Has Sex Become a Chore?

 Marriage + Sex 

When my husband and I went through our first medicated cycle, sex was the forethought of every day and plan. While timed intercourse matters, we took it to the extreme, not knowing when I would ovulate, and fear gripped my heart:

What if I miss the window?

Sex quickly became an obligation, overwhelming, and not at all a connection point for either of us emotionally or physically. Sex is usually what helps my husband feel incredibly connected to me, yet this cycle became a chore. He was tired, we weren’t at our best, and it showed.

Sex is a beautiful gift God has given us in marriage. The Bible talks a lot about sex, and not in a shaming way! 1 Corinthians 7 warns us of sexual immorality, immediately followed up with,

“A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife for her husband. A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another – except when you agree for a time to devote yourselves to prayer.” 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

What this does not say:

• Sex is a duty as in a chore

• A husband owns his wife’s body and can do what he wants.

• You must have sex every day

What this does say:

• Sex is a marital duty that can and should only be fulfilled by our spouse. Duty is not a dirty four-letter word, it’s a gift in the confines of marriage.
• Genesis 2:24 says man and woman become one flesh in marriage. A wife or a husband does not have the right in marriage or, in God’s view, to be sexually immoral, rather our “rights” to our body is with our spouse in covenant.
• We are encouraged to not deprive one another, it’s in communication with our husband that helps us figure out what is a need and a desire in our marriage. It’s not just to battle Satan’s temptation but to practice this beautiful gift God has given us for connection.

While God can and will do what He wants, I believe He wants us to enjoy our marital duty with our husband. If we only have sex out of obligation and duty, only out of TTC, not out of love, connection, and closeness, I believe we are missing out on the intimacy God created uniquely within marriage.

Trying to conceive can attempt to steal so much joy in our lives – let’s not allow it to steal the joy in our sex life with our husband.

For Discussion:

• If sex has become a chore, what is something you can do or have done to rekindle the spark?

• Do you pray for your sex life with your husband? If you don’t, I highly encourage you to! You can even use this example prayer 

Father, thank You for creating and providing this unique opportunity for connection and intimacy with my husband. Trying to conceive has caused a sense of duty and obligation, sex has become a chore. Lord, will you renew my desire for sex and intimacy with my husband? Will you help renew my mind and help me experience and enjoy our marriage bed in a new way? Any barriers that have crept up between my husband and me, I ask you to break them down. Please bless our marriage and let it be a testimony of your love and grace, Amen

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