Has infertility slowly eaten away at your marriage? Have you gone from the once passionate “spark” to just a mere flicker? It’s hard to admit, but I know that I have let infertility, which is like a moth, slowly eat away at my marriage over the last three years. It hasn’t taken big bites or caused us to even remotely contemplate divorce, but rather it has slowly taken little nibbles here and there. Nibbles that have often times caused tension, a lack of communication, sometimes arguments, but most of all, a lack of intimacy. These little nibbles have undoubtedly reduced the “spark” in our marriage and I so desperately want it back. Therefore, I have decided it is time to start “dating” my husband again.
If you remember, I wrote a post at the end of August called Reigniting the Spark, and in this post, I gave a chapter review for the book Ever Upward which was written by the lovely and talented author and blogger Justine Brooks Froelker. Within this post, I discussed how she and her husband had lost the “spark” that once burned within their marriage and how important it became for her to make their relationship and connection with one another a top priority. One idea she had in order to reignite the flame was plan and even pre-purchase a “special” date for each month within the year. What a fabulous idea!
I thought this was such a fun and creative way to reconnect so I took her advice and planned 12 special “dates” that I would surprise my dearest and sweetest hunk-a-burnin-love with each month for the next 12 months. I decided that on the first day of every month (starting in September), he would open the mysterious envelope and together we would pick (and commit) to a special day in which we would fulfill the promised date night (or weekend) activity. I can’t even begin to tell you how exciting it was to watch him open the first envelope on September 1st…he was like a little child opening up a long anticipated Christmas gift. Which was absolutely adorable and I could barely contain the excitement myself because I just knew he would be stoked!
When planning our first “special” date, I thought of a place that for the past four years he had always wanted to visit but due to busy schedules or me just not acting enthused when he would mention it, we have never been. That special place is called the Garden of the Gods. It is approximately one hour away from our home and has the most breathtaking views, gorgeous scenery and beautiful extremely tiring hiking trials. I am terrified of heights and not much of an outdoorsy kind of gal so my idea of fun is not rock climbing nor sweating up and down trials, but the handsome hubby loves all things outdoors and I knew he would think this was the most amazing date ever. Which he did and I must admit that I had a great time as well.
While on our venture, we joked around for hours over the fact that when we first arrived I had put on my big girl panties in order to climb four feet up a rock so that I could take a gorgeous picture of the scenery. However, once the picture was snapped and it was time to move onward I became too scared to come back down. In fact, I was so set on not coming down that I even told Daniel to just go ahead without me. And I was serious! I was perfectly content with staying there all night if I had too. He on the other hand was not okay with this and nicely but firmly told me to get down. I obeyed.
We also later laughed when we realized I had forgotten to pack water to go with our picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I know! Seriously?! Who goes on a several hour hike, packs peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but forgets water? Apparently this girl! However this girl, who was also on cycle day three, did remember to pack her Swiss Cake Roll for dessert. Choclolate! Yummo! Here is my husband’s thirsty face in response to the realization he didn’t have water to wash down the sticky peanut buttered bread that was stuck to the roof of his mouth…
We also connected together on a whole new level as he helped me overcome my fear of heights and encouraged me to fulfill one of my dreams of sitting on the edge of a cliff. Many of you might be asking why on earth would I even want to risk my life doing this. Well, it’s because it looks totally awesome in pictures! (Yes, I will apparently risk my life for a good picture.) I must admit that I have never been so scared in my life and I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of panic attacks, prayers, and tears that occurred before the amazing picture of the day could be captured. I discovered the best way to sit on the edge of a cliff is to hunker down close to the rock, slowly crawl before then crab walking to the edge. It took many tries and several times of me screaming, “I can’t do this” before finally getting the most breathtaking picture ever! I can’t thank my dear hubby enough for all of his encouragement and patience! I wouldn’t have been able to keep getting back on that rock in order to overcome my fear if it weren’t for him and his amazing pep talks. Not to mention the look on his face that at one point kinda said, “you are being a baby” that sparked a fire inside of me to just do it and get it over with.
After my death-defying photo shoot, we journeyed out on to a trail for a one hour forever long hike. It started out as fun, adventurous and exciting until I realized there were no other humans within sight (nor could I hear any) and my husband kept secretly pulling out his map to examine our location. Often times our limited conversation would go as follows:
Daniel: (Closely examining the map…again.)
Me: (While looking around) So where are we at champ?
Daniel: (Looks up from the map) Oh just moving along…
Me: (Voice a little shaky) So we are lost…?
Daniel: Do you trust me?
Me: (Silence)
Dan: Do you know the key to navigating?
(Pauses)
Dan: Getting lost a couple of times.
Me: So we ARE lost!
Dan: (very calmly) No.
Me: I haven’t seen another human for almost an hour
Dan: Oh…they are around…
Me: You know what is worse than going hiking and getting lost?
Dan: What?
Me: Going hiking, getting lost and being on your menstrual cycle.
Dan: Don’t share this conversation on Facebook.
As you can see there were not many “in-depth” conversations occurring while on our hike. This was primarily due to me being out of shape and unable to talk, walk and breath all at the same time. I am sure my husband enjoyed the quietness since I am normally the world’s fastest chatter box. Not to mention I was in complete survival mode and didn’t want to waste any of my energy talking. I needed to conserve as much as possible so that I could keep moving in order to safely make it back to civilization. hehe!
All in all we had a great time! My hope for this trip was to have fun, connect together and reignite the spark and I think we did just that. So the question now is what’s next? Well, today is October 1st and as soon as my husband comes home from his business trip later this evening, I will have waiting for him the next “date card” and even a little surprise gift to get him all “geared” up for our next adventure. I must say this next date will be more adventurous than the first, especially for this city girl.
To be continued…
That cliff picture makes my palms all sweaty. So proud of you for getting it done 🙂
Can’t wait to see what you have in store for your October date!
I am sorta but not sorta looking forward to our October date, however I know he will LOVE it! Stay tuned….
you guys are just so cute!
Thanks sugars! If only we had a video of our day we could probably win some money from America’s Funniest Home Videos
Love this idea! I’m going to try it, too. I agree, no divorce talk or huge blowouts going on in our house, but infertility is sneakily pecking away at my marriage. Most nights, after working all day, doctors appointments, calling my insurance company, etc., etc., I barely have the energy to even talk to my husband.
You should!! It was sooo much fun surprising him with the idea too! I think I get more excited about surprising him with my plans then actually following through with them tho. LOL!
How fun!! I used to love to hike, but the past few years I’ve gotten so out of shape, I have a hard time walking and talking and breathing too!
So proud of you for facing your fears! Reminded me of myself earlier this year, when we took our belated honeymoon in February to Dominican Republic! We went on a waterfall tour, and in order to get to the falls after a hike we had to swim across this little lake then climb up the rocks of the 7 falls, then use them as a waterslide to get back down, falling into a pool at the bottom of each one. I’m afraid of heights, and also afraid of water, so this was extreme!! Once we got to the falls I started crying and said I couldn’t do it…but between my husband and the guide, they took extra precautions and managed to get me up and back down again without me fainting lol!! I’m so happy now that I did it, but I thought I would die many times!! Yay for conquering fears!!
If only you could have seen my face as I read your story. I am TERRIFED of heights and falling! At the beginning of our adventure I climbed maybe two fee to get a picture and when it came time to jump back down I froze. I will never forget the look on my sweet hubby’s face. He was so patient with me but I could tell he was calling me a baby in his head. LOL! I was content with just staying on that rock for all of eternity and never coming down. haha!
hahahahaha!!! I’m the same way!! I’ll climb up onto something to take a look or get a picture, then I have no idea how I’ll get down!! I can normally get out of my own head long enough to just jump down, since it’s normally not THAT high, but it’s still heart-stopping!
I know what you mean about heights and the cliff rock picture! I did something similar in Rocky Mountain National Park years ago with my best friend. I’m usually ok going up, but getting close to the edge or going down, I become a big chicken. :). I also love the idea of a monthly surprise date! I’ll have to see about trying that out myself sometime…
yes, the going up part is all good…it’s the coming down part that had me frozen and thinking in my head how I would just live up there. LOL! You should totally do a monthly date surprise! It’s fun!
Glad to see a good day out!! It can definitely take a toll on a relationship, whether small or large. There have been points I haven’t even want my husband to touch me because it “wasn’t the right time” or “I’m afraid it will disrupt the embryos”. It annoys him but it starts to consume the relationship – getting back to the basics is necessary and if you always communicate with each other, you can work through it all. I’ve notice that it’s when that communication breaks down that it really gets bad…
I Love, Love, Love this idea and my guess is some sort of Halloweeny thing…maybe a haunted house. I hate being scared so that would be totally adventurous to me, lol.
I love making date nights throughout the year. The last two Christmases I’ve made us a 12 Dates book. Steve loves it because it’s already set and we usually try to make it free or cheap. I love using ideas from The Dating Divas. They are so creative!! Then we are set to go on a date (out or at home) and actually talk to each other outside of saying, “how was your food?” 😉 I need to get working on that since there will be a little one coming right before Christmas this year. It’s a great idea. I can’t wait to see what you have planned next.
Oh I love the Dating Divas! I have gotten several ideas from them in the past! Have you tried their Wal-Mart bingo? I have that one planned for sometime in the spring 🙂
What a fun way to date your hubby.
That hiking while on your menstrual period conversation made me chuckle. 🙂
No water?! Yup, you’re definitely not a hiker. It sounds like a great day for us, though, and I love your photo spot!
Wow, what a wonderful idea!!! This is SO sweet!! Yikes, I am no hiker, either. 🙂 I can see me forgetting the water, too. Not to worry…you definitely made up for that by being so thoughtful and selfless to do something that isn’t really your cup of tea, just to please your man!! You are so brave to venture the elements…and that cliff!! Whew! I loved the pictures you shared and so happy for you both to have that special time away together. Hmmmm….I am trying my utmost to figure out the surprise in that bag, but I am not coming up with any ideas at all! Will be looking forward to learning what it is!!! What a fun thing to do…love you, dear friend. 🙂
This is such a great idea, and now I’m all inspired to reignite the spark! Love the cliff photo, but it makes my heart pound! Good for you for facing fears! 🙂
Way to overcome your fears hon! The pictures really are stunning! Can’t wait to hear all about your October date! I’m guessing something Halloween related. A haunted house maybe?
So fun! I need to plan stuff like this for the hubs, but I’m so boring. You had me cracking up with your description and the pictures of you going out to the edge of the cliff. TOO FUNNY GIRL!
Such a great idea! Your photos are awesome. Thanks for sharing! October… maybe a corn maze?
“Don’t share this conversation on Facebook.”
(That made me laugh out loud.)
I love, love, love this idea! I’m trying to come up with 12 things, now. What fun!
Okay…I have to admit, I am super scared of heights too. Your pictures of you on that rock make me laugh because that’s EXACTLY how I’d look on it! LOL! So proud of you for conquering your fears with hubby as your fearless guide. It sounds like you had an amazing date and I love that you have so many more months of dates like this to look forward to. It is such an amazing idea!!
hehehheheh this is so great, mostly because I would have looked exactly like you, trying to scoot to the edge for a great picture, and wanting to get back to my car at least 4 hours before daylight ends just in case LOL. soo funny! I’m glad ya’ll got out 🙂 We are going to go on a hike this weekend if the weather allows.
hehe! Good luck this weekend and bring some water 🙂 xo
How cute are y’all two? A hiking date? YES PLEASE! I love that you make an effort to still ‘date’ – once a month sounds perfect!!! We are SO bad at dates! So bad 🙁
Ya’ll are so photogenic and love that you conquered your fear of heights – how freeing! Glad you were able to find someone to watch Goldilocks too! xoox
Girl I thought of you during the entire hike. All I could think was Caroline would blow me out of the water and probably laugh at my huffing and puffing. LOL!
I would NEVER have gotten that cliff picture! I’m so happy for you to have been able to do it! Next date? It’s October=Bow Season…. So is it something to do with deer hunting? Whatever it is, I hope you guys have a blast!
Oh good guess! I actually hadn’t thought of bow hunting but I should have…he would love to take me bow hunting!
In so glad Ever Upward inspired you! Love this date, the hiking date is always one of my favorites! Wishing you a ton of fun Reigniting the Spark! J
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Thank you so much for the inspiration 🙂