Eight months ago, she sat in my living room, and with tears filling her eyes and falling down her cheeks, she talked about the heaviness of the wait and seeing her friends announce their pregnancies. Without saying a word, I let her share her heart. She ended with with words, “I just want it to be me…I don’t know why God has asked me to wait. I don’t know why He has called me not to pursue further treatments.” It was with those tears and those words that I instantly felt the pain in her heart because I understood her struggle. I felt the unfairness. And I, too, questioned God and His plans for my life.
Like my friend, I look around at others who have given birth to miracle babies through the process of advanced medical treatments such as In vitro fertilization (IVF), and I silently whisper, “I just want it to be me…” And why can’t it be me? Why has God called me and her not to pursue them? Why has he drafted me a battle plan that looks drastically different from the world’s plan, my doctor’s plan, and the plan of others facing similar odds and circumstances?
It just doesn’t make sense.
Yet I have come to realize that there are times in life when the battle plan we have been given to obtain the victory we want won’t make sense. It will look foolish. This was true for the Israelites and the battle they fought for Jericho.
A six-foot wide wall that stood 50 feet high and six feet thick encircled the ancient city. Humanly speaking, the mud-brick wall appeared to be a fortress unable to be overcome. A city impossible to conquer. Yet God had promised them victory. But friends? His battle plan seemed a bit silly. A bit senseless. And downright confusing.
Your entire army is to march around the city once a day for six days. On the seventh day, you are to march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets… (Joshua 6:3-4)
As I sit here reading this story today, I wonder what Joshua and his men thought in regard to these odd instructions. Every soldier in camp must have wondered why. Why not shoot large flaming arrows over the walls? Or better yet, scale the walls at night and attack them with their weaponry when the enemy would least expect it? Because doesn’t that make more sense? I think it does. But obviously, God and I do not have the same thoughts. Instead, He told the mighty warriors who were ready for battle to put away their swords and silently circle the city.
Can you imagine? It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? And sweet friend that is what you might be thinking in regard to the battle plan you have been given. Because maybe God has been asking you to do some strange things in your fight against infertility. Perhaps, like me, you have prayed for a child, but He has asked you to take a break or stop pursuing medical treatments. Or could it be that He has led you down the path of medical assistance, yet as the months roll by, nothing seems to be working? Nothing seems to be changing. Nothing seems to make any sense. Or you were led to the adoption, but it has been years of being on the waitlist and money constantly being poured into renewing your home study. Oh, how I know the frustration. At this point, you might be thinking of either getting a new plan. A plan that doesn’t involve marching around the same impossible wall. A plan that doesn’t leave you confused. Frustrated. Or feeling ridiculous as you chase after a dream month after month.
Or maybe you want to throw out all the plans and quit pursuing the options.
But sweet friend, no matter how confused, frustrated, or ridiculous you might feel, don’t give up on the plan He has given you unless you know He has changed your course. How will you know? It won’t be because of your circumstances. We can never base God’s plan for our lives on what we see happening around us. Instead, we will know through His voice, matching His unchanging word. So keep listening to His instructions. Keep staying obedient to Him. And keep pressing on. God has never lost a battle, and I guarantee He won’t start now.
In fact, my friend, whom I mentioned at the beginning of this article? The one who was upset because she felt God calling her not to seek treatments and wait? She got the shock of her life just four months later when she discovered that she was pregnant naturally. It wasn’t always easy for her to follow God’s plan, but as it turned out, it had the greatest reward.
“The only thing harder to do than wait on God is wishing you had.”
Let’s discuss:
- Has God ever given you a battle plan that didn’t make sense? What did you do?
- Is it hard to trust God and His plans? How do you overcome this distrust?
My name is Elisha, and I am the founder of Waiting for Baby Bird Ministries, which first began as an infertility blog in 2013. I know the struggle of infertility and loss as me and my husband have been married for 17 years, and despite the last 12 of those years unsuccessfully being able to conceive due to PCOS. However, we continue to stay positive as we believe the Lord for a miracle. However, despite my womb remaining empty after my miscarriage in 2012, my arms have not. In 2017, my husband and I adopted a little girl, now 13, after spending 1,273 days in foster care. My mission is to share my story to inspire and breathe hope into other women facing similar circumstances.
I would love to connect with you personally, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then go here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on the public Facebook page or join me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you! If you are looking for a faith-based infertility community of other women who just “get it”, then head over to the *PRIVATE* Waiting for Baby Bird Support group for hope + encouragement. There, you will find opportunities to ask for prayer, share your heart with others on the same path, enter into exclusive giveaways, and so much more! So what are you waiting for? Find us here!
Thank you so much for this post. I so feel this way today. Every time I think I understand why something has happened, that something gets taken away and I’m left more confused than ever.
I am totally with ya girl! I just try to go through my day focused on the outcome (God promises to work all things for our good) and not my present circumstance or present moment. Sometimes just changing that perspective can make all the difference in my day. Praying for you! xo
Yes!! The walls WILL come down. What a beautiful scripture to share. I love her story and praise God that she got pregnant! We might not understand, but he sure knows what he is doing 🙂
Amen girl! Her story truly is inspiring and encouraging! So much hope and Truth!
This is exactly where I’m at. I see so many of my friends becoming pregnant left and right either naturally or through the help of IVF. And yet, I have no desire or leading from the Spirit to march my hiney over to the fertility clinic right now. I’m feeling called to wait month by month to see what will happen. And I am constantly praying that the Lord obviously guide me which way He wants me and my husband to go.
Thanks for sharing this. Sometimes when I see what’s happening with everyone else, I feel like I’m not “trying” hard enough to obtain my heart’s biggest desire. But lately, I’ve been feeling mostly peaceful about not seeing tons of doctors right now.
Belinda, I totally understand and get every word your typed out. I am right there with you! I always remind myself that waiting in God’s economy is not being passive. Waiting on God is active in His eyes. We are seeking Him and His will and being led by the spirit. So don’t listen to the enemy’s lies that you are doing nothing. Because if you are following God, then you are doing everything there is to do. No need to add to it. Xoxo
I can’t even tell you how right it is that I read this today. I am at a frustrating point in the infertility journey and just two days ago I was telling my mom that I know God is in charge here, so I can’t help but think, “God! What are You doing?!” Thank you for yet another reminder that God’s ways are above our ways and that I just need to have some trust for now.
Totally get your thoughts and feelings, Alicia! You are not alone! God is good at being God and sometimes I have to stop and just let my soul soak in that truth sometimes.