Love and Marriage

To the Not so Perfect Wife…

silly sandi face

Hey there, Sister!


I see your laundry room that is waist deep in dirty clothes and the dishes strewn out all over the kitchen counter from last night.  And don’t think I didn’t notice the food that is still stuck to the table from breakfast or the crumbs on the floor from lunch.  And those piles of clothes that still folded? Or even washed? I noticed. I also noticed that you didn’t make dinner from scratch, nor was there a vegetable on anyone’s plate.  Gasp! You can’t hide any of that from me. Nope!

That’s because my house looks the same as yours.  In fact, in just under ten minutes, my husband will be walking through the backdoor and with one quick look around, he is going to assume I slept until noon, spent the rest of my afternoon watching soap operas and talk shows while wearing a two-day old t-shirt with a box of Twinkies and a bag of potato chips in my lap.  And from the looks of the cat hair tumbleweeds and dust bunnies rolling by, it would appear that way; except the t-shirt is not two-days old.  It is indeed clean because I found it in the clean clothes pile that has been sitting in our bedroom far too long. Housewife fail. And it wasn’t Twinkies and a bag of chips I had earlier, but rather just a bag of powder sugar donuts. Whoops!  Diet fail.  And dinner?  It was something I pulled out of the freezer, put in the oven, and brought straight to the dinner table. I will even be serving it on paper plates.  Sigh.

But you know what?  It’s okay.  Because none of us are perfect.  None of us have it all together.

But we still sometimes beat ourselves up for this don’t we. ladies?  We make ourselves feel guilty for not always looking great with our hair perfectly in place while wearing our “I can do everything” Wonder Woman cape.  We manage to convince ourselves that our cooking isn’t good enough.  Our cleaning isn’t clean enough.  Our decorating isn’t cute enough.  And that our lives are not organized enough.  But you know what?   It is.  And if we really thought about it, we would be able to admit that not every day looks like this one.  Not all of our outfits consist of our husbands basketball shorts and baggy t-shirts.

Because there are days when we do fix our hair, put on make-up and dress cute.  There are days when we get everything done and we don’t have to keep “fluffing” the jeans that were left in the dryer or rewash the towels that we keep forgetting in the washer.  There are days when the toilet is sparkling and the floors are spotless. Or when the dirty dishes are not strewn all over the house and the contents of the refrigerator do not look like that of a science experiment.  There are even days when we actually use the vacuum cleaner instead of just plugging it in and walking away (that’s me).  And there are days when we fold the towels and not just leave them on the couch, but actually put them away.  There are even days when we have dinner ready on time and it’s not just frozen pizza.  Yes, there are days like that.

So to you the exhausted wife, who is reading this now, give yourself the gift of grace if today is just not one of those days.  Give yourself permission to not be the “perfect” housewife or feel the pressure to have the picture perfect house.  And let go of the feeling that you need to get everything on the ‘to-do’ list done before it’s bedtime.  And release the nasty feeling you have that who you are and what you look like, dress like, or cook like isn’t good enough either.  Because it is.  You are enough.

Because sister, you are still awesome whether the house is neat and tidy or messy and unorganized.  You are still beautiful in your two-day old t-shirt, messy hair and unplucked eyebrows.  You are still a wonderful person if the laundry hamper is full, or you don’t cook like your Grandmother, or if the dishes remain in the sink for another day.  So take a deep breath in…and now out.  Because no one is perfect.  No one has it all together all of the time.  And no one is always wearing their Wonder Woman cape.

With Love

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60 thoughts on “To the Not so Perfect Wife…”

    1. Thanks girl! It has been one.of.those.weeks. And instead of folding the clothes in the dryer…I wrote a blog post about it 🙂 tehehe

  1. Great post!! I can’t tell you how often I feel completely overwhelmed and down because I can’t keep up with my house. So many times I think about how much I wish I could quit my job and be a housewife so I could have a shot at catching up- but how often in life do we think “if I could only do ____” and it doesn’t turn out the way we planned. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect, and that I am good enough. <3

    1. Whew girl! You do have your hands full with a job and taking care of a house. So go easy on yourself…cut yourself some slack…give yourself the gift of grace because what you do and how much you have done is totally enough! Does everyone have clean underwear? And are they not starving? Then high five to you! xo

      1. Thanks Elisha!! Thank goodness we’re all clean and not starving. 🙂 It’s just two right now. Hoping to adopt in 2016 but the idea of adding a child to this when I’m working full time freaks me out. Hoping we can have enough $$ for me to stop working by then (and cover adoption expenses… fun).

      2. trust me…you will figure it all out. 🙂 And you will also learn that PB and J Sandwiches are your friend and the steam cycle on the dryer is a God send. hehe

  2. This post was EXACTLY what I needed to see right now! Thank you so much for writing this!!

  3. Wow, thanks Elisha! I really needed these words of grace today… I’m glad I’m not the only one not having it all together.. 😉
    I love your blog <3

    1. Girl! I am just thankful we haven’t run out of clean underwear this week! With Goldilocks (our foster child) not feeling well and me just not having the energy…not a lot has gotten done around here 🙂 But I did manage to make her valentines day treats for her class which to me is a win. And enough 🙂 xo

  4. Yes, I seem to have mislaid my Wonder Woman Cape… Could it be at the bottom of my overflowing laundry basket? Or crumpled in my precarious ironing pile perhaps (more of a mountain than a pile, truth be told)… It is good to know I am not the only one struggling to stay on top of this stuff! Being a grown up is tough, very very tough at times, so it’s good to cut ourselves a little slack over these things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things: )

    1. yes! You got it girl! And actually I almost put in the post that my wonder woman cape was also hiding underneath the clothes pile in the corner that still needed to be folded. tehehe!

  5. I SO do this to myself. But that’s ok. No one is truly perfect. It’s all about striving and then not beating yourself up for missing the mark, right? That’s life. Great post, girl!

    1. Thanks sugars! I am still debating on refluffing the clothes in the dryer one more time or actually just folding them. BAHAHA!

  6. Yeah, two-day-old shirt and messy hair right here. Ugh. Supper IS on the stove… but it’s the first meal I’ve made today, so I don’t know if that counts.

    1. uhhh…totally counts!! I made fried chicken on Tuesday but since I made too much…guess what we have had every night since then? Yep….fried chicken 🙂

  7. Thank God for His grace! His mercies are new every morning, and His compassions fail not. He is so faithful to extend His grace lavishly upon us, but we are not so generous when it comes to cutting ourselves any slack, are we? This was a wonderful encouragement and blessing to me. Sending you big hugs and much love. 🙂

      1. Thanks do much! I gotta couple ugly, honest, transparent posts comin so I thought I would throw out a fun one first 😉

  8. Not a mom yet or a FT Housewife, but holy buckets is this true, even for me. Especially lately. Our biggest head butts are over my lacking duties as a wife and homemaker as well as a FT employee (and growing a baby). I am constantly fighting that battle and this was the best reminder that: it’s ok. This grace reminder, I can’t get enough of, cause most days I feel like I did it all wrong…. hmph. Thanks love!

  9. Your a housewife for Christs sake imagine if you actually had to work a 9-5 job and take care of kids. Your technically not even a Stay at home mom since your just a measly foster mom. Your life is pointless. Go get a job. Jesus you get more and more annoying every post no wonder so many people keep talking about you behind your back in church.

    1. Stacy, this comment is unbelievable. You can’t actually be serious, if so, you completely missed the point of my wife’s post. It was meant to be encouraging, uplifting, and supporting of those who do work 9-5 and take care of children and don’t ever feel good enough…You respond by attacking and trying to tear my wife down, but her identity is not defined by your comment. She is a mother to our foster child whom we care for, provide for, love, and sacrifice our own desires for our foster child’s benefit. Foremost, She is a child of King Jesus who does not measure her worth by all the good or bad deeds she does, the work she accomplishes, the posts that she writes, or what people say about her.

      I’m hurt, annoyed, and troubled by your comment. However, i refuse to let this bring me down. I forgive you, and I love you. I pray that you find the love of Jesus, and I pray that He pours so much love into you that you overflow and pour that same kind of love onto others.

    2. Stacy, I cannot pass by your comment without saying something. Clearly you are bitter about having to take care of your own children and work a 9-5 job yourself. There is no need to take your own pain out on this amazing woman. She works hard everyday mothering her foster daughter and encouraging others through her writing. And how dare you use the word “measly” to describe a foster parent. I cannot think of anything more sacrificial and important than fostering a child. Her life is anything but pointless. Please be an adult and think about how your words might impact the other person before spewing hurtful lies and insults at people.

  10. Encouraging post…am going to send this to my daughter in law…I know she feels like a failure often and my son needs to have more patience with her.

  11. I just wanted to say that I love you and everything you write. You touch so many people that you could never be pointless. A mom is a mom is a mom. There’s nothing “measly” about it. I’m trying hard not to let that comment upset me. xoxo

    1. You.Are.Amazing! You always know the perfect thing to say! Thank you for being such a great friend and I’m BEYOND grateful to have you in my life…even if it is miles away and we have technically never “met.” tehehehe

  12. Hey Elisha, today is one such day for me. I could actually relate to what you conveyed! Thanks again for this nice post. (Also, please don’t ever get disheartened by mean replies!) So happy to know that you are blessed with such a wonderful husband!! 🙂 God bless you!

  13. My friend just shared this post with me. And it was exactly what I needed for tonight. If you read the blog that I posted just before I actually read this (Stressful Mommy; Scattered Brain) You’ll see the amount of stress I’m always in, and the fact that I try to keep my house clean on a daily basis but it never seems to happen. Today is the first time my house has been spotless in a couple weeks between the stress of my daughter’s first birthday and the stress of a vacation. This post of yours was a definite great read in my book, and all house wives, and even moms in general need to read this. It’s really down to earth, and great.
    You see dirty dishes, I see a well fed family
    You see piles of unfolded clothes, I see a family with clean clothes to wear
    You see a messy house, I see a family with kids who have fun
    Just because a house isn’t clean, doesn’t mean the family isn’t well taken care of. <3

    1. Hey girl! I am so glad this post touched you tonight! Just take a deep breath and remember that your best is good enough! So take it easy on yourself. I am a straight up type A personality who goes nuts with dirt but I have slowly been learning to give myself grace. Hugs girl!! Xoxo

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