Why Your Baby-Makin’ Advice Doesn’t Bother Me

 

Every day…okay…maybe not every day…but at least several times a week I open up my inbox to find a message that usually begins a little something like this…

“I really hate to bother you and I am sure you get tons of messages like this, and I might even be overstepping my boundaries, therefore if this offends you I am sorry, but have you ever tried, heard of, or thought about (insert baby-makin’ piece of advice).”

And every time I smile a little and nod.

Because yes, I have tried Plexus. Yes, I have heard about NaPro. And yes, I have thought about (and trying) a Keto diet. Not to mention, I have also heard of that oil, used that cream, and taken that vacation to “just relax.”

Oh! And no I am not offended by your message. Nor am I bothered by your profound words of “wisdom”.

That’s right. I am not offended. And you are not bothering me. Not in the least bit.

You see every time I receive “advice” to boost my fertility or improve my overall health, I realize that in that moment I can either take offense to it or I can take it as an opportunity to seek the Lord. And for me, I always choose the latter. Because what if God is using that person to speak to me? What if I have tried, or thought about, or heard of something they mentioned, and while it didn’t “work” once (or several times before) it will now? And it is because the time is now. Or maybe when I was first presented with this piece of advice days, months or years before I didn’t feel led to pursue it because it wasn’t part of His plan for me at that moment in my life, but yet it is part of His plan for me now?

When trying to conceive it is hard to receive advice from others. Especially if they have never walked in your shoes. And it’s even harder when you have literally tried everything, including but not limited to, expensive medical treatments, drastically changing your diet to lettuce only, drinking the fertility enhancing smoothies that cost an arm and a leg to make, choking down the buckets of vitamins morning, noon and night, while also gagging on the okra water because Dr. Google said it *could* have the potential to balance your hormones. Sounds a lot, right? But that’s not all because you are now an acrobatic gymnast as you have also tried (and perfected) the art of standing on your head while doing “the bicycle” in the air after having (business-not pleasure) sex, because once again, Dr. Google said it could help.

But here is the thing (my daddy starts every sentence like this when he has something important to say), I don’t want to be so closed off that I am not going into every day, every situation, every circumstance, and even every piece of advice someone is giving me with my fists (and my heart) closed; not open and willing to receive. Because what if…what if…God sent this person to me? And what if He is trying to speak words of wisdom through them? I don’t want to miss out.

So sweet sister, if you have advice you want to share with me, do it. And do it without reservation. I don’t care what it is. It could be a new fad diet I have tried a bazillion times. A smoothie recipe that your sisters cousin who was twice removed claims without a shadow of doubt helped her conceive. Or perhaps it is a supplement you took only one time but bada-bing-bada-boom after years of struggling you finally saw those two precious pink lines. And I don’t even care if you think I should dunk my head in a foot of snow a certain number of times after drinking from a cup backwards. Because after all, wasn’t Naaman healed of leprosy after being told by the prophet Elisha to dip in the Jordan River 7 times if he wanted to be cleansed? The advice sounded ludicrous, and not your typical avenue of healing, but nonetheless it worked.

So once again, if you feel led to share your profound words of wisdom, or a tip or trick that seemed to work for you or a friend, know this: I won’t guarantee you that I will take it and use it. But what I will guarantee you is that I will take it to the Lord. And I will let Him use it to lead me, guide me, and show me if it is truly something I should consider.


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34 thoughts on “Why Your Baby-Makin’ Advice Doesn’t Bother Me

  1. I think it depends on your situation. For us, there are health issues to take into consideration. It’s not that I CAN’T get pregnant, but it’s that pregnancy is very risky for me. Our only way to have a baby is through a donor egg (or embryo) and surrogate or adoption. However, there’s shame in that within some communities because it isn’t genetically linked to YOU (questions/comments about you not being the “real mom” or whether your husband had to sleep with the surrogate. Ummmm, yes, I’m going to be the “real mom” and NO, my husband does not sleep with the surrogate. In fact, the egg is from third woman). Then you factor in how it’s next to impossible to find an egg donor who is of your own heritage (because there’s shame in having a baby that doesn’t look like he/she can be a product of you and your DH – especially on MY side. While we are both open to kids who look like neither of us, we are not sure about family. And the larger community, too). It’s stressful!!!

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  2. So this is crazy, I was literally just thinking about you a little bit ago and thinking I hadn’t seen a post from you in a while and bam!! There is it! While I have zero advice because I feel like you trusting in the Lord is better than anything, I hope that sweet little angel of yours is doing well 🙂

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    • Awe you are so sweet to think of me! The holiday’s were so busy and because writing doesn’t come natural to me, and I have to sometimes force myself to pen out my thoughts, not a lot of writing has taken place lately 🤣🤣. But I will try and do better in the New Year. Love ya, girl❤

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  3. I have been saying to my family for a while that “I wish someone would take a Bible story I’ve heard a million times and say something different about it. I want to hear something new.” You just did! That Namaan example dropped my jaw. I think this year maybe I will start going through more of the Bible stories that aren’t directly about infertility to see if there are connections there that I just haven’t found yet. The stories of Hannah and Sarah and Leah and the rest are amazing, but somehow it just really hits me when a story about Namaan or Jericho or Jairus applies. I so appreciate that you take the time to do this. Thank you.

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  4. What a sweet sweet post Elisha and what a godly approach, I am really impressed with your drive to seek the Lord in everything while you are walking this difficult path. Lifting you and your husband up in prayer right now, that you will continue to do so!

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  5. I love this post! I am pregnant with my miracle baby after 5.5 years of “unexplained infertility.” And I got what you did, tons of advice. But I did not always receive it graciously. Luckily, I must not have turned off my best friend too much from shooting me ideas when she had them. After my 2nd m/c, she told me about the MTHFR mutation. In 4.5 years of infertility, I had never heard of it. But sure enough, when I got tested for it, I have it, and the worst type. And bam, 6 months later after changing my prenatal from folic acid to methylfolate, we had our first pregnancy that stuck. I absolutely KNOW that God used not only my best friend to pass me that message, but 7 people from her world that she had praying for us through our journey, mentioned it to her. She hadn’t heard of it before my 2nd m/c either.

    I fully believe God can use others to get us where He wants/needs us to be to fulfill His plan.

    Thank you for writing, Elisha. You have a huge knack for it!

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    • wow. wow.wow. I just love this testimony so much! Thank you for not only sharing it with me, but also all those who will stumble upon this post and read it to. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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  6. You know, this was really helpful; thanks. I’d never looked at it this way, and I got really bitter last year after our fifth round of Femara and the trigger shot didn’t work. And I begrudgingly started moving toward adoption, but in the last couple of months have felt that God may be telling me to slow down that train, that He’s not done with me yet. I’m curious, are you eating keto right now? I just started in hopes to drop some weight and regulate my hormones.

    Anyway, I’ve been a long-time reader, and been TTC for almost 4 years. PCOS, endometriosis, etc.

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    • I am doing my best to stick to Keto and have noticed that when i do it (and I do it right), i feel 10x better and the symptoms of pcos are hardly noticeable. My problem is sticking with it. Ugh!

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  7. I would be interested in why you decided not to proceed further with IVF. You mentioned it doesn’t go with your belief. Yet it has helped many couples, although not all, who had been trying to conceive without success, to finally have a child. I am not trying to convince you this way or that, what I am saying is it would be really interesting to hear your perspective on it.

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    • I am not sure where you read it goes against my belief? Me no longer pursuing ivf gas nothing to do with my beliefs but simply the fact that when i think about it or pray about pursing it again I don’t have peace at this time. Basically…i am going with my gut. I never had peace the first time I did it but ignored that inner voice…i don’t want to rush something or ignore that inner voice again.

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  8. Omgosh now I wish I had some fertility advice to give you because I could feel your kind heart through this post! All I have are words to encourage you to continue to cling to the Lord during these times as he is the ultimate doctor on fertility and life. He is the same God that allowed a virgin to conceive and multiple other women (Sarah, Elisabeth…) to conceive despite barriers of old age, unbelief, and biology. THAT is the God who loves you exceedingly and abundantly beyond what you could ever ask imagine or think ❤️

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  9. I just wanted to tell you that my sister in law told me about your story quite awhile back. We both live in southern Illinois and your story in known there! Anyways, I follow you religiously and I am feeling your pain! We are currently pursuing our first IVF cycle after almost 5 years of unsuccessful attempts in many other ways. Your story gives me strength each and every day! Please know that we are in your corner the whole way and wish you nothing but happiness, however it may present itself! Thank you for finding a way to reach all of our hearts!

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    • Awe! What a breath of fresh air this comment is to me! Thank you so much for your sweet words of support and encouragement! How far away are you to me? If it’s not too far, we should meet up for lunch or dinner sometime 🙂

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      • We are in the Marion area, but I spend much time in SC with my fiance. I do spend time there as well. My mom, brother, aunts, nephew and of course sister in law are there. I will let you know when I am in the area, maybe we can work something out!

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  10. I just have to say that I love your blog! It’s comforting to me. I seem to have what the doctor calls “unexplained” infertility. My work friend just announced that she is pregnant. I knew she was trying because we had talked about being pregnant together. It’s hard. I’m super happy for her, but also kind of jealous. We had lunch the other day and she began with suggestions for me to get pregnant (I’m guessing the things she was doing when she conceived). She told me to start taking Geritol liquid supplement. Her nurse told her it was baby making in a bottle. That is one that I haven’t tried yet, so I’m open to the suggestion. I also purchased myself Ava to track. I love your perspective on this and will keep my mind and heart is open to suggestions. ❤

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