Ugh! It’s an ugly thought, isn’t it? The thought that you might not end this year with a baby growing in your arms, or at the very least in your womb, but still in your heart. And it’s not a thought you even want to entertain, am I right? Because if you are anything like me, you are going into the next 365 days fist pumping the air and chanting…“This is going to be our year of answered prayers! Desires fulfilled! And promises revealed! It’s going to be our year of breakthrough!”
(…and the crowed goes wild…)
And you know? It might be. My hope and fervent prayer is that all of us experience breakthrough this year.
But can I ask you a tough, and I mean really tough question?
It’s a question that God has been stirring in my heart the last couple of weeks…
What if it isn’t?
What if it’s not “your year” for breakthrough?
What will you do then?
Will you kick and scream at God; ultimately losing your faith in Him?
Will you give up hope that things will ever change? Or perhaps put an expiration date on your dreams?
Will you stop believing in your healing? Or quit praying with such determination for a miracle?
Tough question, uh?
Let me ask you another question. It’s random, but I promise it has a purpose.
Have you ever given a cat a bath? If you have then you know it’s brutal. And it was especially brutal for this old man who had a mean, grisly cat that wasn’t afraid to use its claws and teeth. But like all cats, every once in a while, his would get into some mischief outdoors and need a good scrubbing. Therefore the old man would fill up the kitchen sink with warm, sudsy water, grab the cat, and begin the process of cleaning him. As one can imagine the cat would hiss and claw and refuse to surrender to the bath. But in the end it didn’t matter because it would happen regardless of the cat’s reaction.
I am prone to believe that we are in a similar situation as we encounter the ups and downs of life. We can either hiss or claw as the year progresses and events are not turning out like we had hoped. Or we can surrender to the process, trusting that God knows what is best, and He will give us His best, in the time frame that (yes, you guessed it) is best.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, bubble-buster, half-glass empty kind-of-gal, but the reality is this: we could be hoping and wishing and praying for the same things next year too. And so those deadlines you might have already set this year? You know the ones I am referring to…I need to be pregnant by Easter…or by Mother’s Day…or by the end of this year…well, they need to be wadded up and thrown away.
Because the truth is, while God’s promises are “yes” and “amen”, they don’t always come on our time table. And so when we try to take control and set deadlines, we are not only setting ourselves up for disappointment and a sense of failure, but we are also potentially sabotaging our hope and limiting God in the process.
Therefore we need to be willing to not necessarily give up our hopes and plans, but rather surrender them. Because surrendering isn’t about giving up. Instead, surrendering is about going into every situation, every circumstance, every opportunity, and even disappointment throughout the New Year with our hands open saying, “God here are my hopes and dreams, this is what I want to happen, but I leave the outcome and my need to micromanage it in your hands.”
It’s about resting; knowing and doing what you can, and letting God do what you can’t.
I believe that living this life, a life of surrender, is the only way we will find peace in the waiting. And joy in the heartbreak.
I know it’s hard. It can be challenging. And stretching. But can I challenge and stretch you a bit further?
Because I know that for some of you reading this today you don’t just need to surrender your plans and dreams, but also your hurts and disappointments. You need to relinquish yourself of any guilt, as well as our Father of any blame. Because sweet sister, I know you are hurting. But I also know that if what happened broke your heart, then I also know it broke our Father’s heart too. And if He allowed something to not only break your heart, but also His, then it had to be for good reason. The bible says that He would never allow pain if He wasn’t going to birth something new. So don’t be hesitant to surrender. Let go of the hurt and disappointments as you open up your hands to receive your something new.
Or maybe it’s not past hurts and disappoints that you need to let go of, but rather something else that has been stirring within you lately. And that is your need to surrender your desire to have a baby. I know that thought is scary, because you feel as though if you let it go, then the dream will die. But if you were honest with yourself, it is starting to consume you. Possibly even ruin your relationships. But sweet sister can I give you hard truth? When your need to have a baby starts to hurt your relationship with others, and especially God, then it’s time to take a step back. There is nothing wrong with desiring a baby, but there is a difference between holding your “I want a baby” hope in your heart, verses clinging to it desperately, therefore making it an idol. And the bible is very clear about having no other gods before Him, which is simply desiring anything more than you desire Him. And if I were to venture out even further on this topic, then I would suspect that this is why your soul feel anxious or at odds. You don’t have to continue into the new year consumed. Choose to let go and live free knowing that if God placed this desire within your heart then it’s okay to relinquish it to Him. He won’t wad it up and throw it away. Instead, He will nurture it, as He continues to grow it, and then eventually fulfill it.
So are you willing?
Are you willing to hold your hopes, and dreams, and plans loosely in the palm of your hands?
Are you willing to let go of past hurts and disappointments?
Or surrender your desire to become a Mommy to the One who can make you a Mommy?
I hope so. Because just the other day I came across a quote that said those who leave everything in God’s hands will see God’s hand in everything. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to walk around with my fists so tight, holding on to my plans, hurts, disappointments and desires, that I miss out on all that God has for me. And sweet sister, I don’t want you to miss out all that He has for you in this new year either. His plans are always perfect. And His timing is impeccable.
I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
Wow. Ten years into our crushing, unsuccessful journey and I. Needed. This. “Surrendering isn’t about giving up.” I find myself holding on so tightly to that dream and setting time limits, and it is starting to affect my relationship with God. I’ve been struggling desperately, but this was an anointed, on time post. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You’ve touched mine so very much tonight. ❤️
Wow! I am so, so thankful these words…which are HIS WORDS, touched you tonight! Print it out and read it often as a reminder because the enemy will always try to swoop in and steal something God is trying to plant within your heart. Don’t let him. Remain steadfast. xo
Beautiful! THANK YOU ever so much!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. xo
Of course, Elisha! I love that you share your heart with us. Your writing is down-to-earth and so encouraging!
I absolutely LOVE this! I feel like this is article completly described my transformation over the last 7 years! Thank you for expressing so perfectly! You are truly an angel and I appreciate your mission more than you’ll ever know!
Awe! You are so sweet! Thank you so much for your words of encouragement to me!
This is beautiful and everything I have been feeling. Thank you!
I am so thankful this post spoke to your heart tonight.
This was such a hard read, however so so timely. God will provide in his timing. I need to change the words of my prayers, so thanks for the hard but encouraging word.
Need to stop setting the deadlines – by xxx date I will be pregnant.
Love love love this……..
Because the truth is, while God’s promises are “yes” and “amen”, they don’t always come on our time table. And so when we try to take control and set deadlines, we are not only setting ourselves up for disappointment and a sense of failure, but we are also potentially sabotaging our hope and limiting God in the process
I have found that over the last 9 years of infertility it has been a battle and also full of ups and downs. I think for as many times as I have been the cat hissing and clawing at this journey, I have also been the playful puppy in the mud that is excited to get clean again. I think it’s all part of the process. I think it’s healthy to feel all of the emotions, and maybe even question the outcomes and feel anger over it. Have I lost faith before? Absolutely. But I have come back humbled and willing to listen to God’s plan for me.
It is important to remind people to surrender control, but I think it is equally important to remind the people in the depths of denial and anger, that it’s all part of the journey. That it doesn’t have to be permanent. They can take their moment and be anger, but that there are others that have fought through those emotions and are standing, waiting in support on the other side.
A Word right on time! Yesterday when I read this for the first time I was *right there* in the exact place of deciding whether to surrender. This was a confirmation to me. Then, today, rereading it I was like, “Yesssss, this is me NOW!”
Thank you for your heart in this. <3
God’s Timing is sooo perfect. I was told by a friend from church to read your blog. My husband and I have been trying since last year. On my husband Jason’s side we were one of three couples getting married in 2016. But in 2017, we weren’t one of three couples blessed with either a baby or one on the way. That was a “downer” moment for us because we were faced with infertility then. I do have to say that the desire to have a baby has affected Jason and I in our marriage. We need to get back to us again and to surrender to His will again.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I understand that feeling all to well of seeing others move on and you feeling left behind. But just remember, God has you exactly where He wants you. I often tell myself that while God has a purpose for my life, which meant I had to be born on the date and year that I was, so does my future child. My future child has a specific purpose and with that comes a specific time to be born. xoxo
Thank you so much for replying. it isn’t a good feeling at all. A lot of emotions come rolling in when I hear or see someone who is pregnant. I feel like my own thoughts could be a whole blog entry. Hehe
This is such an amazing post. My parents struggled to have kids naturally before they tried other methods. They still had to go through IVF twice before God decided to give them triplets ! (Me, my brother Jared, and my sister Aleena). I’ve seen firsthand the pain it can cause to want a baby and not be able to have one. I pray for each and every woman struggling to conceive. I think it’s also important to mention the women who conceived when they weren’t ready. My husband and I are expecting our first baby in 3 months. We were only married 3 months before I got pregnant and I although I eventually wanted children, I did not feel ready yet. It’s a different kind of pain, but it is real as well. It’s just so important to support each other as women in whatever we may be struggling with ❤️