken over me that we would have children- yet again by strangers. It felt as electricity was going through my body and centering in my middle. I can hardly describe it without sounding crazy. I went in for a check up shortly after only to find out that it got much worse in their.eyes. I won’t lie, I wept about this and asked God what he was doing. Through his words to me and the encouragement of the some of the strongest Christians I know, I am confident that he is simply making the situation more evident of his love and mercy. He wants this child to be something that is clearly of his workings and not mine.
I believe that he has healed me in his own time and ask only that he gets the glory. I am reminded often of Paul asking God to remove the thorn from his side. God’s response, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I am confident that no word can go out from God’s mouth and not be accomplished. Now we all wait for God’s miracles to appear. I love that he gave you the name, as he gave us the name Zachary Raphael “Jehovah and remembered and he has healed”. Thank you for using this experience to help minister to the hearts of others 🙂
oh wow! God is certainly setting the scene for Him to get all of the glory and a miracle to come into your life too! This is so exciting! God has something SPECIAL planned for your children…something He NEEDS them to accomplish at just the right time and I believe He is waiting so that it can happen just as he has planned. 🙂 Thank you so much for reading my story! I hope the rest of the blogs can encourage you as well.
I hope it is ok for me reply as well. Megan, your story reminds me of how when God sent Moses and Aaron to Pharaoh to ask that His people go, at first their condition became WORSE! However God was doing it that way so that His glory and power could be displayed in the plagues on Egypt. He is awesome!
Thank you Elisha for your encouraging story, and for the words about our healing, that it is already accomplished. I’ve been waiting for healing for a long time (not fertility related) and this is a revelation to me.
such a great correlation! SInce I have started my blog and opened up my home to a support group, my cycles have been the WORST ever. I was upset for a few months but now I’m okay with it because the wacky it is, the crazier it looks, the more glory He will get when i do make the announcement that I am pregnant 🙂 I may not look healed on the outside…but I know that I am healed because God says I am in His word. His word trumps my facts.
Elisha~ Thank you so much for sharing your story! I feel that we have a lot in common and are in similar places in our walk (both with Jesus and with our desire for children). I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 18 and told I would most likely never have children on my own. The day I married my husband I received word from God from two different people promising me a child who would do great things in the name of the Lord. I was ecstatic and told my soon to be husband. His words were, “Why are you so shocked? God told me this when I was in high school.” Fast forward two years and a group of women at a conference come around me and pray that I open my gift of healing. It was spoken over me that we would have children- yet again by strangers. It felt as electricity was going through my body and centering in my middle. I can hardly describe it without sounding crazy. I went in for a check up shortly after only to find out that it got much worse in their.eyes. I won’t lie, I wept about this and asked God what he was doing. Through his words to me and the encouragement of the some of the strongest Christians I know, I am confident that he is simply making the situation more evident of his love and mercy. He wants this child to be something that is clearly of his workings and not mine.
I believe that he has healed me in his own time and ask only that he gets the glory. I am reminded often of Paul asking God to remove the thorn from his side. God’s response, “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I am confident that no word can go out from God’s mouth and not be accomplished. Now we all wait for God’s miracles to appear. I love that he gave you the name, as he gave us the name Zachary Raphael “Jehovah and remembered and he has healed”. Thank you for using this experience to help minister to the hearts of others 🙂
You are truly such an inspiration and I have loved following your blog… so I nominated you for the Liebster Award =) All of the lowdown is at:
http://anairmandadoctor.wordpress.com/2014/01/31/ahhh-schucks-lovelies-thank-you/
I’m on the ball buddy! I somehow already saw it and commented! Thank so much for the nomination! I loved your questions!
Wow! First off I want to say thank you for sharing your story with us here on the blog world.
Secondly, my Mom has PCOS and four children, she wasn’t told she probably wouldn’t have any so don’t give up hope. I’ll be praying for you!
Dear Lord,
You know the hearts of your children and you know that Elisha and Daniel desire a family. Your will and way are not within our realm of understanding and they are something hard, very hard, but you’re still good. If I could interject on the behalf of Elisha and Daniel and ask that you grant this longing in their hearts for a child of their own. You’re good and we trust you.
Amen.
I hope you get a BFP soon with a full term delivery!!
oh wowzas! Your prayer means so much to me and sends chills up and down my spine!! You have a heart for God and it shows! Thank you for your prayers! God hears every single one. You are amazing! xoxox
Just read your story so I could know a little of your journey, too. What remarkable faith you have! I have liked the name Josiah because I had a student with that name and I knew it’s biblical meaning. Very cool! Praying for you & your husband as you wait in hope for the promises of God!
oh thank you so much!! I had never known anyone named Josiah and it was not even on my list to name my future children. lol! It actually took me several months to get used to it and now I can’t think of any other name I would like to use 🙂 I used to be a school counselor and it was hard picking out names. haha! Every name I kinda liked usually reminded me of a student and not in the “best way” 😉 Thank you so much for your prayers!
I am so thankful that I found your blog. I have to say, I am reading this at work and had to try very hard to not break down in tears as I was reading through your story! It touches my heart so deeply when I find someone walking such a similar path to me! I was diagnosed with PCOS three months before I got married and was on bc right away, but when I got married, switched insurance and the bc went up 10 times what I had been paying for it, I went off of it. I knew getting pregnant may be “hard” but I was pretty convinced that I would be pregnant within the next 6 months. It has been over 2 years, countless rounds of failed medicated cycles, and I feel no closer to my dream of a child then I did when I started. BUT… I have a promise. I know that I will have a baby because God clearly spoke to me and promised me that. I don’t know if I could have made it through the past year and half if I didn’t have that promise. And I struggle so often to want to know the “when” and “how” too.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, as well as being so confident to declare the promises of the Lord over your life. I believe with every fiber of my being that when we create a situation that will bring God the glory, he will move mightly on our behalf. I will be praying for the fulfilment of you miracle!
Blessings!!!
“I believe with every fiber of my being that when we create a situation that will bring God the glory, He will move mightily on our behalf”—-you said that perfectly! Thank you so much for commenting and giving me so much encouragement! I’m so stoked you found my blog as well! We need all the encouragement we can get as we “wait” for the promises of God to be fulfilled in our lives. My email is 10hopeingod@gmail.com
Hopefully my other blog posts are a source of encouragement to you as well!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!…I stumbled upon your blog and have been reading it every night since Monday. I also shared it with a group of girlfriends who are also struggling with fertility, they are faithful God loving women like myself. What I looooooved about your posts is how you turned all of the thoughts that come from infertility (valid thoughts, thoughts that come from a real place, a place where there’s hurt sometimes-I know), into testimonies that lead you more and more to God. What got me the most was when you wrote that you stopped asking Him “why” and switched to “what are you doing”!!!!! My heart was doing backflips!…it still is! I think I asked Him that about 4 times between last night and today!😋
I have been experiencing fertility problems, a little different than yours and I admire your faith and strength sister! From 2012-2013 I had 3 miscarriages. The first was a blightened ovum (empty sack but growing belly, sac, hormones, and a whole lot of hopes and dreams), the second was a chemical pregnancy (3 positives and then negatives), and the third was a perfectly developed 8 week old baby whose picture shows pretty much everything to perfection. This was the toughest, as i had two wait two months to pass, and saw the baby. I apologize for sharing so much, but by doing so, I get to my point 😉
My baby’s heart had stopped beating by 8 weeks and I found out at 11, this ultrasound was done by the world’s most awful maternal office doctor. Anyways, I thought I passed it and on the first day of a summer vacation cruise with my husband, it finally happened. It was the most horrifying experience of my life, I was alone because my husband was dealing with an issue at guest services, and I was two minutes away from loosing service (freaked out while attempting to text my doctor pictures and and ask a million questions). Crazy mess is an understatement!
I finally gathered myself and went to meet my husband who was quite scared, I looked at him and asked him to hold me…he knew then.
That trip wasn’t a disaster, I was quite ok after the initial shocj…the old me wouldn’t have been. The old me that didn’t have the relationship with God that I have now would have probably thought that jumping off that ship was a much better idea! 😞…so true.
I’m currently about to start taking clomid, since it has been exactly one year since I last got pregnant and we have been trying every month. I was found to have a gene mutation that causes my body to not process folic acid, also it may form small blood clots…this could have been the reason for #3.
I feel relief to read your posts, I smile every time I read your “aha! Moments” where God’s grace, love, promises, and faithfulness, surpass all of this!! He has been working on me all along, I am walking in a relationship with Him and with so much faith I never knew was possible!!!…crazy thing is, He isn’t even done yet, there’s so much more awesome to come.
I will be praying for you, you WILL get your baby bird. Thank you again for using your story to encourage people like me 😊
Oh girl I am so sorry! I never like to hear when other’s are going through so much trouble to do what God intended for our bodies to do in the first place. I get so angry at the devil but I must always remember that we are overcomers through Jesus and no matter what he throws at us, we are already victors! Not victims! Thank you so much for sharing my blog with other women. Make sure they sign up via email so that they can receive updated posts when I make them. In regards to the posts always seem to turn into a testimony…it didn’t used to be like that (before I started blogging). But one day, I decided that if the devil was going tho throw something at me, I would take those lemons and give them to God so He could make lemonade. I refused to stay stuck in my bad circumstances. If I was going to go through it, then I wanted to learn something out of it. It really brings a true meaning to the verse where God works out everything for our good. He takes what the devil intends for our harm, into something good. Infertility is NOT good and NOT from God, but if we allow God to use it, we will come out of it not only with babies but a wonderful testimony of His love, mercy, and faithfulness!
Infertility treatments are an emotional and hormonal roller coaster. If you would like, during this time, I would love to send you encouragement cards through the mail. It’s one of my favorite things to do 🙂 You can email me your addy to 10hopeingod@gmail.com. I promise to not stalk you or tp your house 🙂 hehe! God bless and you are added to my morning prayer list ! HUGS!!
i’m in tears at the bottom of this post and just want to crawl into the computer and hug you. i know all too well how it feels when all you can say is “Oh they have…?” Nothing prepares you for the conversation or the shock and horror and just pure awfulness of knowing that what you want most in the world, well, isn’t happening. such a cruel joke after waiting, right? know that you’re not alone and i’ll be praying for us both.
oh thank you! I could feel your hug through your kind words! We will be mommies!
Wow Elisha!!! This story…. I’m at a loss for words!
But I do know that God is good. That the time you are not a mum is like a second compared to the decades you will be. That motherhood is more than just a child in the womb, and I feel god is going to begin to show you characteristics of yourself as a mother he has and is developing in this time. With many prayers- I can’t wait to hear your good news. Until then, I’ll try to enjoy the journey with you xx
Sorry to add…but I feel god speaking to me about you.
Once you realise the characteristics, you’ll see how you’ve begun to act meow like a mother just in time for when god fulfills the promise.
You being an example and a encourager will transfer into the new season of motherhood also. In a greater capacity god will use you. And your husband, his influence is growing. And he should never be afraid to speak. I see it like he is one of the priests blowing a trumpet at every stage of success and thankfulness, his voice will be loud and have a ripple of influence into other circles.
God is good, his plan is great!
(You don’t have to post this, I just read your about me and had to share,)
With love,
Yvette xx
Thank you so much for this!! I have been sitting here reading it off and on all night…just soaking it in and meditating on every word. Thank you!!! God is good and I know His plans are great! I just love watching them unfold.
Thank you so much for this!! I have been sitting here reading it off and on all night…just soaking it in and meditating on every word. Thank you!!! God is good and I know His plans are great! I just love watching them unfold.
What an Amazing God Story! I can’t wait to hear about your happy ending and your baby bird! I know his plans are to do good and not to harm, but I do lose my faith at times. I get angry and hopeless. Luckily, I am not in one of those times right now. We met a couple through our Church that have adopted 3 times due to infertility and it was just what we needed to hear to know that somehow, some way, whether through adoption or fertility treatments or the miracle of naturally conceiving, God will provide us with the amazing Blessing of a Baby. I’m Thankful to God that DH and I have only been made stronger as a couple through this struggle. I will be praying that God brings your baby bird very soon!! God Bless You and Daniel!
Awe thank you for your prayers. God is so good and faithful. Every woman in the bible who was barren conceived…he cares and will do the same for us. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Wow! Just wow!! Your story melted my heart because I felt like I was reading a chapter of my own biography. I too have PCOS but I am 35 and still no babies 🙁 but I have faith that what is suppose to be will be. My God is in control and I still have great hopes! I would love to chat sometime! 🙂
of course! I love new friends and chatting 🙂 My email is 10hopeingod@gmail.com
Yes you are so right that God is in control 🙂 He paid the price for our PCOS already and we may not see our healing with our natural eyes, but believe with your faith eyes that by His stripes you ARE healed (Isaiah 53:5). Never lose hope 🙂 I have a Christian based infertility support group that meets in my home and that’s the name of it…HOPE.
Hi,
Very moved to go through your testimony. I’ve 3 girls. While I was pregnant with my 2nd one there was some hormonal imbalance and I had to discontinue it since there was no heart beat ever after 60 days. After 6 months I conceived again and same problem with severe bleeding and again no heart beat. I was so disappointed and prayed “God I want this baby, I’m not going to go through another DNC process”, so I made a vow-If I get this baby healthy I’ll give up wearing jewelry for the rest of my life. It sounds crazy. But I thought my children are my ornaments and I don’t need any external ornaments. Within two weeks the doctor noticed a heart beat and I had a healthy girl baby beautiful than any jewelry. We named her Hosanna. So don’t lose heart my dear sister, will be praying for you. God bless.
awe such a great testimony of God’s miraculous power to overcome the impossible! Thank you so much for sharing! It put a smile on my face tonight 😉
You have an amazing story. Praying for you birdies…
Thank you so much! I love prayers!
I am a mother of five living children (we lost one through miscarriage) and I started blogging for a creative emotional outlet. I write a lot about the struggles I have in motherhood. My heart breaks when I read the stories of women like yourself waiting and praying for children. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own struggles I forget to see the sufferings of others. I appreciate your courageous and heartfelt writing. I try to be the same way when I write. I pray the Lord answers your prayers. Bless you dear sister in christ.
You and your words are truely wonderful. I have had similar experiences of God speaking to me and feel so blessed to have heard him so clearly, but have also been riddled with doubt about sharing for fear of sounding bananas. However, I wanted to share this in an attempt to celebrate hope and His awesome grace.
One experience that is forever with me is one that took place after a miscarriage. I, like many others, felt heartbroken, but I prayed for the strength to get through it. The next day at church, in the middle of the service I heard, “you WILL become pregnant”. My jaw dropped and I fought tears (bc I don’t enjoy crying in public, and I always feel that I look like a person who had their face stung by many bees while straining to poop; I have no shame).
That same night I had [another] dream of a little girl; Delaney Elizabeth. * I had a similar dream before I became pregnant, the first time, of the same child with this name at the age of two. *
After having another vivid dream of this big eyed, blonde haired girl I knew God was giving me hope to give me the strength I asked for. I was told it would be six months to a year, by both the Er Doctor and my OB, before my husband and I would be blessed again (at the earliest), and two months after my miscarriage I became pregnant with my little Dee (who looks exactly like the child of my dreams, and is now two).
NEVER DOUBT what He tells you. It is hard (I have had and still have trouble with this), and that awful outside force of evil will try to make you feel stupid and doubtful, but ask for strength and you’ll be able to lift a car before you say, “Amen”. Plus, the closer you get to God, the harder evil will try to lead you astray, but let God dress you in his armor and you will always be protected.
I, like the others have mentioned, look forward to the many postings (and photos) of little Josiah. Your faith is truely amazing and inspiring, and I have no doubt your little man will be too.
I, too, have PCOS, as well as a few other chronic health issues. My husband and I got married in 2003 and after a couple of years decided to start trying for a baby. Well, it just wasn’t happening. And because of my already poor health, I didn’t want to put my body through the extra stress of fertility treatments. So we waited… and waited… and finally, in Jan. of 2013, after 7 years, we conceived. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 8 weeks. We were devastated. I couldn’t understand why God had given us the desire of our hearts- FINALLY- only to take it away again. Another long year passed, but we conceived again this January and I am now 15 weeks pregnant and the baby is strong and healthy. I have hyperemesis gravidarum, but I am so happy and we feel so incredibly blessed.
I never felt any confirmation over the years that we would have kids, but many of my family members and close friends felt we would. It was frustrating to hear, “I know it will happen for you” because how did *they* know that for sure? But God must have wanted me to feel comfort through their assurance. And I did. I’m due in October and we’ll soon find out the gender.
I pray you will soon have a sweet baby growing inside you. It’s an incredible feeling and especially sweet for those of us who have had to wait so long for our miracles. God bless you!
Thank you, thank you for sharing this with me!! Also
, thank you so much for your prayers. God hears each and every one of them and I can’t thank you enough for praying on my behalf 🙂
Thank you for sharing your journey. It sounds all too familiar to my own. I always assumed we’d get pregnant quickly, especially since my mom always said that I was a “fertile turtle.” I might be fertile, but I was devastated when I learned that both of my fallopian tubes were blocked. I’m so thankful that along the way I discovered Nerida Walker’s book “God’s Plan For Pregnancy.” Despite being a Christian most of my life, this book was life changing. I feel like the church has been holding out on me all my life! I now walk with confidence that I AM healed and that God has children for us. I thank Him every day for the children He has planned. The waiting can be hard, but I am SO excited for this testimony that God has given me. I know that my story — and yours — will be life breathing to so many women! I can’t wait to hear about your baby boy. He’s coming. Keep trusting.
Awe thank you for your encouraging words and support! I just love nerida’s book. Do you have the devotional called A Seed of Hope by Evangeline Colbert? Of not, I would love to send it to you! It’s amazing! You can email me your addy to 10hopeingod@gmail if you are interested. I have extra copies 🙂
Wow, you have been through so much!! I experienced a similar pregnancy loss with my second IUI. It was devastating. Thank you for sharing your story and by all these comments obviously inspiring others! Best of luck to you on your journey.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and reading my story (I know it was long). 🙂
I love the way you write, and your outlook on life inspires me. I am truly grateful to have found your blog. I Pray your dreams may come true.
Awe thanks littlejillybean! (I love the name!) You are so sweet!!!