The Comic Section

25 Signs You Are Trying to Conceive (Part One)

Laughing Your Way through Infertility: 

25 Signs You Are Trying to Conceive Part One

1. When someone says they are “temping” and you don’t even consider they are talking about a part-time job.

2. On any given night there are more pillows under your tush than under your head.

3. When you have promised yourself that “this month you are not going to stress or even think about” your two-week wait, but know that you are and it’s almost impossible not to even as you say it.

4. When you see a pregnant woman and think the following:

               A.  I wonder if she did IUI or IVF

               B.  I wonder what medications she took…Metformin?  Clomid?

               C.  I wonder if she took any special vitamins

               D.  I wonder if she was on a special fertility diet?

               E.  All of the above  (Because clearly she didn’t get pregnant the “old-fashioned” way)  

5. You keep staining your underwear because you refuse to buy feminine products in hope that THIS is THE cycle you won’t need them.

6.  You examine your toilet paper and read it like they are tea leaves telling you the future.

7. When you know where the best light is in your house in order to get a good clear unmistakable view of the pregnancy test strip.

8. When your menstrual cycle begins and you imagine and still have hope that it is just spotting or late implantation bleeding.

9.  When you hesitate to purchase new clothes because you think, “What if I am pregnant soon?”

10. You consult your frenemy, Doctor Google, several times a day by asking the following:

  • What are my chances of a positive pregnancy test at 9dpo?
  • Early pregnancy symptoms 2 days past ovulation…3 days past ovulation…4 days past ovulation and so forth
  • My right breast feels more swollen than my left, am I pregnant?
  • My right leg is starting to go numb. Is this a sign of ovulation?
  • When I stood up, I got dizzy. Is this a sign of pregnancy?
  • How early does implantation begin?
  • I just took a pregnant test but it was negative. What are the chances it could be positive?

11. Your waitress asks you how you would like your eggs and you either begin sobbing or blurt out, “Fertilized!”

12. You begin to cry when you see a family of traveling ducks cross the street.

13. When you go on a vacation and your “trying to conceive” paraphernalia takes up more space in your suitcase than your makeup, toiletries, and shoes combined.  Included in your bag are:

  • Basel Body Thermometer
  • Your Basel Body Temperature Chart (if you are old school and do not have the app on your iPhone)
  • Pre-Seed
  • Infertility Books
  • Prenatal Vitamins, B Vitamins, CoQ10 Vitamins, Iron Vitamins, Folic Acid, Zinc, Baby Aspirin, Omega 3, Calcium, the list goes on…
  • Extra Pillows to prop your tush up in the air
  • Ovulation prediction test sticks
  • Fertility medication/needles/alcohol swabs/bio-hazard disposable container
  • A small cooler to help store and keep your fertility medication cold

14. When you have had some of the best conversations with your husband and/or Instagram buddies while holding your legs up in the air for 30 minutes after Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow.

15. When you get up in the morning, pee without thinking and then freak out because you realize that you forgot to pee on yet another ovulation prediction stick. Nothing worse than wasting first morning urine!

16. When someone asks you what day it is and your mind immediately thinks of the calendar day of your menstrual cycle or what day past ovulation you are on. “It’s Calendar Day 12″ or “It’s 8 days past ovulation and two days until I start peeing ferociously on pregnancy tests.”

17. When your Dear Husband gets up from “pollinating your flower” and helps you prop your tush on twenty pillows, while handing you a book, kissing your forehead and saying, “See you in half an hour” before going to watch television.

18. When you wake up at 4am and instead of getting upset that you have to work in a few hours, you worry that you have now messed up your basal body temperature.

19. When your breasts are sore, however not because of your hormones but rather because you have been squishing them like play dough.

20. In conjunction with number 19, you realize that you touch your breasts more often than your Dear Husband.

21. You have started wearing maxi pads again due to unclear evidence that tampons negatively affect your fertility.

22. When you suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV). It is defined as the ability to see two pink lines that nobody else can see.  It is a very common condition among “pee on a stick addicts” during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at the present time there is no cure.

23. When your friend tells you they feel sick and your first thought is, “Dang it!  I bet they are pregnant.  I wanted to be first!”

24. When you repeatedly look at your Basel Body Temperature (BBT) chart several times during the day, as if the temps may magically change in your favor.

25. You refer back to this post as a checklist

Thank you for reading this edition of “Laughing Your Way through Infertility”. If you need some additional humor and would like to read part two, click here. O if you missed the last post, “The Eleven Commandments of Trying to Conceive,” then you can also find it by clicking here.

As always, I hope you have a great week and don’t forget to find time to laugh and enjoy the journey while you are on the path to reaching your destination. 

I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level, so if you liked this post, pass it on. Then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook, or come follow me on Instagram @waitingforbabybird. I can’t wait to “meet” you!

49 thoughts on “25 Signs You Are Trying to Conceive (Part One)”

    1. right?! There were so many that I decided to do a Part One this week and Part Two next week. I’m so glad you found the humor 🙂 I hope you have a great week!!

  1. Haha! I love your Monday posts!

    Last month in the middle of another IUI I remember thinking “millions of people get pregnant JUST by having sex. Can you imagine? That is absurd!”

    I loved and can relate to so many of these but I loved #7, because I was doing that yesterday. (the light in our home office is the best 🙂 ) and #23, because that is what I think of immediately when I hear about friends, coworkers, neighbors..

    Love, love, love that you got another blinky face this month. God is doing GREAT work. You’ll soon be an enormous PREGNANT fool 🙂

  2. Oh man, yup, every single one of these. I really needed this today, as I just found out that I may have to delay my IVF cycle until January. Thanks for making me smile on a crappy morning.

    1. bahaha! This happened to me when we went to Cracker Barrel once and she started asking how I wanted my eggs. I didn’t cry or blurt out anything but I snickered to myself and thought, “How about one without chromosome issues” hehe

  3. This is kind of along the same lines as #4, but whenever I see a mom with twins, I wonder what her infertility treatment plan was! Andddd then I get a little jealous because while I’d love ONE baby, I think TWO would be even better 🙂

  4. #6 is my favorite but these are all very good. I would also add that you start to twitch with that uncontrollable eye twitch when someone asks when are you going to start a family because they don’t know how bad you want one!

    1. haha! I’m so glad you liked it Elena! Do you have any you would like to add for next Monday and part two? Is it sad that I had enough for a part two? hehe

  5. N. 3 is very true. Every time I say no stress, every time I stress…
    N. 6, aye, unfortunately that’s very true…
    N. 10… that and a lot more… my questions are normally more negative/tragic
    N. 20, my mum asked me why I keep touching my boobs yesterday…
    N. 23, also when you see they are not drinking..
    Big hug! xx

  6. OMG this is sooooo true, and both sad/funny. I really laughed at #6 because it is so true, and they COULD be tea leaves determining our futures…after all, if things look just right there could be a baby in the future! Loved this post, it gave me a good laugh and made me realize the crazy things I do every day are really quite normal for us ladies in the trenches….great post!

  7. They are all expensive! lol. I know, we have the dear hunting, and fishing stuff too. My husband use to work on a charter in college so we had a lot of that stuff. There is already a plant o buy another boat –a differnt duck boat thatn what he has when we move back. He really only goes Deer hunting to get some venison in the freezer, he would rather duck hunt.

    I thought for sure I saw a picuture of your hubby with a bear shirt or something with Chicago Bears on it. ???? Dolphins are not doing any better. 🙁

    Look forward to your updates!! Talk to you soon.

  8. Hahaha! I can relate to all of these! Another one I do is obsessively count ahead to figure out my due date and start trying to figure out what kind of maternity wardrobe I’ll need. Yep.

  9. Oh crap. Every single one of these is me. hahah! I remember walking through Target just last week refusing to buy feminine products because “this is my month.” But now, of course, I need them. Blergh.

  10. Easy favorite: Your waitress asks you how you would like your eggs and you either begin sobbing or blurt out, “Fertilized!”

    However, I relate most to this one: When you see a pregnant woman and think ‘I wonder if she did IUI or IVF.’ I’m especially guilty on this one when they are multiples. I asked my friend that I have known for over 30 years if she did IVF without telling me when she announced she was pregnant with twins. Her response was, “No, they run on my dad’s side. How did you not know that?!” I blamed it on hormone-brain. 🙂

    1. bahaha! My friend was pregnant with twins not too long ago and my first thought was …”Umm….how?” Because I knew she wasn’t seeing a doc or taking meds. LOL! Sometimes i forget that things like that just happen on it’s own. hehe

  11. #23 is so true for me! And then I use their bathroom and am excited if I see feminine products in their trash can… (I don’t rifle through their trash can, not that weird, but I do tend to glance that way wondering if I’ll see anything)

Leave a Reply