Yesterday I sat in my office, staring at my computer. I had just pressed the publish button on the post, Four Days Late and my mind began wondering how many more of these posts I would have to write before I could finally write the one my mind has been drafting for months–it’s the one where I can finally announce my baby bird is on the way. I kept asking myself and asking God why this cycle didn’t work out. And why things were taking so long. I am sure you have been there too. It’s the all too familiar, “Why is this happening to me? Why is it taking so long? How much more will I have to endure?” think session. Am I right?
I wasn’t angry or depressed, but rather just trying in my own limited mind to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. I often try to stay away from looking for reasons to my trials because too often trying to find the reasons why is just searching for a spiritual or psychological bandage to stick on our hearts and minds. If we can search and squeeze out some reason as to why God allowed our pain, and see the good, then it will help us balance those scales of eternal justice and say, “Oh that’s why God allowed it!” You have probably even heard the phrase, “In time you will understand why God allowed this to happen; not now, but later you will see.” But the truth is we won’t always catch a glimpse on this side of heaven the why behind our trials. I say “always” because there are times when God does reveal to you the good that came from your particular grief or pain and yesterday, He did that just for me.
While sitting in my office, staring at my computer screen, asking why and stewing over the fact that I had to write yet another post updating everyone on yet another failed cycle, I heard a “ding.” Looking up at my computer, I noticed I had received a message on my Waiting for Baby Bird Facebook page and this is what I read…
So I have been following your blog since late spring. Then in July I suddenly lost my mom. She tragically died in my arms when it was up to me to decide to turn the machines off as there was no hope for her. God had decided her time on earth was done. Anyway, I’ve struggled with grief over losing her. I’ve gone days without eating or sleeping and I go through the motions while lost and empty. I have been mad at the world and I have been mad at God. I have begged for understanding and pleaded for answers, yet 3 months later I still have no closure or understanding…
Today is the first time I have read your blog since she passed. It’s your words that touched me; your determinations and undying faith that he is with you and has a plan. It’s your story of Mary, Martha and Lazarus that made me look at everything differently. God didn’t turn his back on me. Yes he took her because apparently she was sick and we didn’t know it. But he’s still there. He welcomed her home and now he’s waiting for me to open my heart and arms to him and find my savior. As I shed these tears and cry myself sick, I can’t help but be blessed for you, your struggle and your blog because it all makes sense and you have awakened a part of me that I’ve lost spiritually. I pray you will soon know what it’s like to feel the flutters of a baby and the sleepless nights.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us.
Tears began to fill my eyes as I went from viewing my troubles as being my own isolated hassles and hurts, to having a higher purpose in which God was using them for His glory and my maturity. Granted I didn’t sign up for this crash course in struggling to conceive, but God has taken the intended evil and rewoven it into his curriculum. Why? It is so that my mess can become a message of His love. And my test can become a testimony of His faithfulness and grace.
As I reflect once again this afternoon on the story of Lazarus, the four-day delay enabled Jesus to perform one of His greatest miracles on earth by bringing a dead man back to life. In the story of me being four days late, Jesus was once again able to take an imperfect circumstance and perform another great miracle by transforming a spiritually dead and hurting woman, into someone who now has a new life with a new sense of purpose and hope. Yesterday I saw a perfect mess, but God saw it as a perfect opportunity to not only use the story of Lazarus to reignite hope inside of me, but also bring comfort, healing and hope to the heart of another.
We see Satan’s tricks and ploys. God sees Satan tripped and foiled. ~You’ll Get Through This
Do I believe God inflicted my pain, sorrow, and inability to conceive so that some good would sprout? No. What I do believe is that what Satan intended for evil, God, the Master Weaver and Master Builder, redeemed for good.
So friends, today do not view your struggles as mere interruptions to life, but rather as an opportunity for God to use them for something far greater than what you could ever hope or imagine. The same God, who brought good when He reached down and rescued this woman from her pit, will at the right time, in the right way, do the same for you.
I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on, then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook. Or come hang out with me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird.