What Not to Say to Your Fertility Challenged Wife

what not to say

Dearest Sweet Husband,

You are my hunk-a-burnin love.  Your savvy looks, cool hair, and sexy strut make me weak in the knees.  And when you look in my direction?  I can’t help but get those butterflies in my stomach.  But when it comes to our fertility issues, I need you to give me the same support and lift that my Victoria Secret bra offers.  I know your mind is fixated on cars, boats, fishing poles, and hunting.  While mine is thinking about ovulation charts, pregnancy tests, doctor appointments, and timed intercourse.  But I’m going to need your head in the game.  Mmmmm-kay?

For starters, please do not come home on the day I start my period and tell me about how your boss who just got married one month ago is expecting twins…without trying.  But if you do, don’t ask me five minutes later why I am still crying and refusing to come out of the bathroom.  Capiche? And could you please quit talking to your Great Aunt Trudie about our fertility challenges?  She keeps mailing me newspaper articles about infertility.  I’m. Not. Reading. Them.

I understand you are probably clueless despite the fact I have placed the book “What to Expect When She is Not Expecting” on your nightstand, in your truck and next to your Fisherman’s Guide magazine (have you even noticed?); therefore I have compiled a list–it’s kind of like a cheat sheet on what not to say to your emotionally charged and hormonally crazed wife wanting desperate to get pregnant.  Are you ready?  Here it goes…

  • It’s a buddy’s camping weekend so I might have to miss your ovulation period this month.  You cool with that?  I mean…there is always next month.
  • Your basel thermometer accidentally fell into the toilet.
  • I told my mother about our fertility problems.  She plans on calling you later this evening with some advice.  So make sure you are free around 7pm. And have a note pad handy.
  • This buddy at work told me you should just relax if you want to get pregnant faster. 
  • I know you want me to wear boxers instead of briefs and take the extra vitamins, but it seems a bit too extreme. 
  • You look bloated?  I bet you are getting your period.
  • No.  I definitely don’t see two lines.
  • I know you are upset about getting your period today, but I invited my friend and his pregnant wife over for dinner.
  • Hey, did I tell you my old girlfriend is pregnant?
  • Oops!  I accidentally injected the needle in the wrong spot.
  • The fertility clinic called but I deleted the message on accident. 
  • What’s the big deal?  We can try again next month. 
  • I think you are too obsessed with getting pregnant.
  • Do we have to tonight?  I’m just not in the mood. 
  • Can you postpone our IUI until Monday?  Saturday isn’t good for me because I have a golf tournament. 
  • My mom called and suggested we look into adoption.  Do you want the number of the agency she has already contacted for us?
  • At least you don’t have to buy maternity clothes. 
  • I think I see a pooch today.  Are you sure you are not pregnant?
  • Relax!  We have plenty of time!

 I hope you found this week’s edition of “Laughing Your Way through Infertility” to be written in laughter, love and fun.  Our dearest husbands do and always will stumble, flop, back pedal, and apologize as we go from one failed cycle to the next, but it’s not because they don’t care.  It’s simply because they don’t know what to do, how to act, or who to be.  But despite their clueless souls, we should always extend grace.  After all, I believe they give us grace upon grace each month as they maneuver around our buried land mines in an effort to avoid the bombs of our intense and often times psychotic hormotional emotions from exploding in their faces (or maybe it’s just me who is talented enough to go from sane to crazy in 2.5 milliseconds).

As always, I hope you have a great week and don’t forget to find time to laugh and enjoy the journey while you are on the path to reaching your destination and if you are in need of some additional humor, or missed the last post, “The Things an Infertile Will Do,” then you can find it by clicking here

Have a great day

Source:  This idea was taken from 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility.  Some revisions were made.

I would love to get connected with you on a more personal level. So if you liked this post, pass it on.  And then click here to find Waiting for Baby Bird on Facebook.  Or come follow me on Instagram at @waitingforbabybird.  I seriously can’t wait to “meet” you!

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71 thoughts on “What Not to Say to Your Fertility Challenged Wife

    • Thanks girl! I had to really think of some things I have either heard other husbands say or read from other blogs. The picture I uploaded of Daniel is hilarious in and of itself. lol!

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  1. “I know you want me to wear boxers instead of briefs and take the extra vitamins, but it seems a bit too extreme.” hahahahahaha I did a whole post ranting about the vitamins!

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  2. I think the top worst things my husband has said are: 1) i don’t know why you are so upset and 2) not saying anything at all….. I don’t think he knows what to say most of the time so he just doesn’t say anything at all.

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  3. Haha.. These were great. Early on maybe 6 months in, He said ” are you sure we are actually trying, or are we just not taking any precautions?” I lost my mind.. Of course we were trying. In his defense he didn’t really know I was timing everything out. I didn’t want him to see it as a chore, or to timed.. So I just did it on my own for the first 6 months. Now he definitely knows not to say that again.

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  4. I was so nervous about scheduling my IUIs because my husband really did have golf tourneys scheduled! Haha! He would have thought I was crazy if I asked him to miss them!

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  5. On the first day of my period most months: “Well, there’s still a chance it could be implantation bleeding”. Um, sorry, but no :). Love the fact that he’s continually hopeful though ;)!!

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    • oh my goodness Michelle that is hilarious! I think my husband has said something similar along the lines of…”there might still be a chance.” clueless!

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    • So glad you enjoy it! I am never sure whether to do this funnies or not because it always seems as though I lose a few “followers” on Monday’s. They must not enjoy my humor :/

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  6. Love this list! As for my hubs, his never ending optimism is what drives me batty sometimes. Which is ridiculous, shouldn’t I be thankful for that? But no, when AF arrives and he’s all “next time!” I want to murder him. 🙂

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    • My husband is the same exact way!!!! lol! I could tell him my cramps are starting and I had a “brown tint” which means AF is coming and he is all like…”NOPE. There is still a chance!” uh?! lol!

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  7. He’s usually pretty good but I almost lost it when he said “part of our problem is that you just won’t relax and stop trying to control everything.” WHAT?!?!?!?!????

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    • oh my! Those are fighting words fo sho! My husband is usually right with what he says but he never says them at the right times. LOL! Me crying and upset over a negative pregnancy test is NOT the time to tell me it will be okay. lol!

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  8. Though I have not experienced infertility, after my miscarriage, all I could think about was getting pregnant again and then I had the hormonal imbalance that only further delayed us trying. My hubby kept calling me obsessed and said that was all I could think about. He was right, but it didn’t feel good having it pointed out to me in such a manner, especially after we had just lost our little blessing and I was dealing with my feelings on that.

    I enjoyed this post and I love that you have shown us the lighter side, but you are right, our poor men do deserve some grace as they do have to put up with us and our poor roller coaster of emotions. LOL

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    • I am so glad you found humor in this post. I never know if my humor is actually humorous or get’s underneath peoples skin. lol! If I don’t laugh about it all then I might just go crazy. xo

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  9. Love these although I can’t think of time that J has said the wrong thing. He’s usually really good about that kind of thing. Now his Sister and Mom…that is another story! His Mom has gotten better now but some of things his Sister has done or said have just been awful.

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    • I am like you…my hubby usually don’t say much in relation to this so I kinda had to use my imagination of what I am thankful he doesn’t say or what I have heard other husbands say. Thanks for reading and commenting girlie 🙂

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  10. Most recent after my negative beta results – his co-workers wife is pregnant… With twins… And she had her tubes tied… I know he didn’t want to tell me but he did anyways better to hear it from him than FB 🙂

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  11. So funny!!! My husband always told me “What’s your problem” and/or “Loose the attitude” when we would discuss his irresponsible sisters pregnancy. Nothing like rubbing salt in that wound! over the years though, he got better, and started telling me that we will be just fine without kids, “we’ll travel and sleep it… and i know how much you love your sleep” hahaha — We had some pretty gnarly fights when we were trying to conceive!

    Your blog made me tear up from laughing — thanks for that!

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    • I’m so thankful that you were able to laugh 🙂 That is totally my purpose in these Monday posts. Some days we need to laugh…some days we need to cry. Some days we need to cry from laughing 🙂 I hope you have a great week!

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  12. Too funny! I love these posts! As sweet as our boys can be, they sure can be clueless sometimes can’t they? But yes, they are saints for putting up with our mood swings 🙂

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  13. Oh my GOSH! I could’ve written most of this! I just read it to my husband and we are laughing hysterically!! I will try to think of on of the “good ones” my hubs has said! There are many! 🙂

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  14. Haha! I love this! I read it about 5 minutes before my husband came from his dentist appointment and proceeded to tell me that his dentist (who happens to also be really attractive) is “super pregnant!” I burst into tears, then showed him this post, and then started laughing through the tears. We loved “did I tell you my old girlfriend is pregnant?”….haha, thank you for this!!

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  15. Great! Why are men so clueless sometimes!?!?! I can add a few from my husband:
    – Do we have to? I’m watching football.
    – When is egg retrieval going to be? because I have a few really important meetings. (If I could only predict the future..)
    – Taking these vitamins is so stressful (yeah, your one pill a day is so stressful compared to all I take… ).
    I’m sure there’s more from early days but I think I have removed them.

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  16. That was too funny, between hubby and other people I just hated to talk about it. I just stared at people with the “are you seriously talking to me right now?” look and hoped they would stop and just talk away.

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    • oh goodie goodie gum drops! My husband and his “ideas” have created a ginormous headache for myself today. LOL! He kept saying I could “do more” with my blog but now I can’t seem to figure out how to do anything! I think I liked it simple

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  17. I can’t comment on your new posts, only on the old ones. WordPress says I’m still following you though.

    My husband has actually said most of these. He also loves to recycle the “advice” he hears other people give me. He has said we must not be meant to be together since he can’t get me pregnant naturally and that I need to “get over” infertility. Men!

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    • Are you talking about the new post that was titled “I’m In a Pickle?” If so, I went ahead and took it down because it turns out with the new site there won’t be a list of wordpress followers or something. It’s all confusing. I can’t believe I paid for this confusion. LOL!

      On to your comments from your husband…ugh! I’m sorry girl! I bet it can be frustrating. Maybe you should show him this post. tehehehehe! My husband usually doesn’t say much but he has asked to go on camping trips, etc during possible ovulation time. I’m always like…”HELLO?!?!”

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  18. Pingback: The Perfect Family Picture | waiting for baby bird

  19. Meant in a totally helpful way….”We’re still young. We have plenty of time.” was a pretty bad one. I’m pretty sure I looked at the poor guy like he had just grown an extra eyeball or something. 🙂 Gotta give our men a lot of credit!

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