I wanted to share with you a testimony I received from a woman who has been following my blog for many months. I found her story of God’s faithfulness and the hope that your situation can always change so encouraging that I just couldn’t keep it to myself. I would like to emphasize that this testimony is not meant to be a recipe for success, but rather a source of encouragement to you of how miracles do happen and broken wombs are still being healed today.
PCOS. Blocked Fallopian Tube. Long and irregular cycles. Those were the giants I was facing when my husband and I decided to embark on our journey towards parenthood. With nearly every month that passed without a positive pregnancy test, I realized the outlook for us having children on our own kept looking worse. I wasn’t cycling on my own as my body would “get stuck” part way through a cycle and I would just bleed for weeks unless I had medical intervention. IVF was an option the doctors kept recommending but my husband and I didn’t believe it was the right choice for us, but I did proceed with some of the other, less evasive options.
First, I did a cycle with a combination of progesterone and clomid but that produced nothing. Next, our fertility specialist suggested we should try doing an IUI using progesterone and femara, as sometimes that works better than clomid for people with PCOS. While I was ready to move forward with the treatment plan, my husband needed some convincing. It’s hard to admit now, but at the time I felt like we had allowed God enough time to work and since I didn’t see Him doing anything in the natural, I felt as though we should move forward despite the nagging feeling that it probably wasn’t the right path for us to take. In my desperation, I was able to push aside the “nagging feeling” and convince my husband that this was the right path with the right plan.
During this time it was also a difficult season for me spiritually as I was angry that God seemed to be ignoring my constant pleas and cries.
Unfortunately the IUI that I so adamantly pushed my husband to agree to, never took place because the ultrasound showed that although I did indeed have a beautiful follicle, it was on the ovary with the blocked fallopian tube. I will never forget that day as I left the fertility specialist office bawling and believing that we would never see a positive pregnancy test. However despite the bad news, I continued to temp and chart and that is when I saw an obvious temperature shift a few days after my doctor’s appointment and an ever so faintly positive pregnancy test a couple of weeks later. We were pregnant! Finally!
Despite my obvious feelings of excitement, I just knew deep down that something wasn’t right. I had my progesterone and beta-HCG levels checked and both were low and dropped significantly lower a couple of days later. We lost our first baby at just over five weeks. Heartbroken and depressed, we looked to God, but heard nothing. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do or the steps I needed to take in order to move forward but I did know of at least two things I needed to change and do differently.
I don’t know exactly what I was looking for or wanting to hear, but looking back I had failed to see how God cared for us through friends and loved ones during that time.
The first change was that I wasn’t going back to the same fertility specialist because all we seemed to get was bad news and more stress. The second change I knew I needed to make was within myself. During the previous nine months I had become the girl who had gone nuts over controlling just about every aspect of trying to get pregnant, such as finding the “best” doctors in town, getting the earliest appointments, forcing my husband to take tests, gulp down all sorts of pills he would have never taken on his own, stressing over us eating the “right” foods in order to boost our fertility, getting endless tests and exams completed, temping and charting religiously, going against my “gut feelings”, obsessing over pregnancy tests, ovulation prediction sticks, scheduling our times to have intercourse and becoming a total freak if these things didn’t align with when I ovulate, to just name a few.
If you have dealt with the struggle to conceive then you know the story and I want to reinforce that we are all on different journey’s and there is nothing wrong with doing these things (unless you are completely obsessive like I was). What made the above things wrong for me was that with each one, I felt a distinct feeling telling me that I shouldn’t be doing them. I thought I was controlling my ability to conceive but ultimately with each one, they were controlling me.
And so I needed to change.
Over the following nine months (weird how this season in my life has been divided into nine month intervals), I went in and out of charting and trying out a few new things I had read or heard could boost my fertility (but with more of a focus to get healthier) and pursuing a more healthy relationship with God. As time passed, I decided to see a new OB/GYN and she mentioned I should take Metfromin. This surprised me because my previous doctor stated it wouldn’t help me. After praying and getting my husband’s approval, I began taking Metformin that month.
It was also during that time that I made a list and began focusing on encouraging Bible verses related to my situation.
Metformin brought my cycle lengths down to the normal range and I was so encouraged. However on my third cycle of using Metformin, I felt God speaking to my heart to keep taking the medicine, but throw out all other planning and micromanaging of my fertility. He wanted me to let go of my control. And so I did. I even stopped temping (gasp!). As time passed, I realized it had been over 30 days since my last cycle began and so I decided I should take a pregnancy test. I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw the second line show up so quickly. We were pregnant…again! Our healthy miracle, a baby boy, is due in November! Thank you Jesus!
For nothing is impossible with God. ~Luke 1:37
This testimony is not meant to be a recipe for anyone because each of us are on a different path towards parenthood. What this testimony is meant to be is a source of encouragement to you. It is meant to show how miracles do happen and broken wombs are healed. Please do not lose hope and do not take your eyes off Jesus because with Him, all things are possible.
Below I have added one of my favorite verses that helped me during the season of waiting, trusting, and relying on God. I pray that it encourages you during your season of trying to conceive as well.