Another one bites the dust.
Sweet sister, I just saw my 293,849,550 negative pregnancy test. Well, actually, that’s a bit of an exaggeration–it was more like my 293,849,535 negative pregnancy test. But who’s counting (sigh). I won’t lie; this one doesn’t feel any easier to look at than the last. Especially since I just felt in my heart as though this time…this month…something was different, you know? Something just “felt” right. But while it wasn’t, and while I wanted to throw it down and beat it with a hammer, or run around like a crazy lady holding it up in the many variations of lighting, or break it apart to see the test strip more closely, or even throw it away in the trash to only dig it back out 15 different times before finally laying it to rest (all of which I normally do), I didn’t. Instead, seeing the one line only prompted me to share with you my heart…
Because I know there is another woman who is also waiting and has the same dream of becoming a mommy. She feels broken, confused, and tired as she sits staring at yet another negative pregnancy test. She feels defeated as she must bury yet another dream that this time…this month…things would change. They would be different.
And she is losing hope that they ever will.
Then there is her. She is the one feeling numb and heartbroken as she sits in the doctor’s office and listens to the results of yet another canceled or even failed treatment cycle. Another month of hearing the words, “I’m sorry.” And as she slowly makes her way to the elevator, then through the main lobby, and across the parking lot and into her car, she begins to cry. It is just a few tears at first. But then they start to pour out of her faster and harder as she slowly begins to bury her dream that this time…this month…things would change. They would be different.
And she is losing hope that they ever will.
Then, another woman reading this has stopped dreaming of ever seeing a positive pregnancy test altogether. Instead, she dreams of a phone call or reading an email that announces she and her spouse have been selected. You see, she has opened up her heart to adoption. She has spent countless hours filling out paperwork, creating a portfolio, and participating in nerve-racking interviews with expectant mothers to only be rejected. She doesn’t understand why they keep getting overlooked. She doesn’t understand why everyone, including the God she loves and serves, thinks they will not be good enough parents. And so it is with each passing day that she doesn’t receive the call, the call that could change her world forever, and the call that could add the title of mommy to her life resume, that she realizes she has to bury the dream that this time…this day…things could change. They would be different.
And she is losing hope that they ever will.
But if I could look into the eyes of each woman…if I could speak to her broken heart, I would tell her not to give up hope. I would plead with her not to bury the dream of becoming a mother. Because it is in this moment, when all looks dark and hopeless, the enemy would want her to believe that it will always be this hard, this sad, or this overwhelming. He would want her to let go of the desires God has purposefully planted in the soft fertile soil of her heart. And he would want to see her lose. Lose herself…Lose her joy…Lose her hope…Lose her faith…Because he knows the moment she continues to believe things could still one day change…the second she dares to keep the dream alive, she wins.
Hope always wins.
I would love to connect with you, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then come find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!
If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who “get it,” then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, watch *LIVE* encouragement videos from me, author of “Waiting for Baby Bird,” as well as be able to share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!
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Beautiful. Thank you for this post today. I love the truth that our hearts can be full of fertile soil, even if our wombs are not.
Yes!! Praying for you girlie! xo
Beautiful way to put it. <3
I cannot begin to explain how much your blogs mean to me. Me and my husband tried everything for 15 years to have our own child. But after that many years and countless appointments, tests, surgeries we were told it will never happen. Now 2 years later we are still waiting to get that phone call that will make us mommy and daddy through adoption. Again thank you so much because I know I’m not the only one that has these feelings.
Hey girl! I am praying for you and that phone call right now! And I am also believing in and praying for another miracle…healing in yoru bodies so that you can not only experience the beauty of adoption but also life within your womb. I love Matthew 19:26 which says that with men it might be impossible but with God all things are possible. God never says never 😉 xoxo
This is just beautiful. Love your blog. Such truth. Baring your heart to tell the world of our story is like baring mine. My prayer is that His time slowly but surely matches up to our time and we see that positive line, get that beta result, or receive the call.
Yes! Amen!
I feel like this spoke right to me….I am the one who has completely given up, lost my faith and feels like there is nothing left. I recently sat down with my pastor to help regain my faith and we soon will be hoping to adopt through foster care. Beautifully written and thanks for sharing ❤️ Good luck and baby dust.
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Your words are heaven sent and I love that you chose to share your heart during one of the hardest times – negative pregnancy test day. Thank you for that. You are touching lives with each post, with each speaking engagement and with each support group meeting you host. I lose hope more often than not and this post really spoke to me. Much love to you!
same here. all of it. thank you for sharing what most of us can’t. prayers!
I desperately prayed for 15 years for a baby. Every. Single. Month. I was devastated. I took it as a personal rejection from God. Every. Single. Month. It took me a long time to learn that the waiting is when you grow. The lessons of faith and trust learned in those 15 yrs are now priceless. When God finally revealed his ultimate plan for me, it was a beautiful thing. I have since experienced the miracle of Adoption 3 times. I wouldn’t trade one minute of the journey. Does my family look like I thought it would during those 15 years. Absolutely not. I could never have imagined what God had in store for me! Keep the faith and always listen for His voice and be willing to accept his plan for you.
That is a beautiful testimony. Praise God for your three miracles!
Beautiful and inspiring!😘
You’re right. Hope always wins. Love your spirit!
Thanks,girl! Love you! ❤
I am trying so hard everyday to be positive, but it is exhausting. Trying for over 3 years with nothing, and no explanation as of yet. I started writing to try and help others as well. Its the one thing I can do. Thanks so much for creating this wonderful supportive space.