Soul Food

Dear Friend…

Elisha

I see you struggling today. You don’t have to hide how you feel. I can already see it in your eyes; the blank stares you give and the half smiles you show. It’s okay to not be strong all of the time. I know it’s not been the easiest to remain in faith and stay filled with hope, but you have managed to push through and battle on through the feelings of hopelessness. You wage war every day against the doubts and fears; you do so well in keeping them silenced by standing solid in your faith. Except today. Today they are taunting you and shaking even the most settled places in your heart.

I see you try to block them out and ignore their whispers, but they seem to get louder. The once small concerns are now getting bigger. The worries are becoming more magnified. The lies that you once denounced, I can now hear you say…

I’m a failure–my body is broken–God doesn’t hear me–my husband is stuck with me–I’ll forever be this way–this isn’t fixable–my life circumstances will never change–I’m getting too old and time is running out–

Did you hear yourself speak these words? That’s not you; but you can’t seem to shake these thoughts, these feelings, these doubts. You can’t seem to not let them feed and fester. To swarm and settle. To make room in your heart.

They are relentless.

So this morning, as I saw you standing there looking into the bathroom mirror, I held my breath fearing that you might be giving up, letting go and moving on. You began weeping and I began weeping with you. I felt your pain and as I began to catch every precious tear that fell, something within you changed; I watched in awe as you slowly gained your composer. It was in that moment you firmly took a hold of the fears that had been relentlessly knocking you down and you began commanding every single one to listen carefully to your words. I began cheering as you spoke;

I am not a failure.  My body is not broken.  My husband loves me unconditionally.  It’s not a matter of “if” but rather “when” my circumstances change because I know God is faithful.  He loves me.  He hasn’t forgotten His promises.  He hasn’t abandoned me.  He is still good and in a moment’s notice, I know that He will step in and suddenly change my circumstances.

I even heard you command the worry to flee in My name. I intently watched as you told your doubts and fears they must bow in My Presence.  We both know darkness cannot stand in the light of Truth and so there, with your hands in soapy water, I watched as you pursued the Truth.  I watched as you refused to give up. I watched the darkness flee as you turned on the light.

My friend–My beloved child, I see you and you are the relentless one.
 

With Love

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42 thoughts on “Dear Friend…”

    1. Me too sugars, me too! Originally I had addressed the letter to myself, but then decided to make it to where others could relate and just putting “Dear Friend.”. Sending you some hugs and strength! xoxo

      1. Same to you. I am in a much better place since seeing the re and getting this surgery scheduled. I feel like so much of the pressure I put myself under is gone for the time being.

        So much of the time the stress and pressure we feel in ttc is put on us by us. It will happen for us and we cannot control when. God is watching, waiting for the little miracle that will become our children.

  2. Have you been spying on me? This is exactly how I have felt this week. Except I haven’t gotten to the part where I gain my composure and take hold of the fears that are knocking me down. 🙁

    1. I am sorry sugars!! I am praying for you (for us). Grab those fears today and know that they are rooted in lies…expose them to the truth. Call them out. Trust me, you will feel so much better even if it is for just ten minutes. But if its short lived, do it again 🙂 xo

  3. Thank you for posting this. It gets discouraging when women ask if you have children especially at my job since I care for the elderly at a nursing home, as I am a CNA. Well i just need to keep believing that it is going to happen. Oh by the way I am 45 and do not have any children yet.

    1. Oh i am so sorry Tammy! I know that question is so tough to try and answer. I am praying for you and believing that God has a plan and it involves giving you your hearts desires. Xo

    1. Thanks so much! I dont have these weeks often but when i do…man! Whew! They can be rough. Thanks for the support and encourgement sugars. Xo

  6. This is a beautiful post, friend, and SO full of truth. You’ve been on my mind all week. You are not along…God is wrapping you in His arms and singing sweet songs in your ear, songs of truth, of hope and of tomorrow. Because there will be a tomorrow coming up that will be the one we’re all hoping for. A tomorrow of two pink lines, of a yes, of a promise not only fulfulled but one that we can finally see with our physical eyes. It’s coming…it’s coming.

  7. Brought tears to my eyes….beautiful letter and pep talk. I had to have a pep talk with myself yesterday…and now I have renewed strength! Keep your head up…in due time we will all get there….through His will…we will have our miracle babies..xo

    1. Amen girl! Gotta love th pep talks we give ourselves. They really do help though! Hang in there sweets. With Gods strength we can get through this. Xo

  8. Certainly felt that way within the last few days since Auntie came into town last week. Thank u for the encouragement. We are waiting right along with you guys:)

    1. Awe so sorry sugars. I am praying or you and sending you many hugs! Hang in there. We will reach the other side of this mountain. Xo

  9. This is BEAUTIFUL because it should the love the Father has over his children.. We have a hope because be believe he is faithful and is the giver of all things … Especially LIFE! Praying for and with you that this season if life will one day be a piece of the wonderful masterpiece he has already started with you!

  10. So beautiful Elisha. Thinking about you. Sending you and all who are in the trenches of this journey so much love and strength.

  12. Such a beautiful touching post. you and your husband are such a lovely couple. I hope so much that you’ll soon have the baby you dream of. Thinking of you! xx

  14. Beautiful post..I have been there many times…praise God I continue to find the strength to push unto my destiny…I wish you all the best and may God continue to increase your faith.

  19. Thank you for sharing this, most recently my blog post was so ugly- I had to delete it… But exactly as you had described and as I stand reading this in my kitchen I am brought to my knees by the gift God has given you in being strong enough & brave enough to encourage us around you. Thank you for your encouragement tonight ❤️

  22. Thank you for this! I don’t struggle with infertility, but I am struggling with some other parts of faith right now and I really needed to see this. I am so glad I stumbled on your blog. Happy New Year to you!!

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