Our Infertility Story

Our Infertility Story

Our love story is like that straight out of a sappy, lovey dovey Hallmark movie if I do say so myself. While living in Florida during my younger and much cuter years, I met my future husband in the fifth grade and immediately thought he was dorky. He waved his hands to classical music after lunch, wore turtle necks almost every day, and kept his hair swooped to the side. But by the sixth grade, cupid hit me with his arrow and his solid colored turtle necks and dorky personality made him the boy of my dreams. We never had the chance to become high school or college sweet hearts because after my eighth grade year, my Dad and Mom moved me and older my brother to Illinois in order to be closer to family.  However despite the miles between us, we still kept in touch occasionally by chatting on Yahoo Messenger (old school) or sending the occasional letter (seriously old school).  As years passed, I always thought he was cute.  I always thought he was sweet and I always knew he would make an amazing husband to a very lucky lady; I just never thought that lucky lady would be me.

wedding on rockOn August 17th, 2006, after only six short months of long distance dating in college, my sixth grade boyfriend and I said our “I do’s” on the beautiful sandy beaches of the U.S. Virgin Islands.  Money was tight but we made our first home in a cramped 475 square foot apartment.  We were packed in like sardines and there was little room to be adding babies, but my free six month supply of birth control had run out and I decided to take my chances.  But you know, instead of a pregnancy or even the scare of pregnancy, I received irregular menstrual cycles, 15 extra pounds, profuse sweating, excessive hair growth on my face (and well, all over), and crazy hormonal mood swings!  And did I mention this all happened within three short months? I felt like a one woman freak show at the circus!  I realize looking back that I should have visited a doctor or at the very least Dr. Google, but I didn’t.  And I told no one. Instead, I made every excuse–too many helpings of Hamburger helper-…too much stress…ust getting older…yada, yada, yada…

However, three years later, in the spring of 2010, while sitting on the couch, I watched an episode of Oprah featuring Dr. Oz (I miss her shows!) and he was discussing the symptoms of a disease called Polyscysitc Ovarian Syndrome and as I sat there on the couch, I realized that I had every. single. symptom.

And I realized at that point that I couldn’t shove my symptoms underneath the rug any longer, especially since the dream of having babies was now on my brain and birthed in my heart.

I remember the moment I sat in my ob/gyn’s office.  I was scared.  I remember my palms sweating and my voice shaking as I described to her my symptoms.  She was so sweet and listened to every concern before immediately ordering an ultrasound (which I later found out was not going to be jelly on the belly…awkward) and blood work in order to see if PCOS was indeed the culprit for my star performance at the circus.  Unfortunately, the tests revealed that not only did I have PCOS, but it was severe. I will never forget sitting in her cozy office with the calmness of the dim lighting and beautiful decor all around me.  And I will never forget going in out of a daze as I heard her count the number of cysts on each ovary….1…2….4….8….12…

I have never felt so alone as tears streamed down my face.  And I never felt so hopeless as she put her hand over mine and talked about the very real possibility that I may never conceive naturally.  Or that there was the likelihood I might need to have my ovaries removed in the near future.  I can still feel the heartache of that day like it was yesterday. And I can still remember driving home from her office thinking about how I had always dreamed of having a family. And how that dream?  Well, it might always be just that…a dream.

As I got home with red eyes and a puffy face, I threw the fertility specialist pamphlets she had kindly given me in a dresser drawer and decided I would give myself five months before pursing that route.  Hoping to not need the number on the beautifully printed pamphlet, I did everything I could in order to create a ‘mini me’ on my own. I ate healthy, peed on expensive ovulation predication sticks, shoved pillows underneath my tush and kicked my legs up after ‘whoopie’.  But as May, June, July, August and September whizzed by and all I had to show for it was a tear soaked pillow, I decided it was time to call the number on the pamphlet I had secretly kept hidden in a drawer.

In October of 2011, after meeting with the doctor whom I was convinced would give me my miracle, my husband was also tested.  I hated it for him.  I was scared of what might be.  Could we both have a problem?  Could it not just be me, but also him?  But according to the nurse, all was well as he had a “very strong army of soldiers.”  I remember getting off the phone with her that afternoon and while thinking I should be relieved and thankful everything with him looked great, I wasn’t.  Instead, I found myself depressed as I realized all of the problems were a result of me. And all of the weight of those problems?  They rested firmly on my shoulders.  Because to me, it was completely my fault we couldn’t say “three” while waiting for a table at a restaurant.  It was my fault we still had empty bedrooms. It was my fault he had no one to call him “Daddy.”  It was my fault…

And so what does anyone do when they have faults?  They try to fix them.  Which is what I did.  And I did so in the form of fertility treatments.  The ones that included thousands of dollars worth of daily shots, blood work several times a week, and vaginal ultrasounds that made me feel shameful and embarrassed.  However despite all of my valiant efforts, I was not pregnant after our first treatment cycle of using “timed intercourse”; nor was I lucky on our second.  I had never been more frustrated because I thought the medicine I had been injecting each afternoon into my stomach had “fixed” the issue.  Thousands of dollars had been wasted and time was ticking louder than ever  as my doctor suggested it was time for the big guns.  It was time for In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).  I wasn’t ready for the big guns.  I wasn’t ready to pursue this avenue.  At least not yet.  But while sitting at his consultation table, he was able to sell it to me like a good used car salesman.  He had me convinced the only way I would conceive a child was through this expensive and emotionally costly procedure.

When I prayed, I would ask God to bless me with a child, but my confidence rested in the doctors ability, not God’s ability. 

Within a couple of weeks of buying into his sales pitch, I found myself acting like a drug addict as I injected myself with five different shots a day in order to create as many mature follicles as possible.  And on May 3rd, 2012, my pain and suffering of infertility only increased as I went into surgery.  I had 24 eggs removed.  Which is a great number!  But because of the high number of eggs that matured, I developed the dreaded and all fearing Ovarian Hyper-stimulation.  Let me say, it was awful!  I literally gained over nine pounds of fluid in less than 48 hours.  I couldn’t walk.  I couldn’t roll over.  I couldn’t eat.  And can we just be real for a sec?  I couldn’t didn’t want to poop.  Or pee.  I.Was.Miserable.

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As a result, the doctors put me on a strict fluid only diet that consisted of nasty V8 juice, Gatorade, and chicken broth.  The idea was to get as much sodium as possible into my system in order to flush out the fluid leaking from my ovaries.  It was the worst experience of my life and to this day I cannot even look at a can of V8 juice or swallow even a tablespoon of Gatorade without gagging.

But on Thursday May 17th, all the pain and suffering was a distant memory as I sat in the parking lot of Taco Tierra listening to the nurse tell me over the phone, “Congratulations! You’re a Mom!”.  I will never forget that moment.  I will never forget the first tear that fell from my face and hit my legs.  Or the second I instinctively rubbed my belly.  I will never forget her voice calling me “mom.”  Or when I whispered to my lil duckling(s) that I loved them more than they would ever know.  I will never forget making the promise that I would do everything and anything in my power to protect them as they journeyed through life.

And I will never forget how I then dashed to Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby, and Micheal’s..  Because the surprise pregnancy announcement I had pinned on pinterest just months earlier was finally being executed.  And that “Daddy Doody Kit” I thought was adorable?  I now needed to make.  I will never forget rushing from store to store.  And then rushing home.  And then watching my hands shake as I frantically put together his gift.  I was so anxious and excited to surprise him with the news that I was finally expecting…we were finally going to be parents.

The moments leading up to him pulling in the driveway were some of the worst!  The anticipation almost sent me into a hard attack.  And the excitement I had almost gave it away.  But after a few deep breaths, I calmly met him in the front yard with an oven rack in my hand.  He looked puzzled and asked what I broke.  I giggled before telling him that I had been cleaning and that I couldn’t get the rack back in the oven…(I know cheesy!  But it’s all I could think of)  And so feeling like superman, he took the rack from my hands, walked inside like a boss, opened the oven door…

Do you see that smile?  Look at those eyes!  Man, what I wouldn’t give to go back to that moment in time.  We hugged for what seemed like forever.  And that evening we discussed nursery ideas,.  We talked about due dates and  names.  And we rubbed my belly as we made bets on whether there were one or two wiggling inside of me.  I can’t even type this story without tears streaming down my face.   Because it truly was one of the happiest days of my life.  And a day I never want to forget.

But the day I do want to forget?  The one I can’t seem to erase no matter how hard I try?  Is the one that occurred two short days later.  Because just three hours after having my second beta drawn, I received the phone call that would change my life forever.  It would be the one that afterwards, would have me stuck in bed for days.  And rendered hopeless.  Have you ever had one of those?  The kind that you can still hear ring in your head?  You can still hear the voice on the other end?  Or the exact place you were when you answered?  I can.

We were crossing the Wabash Bridge when it rang and I heard the nurse say, “I’m sorry but your numbers have actually dropped.”  I was looking over into the waters when I responded with,“Oh they have…?”  And we were getting off the bridge when she asked that I come back on Monday for another blood test.  I don’t remember much else of our conversation other than hearing her use the words, “miscarriage” and “heavy bleeding in the coming days.”  Because from the moment I heard her voice, everything, including the days after, became a blur.

But I do remember that in my heartache, I came home, threw away the “Daddy Doody Kit“, tossed the positive pregnancy tests in the trash, quit talking about nursery ideas, and crawled into bed and wept.  My spirit and soul was crushed as I was unable to keep my promise to always protect.

The following day I managed to get up, get dressed and go to church; but I cried all the way there, all the way through worship, and all the way home.  My mind couldn’t stop racing as I planned out my next steps and when I could start the process of IVF again; but as the wheels were turning in my head, I heard God’s still small voice whisper in my heart.  He said to stop treatments and quit taking medications because He would give me a son and I was to name him Josiah.

At that moment, I realized my emotions had gotten the best of me and I was officially nuts.  Was it really God’s voice giving me a direct promise with an attached name?  What kind of name was Josiah anyway?!  Once home, I immediately rushed through our front door, sat down at the computer and asked Google for the meaning of the name “Josiah”.  I had decided that if the meaning was less than significant, I would chalk this “whisper” that I heard in my heart, as nothing more than just my imagination running wild.  But as I anxiously awaited, the results began appearing on my browser and I learned the name Josiah means “Jehovah healed.”  I began sobbing uncontrollably as I realized it wasn’t my imagination and I wasn’t (totally) crazy…

Later that week and still on cloud nine from hearing such a significant promise from God, I decided go ahead to my doctor’s “follow-up” appointment.  I didn’t go because I wanted to start the IVF process again, but rather because I was curious as a cat and wanted to know what went wrong.  Was it me?  Was it the hubs?  Was it bad luck?  I will never forget sitting in the small room with tears welling up inside my eyes as he told me my eggs were that of a 60-year-old woman and because of their AARP status, they had too many chromosome abnormalities. He ended our meeting giving me less than a three percent chance of ever conceiving on my own, but despite the devastating news, I held onto God’s promise as I shook his hand and walked out of his office door.  I knew that God is bigger than PCOS and through Jesus, I have a 100 percent chance of conceiving on my own.

However despite my faith, this journey has made me question myself and God more times than I can count.  I don’t go hours, but sometimes days thinking I must have made up the name “Josiah.”  But thankfully God doesn’t let me sit in my doubtful thoughts long.  Because He has always been faithful to send me someone with a word of encouragement to help me press on.  And to help me trust in Him.  And to never lose faith that He is not only a promise maker, but a promise keeper.

For instance in April 2013, while sitting in an all women’s church service, another lady (who did not know me) came over and began praying for my womb.  She didn’t know I was infertile. She didn’t know about my miscarriage.  And she didn’t know about Josiah.  But in the middle of her prayer, she stopped.  And with such authority and enthusiasm, she blurted, “God said you will have a son!” As you can imagine, the tears began to flow.  And the strength to keep hoping, to keep believing, and to keep waiting was restored.

Friends, it has been roughly 35 months l since I originally heard the Lord speak to me about Josiah.  It’s been 35 months since I felt the strong nudge by the Holy Spirit to not seek further fertility treatments.  It’s been 35 long months.  Because even despite the reassuring words He has spoken through others?  And my faith in Him?  It still hasn’t been easy keeping a joyful, and confident expectation. It hasn’t been easy forgoing my plans for His.  It hasn’t been easy watching everyone around me announce their pregnancy news using methods and medications doctors recommend I should try.  It hasn’t been easy sitting and waiting. But I will continue to wait.  And I will do so patiently.  Because He who promised is faithful.

“The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity–in the fruit of your womb…” ~Deuteronomy 28:11

I hope that through this blog you find hope, encouragement, inspiration, faith, and laughter as I share with you my journey.  In this teeny tiny ol’ space of mine, you will not only find the roses, but also the thorns as I try to be transparent in sharing not just the happy and hopeful moments, but also the ones filled with despair.   I understand that not everyone’s journey towards parenthood will look the same, but this is my story of a tale of two love birds trusting in God and waiting for our baby bird.

With Love


I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on and then click here to find waiting for baby bird on Facebook.  But don’t stop there!  Because you can also find me on instagram at @waitingforbabybird.  I seriously can’t wait to “meet” you!

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248 thoughts on “Our Infertility Story

  1. Elisha,
    Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Today has been a “God day”, in that I did not realize I had the day off from work until yesterday, and thus had no plans set. My sister called this morning needing encouragement, and so we spent the day together crying and talking. She then headed home, and I found myself “stumbling” upon your blog. It was more like God sending you to me for encouragement!
    My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 15 months (and yes, it is hard not to count). We have been married almost 5 years. It is one of those things that we never thought would be difficult, and yet now we realize that, once again, God has His own plan and we are along for the ride!
    It is difficult to stay encouraged as month after month passes, but your words were very helpful today. Thank you for sharing your story. As a Christian woman, I am sure you can also relate to people always asking, “do you have children?” or, “when are you going to start a family?”. I still do not know what to say! My husband likes to say, “we put in an order, but the stork keeps delivering to the wrong house!”. Just in the last month, my husband and I got in an argument, from the stress of trying to get pregnant. He asked if I would be happy without kids, and I said “no”. Then I got to thinking- we will never NOT have kids, it is just a matter of how God brings those children to us! We are called to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Phil 4:4), and that is exactly what I plan to do!
    Anyway, I wanted to tell you the part of your story that touched me the most…you talked about how God told you that you would have a son, and name him Josiah. Well, about 5 months ago, God told me (at Starbucks, while reading His word), that I would have a daughter, and name her Hannah. The name Hannah had NEVER crossed my mind as a possibility before, and yet there it was. I am sure you know Hannah from the Bible, but I also looked it up…it means “grace” or “God has favored me”. (!!!)
    I have certainly had many doubts along this fertility journey, and my husband I (like you and your husband) have decided not to pursue advanced reproductive techniques, holding on to the promises God has already given us. And so, I thank you for sharing your words and lessons with the others of us that are in a similar battle. God bless, and I have no doubt that one day you will be blessed with your Josiah in person. 🙂

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    • Your testimony and words of encouragement have touched me so much tonight! Email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com and we can chat and help encourage one another. I I also get asked the questions you mentioned but I believe so much in the power of our words so I always tell the person that God makes everything beautiful in His time and I am waiting on the promises of God to be fulfilled in my life. My words cut the devil deep and show faith to the Father. Stay in hope!! You will be a joyful mother of children. Psalm 113:9

      I also have a devotional that I would like to send you for free so feel free to email me. Blessings!

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      • I’m just coming across this now… a good year and some later but God’s timing is everything 🙂
        We’ve been asked repeatedly about when we are going to have children – thank you, Elisha, for your encouraging words to Alana, that have also encouraged me! I just heard last month that the doctor thinks I too have pcos, the journey may be long but I’m thankful we serve a faithful God!

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  2. Love. This. Blog. Your steadfast trust and hope in the Lord is an inspiration for my own “waiting” season. We’ve been trying to have a second child for 10 months now, after an accidental pregnancy and then miscarriage last July.

    He is faithful. He is El Roi, the God Who Sees Me. Praying for your sweet family.

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    • Thank you so much for reading and finding my blog because it led me to yours! I am so excited to start following you! It’s hard to find other bloggers out there who are on the same path/journey and have the same faith in God. I always pray for the bloggers that I follow and I’m adding you and your family to my list. xo

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  3. LOVE this! My husband and I have been trying to conceive for a while now and we just found out that I have pcos. This was such a blessing to hear a God view of our situation. Praying for you!

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    • Praying for you too! I have learned that through diet and exercise it can totally be manageable. Buuuuut…I seem to have trouble with the sticking to the diet and exercise :/ When I was, my cycles were normal. I’m back on the wagon though. If there is anything I can do (pray, send encouragement cards, etc.) just email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com I would love to add you to my mailing list 🙂 xo

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  4. Hi Elisha,,,

    just happened to come across your blog,,,,ur miles away but i feel so close to you,,,,i too have been diagnosed with PCOD and have had a miscarriage in 2012 and a in May 2014 ,,, something my doctor termed a Chemical pregnancy,,,,,

    ur words inspire me and ur steadfast trust and hope is the Lord is great !!!! I will keep you in my prayers… God Bless

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  5. Elisha you blog encourages me so much to stay faithful even if at times I feel the weight of it all is just to hard. My story of my daughter’s name in some ways ties in with your blog. My husband and I have been trying for almost 5 years I have also been diagnosed with Pocs however I still ovulate and it is definitely possible for me to have children however my husband tests show that he may not be able to conceive. This is particularly heart breaking to a man who desires to be called dad as I do mum. It has been a massive strain on our relationship but we continue on and our relationship now matter how low it get continues to thrive. Now on our last appointment about 6 months ago we were told to go through IVF with a donor. I went home feeling empty it was then we decided that god will heal us. From this point on I have received confirmation after confirmation that we will conceive naturally. At one of my lowest points god stopped me in. Y tracks and whispered to me that I would haves daughter and her name would be Elisah (god’s promise) when planning my families I thoughts would have 7 children all boys. Now one beautiful girl would make my heart content. I came home that night scrolling through Fb and found your blog now the name is ever so slightly different but your message was all the confirmation I needed to start my faith journey. May god continue to encourage you, give you inspiration, and may what he has begun in you be completed. You are inspiring people to believe in miracles you are one of Gods special gifts. Thank you

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  8. Wow, your story is amazing. Also, side-note, my son’s name is Josiah! I’ve had some struggles with staying pregnant over the last 2 years of beginning our family, but God has given us a few promises, and I cling to them DAILY as we have dealt with our losses. Praying for you and believing that His promise for sweet Josiah will be fulfilled soon!

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  11. Elisha, I decided to read your Josiah story again. I stand with you, believing that God is going to give you and Daniel a baby bird of your very own. The day that you tell me will be so very exciting. I can’t wait. Prayers for you and Daniel always!

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  12. I’ve been following your story for a few months but just saw you were living in Indiana and receiving treatments. Can I ask where you lived? My husband and I moved to the Indy area a few months ago and will hopefully be looking for a fertility doctor in the next few months. I would love some suggestions or who to avoid if you were around the Indy area!

    Good luck, Shannon

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  14. Hi Elisha.
    I was deeply touched by your testimony. What a testimony it is. As I was reading your testimony Hannah kept coming to mind. (1 Samuel 1:2)
    Being barren she believed God for a baby and He answered her…..! In your testimony you said God said you would have a boy and a boy you will have. God has seen your faith in Him and He is pleased. He will watch over His word He spoke to you. Like He answered Hannah He has answered you and your boy is going to be used mightily by God!! God has great plans for him and He has chosen you and your husband to bring him up in the way of The Lord.

    I will leave you with one other scripture:

    Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
    The fruit of the womb His generous legacy?
    Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth.
    Oh, how blessed are you parents,
    With your quivers full of children!
    Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
    You’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.
    Psalm 127:3-5

    God has given you His best gift…..!
    Keep trusting. God bless

    Rolain

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    • Thank you, thank you, thank you Rolain for your support and encouragement! It truly means so much to me and I’m excited to have you following along with me on my journey. I know that God is not a man that He should lie or change His mind. He is so faithful and I love watching Him work in my life and the lives of others. He is doing a mighty thing that is for sure.

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  15. What an amazing road you are traveling on. I am once again amazed at how much God cares for our every desire and wants us to be happy! I believe with you that God will give you a son, and you will call him Josiah! God bless you on your journey!

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  16. Hi elisha! We have 3 things in common : pcos, miscarriage and hope =) Your courage and perseverance in the midst of infertility has been an isnpiration to me =) Thank you for your life ! I would love to read more articles from you…

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  17. God bless you for sharing your story . My husband and I started trying in April 2013 and for months struggled and I felt so lost and forgotten by God . In January 2014 God spoke to a friend of mine through a dream and told me I would have a child . In April 2014 my husband was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma . God has used this horrible time to teach us about his Grace and Love and I’m so grateful! He is an awesome God and truly carried us through . He is now cancer free! Last month I woke from my sleep sobbing from a dream where I had delivered a health baby boy ,I believe it was Gods reminder . We will start trying to conceive again this January . Sometimes I become so overwhelmed at the thought of it and that monthly heartache but I must remind myself of Gods faithfulness thus far .

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    • Praise God that he is now cancer free! I’m doing a happy dance over here for you! YAY! I believe 100 percent that God speaks to us through dreams and plants little seeds of hope through them. I’m excited for you to start trying again and know that I am here for you and anytime you need specific prayer, email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com xo

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  18. Elisha, I found your blog through a link you left on Evangeline Colbert’s website. Your words encourage me, especially since there are a few similarities in our story. My husband & I have been trying to conceive for 2+ years and have had two miscarriages. My OB/GYN gave me the card of a specialist, but God specifically spoke to me (in the still, small voice), saying that HE was our fertility specialist. He has promised us over & over that we will have biological children (plural) of our own. He told me that our firstborn would be a son, and when my husband prayed for a name, God told him “Josiah Daniel.” We had seen the meaning “fire of the Lord” for the name Josiah, but we weren’t aware of the “Jehovah heals” meaning as well. That adds a whole new perspective. 🙂
    It does get difficult, like you said. We are older (I’m 42), so medically speaking, time is running out for us. But God… We keep standing on His promises, feeling like we’re closer than ever to seeing them come to pass. He who promised IS faithful, good, and kind. I’ll believe with you for your Josiah’s coming too. 🙂

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    • Tracy! I just loved this comment! First of all, my hubby’s name is Daniel and I have gone back and forth on using that as the middle name so how cool it was to see that you would be naming your future son Josiah. I want to encourage you today to hold onto that promise that God gave you. Humans make promises that sometime we keep…sometimes we don’t based upon how we are feeling or if we are busy (or not busy) enough. But not God. He always, always, always keeps His promises! The Bible tells us that it is okay to remind God of His word so never hesitate to remind Him of what He has said and promised you. I am believing with you that age doesn’t matter to Him for He has no limitations. I’m excited for the day when I receive an email from you with a pregnancy announcement. Go ahead and write this down because I am confident you will need it : 10hopeingod@gmail.com

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  19. I admire you Elisha. I tried for a long time conceive too.
    One night I thought I heard Jesus talk to me (I am not nuts!). He said “You will have a baby… and he/she will be worth the wait”. I did conceive and I am thrilled to say my son was well worth the wait!
    Sending you lots of hugs and prayers because I know He will work a miracle for you too. xx

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  20. I firmly believe in the miracles of our Precious Father! In July 2009, my husband was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer, he had it in both testicles, the odds of that happending is 1 in 3 million! He had the surgery and had one of them removed. We were told that we would NEVER have children of our own, if we wanted to possibly try, we needed to see a sperm bank. (SPERM BANK!!!!!!) His Urologist wanted to remove the other testicle, but after talking with his Oncologist, who had to be Christian, but was of Indian decent, he told us he HAD seen miracles before and if we wanted to trust in our Faith, then thats what we should do. We were trusting in our Savior to heal him and that we would have our own children some day. The Urologist told us that if my husband didn’t have the other one removed he would have about 6 months to live. Again, we had our Faith and we Trusted in the Lord….It took about 6 months but I got pregnant, (around the time my husband should have been dead!), sadly I misscarried, but within 1 month I was pregnant again. We now have a beautiful, outgoing, amazing, 4 year old light of my life, precious baby girl…. (I know the plans for you, Says the Lord!!) We became concerned again once we started trying for our second child, I longed for a boy for my hubby, every man needs a son. We tried for almost 2 years and NOTHING! We timed everything right, peed on the ovulation sticks, did it all…Nothing worked… We knew it wasn’t him, nothing had changed with him and I thought it was all me…I gave up trying, I got mad at God and just didn’t understand why he would allow my heart to yearn for another child and NOTHING! We can have our Hearts desires right…. All the while I am throwing a temper tantrum and doubting the Lord, I WAS PREGNANT!!!! I now have a handsome, chubby, flirty, 5 month old Joy of my Life Baby Boy!!! So you keep trusting in God, You keep your Faith, its all a test of our Faith I feel to bring us closer to Him, it will happen in God’s time, not our time! You will have your Josiah!!

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    • I seriously love, love, love your testimony and when I read it this morning, it just gave me so much hope still 🙂 And it even kinda made me want to go pee on another stick. hehe! But I refrained. lol! So thank you for that encouragement today and thank you so much for your prayers, faith and support 🙂 I appreciate it all SOOO much! xo

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  21. I have been following your journey for some time. Your faith and outlook is so uplifting, and your way with words is amazing. Infertility is a topic that I have both struggled with and studied, in both my personal and professional life, with a special interest in PCOS. In your infertility journey, did they ever try you on clomid alone, or did they go right to injections? I only ask because I have found that some infertility doctors rush into aggressive methods, instead of starting at the most reasonable point.. which would be simply clomid alone. Sorry for being nosy, it is just my nursing background that is kicking in, I certainly do not want to come across as pushy or like I know better than anyone. Either way, thank you so much for sharing your story and your faith!! I look forward to reading your posts! 🙂

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    • Hey girlie! Don’t worry about being pushy or nosey because none of those things is what you are 🙂 And nope we didn’t do Clomid. I can’t remember the exact reasoning now but there was one at the time. My PCOS is classified as severe and so we went to timed intercourse with injectables. The first few rounds of the lowest dose they can offer in the injectables didn’t hardly produce anything. I don’t even think I had one egg that would get to a 16. So then they upped the dosage to the next stage and I produced too many for a timed intercourse cycle so we canceled. And this went on for a bit with canceled cycles until we decided to go to IVF. I wasn’t fond of IVF but did it anyway and my body hated it. HATED IT. I had lots of complications. And then as it turns out none of the eggs (all 27) were that great. The doc assumes that because I have so many old eggs that never matured stuck to my ovaries, that those must have matured and he got those. And those were not of the best quality. Does that help any? I am currently back on Metformin. I started it again in January. Hoping it helps a bit 🙂

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  22. Hi!

    Thank you so much for your beautiful blog. You are an inspiration! My husband and I have been trying for a baby for two years now and apparently have a 3 percent chance of falling pregnant naturally. So I was scheduled to start IVF last month, but a week before we were going to start, the sister phoned to let me know that the doctor was not available. I was so upset, because I had prepared myself for the treatment mentally and was ready to go. In the back of my mind though, I knew there was a reason why God did not want me to go for the treatment. The reason became clear the next week when I found out that I had melanoma which needed to be removed as soon as possible so that it does not spread any further. I could obviously not have it removed if I had been pregnant. So I felt so blessed knowing God was in control of my life!

    Now it seems that the doctor will also not be available next month. I have in the meantime phoned another fertility specialist. Hoping they would be able to fit me in. Guess what, despite reading hundreds of reviews on the internet regarding the wonderful service that this particular clinic offers, they took my number and said they would call me back….. and after a follow up call from me, still haven’t phoned me.

    I have not received any word from God nor have I received any confirmation that I will have a baby, which I desperately want, but God seems to be closing the door on fertility treatment for me. I believe with my whole heart that God is in control of my life and although it is sometimes extremely difficult not to take things in our own hands, God will provide, if we let him. Your blog of 2 March 2015 confirms this believe.

    I pray that God will give you your Josiah soon…. And I will pray that God will continue to show me the way that He wants me to take, and bless us with a healthy baby too.

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    • Hey girl! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I am totally praying for you right now! I know that you said you haven’t received a specific “word” from God, but I just feel the need to encourage you in this way….His word says that He gives us the desires of our hearts so take that as His word and promise to you. Also, His word says that He wants us healed and made whole. And never once did Jesus go around making people sick. Instead, the Bible says that He healed all who came to Him. Furthermore, every single barren woman in the bible that cried out to Him for a child received one. So hang in there and know that He has a heart for those who struggle to conceive. I hope this encourages you today!

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  23. Thank you so much for posting your story. I had tears in my own eyes. I have PCOS as well, and love hearing other “cysters” stories.
    Your story of hearing God’s message yet you’re waiting is encouraging. Thank you…

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  24. Wow! So glad to read your story. It almost mimics mine! We’ve been married 8 years and I have PCOS as well. We have done everything but IVF, as we don’t have the savings to cover the expense. We got pregnant in 2012 and lost the baby at 7 weeks. It’s hard. I read your post on the 1 in 8 and cried the whole way through it. One night while seeking God he gave me three boys names- one being Josiah! I believe in His plan, but some days the pain is unbearable. Especially when other women look at you ask, “So do you have children yet?” I have to remember that my identity is not in being a mom (as much as I want it to be), but rather my identity is in God. I am first and foremost a daughter of the king, and He has my life in His hands. Thank you again for your transparency. It really is a struggle that is done for most in silence. I don’t want pity- I want support and grace. Jessica

    Liked by 1 person

  25. 21 years of infertility. We have one Angel, Amila. We are currently almost licensed to adopt thru Foster care. Mothers day is so painful, I lost my Mom in December 2004 & we lost our Angel 3 weeks later. Your article touched my heart. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. I just want to say that reading your story and how well you explain all that I feel and sometimes can’t express means so much. My husband and I have been trying to naturally conceive for over 7years. I look back and think how naive we were when we were engaged an talking about our future. How easily we thought everything would fall into place. We were married through the church and waited till our wedding night. We never used any form of contraceptives and yet it seemed everyone else was able to get pregnant but us. It truly is hard to be faithful and patient but we do our best. Thank you for showing me I am not alone in this struggle snd someone really understands.

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  27. Your story is so heartbreaking and encouraging at the same time. I wanted to share my story with you to hopefully give you some encouragement in return. my husband and i were high school sweet hearts. We me our sophmore year. I yelled at him and told him to get out of my seat so he moved to the one in front of me. We’ve been inseperable ever since. He proposed our senior year of high school. He caught me o the computer and pitched the ring box at the back of my head. We were married in November of the same year we graduated. I loved that man (boy really, looking back on it now.) so much. Less than a year after we got married we recieved the heart breaking news that we would never have kids. The doctors told him his sperm count was to low for us to ever concieve on our own. I was devastated. For the next 5 years i believed they were right. After all, why did I never concieve even though were not using birth control or any other method to stop it? I got so angry at God. I kept saying “I know you can fix this. You just don’t want to.”
    I finally got tired of being so angry. I asked God to help me get over my grief. I remember praying “if you don’t want me to have kids then so be it. Just show me what you would have me do instead.” The next day my mamaw called and told me that they needed me to teach the under 8 year olds at our bible school. i said yes. I had 3 little girls. They were the most adorable little girls I have even met. I was so blessed. Then 2 week later i started to stay sick to my stomach most of the time. I had just started a new job so I thought I had picked something up at work. After several days of not getting any better I thought `might as well’. So I picked up a test from the dollar store. Just one of those little 1 dollar tests. I was shocked when there was a very faint second line! The next day after work I picked up a better test. It was positive again. I was so stunned but excited. I picked my husband up from work that evening and give him the test. He was so excited he cried.
    On April 4th this year I had a beautiful little girl we named Isabella. She is so precious. She is almost 3 months old now. She is the perfect little gift from God. Don’t give up hope. Your little miracle will arrive when he is meant to.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I started reading some of your other posts (they popped up when I searched for infertility scriptures) but I’m at work and I can’t read them without starting to weep. I am so thankful I found your blog. I feel encouraged just reading your story. We just passed our 1 year mark of TTC. I, too, have PCOS, not as severe though. I am currently focusing on my health right now. I plan on reading all of your posts once I’m not at work and can cry freely. Thank you for your wise words and Godly outlook. I am clinging to my own personal promise from God that I got Christmas 2009, that He would give me the desires of my heart if I dedicated my life to Him. I can’t wait to see the miracle that God will perform in your life!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey there sugars! Welcome to the waiting for baby bird family! I am so excited you found this lil home of mine on the internet! I sincerely pray that you find hope and encouragement here, but above all, the love of Christ as He gives you peace and true joy as you seek Him during this stressful time. I encourage you to check out the post “Resources to Help You on Your Infertility Journey.” The book about PCOS is an EXCELLENT tool to help you get healthy. PCOS is manageable I have learned to help reduce the symptoms, increase ovulation and become pregnant. I know that I could probably take meds to get pregnant, but it wouldn’t solve the underlying issue that comes with PCOS and pregnancy right now would only make my high blood pressure and insulin resistence worse. And so that is why I am mainly concentrating on getting healhty and chaning my diet so that when I do become prego, I won’t have to immediately start seeing a high risk doc. Because right now? I would. eek! Please message me if you ever want to chat. My email is 10hopeingod@gmail.com

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  29. I don’t know how I happened upon your blog as I’m in my late 40’s and have 3 grown sons already but reading your story just broke my heart. I worked with a girl who had PCOS, she had been trying to get pregnant through most of her 20’s with no success and was devastated when she was DX’d. She was our office secretary and she and her husband didn’t make much money between the two of them but they scrimped and saved until they were able to do IVF. She got pregnant after her first round but lost the pregnancy about 5 weeks in. Later on, they attempted it again but it was not successful. By this time they’d been trying for about a decade and she was worn out emotionally and physically so she told her husband she wanted to take a break and just whoop it up for a year, take a nice vacation and not focus their life around getting pregnant. Well, about 2 months later she found out she was pregnant…no medical intervention at all. She now has a beautiful little girl who’s about 3 and she is her and her husband’s world! I am not meaning this to sound like “Just relax, it’ll happen!” because I know very well that’s a myth, but just as a message of hope. I’ll be praying for you sweet girl and your little miracle is out there!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. A friend recommended your blog to me a few weeks ago and I just read your story today. I can’t tell you how similar our stories are!! We got married on August 5, 2006. We are still trying. It is incredibly frustrating to be in this situation but I know God is in control of both our stories. God has blessed us with two foster to adopt placements of sweet little boys. I love them so much and am so thankful for them. One adoption is completed and one is just finishing. Adoption is not the same as having a bio family but I thank God for the blessing they are to me. Be encouraged today that God has your back and he knows your heart better than anyone else!

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  31. I stumbled upon your blog on Facebook and I am so thankful I did! I was given the news that I have endometriosis this past January and told my husband and I may or may not be able to conceive on our own. It is so hard to talk about with other people because unless you have experienced the struggle of infertility, you can’t understand what it is like. It’s such a personal thing too so I am very thankful to have found your blog. Thanks for being open and sharing. My hubby and I are also praying for a “baby bird” someday! I will definitely be reading more of your posts in the next few weeks! I’ll be praying for you!

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  32. Oh how this touched my heart! I can so relate to your feelings about your miscarriage, as I recently went through this. Your faith is inspiring! Waiting with you! Check out my blog thischildipray.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Your story is beautiful. Keep trusting in the Lord and know He has a plan. I commend you for continuing to persevere even when the going gets tough. I know the difficulty of infertility as we have struggled with it as well. I know it can be such a dark road to have to travel but God always wins in the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. hi
    So much of your story mirrors mine, but I wanted to share the ending of my story with you. After a few years of trying for a baby with no results, I was at a prayer meeting where a complete stranger at the meeting said to me “God is going to make you laugh”. My name is Sarah and in the Bible Sarah laughsabout the possibility of being pregnant after so long. A few years later (after ivf ending in miscarriage and time spent curled up in bed) we adopted two children from Russia. We met them on Nov 19th ( a detail that would be important later). I can remember on the way home from the orphanage my 18th month old daughter placing her forehead on mine and going cross eyed, I laughed and laughed.
    We still had three frozen embryos, after the miscarriage I hadn’t been able to face ivf again so we had moved to adoption. Ten years after doing ivf we decided to use the frozen embryos. The month before embryo replacement I got spontaneously pregnant for the first time ever. Our third child, a little boy was born last year on …November 19th. I have laughed a lot over the last year. I believe that sometimes God gives us things like special dates as reminders of his promise to us. In the hardest times I would hold onto the fact the God is good. It sounds pretty simple, but if you believe that God is good, then you believe that his intentions for you are good.
    Whenever I think that our journey is completed, there seems to be more and my family is more amazing than what I could have imagined.

    I want to encourage you to hold onto those promises….it will be worth it and so much better that you could imagine. One day you’ll be on the other side of this, looking at the evidence of Gods goodness to us.

    All the best
    Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

      • Just found my old comment and thought I would add the next part…every time I think God has finished, there’s more. A year and a half after our surprise baby, we still had three frozen embryos. We thawed them, two didn’t make it and the one that did didn’t look great. That embryo is now a chubby little 15 month old. IVF, miscarriage, failed adoption, twenty years infertility has resulted in four miraculous children.
        Hold on to the promises you have been given, God can be trusted to keep his word

        Liked by 1 person

  35. Elisha,
    I just stumbled upon your blog today, but not by chance. 😉 I cannot get over how every single descriptor you wrote about yourself describe me too (except “foster mommy”)… and I live in Southern Illinois too! 🙂 Will definitely be following your blog! I just finished reading your infertility journey, and the tears are flowing- out of compassion and empathy! I share your pain. I have been diagnosed with PCOS as well. My husband and I have been trying to conceive naturally since we were married almost 3 years ago. It is so heartbreaking (my heart literally hurts) when I hear of yet another friend/family member that is pregnant. I want so badly to experience the joy in sharing the news with my husband (I, too, have a stash of favorite ways to tell him). I’m struggling with the question of whether we will ever have children of our own. PCOS is so tough to deal with emotionally. Infertility is hard enough…. why do we have to deal with facial hair and those horrible vaginal ultrasounds too?? I have struggled these past 3 years to trust in God’s plan for my life. The “Type A” in me wants to know what to plan for. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to know with finality that I will never have children. What tears me apart is the uncertainty. I can’t imagine what good can come of PCOS…. but then I see how you are using your PCOS to encourage others to trust in God’s plan. I have found some really good songs that have been so uplifting for me during this “waiting period”. Here are a couple that may help you during this time too: “Already There” (Casting Crowns), “You Carry Me” (Moriah Peters), and “The Sun is Rising” (Britt Nicole). It was tough to narrow it down to 3. 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your experience and hope in God. I love the name Josiah and its meaning, and am confident that God will fulfill the promise He gave you for a precious baby boy. One thing that I have gathered from reading scriptures is that each time a woman’s infertility struggle is mentioned, a very significant baby comes into the picture. We serve a great God that heals. The Bible calls him “Jehovah Rapha”- “The Lord that heals”. I will be praying for you and your husband for both physical and emotional healing. Okay, sorry,….one more song. 🙂 “Healer” (Kari Jobe).

    Jesus follower, wife, and PCOS defeater,
    Tricia

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I relate to you so much! My husband and I have been married for almost seven years (May 23, 2009). We’ve gotten pregnant about 3 times and miscarried all three times. The last two times we got pregnant, I miscarried them on pretty much the same date, 2 years apart. I’m still trying to figure out what that means! I’ve had dreams about babies and dates of when I might have the babies, but lately, it seems like the heavens have closed up and are silent. Thank you so much for your testimony! There’s so many times when I thought I got the ‘date’ right and then the date passes right on by! Please keep us up to date with your journey! God bless you! Romans 16:16, Acts 2:38

    Liked by 1 person

    • Andrea,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and even sharing with me a little bit of yours. I am so sorry for your losses. It’s so heartbreaking and I just can’t imagine the pain you must feel and the emptiness you might have. I am praying Zecheriah 9:12 which says, “Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.” God will never let the enemy have the final say in your life as long as we remain in Him and trust in His plans. I am firmly believing that all that then enemy stole from you, God will restore and then some! Love ya, girl!

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