Dear sweet baby girl,
You might not know what today is but its “Gotcha” day. Two years ago on this very night God chose to write a new chapter into the story of our lives. And I’ll never forget the first few sentences, or moments, in which we first met. You were only 34 inches tall, and tucked underneath your arm was an old white stuffed animal kitty, and in your mouth was a thumb, and on top of your head was a ponytail. Your smile warmed my heart as I said hello and showed you the room you would be sleeping in for the next 30 days. Little did I know that the 30 days would turn into 90 days and 90 days would soon turn into 180 days and 180 days would somehow turn into two years and still counting.
I sometimes have a hard time celebrating that moment because while I am blessed by all that we gained…your beautiful smile, your tight squeezes, your tender love, and your contagious laughter…I know what all you, and your mama, lost. And I can’t help but think about all that you went through in order to have this day written on my calendar. You have endured more in the short five years of your life than any child should. And I sometimes sit and look at you and wonder. I wonder what it is you are thinking or feeling but can’t seem to process or find the words to describe. I wonder what it is you will one day look back on and remember from these life changing events. My only hope is that your heartbreak and pain is overshadowed by the love and acceptance my family and I have shown you.
Sitting here, looking back, I didn’t know on that night how much my life would change. I didn’t know at the time I would plan your first themed birthday party or explain to you who Santa was and then surprise you with gifts. I didn’t know that I would not only do that once, but twice. And honestly? I don’t know if I will have the privilege of being able to do it again.
But one thing is for certain, whether you are here in my arms or only in my heart, I will always celebrate today by remembering you and the night God wrote you into my story. I will always remember your hugs, your kisses, your love for horses, and immense dislike for chicken salad. I will always remember your funny looks, your need to win, and stubborn drive to always be right. I will always remember our first vacation as the three of us. I have never seen anyone sincerely as excited as you were that night when your toes first stepped onto the beach and into the water.
And I will never forget the moment you counted to 100 by yourself. I almost busted with pride as you squealed with excitement! I also will never forget your first Christmas program (we were late) and the time you spotted me in the crowd at your gymnastics recital. My heart melted. But it wasn’t just your smile that turned me into a pile of mush. Or the excitement I felt in your wave. But it was your love that shined through and lit up the entire room when you did. And sweet baby girl, I will always remember the lessons you have taught me on patience, and trust, and living in the moment. But most of all, I will always remember how you live life. Because you love unconditionally and without borders. You see joy in everything and hope in dead and dying situations. You truly have faith like a child…faith that I often envy.
So much of this new chapter that was started two years ago is still being written into the blank pages of today. And much like that night, it is still surrounded by questions and unknowns. But the one thing I do know and the one thought that brings me comfort in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty, is that He, our heavenly Father, knows. He is in control of the pen and the turning of the pages. And no matter how this chapter will one day end and no matter what the new one will look like, I know that He will always be with you. Because while I may not always be the one to hold your hand in order for you to safely cross the street, I know He will. And while I may not always be around to protect you from the world, the hurt, and the heartache, I know He can. You are His precious sweet baby girl and I have no doubt in my mind that He has His eye on you, His heart turned toward yours, and His angels guiding your every step. Because if He didn’t? Then I don’t believe you would be here with me now. And “Gotcha” day...the day we got your beautiful smile, your tight squeezes, your tender love, and your contagious laughter…wouldn’t be written in our book or on our calendar.
No matter where life takes us, know that you will always be my baby girl and I will always love you to the moon and back!
Our prayer for you…
Lord, I thank you for this precious, fun-loving child that you purposefully placed in our life two years ago today to love and nurture. I pray that as she continues to journey through life, she always knows that she is loved and never once does she feel alone or abandoned. Lord, bless her beyond measure. Give her peace during this season of her life that is so full of uncertainty. Peace that only You can give in order to calm her worried soul. And Lord, please wrap Your mercy around any doubts and fears that she might have as you whisper in her heart tonight that You are near and will always protect her. Help her to know in confidence that when life gets tough and the weight of the world seems too heavy to carry, You will always be there to carry the load. And You will always be there to lift her head and catch her fallen tears.
~Its in Your precious name I pray. Amen.
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