I know it was hard. You weren’t sure if it was the nausea you had been having, the sudden bursts of tears you had been shedding, or simply the magic of the season you had been feeling, but you thought this was it. And that this month…this time…THIS test would be different. But as it turned out, it wasn’t. And I get it.
My Christmas miracle didn’t come, either.
It’s crazy because every year, as it gets closer to Christmas, I think it will be “the year” I can wrap a positive pregnancy test and place it underneath the decorated Christmas tree for my husband to unwrap. At the same time, my family watches in complete surprise. And every year, this perfectly orchestrated idea that only lives in my heart and mind are busted as the test only has the dreaded one line. As much as I hate that this month wasn’t “my time,” despite believing it was the “perfect time,” I am okay with it. Because you know what I am starting to learn?
It’s not about me. It’s about He.
It’s also about my future child, whom God has already assigned to a specific place in history to fulfill a specific purpose. And with that specific place and purpose comes a specific time at which they must be conceived and born.
You see, God has a plan for their life just like He has a plan for mine, and as hard as it is to swallow, that plan goes far beyond bringing them into my home just when I think it’s the right or shall I say, “perfect time.” Therefore, the question I am starting to ask myself lately when I am again staring at yet another negative pregnancy test is not “why can’t now be the perfect time” but rather, “Can I wait for the appointed time?” Can I trust God’s purposefulness enough to push aside my time frame and instead pray for patience and peace until He makes it happen?
The answer is yes.
It’s a slow yes coming from my heart, but still a yes. And it’s because I trust Him. I know He is just as eager to watch me share my pregnancy news and then, nine months later, look down on me as I joyfully count each finger and each toe. Is the wait hard? Again, the answer is an absolute yes—a different tone of yes, but still a yes. However, I know that in the end, it will be worth it. Because doing it, God’s way, and waiting on His timing is always worth it. I also know that no matter the month, year, or holiday, the moment I announce that I am pregnant will be just as special, magical, and as much of a miracle as any other day of the year…including Christmas Day. I also know that it won’t just be the perfect time when it happens, but also God’s appointed time.
For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
He makes everything beautiful in his time. Ecclesiastes 3:11
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I’m the girl who took a pregnancy test on Christmas morning when my period didn’t come. I was just convinced I would have the Christmas miracle I’d been praying for. Thanks for writing what I needed to hear. 😢
oh, hun! I am so sorry! I did that a few years ago…took a test on Christmas and it crushed me. I am praying that next year is your “appointed time”. xo
After a heartbreaking second trimester miscarriage in June 2017, Christmas Day that year was topped off by the arrival of my period. I was devastated as you are meant to be more fertile in the 6 months after a miscarriage and even that wasn’t the case for me. I was bereft and was desperately pleading with God for his grace to get through the day and the year ahead. Being older my chance of pregnancy statistically each cycle was very small . However with God nothing is impossible . Roll on to December 2018 and I had very little sleep as my beautiful baby girl kept me awake. It has been a challenging and stressful year in lots of ways as she had a dramatic entrance into the world but God was so present in that and has been so faithful . We never know what’s around the next corner ( thank you God!) but last December I could never have imagined the joy I feel now . Keep holding on ladies before God has wonderful things planned in his timing. God bless you all in 2019 and I look forward to reading your stories of joy as the year progresses
Such a sweet and powerful testimony! Thank you so much for sharing!!!
Always thinking of you girly…and always sending prayers for you to have your miracle in your arms soon…xoxo
You are always so sweet and supportive! Thank you so much!
Hmm.. as I seek assurance in what I’m doing.. when I’m doing it.. I’m reminded that we can do this, only with God. Thank you for reminding about it being more of Him and Less of me..
I’m also reminded that if this doesn’t work, God can totally provide the ability to overcome.
You are so right in that no matter what, He will still help you overcome this…in some how and in some way!
Thank you so much for writing this! I needed to read this this week more than ever. Just happened to see your blog on a midwifery post. We haven’t been TTC for as long as a lot of people. But its been months of negative tests, And irregular cycles, worrying that something is wrong with me, and highs and lows of moving forward. I try to stay positive and grateful that I have a healthy almost 5 year old daughter. I know its all in His perfect timing. Waiting is so hard!