Dear sweet baby bird,
This wait for you is hard. Like, really hard. It seems as though it is taking forever for you to get here. If I had it my way you would be five-years-old already. You see, that is when the all-burning desire for you was birthed within my heart. It’s been a lonely five years without having you to hold, love, and teach the important things of life to (like enjoying picnics outside, smiling at everyone you meet, and loving like Jesus would). And overtime as the months go by without you still here, I find that I try not to think about you as often I used to. I try to avoid imagining what you would look like, who you would become, and all that you might accomplish. Because the truth be told, sometimes when I do, the deepest parts of my mama heart begin to ache. But today, all day, I caught myself doing what it is I so often try to avoid…
It all began when I walked down the hallway of our home and I glanced over at the pictures of when me and your daddy were little. My mind began to wonder who you would look like and if you would have your daddy’s pudgy nose or my big blue eyes. I caught myself smiling at the thought of you having both…a little bit of him and a little bit of me all rolled up in one perfect tiny human. Oh how adorable you would look nestled in my neck! I even caught myself wondering where our new family picture would hang and how I want it to be taken around spring time, in a field, at sunset. I know it sounds cheesy but sunset pictures in a field during that time of a year are gorgeous…you’ll see. I hope.
As I continued down the hallway I stopped in the doorway to your room. Yes, you already have a room fully furnished because I can’t help but have faith that one day you will no longer just live in my heart, but also in this home. And so as I stood there looking into your crib with the bedding that your Grandma (who you will one day call Gram) sewed together out of love and in faith, I began to wonder what it would be like to finally see you sleeping in there with your cute little tush sticking up in the air. Just that thought and vision alone literally took my breath away.
I wonder how it is that I can love you so much already. A person who hasn’t even been conceived yet. Perhaps it’s because our souls are already intertwined? I don’t know if this can be true. Or even possible. But I wonder.
Speaking of souls, as I ventured into your room this afternoon, something I rarely do because it hurts and feels lonely, I began to wonder about yours. I began to think about your personality and who you would become. I can’t help but think you will be someone great. Someone who will change the world around you. After all, every women in the bible who had trouble conceiving not only overcame their obstacles and gave birth, but gave birth to a champion. Sarah birthed Isaac who became the first descendant of Jesus. Rebekah bore twins and one of them, Jacob, is among the top three most significant people in the Old Testament. Rachel birthed Joseph who was the second most powerful man next to Pharaoh. Hannah birthed Samuel who was an amazing judge, priest, prophet and counselor. Manoah’s wife birthed Samson who you will one day learn in your Sunday school class was a legendary warrior against the Philistines. And then there was Elisabeth who birthed John…as in John the Baptist whom even Jesus called the greatest man born of a woman.
Sweet baby bird, there is no doubt in my mind that you will also be a champion. I just wonder in what way. And I wonder when. Because while I know God has a specific plan and an even more specific purpose for your life, I know this also means He has a specific time for it to happen. I just pray it happens soon because waiting for you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is taking every ounce of my strength. Every bit of my mustard seed faith. And let’s be honest, all of my patience. There are days I want to give up. Give in. And move on. It hurts sometimes to hope against all hope. It hurts to hear another baby’s cry or smell the scent of a newborn because I want so badly for it to be you. I want so badly to have your tiny fingers wrap around mine or watch as your eyes follow me around the room. But it’s in my hurt and heartache and moments when I think I can’t go another day fighting in prayer for you that I wonder…I wonder what life would be like without you. The one who has already captured my heart and has somehow linked yourself to my soul. And you know? The thought of not having you in my dreams and as a part of my future plans hurt even more.
There is something about you that I can’t let go. And I won’t let go. Therefore as hard as it is to keep hoping and waiting for the day you are no longer living in my heart but in the four walls of my home, I will never stop praying for you. Because I have faith to believe that while I may wonder what you will look like, God doesn’t. He already knows the size of your nose, the color of your eyes, and the number of hairs on your head. And while I may wonder who you will become, God has already paved the way for your greatness. And He has already marked your arrival on His calendar.
I’m waiting for you baby bird…waiting for you to come flying home into my empty wings and already prepared nest.
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Beautifully written. We struggled to conceive our daughter for nearly two years. We also call her our little baby bird. The wait is so, so hard, but every second of the pain disappears when your little one finally comes. Don’t give up hope!
Thank you so much, Ellie, for your encouraging words of hope! I appreciate it so much! xo
Heartbreaking. Sending you love Elisha. I hope the wait is over soon.
Thank you so much, sweet girl. ❤❤
I just finished telling my sister that I am trying so hard to be patient and trust in God’s timing, and was telling her about the story of Hannah and Elizabeth. Then I read your beautifully written words, which reminded me, and brought me to literal streaming tears, that God already knows my little one, and has her birth date marked on His calendar. I’m preparing for a frozen transfer on Saturday, and while I would love this time to be mine, I am praying that God’s will be done first and foremost.
Stephanie,
Your faith and trust is truly inspiring! Keep shining for Jesus! He has awesome plans for not only you, but your future lil one’s as well. I’ll be praying for you! Praying that you get your “Issac” soon….the child God has intended you to have all along! xoxo
I can’t explain how it feels to have someone feel the same way I do inside. I have Pcos and my husband and I have been waiting for our miracle for almost 9 years now. I pray your dreams come true and I will continue to follow you along on this journey.
Thank you so much, Jennifer! I’m praying for you as well. xoxo
Our wait was 9 years as well, and then I gave birth to the most amazing little girl who came at 25 weeks, weighing 1 lb. 3 oz. God had plans for her all along and knew she needed to be born when the technology was available to sustain her life, and with the right doctors and nurses to care for her. It all happens for a reason. Hold on!
This is mama love. You know it already. And, though I don’t know for sure, I can’t help but feel that the longing and the waiting, terrible though they are, bring an extra sweetness, an added strength and a touch of grace to motherhood. Small comfort now, I know. I pray your little one fills your womb and your arms soon!
Thank you so much, Krystal, for your sweet and encouraging words to me today! I appreciate them so much! xo
Send you my love on this 17th. <3
Thank you so much ❤❤
My heart aches when I read your posts because I remember it so well. It’s like you are writing every emotion and every pain my heart held and can still recall with outstanding clarity. I want to tell you that someday you will be holding your baby bird and feel the soothing balm that your baby will be to your heart. You will never forget this struggle. You will never take one moment for granted. You will probably get up many times in the night to check that there is a baby – your baby – sleeping nearby. Because at times, it won’t feel real. You may panic and convince yourself it’s all a dream. Because it’s just so wonderful and it’s everything you wanted and more. Someday the wait will be over. And my heart aches for you for the wait to be over soon – Now. In the name of Jesus.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your sweet words of hope and encouragement to me! I appreciate them more than you will ever know. And your prayers? They are AMAZING! Thank you!
Aw. You’re welcome. 🙂
Beautifully written. The wait is hard, but you have shown how strong you are. Saying a prayer for you today, and hoping your little baby bird will be on his way to you soon.
Thank you so much for your prayers! I appreciate them more than you will ever know! xo
Tears streaming down reading this… been praying for 4.5 years now for our little ones. It hurts to dream but it hurts even more not to. Such a roller coaster this disease is! Prayers that both our arms would be full very very soon in Jesus name!! Xo
It’s nice to know that someone else “get’s it” and so thank you for sharing with me your heart and struggle. Hugs to you! xoxo
Beautifully written Elisha. Your time will come. Dont give up ❤
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I also believe my time will come! xoxo
This is so me! Thank you for writing this beautiful article, it is exactly what I am going through…may God strengthen each one of us who are in this season of waiting and fill us with hope as we are waiting for God’s promises to come true!
Amen! Amen! Praying for you right now, Ana! He is faithful!
Elisha, This is a beautifully written article that truly speaks to my heart. I’ve dealt with infertility for 9 years now. I’ve had 4 miscarriages and still no living children. I constantly think about the family I should have and dream about my future children. I hope to someday be called Mom, it’s the one thing I want in life. I understand exactly how you feel, thank you for sharing this. My thoughts are with you and I hope you get your baby bird very soon. Much love fellow infertility warrior <3
Tiffany,
My heart breaks for you! I just can’t imagine all of the pain you have gone through (and still continue to go through) with the losses that you have endured. I am praying and believing that even now God is restoring to you all that the enemy has taken. I am also praying that any obstacles that are standing in your way from carrying a pregnancy to full term be removed in the name of Jesus and that your womb is abundantly blessed with life that will always flourish!
~Elisha
Elisha, you are so wise, so faithful and so brave. You said in your 10 quirky things that you aren’t a risk taker–but who wants to skydive anyway? (not me sister!!) You are fearlessly and faithfully journeying into the great unknown trusting that God is lighting your way and will fulfill your heart’s desire and that is brave and honorable and gives me great hope! <3
I don’t know how I got it in my head, maybe it was the diaper commercial with a mom writing a letter to their unborn child, the one I normally mute and look away from, but I have had a letter on my heart for a couple weeks now. You wrote my heart, you wrote everything I have been repeating in my head, preparing to write for the last couple weeks. Your letter and heart mirrored mine in so many ways, it blew me away! I hadn’t brought myself to write it down because every time I write, I cry and well I didn’t want to break while I put pen to paper and finger to keyboard, pouring out my soul and love for my miracle. Thank you also for being brave and sharing with everyone. I am teaching myself be brave, vulnerable, and open about infertility, you are an excellent example! Thank you for sharing!!!!!
Elisha,God bless you.I believe your baby bird is here soonest.Mine came this year,a beautiful baby girl after 10 years of marriage,3 failed Ivf .I conceived naturally .
Your articles has been very encouraging all over the world. I remember one of your articles you explained the authority we have as believers to command our cycles and bodies. I was really blessed.
Know you are a blessing even to someone fall away in Africa, Nigeria,God bless you.
Elisha,God bless you.I believe your baby bird is here soonest.Mine came this year,a beautiful baby girl after 10 years of marriage,3 failed Ivf .I conceived naturally .
Your articles has been very encouraging all over the world. I remember one of your articles you explained the authority we have as believers to command our cycles and bodies. I was really blessed.
Know you are a blessing even to someone fall away in Africa, Nigeria,God bless you and all yours
Thank you so much for sharing your awesome testimony that a filled with so much hope! You have encouraged me today and I can’t thank you enough ❤❤
This is so beautifully written! Thank you so much for sharing!
Such a beautiful post. I went through my first round of IVF which resulted in a chemical pregnancy last week.
I’m going through a tough time right now and I can absolutely relate to every word that you have written in this post. Every post you write is so comforting and encouraging, so thank you…
I’m sure that God will definitely bless you with a baby someday, until then keep trying and stay in faith.
Thank you so much for your sweet words!!! I truly appreciate them! And you know? That confidence you have for me, I have the same for you!! Hang in there! Xoxo
Such a beautiful letter to your sweet Josiah, whom I fully believe is coming! A baby bird will fly into your nest soon. God is preparing your family for greatness.
Awe! Thank you so much for your sweet words of encouragment and hope! I am believing that Your family isn’t finished yet either! Hang in there! God is writing your story and it is going to touch so many with your faithfulness to trust and His faithfulness to follow through. Xo
As I read this I can’t help but have the tears flow from my eyes. It is like you are reading the inside of my heart. This is the hardest thing that I have ever faced, in my whole life. Thank you for writing this. It has inspired me, it has moved me, and it has given me that extra bit of Faith that I needed. God bless you <3
So thankful that this blog post did all of those things for you. You are right that this is so hard. It’s also one of the hardest storms I have ever had to go through but so thankful that Jesus is with us and there is always hope to be had. He makes all things possible. ❤
I am so happy to have found your blog. I remember writing a similar letter to my unborn child that have not been conceived. I cried after reading the first sentence as it has been 5 long painful years. No one will ever understand the pain you feel while in this journey. You inspired me to start writing again. And as I am now on a new journey with ivf I am scared but excited at the same time but faithful